The Awkward Silence

6:43 AM

@ExtrovertedMainMan hey @Tink want to send this over to us at Lit?

@Mithrandir So... do y'all say you lit?

Like, "Lit is lit, yo"? :P

I... never actually understood that slang.

I think "lit" is like "hot", on fire, etc. It's good.

@gparyani I intentionally did not ping Em.

@Mithrandir Why is that?

6:50 AM

Em is probably asleep by now, as she's US-based. Tink is Dutch and often online around this time.

I'm US- based and should be sleeping by now. nearly 3am now... :P staying up way too late

@Mithrandir Pinging creates a notification that allows users to get back to them when they have time. Though I understand; it's likely that Tinkeringbell will handle it, negating the need for Em C to look at it.

Some users have e.g. their phone vibrate for a notification, which can be disruptive to one's sleep.

And in any case, it is indeed better to ping the ones more likely to be active at the moment.

@El'endiaStarman In my opinion, if someone's bothered by the SE app's notifications, they should just set DND before they go to sleep.

eyeroll

6:55 AM

That's true, but still, if we respect them and know others are available to take care of whatever small thing it is, we can avoid pinging them

There's no need to ping someone not active now about something that they don't need to deal with personally.

I have several relatives from India in a WhatsApp group that is active 24 hours a day.

@Mithrandir "Though I understand; it's likely that Tinkeringbell will handle it, negating the need for Em C to look at it."

Yet you still pinged Em.

@Mithrandir This.

@gparyani Or maybe they want to be pingable while sleeping for potential emergencies. Still, as has been said a couple times now, best not to ping people unnecessarily.

6:57 AM

If I need attention of any mod, i would just drop a message in here like "Hey mods, do you mind taking care of [specific issue], thanks!" and waiting on that.

@Mithrandir At the time of the ping, I was unaware of their time zone.

so I ping nobody but it's directed to them, whenever any of them are available and watching chat :)

@ElizB The issue there is if a large conversation takes place just after that message, causing it to be buried and never seen.

I've had that happen too many times.

@gparyani Very true.

A lot of what I do is based on personal experience. Unfortunately, many times people come back to me and tell me "that's not what typically happens; what happened with you that time was an exceptional case". How can I tell what situation is an exceptional case and what's not?

7:01 AM

@gparyani In that case, either wait until you know a mod is online, and then ping them and repeat or link to your message, or pick someone to ping if it is important. Mods do talk amongst themselves and they all have the same powers, so I don't think you have to worry terribly much about picking the right person.

@gparyani First thing that comes to mind is "observation". You're right in that a sample size of 1 means it's much harder to label it as exceptional or ordinary. That said, if you can analyze the social patterns and expectations of people, and figure out what sorts of characteristics "normal" social interactions have, that might go a long way towards classifying new experiences as normal or exceptional. Failing that, you could ask someone before making assumptions or conclusions based off of it.

7:42 AM

Anyone here is good with regex?

define good

I can do...stuff with regex.

@Noon You could also just ask your question instead of asking if you can ask. :)

Good point El'endia :P

Here it goes:

I have this regex: ^(?![^?\n]*\?).*good +answer

I want it to be able to work with "interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com" instead of "?"

huh

Experiment here: regex101.com/r/6SQPhu/1

7:47 AM

what are you applying the regex to?

Oh, I think I've encountered that kind of thing before. You could perhaps try doing a negative lookbehind instead.

@JAD IPS Comment Bot, I think. Avoid reporting comments that link to other IPS answers?

that link to meta I guess

Oh yeah, indeed! Which makes sense if you're pointing to community rules/consensus.

why not just make two regexes: "good answer" and not "link to meta"?

@JAD I don't think the bot work like that :/

7:50 AM

@Noon Would it not work to simply replace [^?\n]*\? with interpersonal\.meta\.stackexchange\.com?

[^interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com\n]

this does not do what you want it to do

[] signifies a set of characters, not a specific string

So, how do I specify a specific string?

@El'endiaStarman According [to this](regex101.com/r/6SQPhu/1) it doesn't work :/ (at least I'm unable to make it work)

@Noon Yeah, I'm having difficulty too.

just like so

specific string

no weird modifies

^(?!.*(interpersonal\.meta\.stackexchange\.com)).*good\s+answer seens ti wirj

@JAD Seems to work, thank you!

7:57 AM

I figured that out just now too. regex101.com/r/6SQPhu/2

(I used just interpersonal\. to account for e.g. linking to the help center alone, which is not a meta link.)

@El'endiaStarman Good thinking :)

Okay, I am off to bed. G'night!

Good night :)

9:06 AM

morning everyone

Morning :)

10:24 AM

Hello

Good morning :)

How did Hellendoorn go?

pretty good, had some funny moments

Nice! :D

at one of the attractions (horror hotel) the piccolo (I hope that's also the word in english) came to let us in while saying "aah, a lady and a gentleman, how romantic"

:) He hit the nail on it's head then!

10:36 AM

and another in in that attraction said "aah ladies, head further in" (because of my long hair he thought I was a woman) then I said I was a man and he was completely out of his role at that point. he said sorry multiple times

@Termatinator Hahahah That's great!

I went to Hellendoorn years ago, during one of their Halloween events.

One attraction had this guy, playing on an organ. But just the first few notes, over and over and over...

And one of the children there thought I was one of the halloween actors

So one of the guys I was with started giving him instructions on how to play the entire thing, and that guy ... didn't know where to look either ;)

@Tinkeringbell haha, was that in the big mansion there?

@Termatinator Yeah, I think it was. The one where you end up shooting stuff

10:39 AM

yeah

Don't tell me they still haven't changed that XD

the halloween attractions were at different places now, and the mansion with the shooting gallery is still there

they also have that yellow rollercoaster with loopings

and the green rollercoaster "dondersteen"

and one underground "rioolrat"

the yellow one is the "tornado"

they basically have 90% of the attractions they had 10 years ago

@Termatinator Always loved that one :D

Oh, I don't mean changed attractions, I meant 'change the halloween act' ;) I got the impression from you that that guy and the organ were still there, this year too ;)

@Tinkeringbell they made it more scary with halloween, You couldn't see a thing

@Tinkeringbell aah, no. it wasn't. I just made a lucky guess

@Termatinator I don't really mind that. I usually don't see well in the dark anyways. And being on a rollercoaster means I often take off my glasses as well. So all in all, I don't think I ever saw much on the rioolrat anyways!

10:45 AM

@Tinkeringbell I meant you couldn't see a thing when walking to the rollercoaster

Ah. That's scary! (And a bit dangerous? I remember some very slippery stairs)

@Termatinator busboy IIRC

@Tinkeringbell that was after those stairs, it was a long hallway

@JAD busboys are the people that clean tables at restaurants ;) It's either bellhop (A bellhop (North America) or hotel porter (international) is a hotel porter, who helps patrons with their luggage while checking in or out) or piccolo (A waiter's assistant in a hotel or restaurant.) I think :)

@Termatinator Oh good. That I can handle :D

ah, close enough

10:49 AM

and the other halloween attraction was the "death lab" where it is also dark and with a lot of "undead" (actors)

that one was the scariest

plus the fact that she (my crush) is also a bit scared of them

@Termatinator But that's good, right? I read somewhere that doing something a bit scary (like watching a horror movie) is a good thing on a first date, wait.. lemme look ;)

@Tinkeringbell uh, out of context that can be taken the wrong way :O

Well, is it really a date, she doesn't know my feelings towards her yet

@JAD Better? :P

(Y)

@Termatinator hmm, I've made that mistake once

10:54 AM

and with a lot of the actors we counted how many times we saw them

taking someone on a date without them realising it was a date

I try to be careful with saying it was a date

an ancient wisdom during my bachelor internship was "assumptions are the mother of all fuck-ups"

@Tinkeringbell Seems like a very late morning; slept in this weekend?

@gparyani dude, creeeeeepy

10:57 AM

@JourneymanGeek Right...

@gparyani actually, now that I notice. she said it while it was already afternoon

@JourneymanGeek Basic math?

@JourneymanGeek well, saying good morning at 12:30, I must agree

keeping track of timezones XD

@JourneymanGeek oh, so that's the creepy thing?

10:58 AM

Everyone knows where she's from...quite frankly I don't see how it's creepy

Take it from me. Keeping track of when people sleep is almost as bad as keeping track of where people sleep

@JourneymanGeek except with good friends, I'd say

I don't think it is as much reacting to knowing when Tink normally wakes up on sunday (which would indeed be creepy), but rather noting that she said good morning when it was in fact midday

I think it's funny seeing a discussion about someone who said morning in the afternoon

11:27 AM

Anyway, regarding my most recent question here: I'm having trouble deflecting "awkwardness" from people who see that I go volunteer at an all-female school.

12:37 PM

@gparyani volunteer as a teacher?

@Termatinator As a "teacher" for a day.

12:54 PM

@gparyani ah okay, i guess it depends on the school, if they don’t mind I don’t see the problem

Notification came late

Also, why the quotes?

@Termatinator Because I'm not the actual teacher of the class.

I don't work for the school.

Oh ok, i just asked that because quotes have a lot of meanings

Just to be sure

1:11 PM

@gparyani I used to work at a school with kids of all ages.

Just.. don't sweat it, you're a professional.

One user's accused me of "predation".

People say lots of things

they don't have any context

Then when others found out I was the one who posted that, everyone went silent.

or might be trying to get a reaction.

well, if its you, that's an entirely different interpersonal problem

@gparyani if people dislike you...

well, as I said, that's a different problem

Just because my interactions in a certain room aren't in line with what people expect doesn't mean that I'm a bad person.

1:17 PM

Well, how we interact with people is coloured by how we act around them

And quite honestly - that's something I actively work on, simply cause it might be handy some day.

Well, after thinking about it for a while, I figured out that I’m also making a mistake when distrusting people when they tell me that “person [x] hates it when you do [y]” and expecting that person to tell me directly if they find one of my behaviors off-putting.

Remember that story I used to keep telling? I did the right thing by respecting the director’s opinion at the time. If it's the less common case where the person in question actually doesn’t find the behavior off-putting, then they will tell me (as what happened). Otherwise, I should respect the other person’s opinion.

@gparyani You need to learn your implications. And are we really having this conversation again? I thought we'd been pretty clear on not wanting that.

1:33 PM

@Tinkeringbell Right, sorry about that. Wanted to bring it to a close.

This is an important interpersonal skill however. While I don't really agree with the reasons for your decision to disallow this conversation here, I'll honor it.

2:59 PM

I'm a bit surprised this wasn't mentioned yet, but if you need to get moderator attention for something, we have a nice mechanism that doesn't involve pinging people or needing to know who's online... flagging

6

anyways, good morning! how's everyone's Sunday going?

@EmC So far, pretty good :D I joined all the parts for my blanket yesterday and am now waiting on more yarn to arrive so I can make the border. In the meanwhile, I've finally resumed working on my turtle :D

I was told to butt out. It was . . . awkward. And now i'm butting back in.

@Tinkeringbell oh nice! I'm curious, what does the turtle look like?

@EmC Pretty tiring.

2

3:05 PM

@Tinkeringbell Amazing.

I've replaced the light blue with the bright blue though :)

@Tinkeringbell ooh that's awesome

I have like half of the shield done already.

@EmC And it's about to end. :/

@AJ :(

3:09 PM

Well, time doesn't stop, so we shouldn't too. ;)

wise words :D

Really? 14 participants? Silence becomes us.

Yeah, sometimes only a few talk and the rest enjoy watching. ;)

@AJ , if you can call that enjoyment. I can, because i'm masochist.

Actually a little of each. Maso-sadist.

@AJ you felt that with HNQ gone, you got some time left on your hands for M&TV moderatorship? :P

3:14 PM

@JAD Meh. :P I filed my nomination before all this. :P

@JAD , stop trying to be smarter than i. You succeeded.

hehe, just kidding. Good luck :>

Thank you.

You too. @A J.

I'm almost there. Short by half a mile, but close.

Yah? I'm truly awkward. Been kicked outa every chat room. I don't even belong on this planet.

Even the backyard kitty-cat bristles, after dining.

You don't know awkward until you've met me. Typing is my only outlet, and it ain't pretty.

It is pretty awful. Admittedly.

My skills are honed anonymously. My face is bare to the world.

my cat just spooked and sprinted away from me, as best I can tell because I was walking with a coffee mug :P

3:25 PM

!

she is a real fraidy-cat sometimes

Where i come from the term is "scaredy-cat."

yeah, that too :)

To each our own. My scaredy-cat is a mountain lion.

The dinger-danger eats opposa and raccoons.

Every now and then he eyes me for size.

I'm glad you have adopted a cat as well, @Em.

I don't dare leave home without a spool full of feed.

And a bucket full of water.

Yah, we tussle. He has fangs and claws. I have size advantage and a reckless lack of fear.

When it comes to persons, though, i melt.

Which is why i'm here.

Truly weird. I have no fear of physical injury. But mortal fear of personal insult.

Go ahead. Insult me personally.

Oh okay, you're just a little too nice to do so.

. . . i was shy, once, then found a voice, through typing.

. . . it ain't easy. Took decades.

. . . Perhaps you too can speak out. It just ain't easy.

user15026

3:53 PM

@Tinkeringbell oh my goodness.

4:41 PM

@Ash Have you started any of them yet?

6:41 PM

nytimes.com/2018/10/21/us/politics/…

sigh

<sarcasm on> Does that mean they want to add a third gender for intersex people? </sarcasm off>

That means that shit is about to get a lot harder for my fam.

doppelspooker

i have f-bombs to drop here :(

that's awful

@apaul Sorry about that :/

8:09 PM

@apaul How's that going to work?

"we define you do not exist" like, what purpose does that serve?

@Magisch seems to me like if you're male to female transgender, by law you would still be male

> The agency’s proposed definition would define sex as either male or female, unchangeable, and determined by the genitals that a person is born with, according to a draft reviewed by The Times.

But what about intersex people?

unchangeable

so there are no intersex people

There are a couple hundred thousand at least in the US

but there are intersex people

now there aren't

8:11 PM

these are people who have both or neither in biological terms

they supposed to pick one randomly?

That's just bad planning by the government

I can see this getting canned in the first court it's challenged in

oh, wait, you mean not transgender but undeterminable sex?

hermaphrodite for example?

@Magisch I guess doctor are suppose to pick one "based on science" (aka, randomly)

Intersex

Intersex people are born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that, according to the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit the typical definitions for male or female bodies". Such variations may involve genital ambiguity, and combinations of chromosomal genotype and sexual phenotype other than XY-male and XX-female.Intersex people were previously referred to as hermaphrodites, "congenital eunuchs", or congenitally "frigid". Such terms have fallen out of favor; in particular, the term "hermaphrodite...

> determined by the genitals that a person is born with

@JAD In the case of intersex, the point is can't really tell. So yes, it's randomly

this is some despicable stuff

8:14 PM

Agreed

> that the lack of clarity allowed the Obama administration to wrongfully extend civil rights protections to people who should not have them.

IMO, if you ever find yourself arguing against civil rights protections for people, you ought to think twice.

@Magisch american politics is full of that

seems unnecessarily cruel to just do that for the sake of it

welcome to the Trump presidency

> The department argued in its memo that key government agencies needed to adopt an explicit and uniform definition of gender as determined “on a biological basis that is clear, grounded in science, objective and administrable.”

News flash: being trans is grounded in science.

8:21 PM

"science we agree with"

Since "global warming doesn't exist", I don't think being trans can be "grounded in science" in Trump & co mind...

Q: What button do I press to flag for undelete?

it does exist. It's just a scam invented by CHIIIINAA

couldn't resist

Introverted Meta Man.

0

I recently had an answer deleted. I also got a comment, saying: (...) You can improve it by following the guidelines mentioned [here]. Feel free to flag it for review for undeletion once you've done so. There are four buttons under my answer: share edit undelete flag but it's not obvious wh...

support deleted-answers flagging

8:47 PM

@Magisch Sounds like the US is getting ready to take a giant step backwards. This will impact things like education, healthcare, and prison placement.

@apaul actually despicable tbh

also love the use of "science and fact based" when its anything but

The prison placement issue is particularly frightening. Effectively turns most any sentence into a death sentence. Placing a trans woman in a men's facility is dangerous to the point of being a blatant human rights violation.

not like american prisons are safe at the best of times

it's kind of a meme here that our prisons are like holiday resorts compared to yours

Ya, they're pretty bleak under the best circumstances.