158
Malbolge, 20775 and 2334 bytes
Probably I didn't beat anyone with it, but it was incredibly fun to make.
bP&A@?>=<;:9876543210/.-,+*)('&%$T"!~}|;]yxwvutslUSRQ.yx+i)J9edFb4`_^]\yxwRQ)(TSRQ]m!G0KJIyxFvDa%_@?"=<5:98765.-2+*/.-,+*)('&%$#"!~}|utyrqvutsrqjonmPkjihgfedc\DDYAA\>>Y;;V886L5322G//D,,G))>&&A...