@Jez I do care!

@Robusto Poor Dick.

@RegDwigнt Mr. Skin knows where you've been.

@Jez How do you feel about current prospects?

And don't you agree that the winner-take-all system sucks?

@Robusto you can pryor the dick from his cold dead hand.

But what if he doesn't have any pryors? We'd have to let him go.

Dust in the wind.

A rod and a chain is 27½ yards and a field goal.

Don't hassle the dust in the hoffmann.

I'm sitting here in an open office listening on the phone while nameless voices speaking in InE accents blab on irremediably about incomprehensible things. And still no silver birds come bringing their bounty.

@Cerberus It is good to be king.

Are there any American actors without Jiddish surnames?

You don’t sir a yid.

Like, Whoopy Smith. Or something.

@Robusto that's what the cargo kilt ensign gets you.

You get what you've not paid for.

all of the German people here doing presentations always have a section indicator on each slide, which says the names of all sections and the current one is highlighted. seems to be applied dynamically to all slides. anyone know how to do that? I can't find it as a feature in Keynote or Microsoft Slides Thing.

or Open Source Slides Thing, for that matter.

Never once seen that, but from my experience with all of the German people, they don't know that either and just copypaste it manually onto every slide.

@tchrist Exactly. However, under pressure from the Liberal Democrats, they had a referendum about preferential voting that would have improved the system considerably. But, alas, the big parties campaigned against it furiously, and the British people were too stupid to realize what it meant, and they voted against it.

And I am being serious here, for a change.

@RegDwigнt So gründlich and pünktlich.

(Are those German words?)

@Cerberus prachtig.

@RegDwigнt I considered that, but then I considered that both my major lecture professors, their corresponding TAs, and three kids in my seminars, they all have presentations for which the "theme" looks almost perfectly designed to have indicators.

one of my TAs has a theme which has a slick blue sidebar on the left which dims inactive sections and slide titles, and the sections expand dynamically based on which one is current, and it bolds the current page

it's so flippin cool, it's just so unlikely to me that it's done manually.

Yeah, that's quite cool for a powerpoint. Meaning to say, still not cool.

it would take a lot of work, to say the least. and for a twice a week presentation, I dunno man.

@tchrist Haha, nice.

I've not bumped into any feature like that before, so I can't help.

damn.

@RegDwigнt I hate Power Point, you?

schade

@Cerberus You need to change the batteries too often.

I wish Power Point were soaking in petrol and burned down.

@Cerberus I have to do ppt regularly. And by do I mean fix the shit others have crimed against the humanity and all alien races.

It is not fun.

@RegDwigнt not yet. I should have don it this morning

You know what’s worse? Google Shiits.

is which Slides Thing one uses really such a vast debate?

@tchrist I have a Google Spreadsheet open in the tab next to this one.

@GeorgePompidou no. It only matters that you use Emacs.

Under OS/2.

@tchrist I am not into battery. Apropos, did you hear the story about this woman on the board of De Nederlandsche Bank, the world's oldest central bank, who was an S&M dominatrix in her spare time?

While drinking Pepsi.

It is real, she was convicted.

You paste 10 lines into Google Sheets and it fills one cell not a column in the same cell column.

I use Keynote on OS X but I am willing to switch if I can find this feature.

@RegDwigнt Then it seems we are agreed.

web applications cannot quite replace native ones, bei mir.

Your German seems to be improving.

so I wouldn't be willing to switch to Google Slides Thing, I suppose.

@Cerberus Frau Blucher, nicht wahr?

tag questions are the only simple thing in German.

I've not tried the Google Slides Thing or the Google Word Thing. But the Google Spreadsheet Thing is da bomb.

@Cerberus Convicted of . . . ?

bomb? where?

@GeorgePompidou See comic above.

@tchrist dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3039557/… Nice picture, huh?

I use it for everything. I use it for brushing my teeth in the morning, and for playing the piano in the evening.

one does not simply see items above

@GeorgePompidou the bomb is hidden at the NSA headquarters.

@tchrist Of being blackmailable by hiding her secret second job, something like that. I don't think I would punish her, but the judge did.

whoa whoa

@Cerberus Fired for being an Ashkenazi. We know where that ends.

careful man, haven't you seen that Snowden television series?

I wouldn't have hired a Tashkent nazi in the first place.

@RegDwigнt You are a strange attractor.

about how the american government is all Nazi communists who are going to shit on everyone and end the world?

Of killer death planes.

@tchrist Well, in theory, you don't want high officials to have a huge secret that they could be blackmailed over.

because of phone logs or something

wasn't really paying attention during season 1

@tchrist they only kill 166 innocent bystanders, on average, while trying to kill me. Then fail to kill me. I am safe.

Screw 166 brown children. I am white and alive. USA! USA!

I am glad we are all back to our icons as they were in 2010.

Not the even the gnomes can forever hide beneath the alps.

Purple square here never picked an icon, but now it is too late.

we are?

Not you!

Plus ce ne change pas.

I don't think this was my icon from 2010

Change it back!

never!

Do it!

this avatar is better

What was your old icon again?

my face

I'm trying to remember...

The cartoony one?

you can see it on all my other SE accounts

Does the cameleopard change its pots?

That one was nice.

I remember it.

@Cerberus There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who like PowerPoint and people capable of being my friends.

@Robusto Yay!

I don't look like that as much any more. my current avatar is more accurate

I have to agree.

@MattE.Эллен Your bindi has slipped.

@MattE.Эллен You got your mandibles trimmed, I see.

@MattE.Эллен Haha, if you say so.

@Robusto you only say that until you've seen my 2-hour PowerPoint on why we should be friends.

is that a real thing?

Show us a current picture!

@RegDwigнt You can't bore me into being my friend, sorry.

I wanna be friends!

@Robusto I will bore you into anything for $3000.

@RegDwigнt ... Oh, and: ...

nevillehobson.com/2013/08/13/…

In fact forget the $3000 and the blackjack.

$3000 appears to be your price point. Note that I can get, like, 100 BJs for that.

You pay for BJs?

Dude.

That's why the economy is down.

> Author and communicator Eric Bergman reports that two CEOs – Jeff Bezos at Amazon and Jeff Weiner at LinkedIn – have eliminated slide-driven presentations from their meetings.

Hear, hear!

But now I have to mute commies.

CU tomorrow.

Good luck with the bus...

@RegDwigнt down wit da trap house

From the year 2000.

I can’t read while someone is talking to me.

I can’t listen to someone talking to me while I’m reading.

Both fail.

aye, same here

Plus is a massive, massive waste of time.

huh. I enjoy slides presentations in my lectures.

I can follow pretty effectively.

Only when there are nekkid pickies on every slide.

with both the professor and the slides. they complement each other very well.

@tchrist did everyone see that? tchrist is sexually attracted to pickies.

On verra.

> Here’s the bit of what he said that I suddenly remembered: “I had to hide from the Orb while I did it.” I must have been pretty drunk not to react at the time, but—jumping forward to now, to a time when I was on the run from the Jhereg and concentrating all of my energy on living through each day—I woke up from a light sleep and said aloud, “Verra’s tits and toenails!”

oh, I get it, keming because it looks like the r and n are too close

Always quick on the uptake, our George.

fuckyeahkeming.com

that's why they call me the zebra killer.

@tchrist Nobody can. "Multi-tasking" is really a quick switching between tasks, researchers say.

@GeorgePompidou No, it’s because you’re used to driving through zebra stripes like any other stupid American and squishing the oblivious Europeans who think zebra stripes are like protective drop-gates.

How do you mean?

You're not supposed to stop in front of a zebra crossing?

Just as I said it.

I just kill them when they venture into my habitat because I see them as a threat.

Of course many people here drive through them too.

@GeorgePompidou You hippo.

The basic law is that you are not allowed to murder pedestrians.

This seems somehow not to work.

well, first I open my mouth really wide so that they see my expensive grills. but if they're not rendered insecure by my obvious affluence, I generally bump them with my snout at high speeds which kills them.

I can run surprisingly fast given my barrel-like body, short, stubby legs and Gucci shoes.

So the Benign and Beneficent City of Boulder has installed crossing-buttons that activate big flashing amber lights on a big pedestrian crossing sign placed where even truckers can see it, and a flashing countdown of how long the peds have to make it across before the murder zone is reinstated accompanied by beeps whose pitch and velocity inversely correlate to time left. In this way alone were pedestrian collisions crossing zebra stripes cut down in their prime.

that sounds exactly like in Germany.

Because the stripes alone just didn’t work.

There’s only one problem with the flashing zebras.

The deer never remember to push the button.

City policy is to install an explicit Deer Crossing sign wherever three incidents of vehicular venicide have taken place.

It does make you wonder about the Child Crossing signs.

do you live in a fucking jungle

Now if they could only figure out how to slope the roundabouts so you couldn’t stop in the middle of them, that would help all the rearenders caused by stupid tourists who don’t know the Rules.

why are there wild animals all over your streets

They live here.

It is natural.

in the jungle, yes.

No, jungles are tropical.

What effete victim of urbicide are you that you know not the life that surrounds you?

I've certainly never encountered wild animals at street crossings. those, I thought, are for people.

How long have you forgotten the sound of birds, the aroma of flowers, O Sméagol?

Define “wild animal”.

I fucking hate the sound of birds. they wake me up when I'm trying to snooze.

All animals are Born Free except the Naked Ape.

and I prefer diesel to flowers, aroma-wise.

Who is born to slavery and dies there.

good thing I'm a hippo wearing fashionable clothing.

orders a döner with credit card

In most of North America it is customary to encounter mice, voles, moles, shrews, bats, weasels, rabbits, hares, gophers, chipmunks, squirrels, woodchucks, skunks, possums, coons, deer, coyotes, bobcats, foxes, lions in all places great and small, whether in a poisoned city or without. Others of more regional distribution include but are not limited to pika, marmots, armadillos, ringtails, javelina, porcupines, wolverines, martens, beavers, pronghorn, elk, moose, bison, bears, wolves, lynx.

I received an Aufenthaltstitel and Krankenversicherungsausweiß in the mail!

And otters.

now if I get too Krank one night I can have a Krankenwagen take me to a Krankenhaus so a Krankenschwester could help me

these Germans really know how to Krank dat

Speed kills.

kranks dat soulja boy

See Glenn Gould.

which one's Vorname?

is that my last name

@tchrist Cervicide?

why can't they just simplify their naming names to the American level

@Cerberus Better, except in crimes of passion.

Vorname is first name.

Duh.

Forename.

@tchrist But what is venicide?

How close does it have to be until enlightenment?

@Cerberus A low pun.

About matters of venery.

But you have to kill a noun, not a verb.

Once dead, it is venison.

If kill you wish.

I'm afraid Latin doesn't have a word like venison.

Venison is to deer as pork is to swine. You know this.

I know it.

Cervical cancer is not something to joke about.

I', not sure cervix and cervus are related...

weißt jemand was bedeutet ggfls

Girlfriends.

im Kontext Bitte bringen Sie hierzu Ihren Pass und ggfls

Grrlfliends.

I don't know, my guess would be something with gegen-.

oh.

it's not the end of a sentence.

it's gegenbennbnengendenfalls, and the sentence continues Ihren alten Pass

> gegebenenfalls

this makes sense. haha.

So "if applicable" is what that means?

yes.

Right.

okay so I have to go to the dirty horrible foreigners office

Is it dirty?

for my authorization to pollute the german populace card.

no, the foreigners are.

are you going to turn it into the clean, horrible, foreigner office?

It is a myth that Germans are tidy.

A dirty lie.

puts on headphones and waddles down to Rißmüllerplatz

(I'm glad the electronic chip on my Krankenversicherung card obstructs vitruvian man's penis)

Are you afraid of penes?

there's some pennes

Zpeling...

One penna, two penne.

you say penne. I say pennes

I don't really

@Cerberus in a word: yes. some parties want electoral reform, but it's extremely difficult.

there are still a lot of people who think FPTP is good for "strong government" (fair representation be damned) and who buy into the myth that their local MP gives them good "local representation"