The Awkward Silence

12:15 AM

Anywho...

@sphennings Oh, I missed it due to the page jumping oddly... I was looking at the comments on an answer instead of the question.

D.Hutchinson

12:33 AM

Hi Catija :)

regarding your answer about "echoing", does that technique suggest the use of euphemisms? it kinda seems that way, based on your answer, but based on certain situations, it's a pretty bad idea, actually

I had commented but then deleted them last night ...

user15026

@D.Hutchinson Reading it, it doesn't seem to, it suggests paraphrasing, which is different

D.Hutchinson

I see ...

ok, cool ...

thanks :)

IPS Comment Bot

This is not really good enough for a full answer (and you got some excellent ones already), so just a comment. You can change the way you think of such remarks (sometimes that's called reframing). These are really compliments, albeit very awkward ones. You succeeded, and your friends are noticing and acknowledging it. You could simply respond with "Thanks for noticing! I feel better, too." or something along those lines. — Kevin Keane 22 secs ago

#9932 Kevin Keane (101 rep) | [Q: How to deal with [male] friends mocking me about my life choices](interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/9932) (score: 28) | posted 9 hours ago by E. Huckabee (243 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Extroverted Main Man

1:17 AM

-1

Q: How to politely ask friends for favors?

I find it a bit awkward asking for help sometimes, especially with friends. For example I need to pickup a piece of furniture but don't have my own vehicle. I would like to ask a friend for help but not sure how to phrase it. Hey, can you help me pick up a table tomorrow with your truck? Bee...

apaul

We're still closing phrasing requests, right?

Echo...

apaul

1:55 AM

Echo... echo.. echo.

Catija

o-o-o-o

D.Hutchinson

2:18 AM

... awkward ...

apaul

2:52 AM

@Catija So... About that patience thing...

sphennings

What is it with people on this site and the ellipsis?

Catija

3:16 AM

I don't know?...

apaul

3:27 AM

@sphennings it's a side effect from the way I think/talk. I tend to have awkward pauses and trail off.

user15026

I dont mind it sometimes but it weirds me out if its the only way people end sentences

sphennings

It's not that people shouldn't use the ellipsis but it really shouldn't be used as a replacement for the comma, and period. </rant>

user15026

(Mind you in chat I often forget to terminate my statements with punctuation.)

user15026

@sphennings Agreed :)

apaul

Meh, grammar Nazis.

Catija

3:30 AM

Ash is required to be.

user15026

I have a English degree, I think it's in the fine print

Catija

Probably.

user15026

But I am also a die hard descriptivist so I tend to poke the rules with sticks

user15026

(or decide there aren't any.)

sphennings

Wooo!! Descriptiveism!

apaul

3:34 AM

Try reading Irvine Welsh, writes in dialect, fun stuff.

sphennings

To quote Merriam-Webster:
If you're a stickler for grammar, prepare
to be irked by the singular 'their'
Tho it seems a mistake
The position we take
Is if the word is in use we don’t care

Catija

Why would someone who was a stickler for grammar be irked by singular they?

user15026

@Catija Because prescriptivism dictates they is plural only

user15026

Like stuff like this: "The earliest known explicit recommendation by a grammarian to use the generic he rather than they in formal English is found Ann Fisher's mid-18th century A New Grammar, where she writes:

The Masculine Person answers to the general Name, which comprehends both Male and Female; as, any Person who knows what he says[35] (as quoted by Ostade[36])"

user15026

Singular they

Singular they is the use in English of the pronoun they or its inflected or derivative forms, them, their, theirs, and themselves (or themself), as an epicene (gender-neutral) singular pronoun. It typically occurs with an antecedent of indeterminate gender, as in sentences such as: "Somebody left their umbrella in the office. Would they please collect it?" "The patient should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay." "But a journalist should not be forced to reveal their sources." The singular they had emerged by the 14th century. Though it is commonly employed in everyday English...

sphennings

3:39 AM

Someone said there was a rule about it so they stuck with it.

user15026

(sorry, I have mad feelings about singular they)

user15026

(partially because they/them is my pronoun set, partially because like come on people what even)

Catija

But it's been used for centuries... there's no reason that anyone should be bothered by it.

user15026

3:54 AM

Theoretically yes but thats why I find prescriptive grammar ideas so funny

Catija

heh

sphennings

I'm all for a style guide, but outside of a formal context it really isn't necessary.

user15026

yeah, like I played by Little and Brown's rules for my papers but the rest of the time I mush language to work my way

Catija

... as long as you use full words... and u don sta typin lyk dis.

user15026

Eh, that sort of thing has it's place

user15026

4:03 AM

Like I prefer full words but like...I get how some dialects would use that sort of thing to express themselves

user15026

Not something I'd pick

sphennings

I'm more of a stickler in a textual medium because there are fare fewer side channels to communicate over.

Catija

Yeah, it came out like dialect but I really was just meaning chat speak.

user15026

Yeah, there's so little additional context cues for text

sphennings

Basically I think people should know "the rules" so they can know when to break them

user15026

4:06 AM

Yeah, basically you cant take a thing apart until you know how it goes together is my thinknig

IPS Comment Bot

4:23 AM

Keep in mind that when your lies are found out (say your phone finally rings) people's suspicions will be confirmed, they will gossip and your credibility may take a fatal hit. — Spehro Pefhany 59 secs ago

#9852 Spehro Pefhany (101 rep) | Q: How can I convincingly communicate to a friend that I don't have a 'personal' mobile number? (score: 34) | posted 38 hours ago by English Student (6474 rep) | edited 4 hours ago by English Student (6474 rep) | Has magic comment

apaul

@Ash You can take the thing apart, you just may not he able to put it back together again...

Catija

I always liked to say "You should know all of the etiquette... because when you do, they know you're breaking it intentionally, not acidentaly". :P

apaul

@Catija there's some truth in that.

So... About that patience thing...

Catija

... Really not sure what you're on about.

apaul

The comments have been trying mine, not sure if waiting patiently is the best approach.

Catija

4:35 AM

What comments?

apaul

Brb

@Catija interpersonal.stackexchange.com/users/10454/…

Catija

... you do have the ability to flag stuff, you know...

A comment that just says, essentially "you're wrong"... is not a comment worth keeping.

apaul

@Catija Seemed like making him look foolish in public would be more likely to curb the behavior... But then again I'm mean and curmudgeonly like that.

Catija

I don't see how that is accomplished.

apaul

@Catija Just replying...

Basically I'm telling on myself before I go too far and land in trouble.

SmokeDetector

4:46 AM

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Bad keyword in body: Is this a good way (with respect to time) to disclose an STD to a potential partner? by user441767 on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

A J

o/

Pseudohuman

\o

user15026

@apaul if there are comments that shouldn't be kept around, that's a good use of flags, no?

user15026

@AJ waves

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Is this a good way (with respect to time) to disclose an STD to a potential partner?

Background I have HSV1 on my genitals; I don't get mouth sores. I got the diagnosis a couple of years ago. I've dated several people since then. I kissed my first potential partner (since the diagnosis), before telling them I had it. I disclosed it to them before sexual intercourse came up. Sinc...

conversations united-states romance sex

A J

4:54 AM

@Ash forgot to ask which book it was

user15026

@AJ hm?

A J

yesterday, by Ash

@AJ not much, reading when I should be sleeping (started a new fantasy novel tonight that is entertaining me)

novel actually

user15026

@AJ oh, right! The Tethered Mage by Melissa Caruso

user15026

I'm almost done it. It is so good.

A J

Nice!

apaul

5:01 AM

@Ash Eh, I guess. Just felt like flagging was allowing the behavior to be quietly deleted without much real consequence. Figured that calling it what it was might be more effective in the long run. But I'm often wrong about these things.

SmokeDetector

6:56 AM

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Manually reported answer: How to deal with [male\] friends mocking me about my life choices by Todd Anderson on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

A J

7:15 AM

don't flag this one

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