The Awkward Silence

apaul

20:20

Should I chime in here? No. No you shouldn't. interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/10783/…

sphennings

@apaul Looks like you already did.

Catija

For apaul, that was very restrained ;)

apaul

@sphennings Should the person that left that comment have chimed in...

sphennings

I agree they shouldn't have.

Tinkeringbell

Hellooooooo!!! I just smashed stuff... I am relaxed now :)

TheTinyMan

20:32

@Tinkeringbell What'd ya smash? :o

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan lots of dishes and glass stuff

Also, did you know that is you hit those old fashioned monitors/TV's really hard and smash the glass instead of just crack it, they boom?

Fun :D

Do we know who's missing? I have a -5 for user removed :(

Extroverted Main Man

20:54

2

Q: How to deal with a teacher who bullies me?

Cultural Background: I come from a highly conservative country which follows Islam. According to cultural and I think religious perceptions, being transgender is not okay at all! Having to do anything with the LGBT+ is even in some situations illegal and there is virtually no community support. ...

0

Q: Trust issues with live-in girlfriend

My girlfriend and I have shared an apartment together for several months now. We get along great for the most part. However, there are things about her past that I find concerning. Early on in our relationship, she told me too much about the numerous one night stands that she had while in college...

united-states relationships roommates trust

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan ready, set, comment!

IPS Comment Bot

Best of luck, but unfortunately we can't help you except to say that when you're in an environment where non-conformity has real, very serious, and potentially dangerous consequences, you should try to conform - at least until you're old enough to get away from that environment. Unless your parents support you, and move away such that you're in a more tolerant environment, your best bet is to blend in as much as possible. Once you're legally an adult you may wish to move to a more tolerant region, or country. Until then - realistically - keep your head down. — AndreiROM 1 min ago

#10807 AndreiROM (10580 rep) | Q: How to deal with a teacher who bullies me? (score: 2) | posted 24 minutes ago by PythON (49 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by PythON (49 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["you\\W(really)?(need\\Wto|should)"]

apaul

@Tinkeringbell Did you know that those old screens have a pretty beefy capacitor that can double as a taser?

Tinkeringbell

@apaul now you told me, yes I do :P

I'm pretty sure the one I got doesn't any more though

Anne Daunted

21:15

@ExtrovertedMainMan Still too broad after the edit?

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Yep, Mith comment explains it?

Anne Daunted

Yes, still problematic, even after the edit. Especially given the circumstances.

Tinkeringbell

The trust issues one is good? Closely related questions, have the conversation and what to say?

Anne Daunted

Yes, this is salvageable.

Tinkeringbell

Hope OP approves, but reopen voting can start IMO

Anne Daunted

21:29

The teacher question still got an answer

sphennings

"How can I bring about a serious conversation about her past, and communicate to her that bringing up these experiences from her past makes me uncomfortable" Seems contradictory.

Perhaps the reason their girlfriend is emotional when her sexual history is brought up is because they have responded consistently poorly in the past when talking about it with her.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings I have absolutely zero experience with such stuff. I thought a natural conversation would be able to focus on both, her past AND the fact that it makes OP uncomfortable... As for the reaction, sounds a bit like some conversations I had with my mom, mostly based on some sort of misunderstanding not feeling misunderstood

Anne Daunted

I am also puzzling my head over it. To me it seems that the question could maybe be separated into question and goal. And also be kept more in line with the original (two) questions from revision 2.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell It has nothing to do with sexuality. There are some topics I don't want to talk about with my parents because of how consistently poorly those conversations went in the past.

I am extrapolating from insecure about girlfriend's sexual history to make the assumption that they probably handled previous conversations poorly.

Anne Daunted

So maybe turn it into a single question about how to have a constructive talk with her about her past, with the goal to make the OP feel more comfortable about it?

Tinkeringbell

21:40

@AnneDaunted Go :)

sphennings

The thing is that that isn't something the girlfriend can do. It is unfair to make the girlfriend responsible for that.

Anne Daunted

I wonder if this is not harmful advice.

@sphennings I agree, but this is actually from the OP. So maybe tell them that they should drop it?

sphennings

@AnneDaunted Saying "I feel uncomfortable when you talk about your sexual history, Could you try to bring it up less?" is something the OP should be saying to their partner.

It won't make the OP any more comfortable with their partner's sexual history.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Yes and no... It really depends on the person. If they have the strength to pull of hiding till the appropriate time is there, it won't harm. But having to hide can take a serious toll if you're not strong enough

Anne Daunted

Their edit made it better

Tinkeringbell

21:49

@AnneDaunted what post? Girlfriend question or answer to the LGBT one?

Anne Daunted

Girlfriend question was not edited again yet. I don't know how to improve it. Maybe Sphennigs wants to have a go?

I meant the teacher question

Tinkeringbell

Lemme go look :)

Anne Daunted

The law is a bit more strict in some countries. These are delicate matters.

sphennings

@AnneDaunted I'm unsure what their real question is. It seems to me like they're stuck on this idea and are going to keep fixating on it until it ruins their relationship. I could be wrong but "How do I talk about a thing that we've had many conversations about?" is a warning sign to me.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted I'd go with 'a lot harsher' instead of 'a bit more strict' ;) but yeah, sometimes it's the law, but even when not, people can still act like those laws are still there...

Anne Daunted

21:57

@sphennings I wonder that oftentimes and also, whether OP`s not just agree to edits because they hope their questions get reopened. But maybe turn it into a sensible question about how to have such conversations that may benefit others (and, hopefully, the OP, too).

sphennings

@AnneDaunted I could rewrite their question into a writing prompt for me to rant about something that's bugging me at length but that's not going to help the OP.

Anne Daunted

Am I using too many commata? I kind of like them.

Tinkeringbell

Btw, that username sounds Dutch. So feel free to point out another improvement if you think it's needed, I don't think they'll be offended easily ;)

Anne Daunted

Although they have the united-states tag?

They may already have become too soft

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Weird.. a niemand is a nobody in Dutch :P never noticed the tag, could have sworn they were :P

Anne Daunted

22:01

@Tinkeringbell Could also be German.

@sphennings But you needn't stray away from their original question, e. g. edit 2.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Yeah, those two are very similar languages

sphennings

@AnneDaunted You mean "how can we work together to make me feel more comfortable with her past?"

That's entirely the OP's problem.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted hahaha you can say that ;)

No need to hide it :P

Anne Daunted

@Tinkeringbell I didn't want to be too insensitive ;-)

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted That was a good joke, nothing insensitive about it ;)

Anne Daunted

22:05

@sphennings True. Kind of problematic, when there is an interesting question hidden behind something else.

Tinkeringbell

At least for me, because I'm not a fan of soccer anyways

sphennings

@AnneDaunted What interesting question do you see?

Anne Daunted

@Tinkeringbell Good to know that no harm was done :-)

@sphennings I thought a general question about discussing something "problematic" of one's partner's past.

sphennings

So his girlfriend had a good time in college. I don't see anything problematic about that.

Anne Daunted

But the OP does, whether we agree with them or not.

sphennings

22:17

And I will disagree with their assessment of the situation. What I won't contest is the validity of the OP's feelings. Unfortunately I'm not sure what the OP expects to get out of rehashing a conversation they've had multiple times.

AbhigyanC

23:40

How does one deal with friends that radiate negative/nervous energy without hurting them? I have an interview today, and so does my friend... He's not exactly the optimist, so to speak... I need to keep calm, but he's a nervous wreck that makes anyone nervous... I just need friendly advice, this isn't an actual question

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