The Awkward Silence

Tinkeringbell

2:05 PM

@JAD Might be one worth creating then, care to try?

JAD

@Tinkeringbell poof

Introverted Meta Man.

0

Q: What does every answer need to contain on Interpersonal Skills?

We are trying our very best to remove low quality answers from our site. But there are no clear guidelines on what we, as a community, consider to be a good answer. So let's try and make a few guidelines on how to write answers on IPS questions and what every answer should contain or discuss. W...

JAD

I am amazed

Meta man is punctual today

Tinkeringbell

@JAD You posted just in time ;)

For now, could we stop downvoting this one? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9506/… OP is cooperating really well to get that reopened!

@JAD I think there's a meta for the first answer you gave, maybe link to that too? I'm a bit busy to do it myself ;)

JAD

@Tinkeringbell I accidentally made it CW, so go ahead and add it yourself ;)

Tinkeringbell

2:18 PM

@JAD I'm too busy :D I like the cw idea though, was it really accidental? This does invite people to just add their points to your answer :)

If it was accidental, I think someone somewhere can reverse it ;)

JAD

@Tinkeringbell at first I wanted to make a list for people to add things to, hence the CW

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Good one ;)

JAD

but that's not useful if we want to have discussion about individual points

because that'll be a mess

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Discussions should have happened already... ;) Might wanna mention that in the question then :)

A bit like the 'Help Page meta'...

JAD

@Tinkeringbell I disagree

Tinkeringbell

2:19 PM

@JAD Oh... then we were having different thoughts about what kind of meta we're looking for :P

NVZ

8

Q: What do I do when I'm meeting a girl that likes me for the last time

Here's a little back story : There's a girl from my school that's a year older than me that I got really close to. Eventually, she ended up telling me that she liked me. Thing is, I don't know if I like her romantically, but she is definitely one of my favorite people. Now she's graduating, and ...

friends

> Edit 2 : I'm aware that the "what should I do?" question is a bit broad, but I'd like to reiterate that my end goal is not to establish a romantic relationship with her, but to send her off appropriately. The relationship is part of another question entirely.

JAD

Parts of these discussions have been done already, but this is a step further. Basically this is a list of requirements for answers, and I think some parts of those discussions have a place there, and some don't necessarily

At least, this way we'll leave some room for discussion first, and only then move to compiling an eventual answer

that seemed the most logical for me

> I suggest that each answer to this meta should contain one feature. We can then vote on whether this should be included or not.

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Sure, but there's also a part about it 'not being a place to discuss stuff, post your feature with links to the meta where it was discussed' :P

Which was actually the part I was referring too... but I think @NVZ is trying to say something :)

JAD

@Tinkeringbell well there's two parts

1) is this policy ok? That part should have its own meta and stuff

2) should this policy be included in the list of answer requirements/guidelines/whatever? That part should be on individual answers

and then once we have satisfying input on question 2 for each part, we can compile the final list

and have drinks and a party

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Oh like that ;) Okay :)

I'm in ;)

JAD

2:25 PM

a bit like this: codegolf.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1061/…

Tinkeringbell

@NVZ to send her off appropriately is a bit unclear to me... would that be 'while making clear that we'll never meet again'?

NVZ

@Tinkeringbell a proper send off.

Tinkeringbell

@NVZ That achieves what? That makes clear what?

'Bye' is a proper sendoff but not really what the OP is looking for I think?

Aaaah... my friend the random downvoter also knew how to find me today :)

@JAD Like it :)

NVZ

@JAD This is a good template: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/help/how-to-answer

TheTinyMan

Good morning! :-D

Tinkeringbell

2:32 PM

Can we take a look at this? Is it ready yet? I've run out of clarifications to ask: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/9506/1599

NVZ

@Tinkeringbell ah, we have a mutual friend now.

@Tinkeringbell i think the top answers there understood OP's sentiment.

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Wow, that's so far out of my wheelhouse I struggle to even conceptualize what this person is looking for!

JAD

Oh, what a great problem. This is the stuff of TV dramas. — Strawberry 6 mins ago

:S

thanks random stranger for the free flag

Tinkeringbell

@JAD How rude...

JAD

@Tinkeringbell what!? I even thanked them for it :o

Ö

Tinkeringbell

2:42 PM

I meant the message, not your thanks ;)

Fixed it :)

Magisch

2:59 PM

I'm actually impressed

I was expecting more "You'll want to have kids soon enough" sentiment on your question @Tinkeringbell

Mithrandir

3:11 PM

The comment has 14 upvotes and not enough flags.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch there's one still available. Once that's great gone, people might post a new comment

TheTinyMan

pout I want to go on a mini-rant on why an answer is wrong in a comment but I'm pretty sure that's not what comments are for. xD

sphennings

@TheTinyMan If an answer is incorrect you should explain why. Just be sure that you are explaining not ranting.

TheTinyMan

@sphennings The line is a fine one sometimes. :-P

sphennings

@TheTinyMan Which answer?

TheTinyMan

3:14 PM

7

A: How do I stress that having children is not an option when picking a date?

I always make it a case to mention to people before starting to date them that I don't want children and that I don't want them to hope/expect me to change my mind. If you really go around waving that flag and stating such things before the first date, I would expect you to be really weird a...

The other comments have basically gone over what I would have said :-P

rant:
Wow, I could not agree less with this answer. I know a lot of people, myself included, who have laid down all of the deal-breakers *before* the first date, because no one involved wants to waste their or anyone else's time. Dating "for fun" is one way to date, but it's not the only way.

sphennings

@TheTinyMan The tone of that is really ranty, but it makes an important point.

TheTinyMan

Yeah but I think that the important point has already been made in other comments

I think the benefit from making it clear as soon as possible is that you don't waste time getting emotionally invested in someone you can't have a future with. — Jess K. 51 mins ago

Aha! Look what I figured out how to do! :-D

sphennings

It's important to not waste people's time.

TheTinyMan

Yeah.

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell Although I can see why people think that

Of the 3 girls I know from highschool that said this all the time, 2 are now mothers already and the third wants to before she turns 30

Tinkeringbell

3:26 PM

@Magisch 26 isn't exactly high school though :P

TheTinyMan

@Magisch A lot of people do change their minds. A lot of people don't - I know several in their 40s who are very glad that they don't have kids - and I've known people to have kids and regret it.

NVZ

@TheTinyMan it's weird, I tell you. I keep forgetting how to do it. Today I had to relearn it.

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell No I mean I know them because I went to high school with them

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch ohhhh

Magisch

I also know a couple where I would bet cash money that they never have kids

Tinkeringbell

3:28 PM

Well I do realize that statistically I might. And then I'm the one lying in the relationship...

Magisch

though

Tinkeringbell

But that's another problem

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell But if you base a long-term relationship on "well, they might change," then you can discard anything about the person - especially if it's something as big as "do they want kids"

Magisch

I guess the best idea is to see where it takes you first @Tinkeringbell. Not like you haven't heard that approximately 19000 times already, but sometimes the connection with someone is so there that people change their minds for just that person

It is true that mentioning it this early on can come across as really weird

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell Still even though there is nonzero possibility that you may change your mind that isn't the point. You don't want kids. You don't see yourself wanting kids. You don't want to be dating someone who does.

Magisch

3:29 PM

Then again I'm the last person to ask about dating advice so take this with a mountain of salt

sphennings

Ideally you'll date someone who understands that people are human and are subject to change and is willing to revisit discussions and agreements as the situation changes, while respecting you and your boundaries.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I do try to insert it into a conversation instead of just blurting it out :P

sphennings

With me and my partner we both don't see us wanting kids, that isn't a direction our relationship is heading in, we've also discussed that we may change our minds at some point which is something we'll deal if it happens.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings yeah but isn't that different from actively hoping for change?

From the beginning?

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell It is. If someone isn't willing to date who you are I'd drop them on the spot.

Tinkeringbell

3:36 PM

@sphennings good. Because that's what I'm talking about

sphennings

I'd say something like "I don't want kids, I don't see myself wanting kids. Over the years I've gotten pretty tired of people dismissing me by saying "you'll change your mind someday" so don't do that."

It's going to be a deal breaker or it isn't. Especially since you're looking to build a long term relationship with someone.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings :) That last part might help, stress that there have been people cut off previously

sphennings

I don't know exactly where you'd place it on your checklist but I'd bring it up either when you first talk about how you feel about having children, or after I've started noticing that I'm experiencing NRE.

Tinkeringbell

NRE?

sphennings

New Relationship Excitement

Tinkeringbell

3:43 PM

@sphennings Ah :) That explains ;)

sphennings

It's a term thrown around a lot in poly circles about that giddy excited feeling that happens for the first 6 ish months of a relationship.

ArtOfCode

also known as the honeymoon phase

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, that might be a good idea.... and then put the talk about children at a nice prominent place on top of the checklist :)

@ArtOfCode Oh, I understand what it means. I'm just very bad at abbreviations :)

And anything that's in the Urban Dictionaly only :P

sphennings

Basically bring it up once you've taken them for a test drive and are starting to discuss payment options.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings that sounds bad! you'd be taking a car you know you won't buy for a test drive?

sphennings

3:46 PM

I mean the checklist starts as soon as you meet the person. "Will I go on a date with them?" is a very early item on my checklist.

@Tinkeringbell Dealers don't expect everyone who goes for a test drive to buy but people are much more likely to buy after going for a test drive.

TheTinyMan

@sphennings Wait, are we talking about sex now? :o

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Oh, I thought the list would start after deciding that you'd date... I can put children before the dating then

sphennings

They're also not going to let anyone go for a test drive in a high end sports car either.

@TheTinyMan Not necessarily.

TheTinyMan

@sphennings Sorry, this might not have been the time for me to inject poorly-considered pervy humor. :-)

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Is that a nice way of saying I'll never get a good-looking guy? :P

So... is the testdrive dating? or meeting?

sphennings

3:53 PM

@Tinkeringbell The point was that the first couple dates are like going to a dealer in the US. You're looking to buy a car but you don't know which car you want and if it's worth it.

Visiting the dealer = looking for dates

test driving = going on those first few dates

Haggling over price = deciding whether it's worth it to continue dating and commit to someone.

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings Ah okay.... so, I don't want a car that wants kids!

TheTinyMan

@sphennings I admit that I'm still a little confused what the sports car represents myself

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell so you want a two-seater

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell and @ArtOfCode, HEY LOOK DON'T JUDGE ME FOR DRIVING A MINIVAN xD

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode A tandem-bicycle works too, and is cheaper, environmentally friendly and good for exercise in that case :P

ArtOfCode

3:56 PM

@TheTinyMan silently judges

sphennings

@TheTinyMan The dealer muddles the metaphore a bit. What I was getting at is that if people don't think that a test drive isn't worth their while they're not going to go on a date in the first place.

TheTinyMan

@sphennings Ahhh, okay

@ArtOfCode glowers and secures the washing machine he's driving to a partner tonight more firmly in the back of his van

Eeech, "partner" is such a strong word...

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan date? :P

Potential person?

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Even "date" seems like a strong word here. xD

sphennings

@TheTinyMan I really like it. It's ambiguous along a bunch of axis.

Tinkeringbell

3:58 PM

Does anyone have some last love or suggestions for improvemen for this one? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9506/…

TheTinyMan

@sphennings I like it for most cases but not to describe my interactions with the person I'm hanging out with tonight :-P

sphennings

My favorite way to introduce my partners is "They don't stab me in my sleep! :)"

TheTinyMan

@sphennings quietly applies soap to his mind

Tinkeringbell

@sphennings They might change their mind though!

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell In fact if someone did want to stab @sphennings in their sleep, we might just hope that that plan goes away over time!

But continue to test drive their...sleeping? I dunno. Mixing metaphors is hard. :-P

sphennings

4:01 PM

I've gotten a lot of mileage from it. When partners are feeling insecure I can remind them that they still haven't stabbed me in my sleep. So we're still OK.

It's obviously a joke while still working as a metaphor for being someone who I trust to not be horrible to me despite having the means.

Tinkeringbell

Hahaha :) Well, I need to first find one such person...

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell This is 2018 - you can build it!

Powered by an Arduino maybe?

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I'd really like a potential person to be a bit ... 'smarter'?

Or at least be able to properly multi-thread

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Hmm. You're demanding! ;-)

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell If you're looking, you won't find

Tinkeringbell

4:07 PM

@TheTinyMan Duh... I've had 26 years to add stuff to the list.

Magisch

It usually comes on its own

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell Raspberry Pi's are pretty cheap these days. And last I heard not susceptible to Specter or Meltdown.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch I agree. Which is why I'm mentioned i'm not on the internet looking ;)

@sphennings Oh cool... I didn't even think to check.

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I...is this a simulation of you now?? :o

Tinkeringbell

That said... the company is very late with pushing those windows updates..

@TheTinyMan Better?

ArtOfCode

4:09 PM

@sphennings pretty sure Pi's are ARM chips... which are susceptible to Spectre v3

sphennings

I've seen enough internet success stories to not rule it out. Right now I'm rather polysaturated so I'm not looking.

Magisch

TIL @sphennings is a fatty acid

Tinkeringbell

That's an actual word? polysaturated?

sphennings

@ArtOfCode raspberrypi.org/blog/…

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Darn, if I waited just a little longer then I could have made you look like a fool... xD

Oh, wait, no I couldn't have, you have cheat powers

Tinkeringbell

4:09 PM

@TheTinyMan Nah, that's only the smurfs... I can't cheat.

Only trash to a public trashcan

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell But yeah, that's an actual word in the polyamory world. xD Means, essentially, that you've just got too much going on and not enough time.

Magisch

This macadamia peanut mix is 95% peanuts

TheTinyMan

Or spoons, if we want to get into a whole 'nother kind of topic that's mostly just discussed within that community.

sphennings

@Tinkeringbell The more correct chemistry term is polyunsaturated referring to fatty acids.

Tinkeringbell

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9525/… Is this sufficiently different from the street vendor question? interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/3223/…

@TheTinyMan I'm surprised there's a actually a pretty solid polyamorous group here, yet I haven't seen one question with that tags... Go on, we need good questions! :P

Just avoid the jargon ;)

Catija

4:12 PM

Hey, all... please remember that it's generally only feature requests that get downvotes for disagreement. If you think this is a good subject for discussion, upvote the question. If you think it's a bad subject for discussion, downvote. Save disagreement votes for the answers. — Catija ♦ 23 secs ago

ArtOfCode

@sphennings cool, TIL

Tinkeringbell

What do you guys think on the dupe one?

sphennings

Charity vs street vendors I'd say their similar but potentially different enough to be separated. I know in Boston it's mostly recognized charity organizations that are hounding you for donations.

TheTinyMan

Yeah, I think that the answers are gonna be pretty similar, but you wouldn't necessarily find one when searching for the other?

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan That can be fixed... if we close this one as a duplicate of the first one, it will link to that ;)

@sphennings I left a comment asking the OP to clarify what isn't in the other question that they'd like to see answered in theirs....

TheTinyMan

4:17 PM

@Tinkeringbell Oh, yeah, that's fair.

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How can I tell people that I’m not interested in donating to their charity?

Sometimes people will approach me in public places (such as a train station) and ask me to make a donation or to buy an item for charity. Usually they’re positioned at an entrance, exit or in such a way that trying to discreetly avoid them is impossible. Without coming across as rude or selfish...

awkward-situations politeness

Tinkeringbell

5:00 PM

Answer in comment: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9525/…

Mithrandir

@ExtrovertedMainMan I don't think that's a dupe.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir strange since charity is also mentioned in the other one

Mithrandir

Maybe they should be split though...

Vendors and charity are entirely different IMO

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Why? To me, I've always replied to both in the same way.... So they were in that question from the beginning and no one ever complained

I'm not really fond of editing existing stuff just so something else won't be a duplicate :/

Mithrandir

Because vendors and charity people are coming at you with entirely different motivations, and often very different methods.

(autocucumber)

Tinkeringbell

5:09 PM

@Mithrandir they're both selling stuff... A charity or a product

Really, I've never experienced a different behavior between the two

And for those wondering, this is the kind of attitude that led me to posting the meta on community:

@Tinkeringbell The other question has an accepted answer. I'll just wait and see if this question gets deleted. I'm here to help by answering questions, I'll leave the decisions about what makes an acceptable question to you and the gang. x — Astralbee 2 mins ago

Ugh

What happened!? I reloaded chat on mobile after losing connection and now everything is tiny and the screen is too wide

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Sounds like it's my fault.

Mithrandir

Are you on full view?

Tinkeringbell

Nope. Mobile page. Not desktop page or full page

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell This may be a typical on-and-back-off-again strategy, but have you tried force killing the app and relaunching it?

Mithrandir

That looks like the 'request desktop page' might have been pressed...

Tinkeringbell

5:25 PM

I'm also missing a reply button... I have force killed chrome. And mith I'm fully zoomed out. It's NOT request desktop I used that to upload the screenshot

I'll restart the phone

Mithrandir

cool

Tinkeringbell

Okay. Looks like you're back to normal ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell What'd you wind up having to do?

Tinkeringbell

3 mins ago, by Tinkeringbell

I'll restart the phone

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Oh, look at me, being blind. :-)

Tinkeringbell

5:33 PM

@TheTinyMan at least I can see you :P

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell frantically looks around his office Wait, what?? :o

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan big brother is watching you

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I hope he's less racist than my big brother.

thinks about it

That's probably a vain hope, though.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan haha... I know some pretty racist people too... But they're generally 80 years old and just grew up that way

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yeah. Well my brother in question is at approaching 60, I think...but he really has no excuse, the rest of the family isn't like that.

I was about to tell a story about him and realized I probably shouldn't. :-p

NVZ

5:39 PM

@Tinkeringbell I notice that there's always a "please don't answer in comments" comment under every question nowadays.

Tinkeringbell

@NVZ yeah. I hope we can leave them out later. We comment that one when there's been an answer in a comment on a question

Hopefully it breaks a habit and people start acting more responsibly

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I wonder if the placeholder text can be modified to include a phrase like that.

Mithrandir

@NVZ Well... people keep answering in comments.

NVZ

And they're all upvoted by a dozen, every time. Are they real?

Mithrandir

@TheTinyMan People ignore the placeholder text.

Tinkeringbell

5:41 PM

@TheTinyMan what? That there have been answers in comments?

Mithrandir

@NVZ Are what real?

NVZ

Or something done to keep them afloat?

TheTinyMan

@Mithrandir Yeah but it might help some.

NVZ

@Mithrandir the upvotes on them.

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell No, the "please don't answer in comments" bit

Next to where it says "avoid comments like '+1' or 'thanks'"

Tinkeringbell

5:42 PM

@NVZ the votes are real. If made on a post with lots of comments, sometimes votes for visibility are asked for in chat

@TheTinyMan oh, that's the comments are for clarifying

Part of that message too

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Right, but maybe being more explicit about not putting an answer in there will help a little? Maybe not though. :-)

Mithrandir

And the more 'please don't answer in comments' comments get left the more my inbox gets flooded with notifications...

NVZ

@Mithrandir your inbox? why?

Mithrandir

I get pinged by the bot every time someone leaves another comment on a question that has had a comment left with that exact link in it.

NVZ

what is your inbox's relation to that comment?

Mithrandir

5:44 PM

chat.stackexchange.com/search?q=magic+comment&room=63296

NVZ

hmm..

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan you'll have to ask meta.se I guess :P

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell That sounds like 'getting involved!' :o

NVZ

So, it's not actually @tinkeringbell writing those comments?

It's a bot doing it on her behalf?

Tinkeringbell

@NVZ it's me copy pasting them

Mithrandir

5:46 PM

It's actually a human leaving them.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan thought you liked getting involved? :p

NVZ

@Mithrandir Help me understand the page you linked. chat.stackexchange.com/search?q=magic+comment&room=63296 What is going on there? What is magic comment?

Mithrandir

Okay... what do you know about my bot efforts?

NVZ

@Mithrandir Oh, the humans.

@Mithrandir I remember once entering your special room, and leaving like "where am i?"

You have some bot going on as I recall.

Mithrandir

"has magic comment" means that someone has left another comment on a question, after that question has received a 'please don't write answers in the comments' comment.

NVZ

5:49 PM

I thought these canned comments are left by the bots, upvoted by the bot(s) - are they many?

i see

Mithrandir

@NVZ Noo

NVZ

so is this a bot? cseducators.stackexchange.com/users/4015/ips-comment-bot

Mithrandir

All comments are left by actual people

All upvotes come from people

All the bot does is detect comments

NVZ

@Mithrandir for now. one day these bots will take over: "you puny humans!"

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Getting involved is scary! xD

NVZ

5:54 PM

Involved in what?

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How to ask how someone's childbirth went

I have a colleague who has not been answering an email of mine for two weeks. I know that this person is expecting a baby around now (or maybe slightly before the present date). I would like to know how he is doing (for work reasons, as well as curiosity), but it strikes me that I would only be...

work-environment children

TheTinyMan

@NVZ Stack Exchange :-p

NVZ

@ExtrovertedMainMan I usually ask with my mouth. The lips and tongue move around to create magic. :P

TheTinyMan

@NVZ I prefer text and IM, myself.

I guess the kids call that PMing now? Or DMing?

NVZ

@TheTinyMan I move the mouth and stuff even while my hands are typing. I read to myself whatever I write.

TheTinyMan

5:56 PM

@NVZ Yes, "magical," that's the word for you. ;-)

NVZ

@TheTinyMan I prefer "covfefe". That's the real magic.

@Mithrandir I guess I'll steal that comment of yours as well, at some point. Arrrgg... (pirate sounds)

Mithrandir

:D

Anne Daunted

6:10 PM

0

Q: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair?

I am a 25 year old male and I have two best friends. I have known them almost my entire life and they are like brothers to me. We also hang out with other friends from school/college every now and then. The weekend plans and holiday trips have not been an issue, until recently. One my best fri...

friends socializing friend-groups

I will need my magic wand for this one.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair?

I am a 25 year old male and I have two best friends. I have known them almost my entire life and they are like brothers to me. We also hang out with other friends from school/college every now and then. The weekend plans and holiday trips have not been an issue, until recently. One my best fri...

friends socializing friend-groups

Extroverted Main Man

6:32 PM

0

Q: How to go on with an American date I met?

I need some advice on inter-cultural dating. But it may apply in general. So I met a 20-year American girl (studying for entering an undergrad college program: Neuroscience/Cognitive science) through Tinder. We met at a Hookah place (after just messaging for like 1 hour), where she was supposed ...

conversations united-states relationships etiquette strangers

TheTinyMan

@ExtrovertedMainMan That sounds like a 'too-broad' to me?

sphennings

I'd vtc it if I had the points

Anne Daunted

6:53 PM

I voted to close it as too broad indeed.

Extroverted Main Man

7:07 PM

0

Q: How to communicate to coworkers that I am not comfortable with celebratory hugs?

I have three coworkers that I work with directly (one being the manager of our "pod"). As a team we generally work on weekly goals with a meeting at the end of the week to go over accomplishments and missed targets. The boss of our pod, Samuel then encourages a celebratory "hug" circle for each ...

work-environment

Tinkeringbell

7:21 PM

@Paparazzi, the first one (you'll) is aimed at me, the second one at the relative that's teasing us (she'll)... They match the examples of 'commenting on a misbehaving child' and 'having a teasing relative'. I'm not looking for a fling, nor interested in having them... They just end up that way because of the kid thing. — Tinkeringbell 23 mins ago

What did I do wrong?

Just trying to help you improve the question. I will refrain in the future. — Paparazzi 7 mins ago

ArtOfCode

@Tinkeringbell overreaction by that user. You're all good

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell As near as I can make out, Paparazzi might have been suggesting that you should use two different quotes?

But as far as your response to their suggestion, you were entirely clear, polite, and reasonable.

NotThatGuy

If the same person listed the same room on AirBnB in different languages at different prices, would it be inappropriate to just pick the cheapest one, even if I can't speak that language?

Tinkeringbell

@ArtOfCode, @TheTinyMan Okay good. If one of you ever sees room for improvement, please lemme know?

ArtOfCode

aye aye cap'n

Tinkeringbell

7:34 PM

@NotThatGuy Hmm.. I've never done AirBnb. Would that give trouble when 'booking' the room?

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Will do! It looks good to me thus far though.

NotThatGuy

@Tinkeringbell I don't think booking it would be a problem, more than the poster maybe wants to give discount to someone who speaks that language or something like that.

Tinkeringbell

@NotThatGuy Hmm... I'd give it a go.

You can always act like you saw the cheap one first and never the expensive one.

(I don't like lying but if you can pull it off...)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell downvotes

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Hey, I can have my dark side too! :P

(It has cookies)

TheTinyMan

7:38 PM

@Tinkeringbell Nope! You're pure and angelic and I refuse to believe otherwise!

Tinkeringbell

Great... first I get people calling me a goddess, now I'm an angel... Don't you people realise all I want is a guy that doesn't want kids? :P

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Little does anyone know you're truly a demon wearing a fake halo. :-p

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Definitely :)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell After all, you posted a question asking how to crush people's hope!

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I also have one on learning how to gossip :P

TheTinyMan

7:42 PM

@Tinkeringbell A shrew, then! :o

NotThatGuy

@Tinkeringbell Does not wanting to have kids (with a human male) have something to do with you being a goddess or angel?

Tinkeringbell

@NotThatGuy definitely more with the dark side ;)

apaul

8:38 PM

Mhmm...

Anne Daunted

8:58 PM

Seems like as soon as I ask an OP a question, everyone feels the need to chime in.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Hmm... people here or 'random'?

Anne Daunted

Here?

Tinkeringbell

People that are always in the chatroom? > I was thinking if they were chiming in mainly when you post stuff in chat?

Do you have a link of an example where that's happening?

Anne Daunted

No, I'm mean commenting on questions

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Are they providing additional/good comments? Or just restating what you already asked?

Anne Daunted

9:05 PM

These are not very useful: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9533/…

Mithrandir

People like to comment... unfortunately.

Anne Daunted

the question about that american girl was deleted?

The OP there also wondered that she was a feminist but did not hate all men. And that she was puzzling. So i asked and one member commented according to his ideological views.

Mithrandir

@TheTinyMan <something about taming the shrew>

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Maybe by the OP? I can't see it either. Catija might confirm ;)

TheTinyMan

@AnneDaunted The error that I see when I click the chat link is "This question was voluntarily removed by its author." ?

Mithrandir

9:07 PM

Which, interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9535/…?

Anne Daunted

yes, that one. Thanks @Mithrandir

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted As for these, I think people are trying to say that they're interpreting the question otherwise... They're not seeing an OP wanting someone to change their behavior, but someone that wants to talk about problems with the preferred outcome of changed behavior?

Btw, I wouldn't worry too much about those comments. Scroll up a little and you can see what I mean. Apparently, some things shouldn't be taken as seriously as others ;)

(Here: chat.stackexchange.com/transcript/message/42471466#42471466)

Anne Daunted

I asked the OP to clarify. But he wrote "Since she is the one causing all this, I would like to make her realize that we could all be happier if she could change her ways."

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted True... which is really borderline between 'I want her to change' or 'I want to tell her there's something she might want to change to avoid it maybe ruining our friendship in the long term'?

Anne Daunted

The reason I asked the OP is that it seems like she always gets what she wants. If he had some leverage, they could find a compromise. But to those other users it seems more important that the OP is correct and her behavior unfair.

Life is not always fair.

Tinkeringbell

9:17 PM

@AnneDaunted I agree :) What I get from the question is really 'someone is always changing plans and I want to address that'. The fact that she grew up spoiled and is always getting what she wants is context, not an issue the OP wishes to address, at least to me...

And Tom always agreeing on her whims is context too?

Anne Daunted

Yes

Maybe we are too pragmatic

Tinkeringbell

So, the question might need an edit to separate some issues? To make clearer that the OP wants to address the behavior of changing plans?

(And I think we can agree that changing plans in a way described in the question is something you might want to address?)

Anne Daunted

I already wrote a comment: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/9533/…

D.Hutchinson

@Tinkeringbell I think he also needs to specify whether he wants to communicate with Tom or Summer ...

(some answers are assuming that with Summer, it's a bad idea, and to avoid doing so.)

Anne Daunted

@Tinkeringbell Btw, I'm kind of baffled that you got an answer suggesting an operation to become infertile.

Tinkeringbell

9:24 PM

@AnneDaunted I think this is one of those cases where we might step in, and I'd like to disagree on the comment a little. Instead of editing the question title to match the body, this might be a case of tweaking the body a little to match the title, since the title is on-topic and there might be enough detail for that?

@D.Hutchinson Title states 'How do I make her understand' ;) .... I feel safe assuming that means dealing with Summer then?

D.Hutchinson

@Tinkeringbell yeap, I totally agree :)

but some answers are answering otherwise ...

"I'd privately, and only once, remind Tom how thoughtless and inconsiderate and self-centered his girlfriend is, and this behavior isn't going to fix itself. He might need to be told by a third party that no, it's not okay for her to treat him like that. Tell Tom that you are not going to upset pre-made plans for anyone, and if he insists on following her lead like that, you aren't going to be able to make plans with him either."

for instance, this person:

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Yeah, that one was quite a ... surprise. Community picked it up well though ;) Question is HNQ and the answer is still negative ;)

Anne Daunted

Well, it's impossible to make someone understand something and you can never find out. It's a more addressible goal to make her change her behavior. But in the end, only the OP can tell us what they want.

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Which means? :) :P

(Starts with 'vote'.. I'll give you a hint ;) )

Anne Daunted

Unclear what you are asking?

Tinkeringbell

9:28 PM

@AnneDaunted I believe that is a very good one :)

And comments. We've pointed out a few problem areas already, a few 'unclear' bits... Shall I help?

Mithrandir

flag-pls | AiC / NLN | How to politely interrupt a recruiter during phone call

Anne Daunted

I wrote a little comment

Mithrandir

flag-pls, del-pls | VLQ ("try this") | My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair?

Tinkeringbell

@HDE226868? I don't really remember, but weren't most of the comments on my questions requests for clarification (that I addressed and edited in?)

None of the comments were worth moving to chat? — Em C 5 mins ago

Mithrandir

close-pls | Too Broad / Unclear What You're Asking / Primarily Opinion Based | My best friend's girlfriend keeps changing our plans often. How do I make her understand that it is not fair?

Anne Daunted

9:33 PM

Btw, when I saw it thid morning I was a bit shocked how much time and energy Catija had to spend on this one.

Catija

@Tinkeringbell I deleted them...

You edited the question to include most of the responses... some of them were deleted by the OP. There didn't seem to be any benefit to moving to chat.

Anne Daunted

The answer was awesome, btw. I fully agree with Shog's comment there

Catija

@AnneDaunted Awww, thanks :D

Tinkeringbell

@Catija Oh sure, but I saw HDE lurking in the room and not you :P So, since they can see them too, they might validate my observation that they were mostly requests for clarification. I didn't really remember all the stuff I flagged :)

D.Hutchinson

:)

Catija

9:34 PM

@Tinkeringbell Ah. Some of them were answers in comments.

D.Hutchinson

I agree with Shog's comment, too @AnneDaunted

Tinkeringbell

@Catija And I think only discussions get moved to chat, am I right?

Anne Daunted

I also flagged quite a lot now

Catija

@Tinkeringbell Yeah. And only if they're not argumentative and off topic... and I'm in a good mood.

I'm like a dragon. :P

Anne Daunted

But that's also needed

D.Hutchinson

9:37 PM

I didn't know that just because my answer was deleted, it doesn't imply that existing answers don't also have similar issues that could be reason for deletion. I'm really glad that Shog brought that up and explained that that has been an ongoing issue and has been discussed in detail already.

Anne Daunted

Crazy things going on on campuses: academia.stackexchange.com/questions/102698/…

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted Ah.... 'banga-lijstjes'... :P

Anne Daunted

A common phenomenon in the Netherlands?

Well, if they keep it to themselves... But harassing female students?

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted It happens... the lists are know to either contain women ranked by sexual prestation or looks... :/ They were in the news a while ago...

Anne Daunted

Well, we don't know where that university is

maybe the OP is from the Netherlands

Tinkeringbell

9:41 PM

@AnneDaunted We also don't really know how she reacts or what started it, whether they are actively keeping such a list or just teasing her with more random comments ;)

(not saying either one is good, but I could show just a little more tact on the latter I think)

Anne Daunted

Perhaps, other female students are also victims

But it's inappropriate regardless

cya

Tinkeringbell

@AnneDaunted It is :) I'm off to bed as well, I hope that Summer question gets an edit soon :) Bye!

D.Hutchinson

g'nite @Tinkeringbell :)

Magisch

@AnneDaunted fwiw, people did this at the uni I went to as well

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