The Heap™ – Consultancy ©® - 2014-09-25 (page 2 of 2)

5:00 PM

Hey Mark Recchi helped Boston win a cup, not because he was fast or anywhere near as good as his younger days

@Mike_Fal I take it PASS' official private response matched their e-mail : "Too bad, update your profile and you can vote next time"?

Zane

You guys need the exact same thing we do. A steady progression from your weee babies and for your veterans to play well during the eventual slumps

Mike Fal

@AaronBertrand Yah. And I've already had 2 BoD members DM me, asking for a phone call to talk about how to make it better "for the next time"

Aaron Bertrand

This is going to be bad. I expect at least one very impactful reaction to this by a very big name.

(Not Brent)

swasheck

well there's one very angry, prolific name in the twitterverse right now

(or there was as of yesterday evening)

hahahahahahahaahah. i love conan.

An evangelical rewrote a Harry Potter book to rid it of all the witchcraft. Sounds bad, but I really liked her other book “1 Shade of Grey.”

Tweeted by ConanOBrien on September 25, 2014 at 4:51 PM

Mike Fal

@AaronBertrand Paul r?

swasheck

5:28 PM

yoink

Mike Fal

@swasheck When are we doing lunch?

billinkc

And since after nearly 5 years I had no idea what MCVE meant, I provideth a link — billinkc 10 secs ago

swasheck

dude. i dunno.

Zane

@swasheck I would like to present to you an excerpt from that book.

"Christians are people who want to be good,” Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. “We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?”

Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.

“Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God.”

Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry’s young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, “Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven’t you heard of Evolution? I have a very good t…

Mike Fal

You know it's on you. Every time I ask, you always have a conflict. You need to let me know what works.

swasheck

5:29 PM

@Zane that makes my blood boil

Zane

Hahahahaha!

billinkc

@MikeFal Make him go in 30 minutes

Hellovart

can anyone help me with oracle/sql question

Mike Fal

@Hellovart We can try, but your best bet is to post it as a question to the site for better visibility.

And make sure you've done a search on the site for someone who might already have asked it.

Zane

@swasheck Yeah I would imagine that as a Christian you are probably quite irritated by evangelists groups cheapening your religion willfully ignorant rantings.

JNK

5:33 PM

@Zane That's amazing

swasheck

@MikeFal i know it is. i'm just busy and poor and when i have time i dont have money and when i have money i dont have time

Zane

It looks like @Kermit wrote in in an attempt to mock the concept and yet there it is.

swasheck

@Zane deliberate ignorance always pisses me off, regardless of the category

billinkc

K, gotta get some work done. Swash, knock 'em dead in 25 minutes

swasheck

@Zane but yeah ... that "label" is the one that is the easiest target for "ignorance" ... and honestly i can see why

@billinkc they're not in the same room as me so my flatulence will have no effect

Hellovart

5:36 PM

I'm trying to use NVL with the first argument being of type NUMBER and the second as 'NONE' but I get invalid number error. Should I be converting the NUMBER to a CHAR?

ypercube

What is NONE?

Hellovart

NVL(column, 'NONE')

a string?

ypercube

SQL has NULL. Not None.

Hellovart

I want it so that if the column is null i want it to insert 'NONE' text into it's place

instead of a number

which is what the column type is

ypercube

Oh.

Then your problem is that a column has to return the same datatype in all rows.

Not numbers in some and chars in the rest.

Hellovart

5:39 PM

oh

ypercube

Use NVL( TO_CHAR(column), 'NONE')

Zane

I just read that again and honestly can not stop laughing at it.

swasheck

@Zane it's not even good writing. my third-grader could come up with something more complelling

Hellovart

wow thanks yrcube

i thought TO_CHAR needed more than one argument but I guess i need to look it up

Zane

@swasheck yeah it's even a weird angle she went with on it. Harry Potter is a book full of wonder. Hers was just bitchy.

ypercube

5:42 PM

Yes, you can use a format argument as well. Not sure if it's mandatory or not.

billinkc

I tried to leave but I had to comment on the client's new policy

Hellovart

yeah, because I previously used it with sysdate

Zane

Was it regarding you wearing pants?

billinkc

> Starting Monday, we will require everyone in the building to wear identification. Employees and contractors will wear their ID badges

swasheck

@Zane it's not even like it's close to the story. it's just the same character names with some thinly-veiled agenda.

billinkc

5:44 PM

"I don't have an ID badge, maybe as a contractor I missed some communication"

> It's your door badge

JNK

@swasheck there's no veil there

billinkc

My door badge is a blank white card

Zane

@swasheck So thin in fact that using the term veil might not even apply.

JNK

@Zane it's a veil of saran wrap

swasheck

@JNK @Zane ... i was being generous

billinkc

5:45 PM

Swasheck, your title card has "Presenter First and Last Name" + title and company sitting there

Zane

@JNK lol Redneck wedding!

swasheck

@billinkc i know

billinkc

kk

Sorry, didn't mean to try and confuse or cast doubt

Also, I didn't realize your opening icon was a sprinter getting set up. I thought it was a gorilla

Solarized dark probably works fine with a webcast as monitors can show color much better than washed out projectors

swasheck

@billinkc think so?

@billinkc used to be lemon party ... there were complaints

billinkc

@swasheck Hush your mouth

swasheck

5:49 PM

just talkin' 'bout shaft

Zane

Someone defending the MySQL group by.

rpbouman.blogspot.co.uk/2007/05/debunking-group-by-myths.html

swasheck

@Zane can't get past the schema name

which makes me think of this:

The Menagerie (Star Trek: The Original Series)

"The Menagerie" is a two-part episode of the American science fiction television series Star Trek. It consists of episodes 11 and 12 (production #16) of the show's first season, and is the only two-part story in the original series. Part one of the episode was broadcast on November 17, 1966, and the second part was broadcast on November 24, 1966. NBC repeated the two shows on May 18 and 25, 1967. The episode's screenplay was written by Gene Roddenberry. Since the true 1965 pilot episode "The Cage" was not shown on television until 1988 and the original series began with the second pilot "Where...

Zane

Beep

swasheck

eh?

Zane

1 for yes 2 for no. I was agreeing with you.

swasheck

5:53 PM

flabulous

Zane

I even posted a comment as captain pike that was Beep Beep showing that I disagree with his premise. However they have comment moderation so I doubt it will be approved.

YES! It did make it.

blogger.com/…

JNK

@Zane He spends way too much time defending MySQL

ypercube

6:35 PM

@Zane His nutshell is more or less "It is completely safe to write partial GROUP BY clauses as long as you know what you are doing."

Which is true. Problem is, many of the MySQL users have no idea what they are doing.

James

I think MySQL GROUP BY is becoming somewhat overrated as a problem. If you really want to hate MySQL, try restoring a single database to a specific point in time.

JNK

where is @swasheck 's preso?

billinkc

global.gotowebinar.com/join/7587851050880685313/144787896

Technically, that's "my" unique link but IDGAF

ypercube

@James That would be pain. Replication is not easy either.

James

@ypercube Replication, backup, restore, and difficult-to-understand InnoDB performance problems like the one someone in here posted about a while ago (I forget his name) were my nemeses when I was a MySQL DBA.

Marian

6:44 PM

attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/7587851050880685313

@swasheck the organizer can't talk to you :)

James

The GROUP BY behavior was dumb, but not many customers I talked to seemed troubled by it. Probably because, as you said, they didn't know what they were doing (and had only used SQL on MySQL for the most part).

billinkc

Oh, if I mention @swasheck I can make his computer beep

Marian

yeah, we can do that :D

Aaron Bertrand

tee hee

you guys are mean

Marian

let's wait until the end of the presentation, though..

billinkc

6:49 PM

He's also running Outlook so I'd be tempted to send him email if I knew he work address

Aaron Bertrand

@Mike_Fal @GFritchey Pretty certain everyone wants a Fix. Need to determine where all the issues stemmed from though, so need input.

Tweeted by wendy_dance on September 25, 2014 at 6:46 PM in reply to Mike_Fal

Really? PASS doesn't already know "where all the issues stemmed from"?

billinkc

See December meeting notes where you decided to disenfranchise voters

Swasheck's battery has remained at 95% for the duration of his presentation. This bothers me

Aaron Bertrand

@Mike_Fal No arguments. It's really clear the communication was incomplete. I just don't know what can be done now.

Tweeted by GFritchey on September 25, 2014 at 6:52 PM in reply to Mike_Fal

I don't know, maybe flip the "I can vote" bit for people who have updated their profile since June 1st?

It's a column in a table. This is not rocket science.

ypercube

Yeah. Why the fixation with the 1st June date?

billinkc

Or you just drop the whole pretense of giving a damn whether someone's updated their profile at all

My job title and industry have bearing on my ability to vote?

Aaron Bertrand

6:56 PM

@ypercube I guess they had a deadline for offloading the work (producing ballots?) to some third party.

billinkc

Was there sufficient and unpublished shenanigans from last years election that lead to this decision?

Aaron Bertrand

@billinkc no, it was about deduping. They wanted to better validate people didn't have 15 profiles.

@billinkc yes!

codegumbo.com/index.php/2013/09/28/…

Lamak

@billinkc where is he given a presentation?

Aaron Bertrand

@Lamak attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/7587851050880685313

Lamak

@AaronBertrand thanks

Aaron Bertrand

6:58 PM

13 mins ago, by Marian

https://attendee.gotowebinar.com/register/7587851050880685313

billinkc

sqlpass.org/Elections/Archive/2013.aspx Need nate silver to do the math on what the odds of someone like Stuart actually affecting the outcome of the election

Aaron Bertrand

@billinkc well, the problem is we don't know how many people did that but didn't say anything. I had 6 profiles at the time.

billinkc

as it was, allen didn't get the nod so even double/triple counting his votes didn't swing the election

Off to meeting

Aaron Bertrand

Unless Amy Lewis had 45 profiles and voted for herself only

Marian

haha, he's using the greek :)

his database is called "greek"

Aaron Bertrand

7:01 PM

In one demo I had a database called kamasutra

USE kamasutra;
GO

Got a few laughs

billinkc

His master thesis ahd something to do on word frequencies in greek literature

and now off

Aaron Bertrand

Nice job @swasheck - however a suggestion, turn off any programs (Outlook, this room, etc) that make sounds

swasheck

screw vps

aholes

;

Lamak

@swasheck vps?

swasheck

wow "we have a very important conf call"

Marian

7:05 PM

vice presidents

big important asses

swasheck

OH (on the conference call): "where are we going to arrange this dinner meeting tonight"

Aaron Bertrand

bahahaha

swasheck

GFY veep

@AaronBertrand thanks. virtual is so much harder

no feedback

no wavy hand motions

Marian

"Q: thank you, Seth, DBA.SE is proud of you :)."

don't know the author though..

Aaron Bertrand

ha

swasheck

7:07 PM

william in kfc

Lamak

couldn't make it to the webinar, still trying to launch the session

swasheck

@Lamak didnt miss much. knowing that you all were there makes me want to throw up

Marian

don't be stupid

we were friendly and supportive :)

swasheck

i'm sure.

but i heard myself. i misspoke so many times. amateur

renaming myself to "Speaker 47"

Marian

that's good, isn't it? my 47 was a hero.

Lamak

7:20 PM

@swasheck nah, I know I missed it, I'm a complete ignorant about the topics you give presentations about

Andriy M

Good for here?

3

Q: Why does left join cause NEWID() to materialize sooner than join?

Using MSSQL Server 2008 Enterprise Edition, and most likely other versions of MSSQL, here is a proof of concept that makes a temp table and materializes NEWID() differently depending on if you used a JOIN or LEFT JOIN, even though we are matching two rows exactly. If you look at the execution p...

James

@swasheck I missed your talk, sorry. Unfortunate for me because I've been having stats problems again.

swasheck

@Marian ozar.me/2014/07/conference-selection-processes-go-wrong

apparently this bertrand guy did a tablevar stats tf blog post

Marian

@swasheck ha, found it in the meantime. But I don't think you fit, sorry.

ypercube

@AndriyM The indentation is weirder than Gordon's.

Andriy M

7:34 PM

@ypercube Somewhat inconsistent and unusual, yes.

Seems readable enough to me. Probably thanks to the small size of the snippet.

bluefeet

why are people using right join?

0

Q: T-SQL: efficiently DELETE records in right table that are not in left table when using RIGHT JOIN

Below is a SELECT statement showing records that are representative in the right table, but not the left table, when the FK in the right table exists, but there is no PK in the left table. I'd like to DELETE records from the right table that have dangling pointers (basically the [FACT] records f...

sql sql-server tsql

Aaron Bertrand

Who knows, right joins are stupid. I should do a bad habits post on them.

swasheck

@bluefeet sinistrophobia

Aaron Bertrand

Not that anyone will listen.

Marian

@AaronBertrand heh, today we received in our team inbox a query with inner, left and right joins. @Mark and I were both cross-eyed when reading it :).

Andriy M

7:41 PM

@AaronBertrand Out of interest, how would you prefer rewriting A INNER JOIN B RIGHT JOIN C?

Aaron Bertrand

A right join is like toasting more buns than the burgers you've grilled. When you know some people will want a burger and no bun.

@AndriyM I'd organize the join so that optional tables are always last.

Lamak

@AaronBertrand please do. I link to your posts fairly often

swasheck

@AaronBertrand you need to start a book/series of sql server analogies.

James

Does this accepted answer make sense? It says you can use READ UNCOMMITTED to avoid the spool operator.

18

Q: Ways to avoid eager spool operations on SQL Server

I have an ETL process that involves a stored procedure that makes heavy use of SELECT INTO statements (minimally logged and therefore faster as they generate less log traffic). Of the batch of work that takes place in one particular stored the stored procedure several of the most expensive opera...

sql-server tsql spool eager

swasheck

> The .sqlplan files are quite large (160kb)

compared to the 45MB one yesterday that's a pittance

James

7:46 PM

yeah

Funny, I didn't realise that was @COTW's question.

From 2008.

Max Vernon

8:10 PM

@AaronBertrand Genius imagery!

Zane

8:37 PM

Alright guys I'm out of here. If you need anything you know where I'll be.

Drunk.

swasheck

@Zane cool

swasheck

8:50 PM

i'm planning on increasing my decile tonight

JNK

@swasheck sad to say im up there

Probably in the 8th

I never really get drunk but I have a couple most nights

Mike Fal

I'm not going to get drunk, but I am going to have some drinks.

Max Vernon

@swasheck I'd love to see what that curve looks like for Canadians.

swasheck

i probably average the 6th

but there are some weeks that end up being more like the 9th decile based on two nights

also - my bar is empty. the whiskey bottles seem to have leaks in them such that they dont stay full for longer than two weeks. i've not yet replaced them

JNK

lol

swasheck

8:59 PM

@MikeFal did you get my message about lunch. summary: soy un perdedor

JNK

we do a lot of manhattans

swasheck

@JNK neat.

JNK

I guess it depends on how theydefine a drink

Mike Fal

@swasheck No habla espanol

swasheck

@MikeFal i'm a loser, baby

JNK

8:59 PM

most of mine are technically doubles but its one FULL glass of bourbon

Mike Fal

So why don't I kill you?

swasheck

@JNK hahahahahahahaah

@MikeFal did you just threaten me?

JNK

so I count it as one

Like one mason jar of wine is a drink

ok im out folks

gnight

Mike Fal

@JNK Whiskey in the jar-o

swasheck

►

@JNK white lightenin'

Paul White

9:30 PM

0

A: Are RANK() and DENSE_RANK() deterministic or non-deterministic?

According to official Microsoft BOL DENSE_RANK is nondeterministic (RANK()). But according to Ranking Functions by Itzik Ben-Gan "... the RANK() and DENSE_RANK() functions are always deterministic". Who is right? They are both right, because they are using different senses of the word "deter...

@ypercube Thanks for the notification about that question.

ypercube

Reading that answer.

swasheck

> To the optimizer, the "deterministic" property defines whether a function can be freely duplicated within its internal tree structures during optimization.

^^^ @PaulWhite can you dumb that down for me?

Paul White

@swasheck The query is represented as a logic tree. Optimization explores new trees that are semantically the same, but may have a better physical implementation. Some explorations can result in duplicating functions in different parts of the tree. This is only valid for deterministic functions.

swasheck

@PaulWhite right. ok. i conceptually understood the optimization tree but didnt know how to carry that to the next level. thanks.

Paul White

Essentially, the optimizer has to be very careful how it handles non-deterministic functions.

swasheck

9:38 PM

always estimate at 1? :)

(kidding)

Mike Fal

10:05 PM

@swasheck How'd your VC preso go?

ConcernedOfTunbridgeWells

@JNK You'll be right at home in London.

swasheck

@MikeFal sucked some donkey stones. ran out of time and a VP booted me from the conference room so that he could set up a dinner date with a vendor on a conference call

Mike Fal

Awww

swasheck

meh

Mike Fal

For an introvert, you talk to much. ;)

swasheck

10:07 PM

virtual is so much harder

(twss?)

Mike Fal

It is man

swasheck

no feedback

more tech. challenges

@MikeFal i'm exhausted. my wife got an invite to a rooftop-closing party at la sandia so i'm going to get hammered at a rooftop bar

i was a lot more "stammery" in the VC presentation than in person

Mike Fal

@swasheck Sounds like fun.

I'm not going to get hammered this evening, but I do intend to get my drink on.

Meeting with a friend down here for some post-work booze.

swasheck

i probably wont get hammered either

(drink tickets for the event)

Mike Fal

CASH FOR THE CASH BAR (obscure 40k reference)

swasheck

10:14 PM

still dont understand

mmarie

@swasheck You know they record those things and put them on Youtube now? ;-)

swasheck

@mmarie even mo' betta

mmarie

@MikeFal i don't get it

swasheck

@mmarie so you're saying i've cemented my legacy as "Speaker 47"

someone should let them know

mmarie

heh

no

i think VCs are tough

lots of great presenters have had rough VC sessions

you can go listen to mine and find things i could have done better. and there are 2 times when a firetruck drove through my presentation (literally because my office is near the station)

I like your in-person presentations.

swasheck

10:25 PM

@mmarie (thanks) it's so much easier to roll with the unexpected

like this past weekend, the projector kept flashing out at key moments

mmarie

hahaha, i have passed my projector luck on to you

last year at Denver, the projector overheated

swasheck

eh

it is what it is

:)