The Frying Pan

"Well, I was headed over to Council Bluffs. I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. Anyway, I had a couple of bees in my pocket. We called them bees because they had bees on them. 'Give me 5 bees for a quarter', you'd say. So I was headed to Council Bluffs, and I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. It was 19-dickety-2. We had to say dickety because the Kaiser had stolen our number 20..."

Jay

these crabs are actually a delicacy so if i collected enough, we would have a nice little snack that day

Back when i lived in china, we were very very poor

My father had gone to america to make money to send back to us in china

so it was just my mother, sister and i

at one point we were so poor my mother had to send my sister to live with my aunt because she couldnt afford to feed all three of us

my aunt was relatively wealthy in comparison to many other chinese people

so my sister went to live with my aunt for almost 5 years

my aunt liked right across the lake. it takes about 1hr on a ferry boat to cross

so on weekend my mother would take me across the lake to visit my sister

My sister and i are really nice to each other during the first 30 minutes (distance does that) but then after 30 minutes we are at each others throat again

without fail every weekend

I was a rebellious kid pushing the limits of what i can get away with

and my sister was a goody two shoe who tattled on me

we were natural enemies by nature

(that was a redundant sentence)

I remember when my father finally got his green card

it was such a joyous event. Firecrackers, party! So much food

And he was finally able to come back home to visit. A man who i had never met since he left for america before i was born

I was strange meeting him for the first time

Faheem Mitha

1:37 PM

@Jay Nice work with the channelling.

Jay

and naturally i liked him a lot since he was being super nice to make up for not ever having met his own son

he would buy me anything i asked for

Jolenealaska

@FaheemMitha yes

Faheem Mitha

@Jay would you like to live in China?

Jay

i remember asking for this really expensive mechanical pencil.

I was riding on his shoulders(I was only 4 at the time i think)

Faheem Mitha

@Jolenealaska Ah. Bad luck getting stuck in the middle of a hostage situation.

Jay

1:38 PM

@FaheemMitha I wouldn't. its nice to visit but i dont want to live there

@Jay ok

Stop interrupting...

@FaheemMitha yes

Let him finish his story sheesh

Jay

When we go home my mother was very angry with me

i couldve gotten at least 100 regular pencils with the amount of money i spent on that mechanical pencil

but my dad stepped him and calmed her down and told her its a fathers right to spoil his son and it wasnt my fault

Faheem Mitha

1:40 PM

@Jolenealaska are you still in touch with the Hubbells?

Jay

In my neighborhood in china, there was a small gang of little kids

Faheem Mitha

I don't think I know any really privileged US people. It would be interesting.

Jay

who did little "crimes"

Faheem Mitha

I've met rich Indian people and rich British people (I think).

Jay

I was the leader lol

Anubian Noob

1:41 PM

haha

Gangsta jay

Jay

As initiation we would jump from roof top to rooftop

Jolenealaska

@FaheemMitha Yes, I called Charlotte when I needed a reference, just a few days ago.

Jay

the houses were only like 6 inches apart

Faheem Mitha

@Jolenealaska Ok.

Jay

so there wasnt much chance of injury

but it made us feel big

we would sneak into peoples backyards and steal fruits from their trees

or sweet potatos from their garden

and we would go to the beach to roast the sweet potatoes

Faheem Mitha

1:43 PM

This was all in China?

Jay

we would use wtermelon rinds to lure scarabs

and catch them and tie strings to them

Faheem Mitha

beetles?

Jay

so they couldnt fly away

it was like a beetle balloon

Anubian Noob

can we please stop interrupting him... grrrr

Jay

lol

Faheem Mitha

1:44 PM

China is very different from the US. Probably a really bad place to be gay, for example. If it is anything like India.

Jay

Im glad you are enjoying my stories

I wasnt sexually aware until i was in America

Anubian Noob

I am, and I want to hit Faheem with a large heavy object...

Jay

Although i used to play "doctor" with the boy next door

Faheem Mitha

@Jay Well, yes, but that wasn't my point, exactly.

Jay

I actually visited China twice

on the first trip back i ran into this boy who i used to play "doctor" with

ElendilTheTall

1:45 PM

@Jolenealaska how did the call go?

Jay

it was strange. we knew each other but we didn't know each other at all

we didnt know what to say at all

he was basically my best friend when i was in china

Faheem Mitha

Being gay in India is probably considered an aberration. It can barely tolerate regular heterosexual activity. Though I have no first hand knowledge of this.

Jay

but we parted ways when i was barely 8 years old so what can i expect

Faheem Mitha

@Jay Well, that's very young, certainly.

Jolenealaska

well enough that I didn't lose my temper. I only talked to a peon not a member of the executive board, he eliminated two NSF charges.

he also convinced me to calm down before I talked to the executive board.

ElendilTheTall

1:47 PM

@Jolenealaska that's good

Jay

@Jolenealaska Whooo! thats a great start

ElendilTheTall

@FaheemMitha head-shaker of the day: mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/…

Jolenealaska

It is a start. My thinking at this point is that it is also probably an end.

I'll probably just give it up at this point, and chalk it up to lessons learned.

Jay

There have been many circumstances in which i couldve not existed

ElendilTheTall

@Jay literally everyone can say that

Faheem Mitha

1:48 PM

To be clear, when I say "no first hand knowledge of this", I mean, of how gays are treated in India.

Jay

Both my grandpa and grandma(from mothers side) were very close to death before they gave birth to my mother

Jolenealaska

@Jay that would be true of all of us, I think.

Anubian Noob

CAN WE PLEASE SHUT UP AND LET THE MAN SPEAK

Jolenealaska

I was first diagnosed as a tumor.

Faheem Mitha

@Jay The only reason I exist is because my mother is extremely dumb.

ElendilTheTall

1:48 PM

@AnubianNoob sssh

Faheem Mitha

@ElendilTheTall That's a little worse than average, even for India.

Jolenealaska

I only exist because my dad was going to be drafted into the Vietnam War. He didn't want to go. So he joined the Army and married my mother.

Jay

my grandfather used to work in a stone quarry but due to an accidental and human error, they blew up stone at the wrong time and one of the stone pieces fell on my grandfathers back

he was gravely injured

Jolenealaska

He still went to Vietnam, but much later than he would've otherwise.

Jay

all the doctors at the time said that he wouldn't live

but his family didnt give up hope and prayed to the gods for him

Now this is where it gets interesting. I dont personally believe it 100% so take this with a grain of salt

Jolenealaska

1:50 PM

I think I broke all records in Germany for the most premature baby to have ever grown size 12 feet.

Faheem Mitha

@Jolenealaska I don't follow. "grown in size 12 feet."?

Jay

but my grandfather said that he had a dream where a man in full ceremonial garb came to him and ask him if he wanted to continue to live. my grandfather said yes

Jolenealaska

typo

Jay

the figure told him to burn an incense for him everyday and he would send someone to cure my grandfather

so my grandfather told his family who started to burn incense everyday

Jolenealaska

I wear a size 12, it's a small joke. I have never met the woman with feet bigger than mine.

but I was born 2 lbs. 8 oz.

Jay

1:51 PM

about 2 weeks later a traveling doctor came through town

and was able to use acupuncture and cupping to help with the swelling and pain

Jolenealaska

in 1967 I was not expected to survive.

Jay

and was somehow able to help my grandfather who all the doctors at the time couldnt

To this very day, my grandfather still burns an incense every day for this guardian deity

my grandfather actually built a shrine up in the mountains near out village in dedication to this "spirit"

ElendilTheTall

the placebo effect is a powerful thing

Faheem Mitha

@Jolenealaska Oh. Is that large then? I think I have size 12. Maybe 13. Depends on whether one is using British or US measurements.

Jolenealaska

@ElendilTheTall I've noticed something else lately, related.

Women's US size 12.

Faheem Mitha

1:54 PM

It's confusing, so I don't really try to keep track.

Jay

my grandmother was actually thought to be dead when she was only several months old

Jolenealaska

Men's 10 1/2 to 11 US.

ElendilTheTall

UK women's 9 - my sisters and mother are all the same size

Faheem Mitha

Is China very superstitious, then?

Jay

my grandmothers family had 3 daughters before her and no sons

ElendilTheTall

1:55 PM

but they are all 6'

Faheem Mitha

Men and women shoe sizes are different?

Jay

and they were very poor so when my grandmother as a baby of 3months or so got sick, they did their best but couldnt afford to go to the doctors

at one point they thought my grandmother was dead so they put her outside to bury the next day

during the night it rained and somehow it rejuvenated my grandmother who started crying

my great grandmother heard and came back outside to bring my grandmother back home

so yea. thats my stories for the day

I think i did a pretty good job of channeling @Jolenealaska

Jolenealaska

:-)

ElendilTheTall

@Jay nah, not long enough

also, you need to curse your voice recognition software more

Jolenealaska

<snort>

Jay

1:59 PM

only because there are enough people in here to write inbetween everything i wrote

so i couldnt amass a wall of text :P

Anubian Noob

^^

That was really interesting

Jay

Why thank you. Im glad my life can be of interest

Faheem Mitha

@Jay so where is your sister now? In college? Working?

Jay

@FaheemMitha my sister is two years older than me

she lives in NY and works in a hospital

ElendilTheTall

Ok, now me!

Jay

2:01 PM

shes single, makes lots of money and buys me things :D

Anubian Noob

@Jay Are you still distant?

ElendilTheTall

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.

Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really

Faheem Mitha

@Jay ok

@ElendilTheTall If you must quote someone, surely you could do better than Dr. Evil.

And cutting and pasting is lazy.

Jay

He had a pechant for buggery AND a womanizer?

Anubian Noob

Dr. Evil

Dr. Evil is a fictional character, played by Mike Myers in the Austin Powers film series. He is the antagonist of the movies, and Austin Powers' nemesis. He is a parody of James Bond villains, primarily Donald Pleasence's Ernst Stavro Blofeld (as featured in You Only Live Twice). Dr. Evil routinely hatches schemes to terrorize and take over the world, and is typically accompanied by Number-two: an eye-patch wearing goon who fronts his evil corporation Virtucon Industries, his cat Mr. Bigglesworth and his sidekick Mini-Me, a dwarf clone of himself. Myers revived the character for a brief appearance...

Faheem Mitha

2:03 PM

Ok, dinner time. Unfortunately, the pizza is over.

Oh, well. Sic transit gloria.

Laters, folks.

Anubian Noob

Cya

ElendilTheTall

@FaheemMitha OK, how about:

I have told this to few people, gentlemen, and I suspect I never will again, but one day when I was a young boy on holiday in Uberwald I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs. A very endearing sight,

I’m sure you will agree, and even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged on to a half-submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy.

One of nature’s wonders, gentlemen: mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that’s when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

Anubian Noob

goodreads.com/quotes/…

Terry Pratchett is better though

Jolenealaska

must sleep now. CYA all soon.

ElendilTheTall

@Jolenealaska cya hon

Anubian Noob

2:09 PM

Good night

Isn't it 7am?

Jay

She sleeps whenever she pleases

lol

i think shes been up all night dealing with the bank thing

ElendilTheTall

Interestingly, Jojo lacks the intrinsically photosensitive retinal ganglion cells vital for communicating light levels to the suprachiasmatic nucleus of the hypothalamus

consequently she has no circadian rhythms, one of the advantages that make her the Deadliest Ninja on Earth

Jay

It might interest you to know that back when i was in china, hopscotch and jump rope was a boys activity. girls didnt do either of those at all

Anubian Noob

What did girls do?

Jay

to be fair, it was slightly different from what Americans do

chinese jump rope and hopscotch is actually a competitive sport

@AnubianNoob honestly i dont know. too busy being a rebellious rebel with my boys

Anubian Noob

2:14 PM

How competitive?

ElendilTheTall

@AnubianNoob you lose, you die

Jay

i dont remember the rules exactly

but its two separate teams

and it can get pretty heated up

it was a lot of fun

but then again almost nothing is as good as your memory makes it out to be

i remember a really big area behind my house where i used to play

i visited china and it was like a 8feet by 10 feets area lol

the popiscles my grandma used to make tasted like heaven in my memorie

soymilk popsicles

but i had one of them sometime last year and it was just alright

sometimes i wish i was 5 again

when everything was great

(even though it probably wasnt that great since we were pretty poor)

ElendilTheTall

jeez, you are having a quarter life crisis

you'll be listening to folk-country next

Jay

I told you i was

Anubian Noob

@Jay on the plus side, bad things seem much worse in memory :P

@Jay Perception

Jay

2:19 PM

really? to me bad things seem much less bad then at the time its happening

when i had that bumper accident 1 month back i was freaking the shit out and so depressed

now i can barely understand why i was making such a big deal

ElendilTheTall

@Jay depends on the thing. I still cringe at the memory of telling a very slightly risque joke in front of a group of born-again Christians (－‸ლ)

oh god, the silence

Jay

haha

I remember when i was talking to a friends parent and accidentally said STD test instead of SAT test

so yea...

I didnt realize at the time so i wasnt able to backtrack

i only found out later when my friend took me aside

and told me

i wonder what her parents thought of me lol

Anubian Noob

@ElendilTheTall Worse in memory

@Jay Make sure your daughter takes her STD tests super early!

ElendilTheTall

@AnubianNoob this was the joke: A guy goes into his butcher and sees his usual assistant isn't there. "What happened to your assistant?" he asks. "I had to sack him, he was sticking his dick in the bacon slicer." "What happened to the bacon slicer?" the guy replies. "I sacked her as well!"

Now come on, if god is going to send you to burn for eternity just for hearing that, he's an even bigger git than he seems

Anubian Noob

hahaha

Faheem Mitha

2:49 PM

@ElendilTheTall Better.

@ElendilTheTall Maybe their reservations were not about the content, but the quality. Maybe they were born again with higher standards.

I've met a few BAC. They're weird.

Jay

what does that term mean again

ElendilTheTall

@FaheemMitha is that your usual subtle way of saying you don't like the joke?

Jay

someone who used to be christian but strayed and is now a christian again?

ElendilTheTall

@Jay nuts

Jay

@ElendilTheTall almonds? or cashews

Faheem Mitha

2:57 PM

@ElendilTheTall I don't think much of it, that is true. But your anecdote wasn't about me.

@Jay I think it means some nutjob who became convinced of the truth of the Christian religion after being born into it, but not really giving it much attention.

Till then, that is.

A classic example is C. S. Lewis.

Jay

i see

Faheem Mitha

But don't take my word for it.

Jay

so you cant be a Born again christian unless you were originally born into it

o ok

Faheem Mitha

WP

Born again (Christianity)

In some Christian movements (especially Fundamentalism and Evangelicalism), to be born again is to undergo a "spiritual rebirth" (regeneration) of the human spirit from the Holy Spirit, contrasted with the physical birth everyone experiences. The term "born again" is derived from an event in the New Testament in which the words of Jesus are misunderstood by his conversation partner, Nicodemus: "Jesus answered him, 'Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.' Nicodemus said to him, 'How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second...

@Jay I think the "again" bit refers to the fact that formally/technically you are a Christian already. But you don't really believe.

Till you become born again, that is.

@Jay Lewis wrote about his own experience. You can read about it in "Surprised by Joy". Though I don't especially recommend it.

He was a talented writer, but also a nutjob and an idiot.

Jay

im not intersted enough to seek out reading material about it

just mild curiousity about the term

Faheem Mitha

3:03 PM

I once went to a meeting of Born Again Christians in Chapel Hill, more or less by accident.

It was quite scary. I went to a party afterwards, and recounted my experiences. Everyone made fun of me for going.

It was at the house of that famous CS professor.

Jay

computer science?

Faheem Mitha

Fred Brooks

Frederick Phillips Brooks, Jr. (born April 19, 1931) is an American computer architect, software engineer, and computer scientist, best known for managing the development of IBM's System/360 family of computers and the OS/360 software support package, then later writing candidly about the process in his seminal book The Mythical Man-Month. Brooks has received many awards, including the National Medal of Technology in 1985 and the Turing Award in 1999. == Education == Born in Durham, North Carolina, he attended Duke University, graduating in 1953 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Physics, and...

@Jay What was the question?

Jay

oh C S lewis nvm

Faheem Mitha

@Jay No, no. Computer Science.

Jay

oh ok

Faheem Mitha

3:05 PM

It was held at Brook's house. He's one of them.

Jay

ohhh that feels good

just took my shoes off at work

Anubian Noob

haha

Jay

now if only i could also take my pants off

then i'd be one happy man

Anubian Noob

I always take off my shoes at work

That's what getting a corner office means, right?

Jay

whoever invented pants is evil and i hope is burning in hell

i do have a corner office. and i do get a lot of privacy than most

but not enough to take my pants off haha

Anubian Noob

3:08 PM

haha

How does that work at your office?

Jay

how does what work

by corner office i mean my cubicle is at a corner

Anubian Noob

oh lol ok

I was thinking of a seperate room office

Jay

nah, not even my manager have an actual office

he has one of those super big 4 combined into 1 cubicles

I'm only a lowly Engineer I. I would need to be like an Engineer IV to get an actual office

Anubian Noob

Gotcha... That's how my dad's place works

Maze of cubicles, handful of corner offices, 2 or 3 floors

Jay

day dreams about Engineer IV+ positions

6 digit salary and office. ah...

Anubian Noob

3:20 PM

You have to get promoted 3 times to get a 6 figure salary?

Jay

@AnubianNoob probably not

idk

salary varies a lot based on location

if i was in the silicon valley location or nyc location i'd probably be making 80k+ for the position im in

Anubian Noob

How does that ranking system of engineer I through IV work?

Jay

@AnubianNoob honestly im not too sure

hmmm manager is out of office. where should i go to get lunch

Anubian Noob

That killer mediterranean place down the block

Jay

@AnubianNoob theres a Indian buffet nearby

that ive been thinking about trying

but i dont really want to go to something like that by myself

i might just go get pho again

Anubian Noob

3:27 PM

And pho is something you'd go by yourself?

Jay

yes

Anubian Noob

(now I'm trying to figure out how the hell I'm categorizing this)

Jay

me and pho, we dont need anyone else

Anubian Noob

It's probably just me

I have never eaten pho alone

ElendilTheTall

I have never eaten pho

Jay

3:28 PM

you are missing out

a good pho broth is like liquid cocaine

ElendilTheTall

Not through choice. It's not easily found here

Not a very big Vietnamese presence

Jay

i see

more information to compile in order to triangulate your locality

ElendilTheTall

Why, are you going to open a pho joint there?

When i say 'not a big Vietnamese presence', I mean in the entire UK, not just where I am

Jay

o lol

well that information was useless

ElendilTheTall

Yes. Yes it was.

Jay

3:38 PM

As useless as where that information came from

air sizzles

3 minutes until i can peace out for lunch!

go time go

Faheem Mitha

4:10 PM

@Jay It won't work. IMM, remember?

Jay

5:01 PM

oi

had to loosen a belt notch after lunch

got a honeydew bubble tea with my pho

it was delicious

Faheem Mitha

@Jay I've never heard of that.

Jay

you've never heard of bubble tea?

Bubble tea

Boba Tea (also known as pearl milk tea)is a Taiwanese tea-based drink invented in Taichung in the 1980s. Most Boba tea recipes contain a tea base mixed/shaken with fruit or milk, to which chewy tapioca balls and/or fruit jellies are often added. Ice-blended versions are usually mixed with fruit or syrup, resulting in a slushy consistency. Boba Tea is also often mistaken as Bubble tea, but in actuality, unknown by many, Bubble Tea is a highly potent tea that has been shaken enough for bubbles to form on top without dispersing. In other words, the "bubble" refers to the foam created by shaking the...

ElendilTheTall

@jay bubble tea I have had

Me likey

Jay

@ElendilTheTall the tapioca has to be done properly

or else the texture isnt as good

but properly made bubble tea is awesome. great taste and texture

Faheem Mitha

@Jay Nope

Jay

5:13 PM

@FaheemMitha i guess it just havent reached that far yet

Faheem Mitha

@Jay I'm not really a tea drinker, anyway.

Jay

@FaheemMitha honestly most bubble tea base is more a fruit smoothie than tea

Faheem Mitha

@Jay Oh. I've heard of fruit smoothies. I don't think I've had one of those either.

Jay

@FaheemMitha o.O

Faheem Mitha

@Jay Really not that surprising. :-)

Jay

5:20 PM

@FaheemMitha pulls you out from under your rock There, welcome to the real world, where "stuff" exists

Faheem Mitha

@Jay I like fruit juice. Otherwise, I'm not a big liquids ingester. And I don't live under a rock.

Anubian Noob

5:33 PM

Boba is the best

ElendilTheTall

6:06 PM

Not a big liquids ingester. That's a new one on me...

@FaheemMitha what's your position on Bose-Einstein Condensates?

Faheem Mitha

@ElendilTheTall I don't have one.

Jay

6:26 PM

@ElendilTheTall He drinks enough to survive. Leave him be

ElendilTheTall

@jay how do you know?!

I think you'll find he's actually slowly dying.

Faheem Mitha

Does anyone know anybody who regularly flies between either the US and India or the UK or India? I'd like to get the occasional paperback, but shipping rates are ridiculous.

Anubian Noob

A book?

Faheem Mitha

@AnubianNoob books, yes.

Faheem Mitha

6:52 PM

Actually, Amazon shipping from the UK is & pounds, which is not totally horrendous, I suppose. Much better than from the US.

ElendilTheTall

Just use a Kindle

Anubian Noob

7 pounds you mean?

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