@Jesse yeah, that would be ideal. I think of an answer being improved when there's advice and perhaps steps to take, rather than just telling the op "make a plan"... do you understand what I mean?
How can I be seen as more welcoming and less of a nitpicker?
tag: online-interaction, ???
Background
I haven't been on IPS for long but I love this site and have made a point in helping improving it by helping moderating content.
When I see an answer who doesn't meet our quality guideline, ...
@Sandman @Noon I saw you had a couple of such responses and I'm sorry you have to get through this :/ I don't think it'd be a good fit of main though, for the very simple reason that it's likely to get quite a bunch of rants
@avazula Yeah :/ but I still feel like it's a good question though: How do we make sure to be as welcoming as possible when pointing a "new" user in the right direction?
I actually had some issues with a user who didn't understand why their answer got deleted. Sometimes it's difficult to make people understand that VTDing their contribution isn't a personal attack
@Cashbee there is still yet another one somewhere that I was thinking of. It is more specifically targeted to being nice to newcomers and what that means
Background
I have found a new job in another city. While I'm looking for an apartment I will be living in my cousin house.
I have never lived in her house before (and I have been at her house for the weekend less than 5 times) but we take online regularly (more than once per week). I know I wi...
@Cashbee do you think just editing the last sentence to focus on "how can i approach her to get her to stop/resolve this?" would fix the whole question?
@avazula My system is to only use one at a time, and to steer clear of any universal keyboards and such. If you take a few seconds every time you swap devices then you shouldn't have any issues :)
@Cashbee actually, I think my answer responds to the new edit far better than the original :P no further update needed
@Tinkeringbell Sorry, there is a missunderstanding here, I was talking about NAA all along ^^' (but the review name is Low-Quality, that's why I use it)
@Noon If you can't flag it, that may mean you already did so once? That's the only reason I can think of that makes it you can't do that again... Then drop it in here, with an [:eyeballs-requested]
I'm tempted to ask a question on here but TBH, I don't want it to seen from any of my other SE accounts, especially SO. I do send my SO account to potential employers, etc and TBH, I don't want them to know about my personal/family problems. I appreciate that this site is in Beta and probably has...
@avazula If you can VTD and flag, do both. But if you can't VTD, don't flag (I already did it) and if you do it too, you would be unable to "Recommend Deletion" in the review queue
@Noon Mmh. That's not totally clear to me. Why shouldn't I flag when I can't VTD? Isn't the community deletion based on the number of flags rather than on the number of "recommend deletion" clicks?
@avazula , @Tinkeringbell will correct me if I'm wrong but the community deletion for answers is, indeed, not based on the number of flags (only the "recommend deletion" click)
@avazula Yep, if six users do so in the queue it is deleted :) If six people vote RD and the post has a positive score, we mods get a flag notifying us 'Hey, people reviewed this as bad but the votes say otherwise, they confused the system so go fix it!'
and I did not even attempt to answer the question, I asked OP to protect their daughter and given them a way to do that while following the IPS advice :/
my reasoning is: there's a kid being abused. I don't care if this site wants to have less comments, that kid and her parents need all the help possible. I offered some integrating advice to the IPS one they asked and got.
but what's wrong in letting that parent read that comment before deleting it? no, the IPS part is fine, on topic, and the answers are fine, I don't see why to punish people. I won't vote to close. My reasoning is that some extra suggestion in such cases is not necessarily bad.
Let's consider the following situation: a family member has offered to buy me a given object as a gift, for example a table, with a given budget, for example 500€ (random object and amount of money).
I am to pick the precise kind of table I'd like. Let's now imagine that I have found a table th...
I have a lot of experience with highway driving that most of my friends don't have. Rules like only drive in the left lane when you are passing - ie. slow traffic keep right and never merge into another driver's blind spot are intuitive to me at this point. They make sense and make driving less s...
I started a new job several weeks ago and like with any new job, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I have a "mentor"--somebody on the team who's designated to helping get me up to speed with everything--and I bug them a lot. Some days I'm able to muddle through things on my own, but others I rely p...
How can I help my friend accept that the relationship is over?
friends united-states relationships how-to-help
After 9 months into the relationship, my early 20's friend just got dumped. She thought he was the one. He'd say things like "I've never felt this way with anyone before," or "I could ...
I hired a contractor to redo my backyard.
The ensuing project was a battle every step of the way. The work needed to be checked nightly; he cut every possible corner; he took 2 months to complete a job that he said would take 2 weeks. When I tried to discuss the remaining items he became confron...
@Noon Honestly.. I'm not sure. Rereading it makes me think it's not going to help me improve any specific skill... Just have people brainstorm on how to resolve that situation.
@Tinkeringbell Well, I read your question as "How do you make someone understand that their joke are hurtfull and you want them to stop" which definitively sounds like an Interpersonal Skills to me
@Noon The kind of question you posed there is what's usually summarized into 'assertiveness'. I know how to do that. It just didn't work. Rereading that question, I don't see how it's about my Interpersonal Skills and not just me ranting about something I'm currently unhappy with.
@Tinkeringbell Okay then, I'm gonna tell you want I wanted to answer your question and, if you still feel the question doesn't work go ahead and deleted.
(This is based on my personal experience, it works for me when everything else have failed, more details while be available if you post your question)
Stop telling them that you don't like there behavier and start showing it. Next time they use one of their hurtfull comment, get mad at them. Don't be afraid to escalate the issue, the more you make a fuss about it, the more they will understand that you really don't like it.
@Tinkeringbell for what it's worth, I expected answers to your question to point you to showing more humility, which IMO is an interpersonal skill. I can see where you're coming from tho
@Noon I think my question could at least use that refinement: I have shown anger, I have shown I don't like it. I'm usually reasonably aware of my body language and tone of voice.
And to who would I escalate? It's family... should I go to gran? Uncle Bob isn't her son.
'Hey gran, you did a really bad job of raising your kids, I know you're already 85 and they're 50 but please go fix it?'
@Tinkeringbell When I was saying escalating, I was more thinking: "don't just raise you voice, really scream at him, scream at everyone else that has done the same/never done anything to stop them, cry in front of everyone, crying is good, no one wants to be the person that have made someone cry"
@Tinkeringbell I'm sorry your family doesn't take your emotion seriously :/ But, also, even if they dismiss you as being 'the drama queen', don't you think they will do it less often as to avoid creating useless drama?
Oh, they do take my emotions seriously. It's just not how you're supposed to express them over here to be taken seriously. A soft 'I'm disappointed' coming from my mom does more than a loud and shouty sermon.
I'm thinking they might even try to go further to see if they can evoke 'more fun'
@Tinkeringbell That's a bully technic (not saying you are in a bully family, I don't know them) and I agree they might do this. I was once part of a friend group where one of the person was bullying me (but with "just words" so the other friends did not take action against it). Using this technic would definitively not have worked with the person bullying me.
What did worked however was crying in front of one member of this group of friend (the leader actualy). Crying wasn't planned on my part and I was ashame of doing so but, the next day, this bully girl was out of the friend group (which was a huge relief for me).
My point is, peer pressure can be a good help for you if someone in your family is respected enough and willing to make the hurtful jokes stop. But they might only do that if they realise how much you hate those jokes.
^ That's what I would label it, immature and provoking. Just didn't want to slap a label on it and assume good intentions in the draft I wrote.
I want to be the better person there, which probably means I just move out and say 'Sorry mom, can't make it. I'll drop by the next day' until my aunts and uncles have died of old age.
One of the favorite techniques of a bully is to drive you to the point where you lose control so they can add further insult to injury by painting you as hysterical and unreasonable
I’m asking this question because, I have plenty of questions, such as:
How do I know if he did…
It is possible to gain the skill to get whatever you want from others, no matter who he or she is? And if yes, how can I gain it?
For now just 2 of’-em I have. And I’m asking this question so that ...
This is a small update actually. While I was reading the help center article What topics can I ask here,I found out that off-topic reasons are also mentioned in the same article under the heading "What questions are off topic here?". Under other reasons reason, in one of the bullet points, there ...
Also note Catija isn't a mod on IPS anymore :P She got hired by SE and is now running around everywhere as a CM, pinging her for these kinds of things... might be a little wasteful of her time :)
i'm so done with my dad. my dad basically told me he doesn't want to hear from me again unless the message is positive. i'm just gonna graduate, get on with my life, and see how he feels in two years
Although the bigger problem is probably my eyesight - still trying to figure out how to avoid computers as a programmer who's main hobby is staring at a screen.
Hope the two-week holiday will help - don't think I've really avoided a screen for that long since... I don't even know when.
but i feel stronger and more sure of myself. sure, i am sounding selfish but I am being selfish for my own good because my dad called me a distraction, toxic, doesn't want to hear from me unless I have something positive.... which is kinda pretty fake in any relationship
yeah, same. what triggered it all was that he posted my sister's riding helmet for sale on facebook... and i basically asked "is that [sister]'s??" and he said it was too small... but bull crap it's not too small and whats more he didnt check with her, that pissed me off more
@ElizB Yeah, even if it was too small indeed, not asking before always sucks (my mom tend to do that with old stuff we don't use anymore, completely missregarding the emotional value attach to it)
Oh, in other news, I decided to treat myself by buying on amazon (really affordable!) The Phantom of the Opera at Royal Albert Hall the 25th anniversary, with Seirra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo starring as christine and phantom :D eeeeeeeeee happy place
@Noon Appreciated.
Tea and fluids help it settle down. methinks tonight I'll take a bath
@ElizB Fully agree with "This is me". I also like "rewrite the starts" very much but I think my favorite is "From now on" and "A million dreams" is also really cool
@ElizB Well then, you will be happy to also know that BO stand for "Bande Original" which mean "Original Soundtrack" ^^
I have seen many job posts and applied for them via Linkedin easy apply button.
Then I reviewed the information and my resume is shown as attached.
However, the companies have informed me that they do not receive my resume. This has not been the problem with the other applicants but me. If my re...