TRPG General Chat

5:00 PM

So the party had to choose to work with the local rebellion and evade the law or apply for an adventure guild permit and agree to pay dues.

eimyr

@Yuuki But if the undead horde has jobs and pays taxes and integrates into the community?

Yuuki

@eimyr But what about the years that the undead were in the graves?

They have to pay backtaxes on the years they were not undead.

eimyr

I presume they didn't take any income?

Yuuki

@eimyr Well, I don't think the church got deductions for claiming them as dependents for providing housing and care.

SPavel

Not only did they not take income, but their descendants got all of their stuff

eimyr

5:02 PM

If their legal status is to be recognised, they could argue to resume receiving pensions, including the backpaid amount plus inflation adjustment

MadMAxJr

I think you're going to need a tax attorney with levels in necromancer for this.

eimyr

in Morts undead are supposed to be different legal entities to people they used to be

Yuuki

Backpay on pensions can't be claimed if you are avoiding taxes fraudulently through death.

MadMAxJr

The Law Offices of Benton, Jones, and Zargthalfor, The Relentless

eimyr

but that begs the question - if not for jus soli, should they be treated as illegal aliens?

Yuuki

5:04 PM

@eimyr Jus soli?

MadMAxJr

Attempt to pass legislation legally identifying undeath as a qualifying form of life.

eimyr

@Yuuki If you have to pay taxes on state pensions, your country has bigger problems than a horde of undead.

@Yuuki Corrected, thanks.

Yuuki

@eimyr No my argument is that if you are avoiding taxes through death, you shouldn't able to claim pensions upon coming back.

MadMAxJr

I was dead, but I got better.

Yuuki

@MadMAxJr Given that you are undead, I'm not sure if "better" is the right word here.

eimyr

5:05 PM

@Yuuki but which specific taxes? no income, no health insurance tax, arguably the grave you were inhabiting doesn't even belong to you

MadMAxJr

If you can provide the paperwork to show that you paid taxes in undeath to the underworld/undead administration, will that grant a waiver in the realm of the living?

SPavel

Only if there is a tax treaty

MadMAxJr

Does income in undeath count as taxable income in the realm of the living?

Yuuki

Depends. Are we building a wall and making Hades pay for it?

MadMAxJr

I think I need to hide all of my gold in an off shore dragon island tax shelter.

SPavel

5:07 PM

That's easy, the hard part is getting it back

NautArch

This is clearly another example of me asking everyone "have you read the Craft series by Max Gladstone?" This legal magical stuff is all over it.

eimyr

@MadMAxJr If the argument is your personal entity is with the body, residency law stipulate you're due taxes to the state your carcass resides in for more than half a year. On the other hand, tax law also requires you to have a "centre of vital interests", and you are dead, you have none.

Yuuki

Now I'm imagining a quest where a lich tasks adventurers to travel a dragon's lair so he can withdraw his gold.

MadMAxJr

Hmm. Is testimony acquired through divination magic admissible in court? I have all kinds of questions now.

SPavel

There's a tribe that uses giant stone circles for money; it doesn't matter where the "coin" is at the time of a purchase because you effectively transfer the deed to it

Yuuki

5:09 PM

@MadMAxJr Only if the caster acquires a warrant.

eimyr

@MadMAxJr I'd imagine you need a warrant to obtain evidence through scrying/clairvoyance, otherwise it may be dismissed as unprocedural

SPavel

Dragon banking could work the same way - you hand over the right to a portion of the dragon's hoard in lieu of payment

MadMAxJr

Having to serve a warrant to speak with dead would be interesting.

SPavel

Nobody actually needs to go get the money because the rights are worth just as much

MadMAxJr

I think we had that discussion here some time back. Dragons would likely stop raiding countrysides if they became the foundation of a solid, for-profit banking system.

Yuuki

5:10 PM

But commodity-backed currencies are notoriously unstable.

eimyr

@Yuuki "It's not a hoard, it's a deposit vault. Can I interest you in our line of mortgage deals?"

SPavel

Meanwhile, dragon lobbyists push fractional reserve banking legislation through Congress

@eimyr Can't spell mortgage without mort!

MadMAxJr

This results in Dragons in business-formal attire personally greeting you if you're one of their premier clients with a safety deposit box.

Yuuki

@MadMAxJr We need a running tally of the amount of times we segue into dragons and macroeconomics.

eimyr

If I was a banker in D&D, I'd employ mimics as ATMs.

SPavel

5:11 PM

@MadMAxJr What's the DC on the reflex save against the greeting?

MadMAxJr

@SPavel Varies by dragon age.

Chemus

Can they greet more than once per d4 rounds?

MadMAxJr

Sir, sir, this is NOT a 'Dragons Lair' as you call it, this is Blue Dragon Acquisitions and Holdings LLC, get it right.

SPavel

Well, it's an AoE so they could greet multiple clients at once

Yuuki

D&D - Dungeons & Diversification.

MadMAxJr

5:13 PM

Though once a year they stage a dragon lair raid as a team building exercise. Plus the kids love it.

SPavel

@MadMAxJr A wholly owned subsidiary of Tiamat Pan-planar Services

DBA "Dragon Lair"

MadMAxJr

You enter the dragons lair. There is a rack of phamplets. One asks if you've considered refinancing your horse for a lower interest rate.

"I roll Will to save against incredible savings."

eimyr

"Sir, we're currently in the owlbear market, but our market diviners guarantee a change within the next quarter. With this investment package you can expect to receive 23.4% interest within a three-year investment cycle and to sweeten the deal we'll throw in insurance against adventurers."

SPavel

A predatory industry of WBL loans develops, with crippling fees that keep adventurers in a cycle of debt and poverty

CM_Dayton

OOooh, dungeon pamphlets?! My favorite is "Read this to discover how to avoid traps in <dungeon name>!" Open the pamphlet, and get hit with an Exploding Runes spell. Below that is written, "Don't reads notes you find lying around."

MadMAxJr

5:15 PM

"Our terms do not cover acts of god or multiple gods, sir."

That would be the worst one. A single fold leaflet. "How to identify explosive runes"

Yuuki

"Does the life insurance cover reimbursement in case of death by murderhobo?"

SPavel

That's classist, they are "adventurer-Americans"

eimyr

@Yuuki "Yes, unless you hint at a relationship with one."

MadMAxJr

"I'm going to need collateral for this loan." empty bag of precious gems on desk

CM_Dayton

Wait. Does DnD life insurance pay out in case of resurrection / reincarnation? Or do they consider that insurance fraud? OMG, imagine... two weeks after your party finally scrapes together the cash to resurrect you, and then BAM! insurance fraud lands you in jail.

MadMAxJr

5:18 PM

Reincarnation technically brings you back as a different kind of life.

That one might go to court.

SPavel

That's like saying home insurance won't pay out if you rebuild your house

Life insurance would be the source of the money for resurrection

eimyr

I'm pretty sure payout for maiming/partial loss of body funtion is lower than the one for death.

MadMAxJr

I mean if you're reincarnated as a honey badger, you may still have a significant loss of life-ability.

eimyr

resurrection is cheap and penalties to attributes stick

MadMAxJr

There should be a two-week grace period for Resurrection.

Chemus

5:19 PM

@MadMAxJr But you just won't care.

SPavel

The whole point of insurance is, if something bad happens, you get the payout to afford to fix it.

eimyr

@MadMAxJr Unless you're a druide, litigation as a honey badger might not be even attempted.

LegendaryDude

I'd like to point out something I find quite funny; life insurance usually covers Death & Dismemberment.

SPavel

Life insurance would just be regular medical insurance if resurrection existed

And "death" would be a condition just like "broken leg"

MadMAxJr

.... Would a case of druidic magic going to court result in a jury that could contain a treant and other woodland creatures?

Joshua Aslan Smith

5:20 PM

*We do not cover prexisting death

2

LegendaryDude

Well that didn't work as well as I'd hoped, but still. D&D also stands for death & dismemberment.

SPavel

If your broken leg heals, does insurance sue you? Of course not.

LegendaryDude

So your life insurance covers D&D.

eimyr

@MadMAxJr that one would be dismissed as clearly biased

MadMAxJr

Your insurance policy is null and void if you willfully ascend to undeath, such as lichdom, mummification, and/or certain types of greater vampire.

SPavel

5:21 PM

The biggest issue is filling the Supreme Court bench with beings that end up being immortal

Yuuki

@MadMAxJr "And we call Xephobargomax the Vile to the witness stand."

SPavel

Imagine having lawmakers who have cultural roots in the last millenium

eimyr

@MadMAxJr quite the contrary! You must pay, but none of the conditions stick so you might want to cancel yourself

Yuuki

"Are you sure it was a good idea to subpoena the demilich?"

MadMAxJr

"This court is out of order!" "Let the record show that the courtroom is indeed inexorably spiraling into the realm of chaos."

Chemus

5:22 PM

@SPavel Remember, you're only court justice for life.

LegendaryDude

@SPavel Nah, that's easy. Just go to Mechanus.

SPavel

You don't need to be undead to live forever

eimyr

@SPavel So, Republicans?

SPavel

>_>

Yuuki

@SPavel That sounds like a line from MADL, Mothers Against Drunk Lichdom.

SPavel

5:23 PM

Liches can't even be drunk

Yuuki

Yes but maybe one becomes a lich while under the influence.

MadMAxJr

No, it's about mothers protecting their teenage children from getting drunk, reading dark rituals, and ascending to lichdom at a party.

All the cool kids are ascending to lichdom, I wanted to be cool too.

SPavel

But on the other hand, no more questions about puberty and sex

since they now lack a metabolism

MadMAxJr

Well, Billy chose raw ultimate magical force over puberty and sex.

SPavel

Now I'm imagining undead parents scolding their kids for passing around a metabolism at a party

MadMAxJr

5:25 PM

Unfortunately, Lichdom did nothing to improve his academic scores.

eimyr

@MadMAxJr isn't that a requirement to be a Wizard?

SPavel

"You don't know where it's been, Acererak! Put it down this instant!"

MadMAxJr

I'm picturing wannabe lich teens who are carrying around phylacteries.

Joshua Aslan Smith

lol

CM_Dayton

OMG. I can only imagine how horrific televised debates and US politici in general would be with easy access to Know Alignment and Truth spells.

SPavel

5:25 PM

Oh god, imagine making a phylactery as a teen and having to deal with it for a million years

LegendaryDude

I Was a Teenage Lich

SPavel

It would have your middle school crush's name carved into it, and be shaped like the My Chemical Romance logo

CM_Dayton

@SPavel Smells like teen spirit.

MadMAxJr

"..... Yes. My soul is enshrined in this Hot Topic t-shirt. Lets not talk about that."

SPavel

No, that's a ghost

MadMAxJr

5:26 PM

Talk to your kids about drugs and high level magic, before someone else does.

CM_Dayton

@SPavel No, I meant it would be a Nirvana CD or poster or something. Maybe a NiN logo. <shameface>

MadMAxJr

Worse. A metal NIN belt buckle.

LegendaryDude

@CM_Dayton NiИ

SPavel

Clearly the trick is to ascend to lichdom as a pre-teen, because all those things loop back around to become cool, like Pokemon, and ice cream for breakfast

Thomas the Tank Engine phylactery? I think I can!

MadMAxJr

Oh man. That would mean the class rallies where they try to preach abstinence or safe sex (depending on your region), we'd have clerics coming into schools to educate us about the risks and dangers of magic with the evil descriptor.

I used death knell ONE TIME on that rat we found in the parking lot and I'm never hearing the end of it.

CM_Dayton

5:29 PM

Friends don't let friends cast Cause Light Wounds

LegendaryDude

@SPavel And Pogs and yo-yos

SPavel

"There's the lich's phylactery, I will draw my sword and sunder it!" zoop "Where did it go?"

LegendaryDude

A holographic 8-ball Pog slammer as a phylactery.

eimyr

"Mom, Dad, I've been thinking about it and I think I want to be a fighter. Spellcasting doesn't really work for me." "See what you have done? This is YOUR FAULT, Gartharox!" "Mine? Who put all that pressure on divine magics, huh? Know all the spells upfront? Clearly not me, Saduna the Third!"

CM_Dayton

Pre-teen? That 5.25" IBM PC edition of Bards Tale, the cRPG.
I'd be a horrible Lich

MadMAxJr

5:30 PM

Yep. that would be my undoing. Heroes laughing at my phylactery, a Super Metroid jelly slammer I got for 30 stickers out of Nintendo Power.

LegendaryDude

Or one of these, pretty sure I had one of these when I was like, 9:

Joshua Aslan Smith

oooh that pog slammer

man

LegendaryDude

perfect for a lich phylactery, right?

Joshua Aslan Smith

I concur

that be a great game prop on 2 levels,

SPavel

Wasn't there some toy literally called Bones

CM_Dayton

5:31 PM

Or my GI Joe army base play set! Because, man, I'll never outgrow THAT!

SPavel

LegendaryDude

@SPavel I am a 90's kid and I don't know.

SPavel

Then you are a fake 90s kid

Take him away, boys!

MadMAxJr

"So what's your phylactery?" "I don't want to talk about it." "Is it bad?" "It's a 1997 Geocities website with spinning skull gifs. Did you know Phylacteries are forever until destroyed? Well it got indexed by the internet archive."

2

LegendaryDude

On the surface though, it doesn't look like I missed out on much there.

Joshua Aslan Smith

5:32 PM

yes I remember bones now

I never had them but I remember them

CM_Dayton

The Internet. Doing more for nostalgia than rocking chairs and spiked coffees did for my granfathers.

LegendaryDude

@MadMAxJr A friend of mine recently uncovered my Geocities page from my teen years and posted it to my FB wall.

CM_Dayton

MySpace still exists... just sayin'

Joshua Aslan Smith

I also associate pogs with fizzing soda cap candy

because memories

MadMAxJr

It occurs to me through this conversation through the gradually increasing embarassment and reality of lichdom, we would stop seeing them as horrific evil oppressors and just other jerks in the universe. They just have to be here for ALL of the universe. Suckers!

Yuuki

5:33 PM

Part of me is so glad that I was too busy playing video games to get a Geocities or MySpace page.

Joshua Aslan Smith

I totally had a geocities page and it totally had a tiled repeating gif as the background

also myspace

MadMAxJr

A website phylactery. Get destroyed. Sigh and wait for someone to click the link to your page.

Joshua Aslan Smith

and xanga

nobody gave me a livejournal invite

I remember being a little sad about that back in the day

CM_Dayton

My phylactery will be fine...
...Until someone sinks my battleship.

LegendaryDude

@MadMAxJr Reminds me of the first Dragon Age game, oddly enough. There were a few random liches hidden throughout the game which you would find just by clicking on a random phylactery you found lying on the ground.

MadMAxJr

5:35 PM

A VHS tape phylactery. Every time you come back, the visual quality of yourself degrades, just a little.

Chemus

The Visible Man

CM_Dayton

@MadMAxJr Does that mean that rewinding is some kind of healing spell for you? Be kind, rewind!

MadMAxJr

Before the lich can fight you he has to adjust the tracking on the VCR. He doesn't have one of those automatic ones.

CM_Dayton

@Chemus Nope. That's clearly a zombie.

Chemus

@CM_Dayton Clearly...

Yuuki

5:37 PM

@MadMAxJr Would an HDD phylactery make you vulnerable to bar magnets?

LegendaryDude

@MadMAxJr Does the lich get more regenerations but at an even lower quality if he uses the 6 hour EP setting?

MadMAxJr

We will need to test this with a control lich and an experiment lich.

Chemus

@CM_Dayton Reminds me that there's a race of 'ghouls' with transparent flesh in Lankhmar

MadMAxJr

Suddenly I feel like a member of the SCP administration.

CM_Dayton

BetaMax Liches are more powerful than VHS Liches.

MadMAxJr

5:39 PM

Experiment log SCP-X071, VHS lich. Today we will be seeing what happens if the lich re-manifests while the tape is not rewound.

Chemus

@CM_Dayton But they aren't compatible with the current magic system; they lost the format war

MadMAxJr

Conclusion: A $3 Rewinding fee was applied to my credit card. I'm not sure how.

LegendaryDude

@MadMAxJr Magic.

CM_Dayton

@Chemus I'm sure there's a D20 splatbook somewhere that has conversion rules.

MadMAxJr

Test 2: We're trying to copy the VHS using an RCA connector to a DVD recorder.

SPavel

5:41 PM

Hipster liches insist that vinyl phylacteries are better than CD phylacteries because the quality is much better

CM_Dayton

Lich cloning: Each Lich is slightly fuzzier and, after a few clones, is prone to spastic twitches and seizures.

Chemus

@MadMAxJr Would that copy be a Clone or a Simulacrum?

Yuuki

Meanwhile, the modern lich livestreams his phylactery over Twitch.

MadMAxJr

Worse. the result is an HD remake of the Lich. And he has serious opinions about the creative choices.

CM_Dayton

Hipster Lich is still waiting for the Apple iPhylactery product to drop.

MadMAxJr

5:43 PM

"I did not cast first, that is ridiculous, the fighter drew his weapon first."

CM_Dayton

My homebrew lich is better than your corporate mass-produced crap lich.

...goes on to bore you with details of how I brewed my lich

Yuuki

Would a lich getting insurance on his phylactery be getting property insurance, life insurance, or homeowner's insurance?

CM_Dayton

some kind of specialty insurance. Like the urban myth (?) of singers who insure their voices.

SPavel

I dry-hop my lich, and age it in barrels for those oaky notes

CM_Dayton

Oh, yeah. Barrel-aged liches are far superior to tank liches. I especially like using old re-purposed whiskey barrels for my undead storage/aging needs.

Yuuki

5:47 PM

"My phylactery is a 3rd century barrel of pure-grain whiskey. Would you like a sample?"

CM_Dayton

I'm so glad that said "dry-hop." I swear for a second, my Freud-mind transformed hop to hump.

I'm sorry. So so sorry.

Yuuki

"We can't destroy his phylactery, do you know how many barrels of 1778 Chateau L'Foire are still in existence??!!"

SPavel

Are there any rules that a lich's phylactery can't be the phylactery of other liches? Because the real estate market is ruined, so millenial liches need roommates who can help them afford rent

Chemus

@SPavel Faceplam! [sic]

SPavel

@Yuuki Didn't Voldemort try that with one of the horcruxes? Dumbledore just drank all of it and got smashed

CM_Dayton

5:50 PM

Oh, man. That reminds me. I read a book where a priest consecrated a barrel of wine and then trapped a vampire in it. That became a deadly trap: open the barrel, and out pops a vampire driven mad by years of confinement, surviving on the blood of Christ. Great trap idea.

SPavel

Wouldn't the blood of Christ be holy and destroy the vampire?

Chemus

That's how I'd rule it. That or it'd be redeemed.

CM_Dayton

In the context of the novel, it was intensely painful for them to drink it, but it was life sustaining. So they didn't die, but it hurt a lot. (The book had a faction of priestly vampires who survived on consecrated wine, as human blood would be a sin)

MadMAxJr

I regret tie-dying my phylactery in the 70s

@Yuuki I like this one. Make it so precious nobody in their right mind would destroy it.

Karelzarath

@MadMAxJr At least it isn't olive green with shag carpeting.

SPavel

5:52 PM

My phylactery is national treasure Stephen Fry

CM_Dayton

I regret ripping out the back of my phylactery in the late 80s to install a set of sick 16" speakers. That I promptly blew showing off for some girl who wasn't impressed at all.

MadMAxJr

@SPavel To be fair, he's probably being a phylactery as a tax writeoff.

SPavel

No, for tax write-offs, you make Ireland your phylactery

LegendaryDude

@CM_Dayton Not an urban myth. If your livelihood is your voice you're going to want to insure it. If you have an upcoming tour you're going to insure those dates so that if you get laryngitis you don't lose out on your money.

CM_Dayton

Stonehenge is the phylactory for so many liches. You can't even.

Chemus

5:53 PM

The King's artificial heart is now a liches phylactery

SPavel

Or at least operate it in Delaware

@LegendaryDude Yeah, if you earn ten million dollars a year (not even that much for a top tier celebrity) you make 200 times what an average 50k earner does, so paying let's say 2000 for insurance is the same as a regular person paying 10 bucks

So why not insure everything you have?

CM_Dayton

Does that mean famous porn stars insure their...

..nevermind. Forget I asked that.

Yuuki

Penis insurance

Penis insurance is insurance against the risk of incurring losses (such as career impact) as a result of loss or damage of the male reproductive organ. == Instances of penis insurance == Several celebrities and porn stars have had their penises underwritten in amounts exceeding $1,000,000. These celebrities include Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth, and pornographic actor Keiran Lee – both of whom had their penises underwritten by Lloyd's of London, also known for insuring other body parts including the vocal cords of Bruce Springsteen. == References... ==

LegendaryDude

@SPavel Exactly. And for a singer's voice, that's a pretty low risk insurance policy compared to, say, Jason Statham's action hero insurance policy.

Karelzarath

takes out a life insurance policy on @SPavel, banking on the instability in the region

Chemus

5:56 PM

@SPavel Risk vs reward; think Upkeep costs in MtG.

Yuuki

Not just porn actors, seems like David Lee Roth insured his penis.

LegendaryDude

@Chemus $2000 upkeep to continue making $10M /yr is pennies though

@Yuuki I'd think that'd be covered under dismemberment on any standard term life policy...

Karelzarath

@LegendaryDude Bah-dum-tshhh

Chemus

@LegendaryDude The payoff will be commensurate to the costs and risks.

LegendaryDude

@Karelzarath Glad you caught it. ;)

CM_Dayton

5:58 PM

@LegendaryDude dismemberment does not equal dysfunction.

SPavel

This is also why rich people stay rich - they can afford this kind of policy, and that makes it easy for them to recover from failure

A poor person can't afford to insure anything, and when they lose that asset, they have no recourse

CM_Dayton

truth.

SPavel

@Karelzarath What unstable region do you imagine I reside in?

Yuuki

@SPavel RPG.SE.

:P

SPavel

How did you know that RPG.SE was my phylactery?

CM_Dayton

6:00 PM

@SPavel USA. :)

SPavel

America is stable, or at least a stable, because it's full of horseshit

Thomas Ward

raises an eyebrow

(No there weren't flags, I just happen to lurk here)

Yuuki

So if Voldemort had multiple phylacteries, does that make him a demilich instead of a lich?

NautArch

@SPavel I'm gonna go with A Stable

SPavel

The prophecy says that anyone who can gather all the diamond moderators in a single chatroom shall attain limitless power

Thomas Ward

6:05 PM

@SPavel That's an incomplete prophecy.

SPavel

All the best ones are

Thomas Ward

the full prophecy says "Anyone who shalt gather all the diamond moderators in a single chatroom shall witness limitless power brought against them, for they have Sinned Greatly and incited the Great Diamond Wrath."

CM_Dayton

@SPavel Only if you offer to buy their drinks and snackies.

Chemus

Diamond Mods aren't DMs...

Thomas Ward

@Chemus ... or are we?

SPavel

6:06 PM

@CM_Dayton I am the lord of drinks, master of snackies

Under my power, rivers of craft beer flow between banks of Taiwanese pineapple cakes

CM_Dayton

...because all DMs are infinitely bribable. If you can afford it.

Yuuki

Wait, can I use @ThomasWard to cast Raise Dead?

SPavel

Also I bake great pretzels

Thomas Ward

@SPavel Oh good, then you can go fetch me fifty gallons of coffee, thirty-seven tons of cool ranch doritos, and a diamond-studded hammer because I know you have one in your basement.

SPavel

I can.

Chemus

6:07 PM

@ThomasWard Diamond MOds aren't necessarily DMs, then

SPavel

Sadly, that question exhausted your last wish.

CM_Dayton

Diamond studded hammer? Now that's just too much. I mean, what... gold-plated isn't enough for you?

:P

Glass Hammer

Diamond sword?

6:08 PM

@ThomasWard This sounds like the basis of a really weird transmutation spell.

CM_Dayton

Cubic Zirconium axe

Thomas Ward

@MadMAxJr lol

SPavel

Instead, you get a used coffee filter, one of whatever flavor of dorito chip I spy under my couch, and an inflatable novelty hammer with a hole in it

Thomas Ward

lol

Chemus

Aluminum Oxide Dagger (oh wait, that's already in MiC)

Karelzarath

6:09 PM

@MadMAxJr Or the material components for Summon Software Engineer IX

SPavel

Nah, Summon Software Engineer IX is a V-only spell, and the verbal component is "There should be more mandatory humanities courses in university"

Chemus

What good is a 9HD SW Engineer?

SPavel

Or perhaps "EMACS is garbage, Vim is the best"

Thomas Ward

well there is an evil spell, but you end up sacrificing the rest of your party for it.

MadMAxJr

24 cases of mountain dew, 32 bags of assorted doritos, and one Call of Duty title. Pre-order elemental.

SPavel

6:10 PM

Don't be absurd, software engineers aren't invited to parties

CM_Dayton

...or "Windows is far superior to linux in every way.

Thomas Ward

@CM_Dayton That combined iwth the coffee incites "Summon Linux Systems Administrator DCLXVI".

a most deadly spell

Karelzarath

@ThomasWard Not "Summon BOFH"?

Thomas Ward

@Karelzarath you need fifty gallons of beer for that.

SPavel

BOFH is underpowered in d20

CM_Dayton

6:11 PM

pre-order elemental is only slightly less troublesome than surprise elementals. youtu.be/0CD6SZbtLZM

SPavel

I have had it with this "masterwork administrator" nonsense

Karelzarath

@SPavel 5e removed his ability to electrocute coworkers.

CM_Dayton

BOFH. Worst. Boss fight. EVER.

SPavel

BOFHs deserve better than that. Much better than that. I myself hired a genuine BOFH from Silicon Valley for about $200,000 (that's $50 bucks after paying rent) and have been working with him for almost 2 years now. I can browbeat slabs of solid steel with my BOFH.

Corporate IT departments spend years working on a single BOFH, and drive him crazy up to a million times to produce the meanest admins known to mankind. BOFHs are thrice as efficient as regular admins, and thrice as caffeinated too. Any issue an admin can resolve, a BOFH can resolve faster. I'm pretty sure a BOFH can get an executive fired with a simple vertical slash.

Yuuki

So a spellcasting focus or component pouch are only required for casting spells with a Material component?

SPavel

6:18 PM

No, focus components are separate from material components

But yes - if your spell lacks material components and focus components, you don't need the pouch.

CM_Dayton

Wizards in urban fantasy RPGs based on D&D rules: unathletic guys in tracksuits with fanny packs.

SPavel

More like, guys in bathrobes sitting at home

Tracksuits are for rogues

Yuuki

According to Russia, tracksuits are for everyone as long as you crouch in them.

SPavel

Hence - rogues

Rogues are always crouching because that is what stealth mode looks like

CM_Dayton

This guy: vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/2/28/…

Stealth mode is Scooby and Shaggy trying to sneak into the kitchen instead of finding the bad guy

SPavel

6:24 PM

Speaking of Slavs, this is a real image from a business on Yelp

CM_Dayton

@SPavel The 2 links you removed are the best 404 error pages ever. The googly-eyes that follow your mouse...

SPavel

You can't see their bodies, but they look like they are crouching

Oh yeah that's the standard imgur 404 page

There are waaaay better 404 pages

Adam

@Yuuki you talking 5e? Or did I step in during a conversation about a different edition/game?

Yuuki

@Adam Yes, 5e.

SPavel

Looks like d20srd no longer has the "rocks fall" 404 :(

Adam

6:28 PM

5e You only need a focus or a component pouch for a spell if the spell has material components. If the material component has a cost associated, it must be provided and cannot be replaced by either a focus or a pouch. If the material is consumed but does not have a cost, then you can assume the component pouch has it, but you cannot use a focus to replace it.

diego

> Casting some spells requires particular Objects, specified in parentheses in the component entry. A character can use a Component pouch or a spellcasting focus (found in “Equipment”) in place of the components specified for a spell. But if a cost is indicated for a component, a character must have that specific component before he or she can cast the spell.

CM_Dayton

And as Ash learned with verbal components, you can't just grind up glass and call it diamond dust. MAGIC KNOWS!

SPavel

"Glass" and "diamond dust" both sound like drugs

Yuuki

@Adam And given that 5e spells don't have a Focus (F) component, then I should be able to cast any spell doesn't have a Material (M) component without a focus?

CM_Dayton

I have a Ford Focus. But my wife drives a Chevy Volt. Does that mean she can't cast spells that require Focus?

Gawd, it's so hard not to post stupid questions like that to SE sometimes. I need to keep a list for April Fools Day or something

SPavel

6:30 PM

"Hey buddy, you got any of that diamond dust? I'll make it worth your while." wiggles eyebrows suggestively

Adam

@Yuuki Slight error on my part, you actually can't use the component pouch either if the spell consumes the material, regardless of the cost (That's just a houserule my table uses :p) As for your question, that's correct, as far as spells go

Class abilities might differ. I believe that some of the Cleric's channel divinity options require you to "present your holy symbol" (which can be used as a focus by clerics)

Yuuki

Yeah, trying to puzzle out how to cast Warlock spells as a sword-and-board Paladin/Warlock.

As far as divine spells and Channel Divinity goes, I can just emblazon the holy symbol on my shield or something.

Adam

Yup. As for the warlock, you will need an empty hand to get anything from a component pouch. If you get Warcaster and get a special weapon/sword/attachment that can also act as an arcane focus, you could cast warlock spells that way

Yuuki

Okay, are these all the Warlock Patrons: Fiend, Archfey, Great Old One, Undying Light, Hexblade, and Raven Queen?

(Barring homebrew of course)

Adam

The Seeker: media.wizards.com/2016/dnd/downloads/…

LegendaryDude

6:37 PM

@SPavel You wanna buy some death sticks?

diego

@Yuuki There is also The Undying (I think it is in SCAG), which is different from the Undying Light

SPavel

Not a lot of dying going on apparently

CM_Dayton

::: Grinds up some table salt and sells it to @SPavel as diamond dust :::

SPavel

Some BEES ought to put a stop to that!

DR. BEES

►

Yuuki

This story is amusing me. It's about a child of a hero/warrior and the BBEG.

And he runs away from his home in the BBEG's lair to join a hero's academy.

The hilarious part is that he wants to be a hero but because he grew up with monsters, he doesn't want to kill them.

And has such a lack of common knowledge or worldliness that, in one hilarious instance, he believes tentacle hentai (due to everyone's refusal to explain to him what tentacle hentai actually is) is the key to peace between the monsters and humans.

Adam

6:45 PM

@Yuuki Well, I was just stopped dead in my tracks by that one

Yuuki

Since he's half-BBEG, he does have a superpowered evil form that has tentacles. And due to misunderstandings, his friends believe that his superpowered evil side is a different indvidual that is attempting to kidnap him and do unspeakable things to him.

Adam

classic :)

Yuuki

Oh and The Dragon has discovered that she was only taken on by the BBEG because the BBEG was trying to hook them up.

Because BBEG wants grandbabies.

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