The Awkward Silence

Q: Can I tell my two roommates separately that I’m moving out?

5:28 AM

→ 4 messages moved to Trash

Extroverted Main Man

6:13 AM

0

Some background information: I’m international and I currently live with two American humans (let’s call them A & B - I’ve known A for a while, but I don’t know B very well; they’re friends.) in the U.S. I’m still kind of new to the area and not sure how some of the things work in this culture. ...

M.A.R.

7:18 AM

> two American humans

@forest I agree with you. Depression steal one a lot/all of the energy you need for daily life, so a support system could look like a shared apartment or loose relationship. This circumstances could likely lead to misunderstanding of the relationship. It is needed and useful to clear this as fast as possible, but depending on the actual condition of OP it could be difficult (energy stealing) to have an open confrontation with people to be close with. — Allerleirauh 1 min ago

#22859 Allerleirauh (182 rep) | A: My best friend kissed me while I was half asleep. How can I bring this up and set boundaries, without making a big deal about it? (score: 19) | posted 4 days ago by IAntoniazzi (2093 rep) | Toxicity 0.10062551 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

7:56 AM

@Tinkeringbell Hey Tink, thanks for that! I appreciate the effort you did to search these things up for me :) I'm sure it will help a ton and you didn't even need to search things in Portuguese (i wasn't expecting it xd), so thanks!

Morning all

@M.A.R. Gender neutral ;)

@CaldeiraG You're welcome!

Journeyman Geek

@M.A.R. very different telling a dog that.Or a cat

JAD

@Tinkeringbell two Americans would've worked for that

also isn't really inclusive to Americans that identify as cats

Or Canadians

@JAD Non native speakers do funny stuff sometimes :)

JAD

8:12 AM

@Tinkeringbell implying native speakers always use the bestest words

@JAD Of course not :P They sometimes try to be funny too :P

JAD

:shrugs: idk if that was aimed at me, but I'm not a native speaker

@JAD No, that was a loose shot. Not aimed at all :)

8:31 AM

Just came here to complain. I finished my new favorite TV show last night and now my heart is broken (as always when I finish a new favorite something). I feel stupid to be so deeply in love with fictional characters. If anyone wants to check it out, it's called "Descendants of the Sun" and it's a Korean love story with a lot of fun and action

Journeyman Geek

9:10 AM

Oh

@Ælis people were utterly obsessed over it for a bit here ;p

@JourneymanGeek I can understand why. I am obsessed over it too!!! Also, it's nice to know that other people were/are obsessed by the same thing than you, so thanks for sharing :) (I write a smiley face, but my heart is crying inside :'( ) :p

9:26 AM

@RedSonja that's a great point — Juliana Karasawa Souza 1 min ago

#22892 Juliana Karasawa Souza (234 rep) | A: How do I politely hint customers to leave my store, without pretending to need leave store myself? (score: 10) | posted 5 hours ago by Budd (111 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by OldPadawan (17011 rep) | Toxicity 0.0856684 | tps/f

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

@IPSCommentBot nope

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

@avazula I was wondering why this comment was already gone. I wonder no more :p

@Ælis It's not gone entirely if only 1 word is inserted

1 word -> bot thinks it's a command for fp, tp, rude, wrongo
+1 word -> nothing or custom message :p

@CaldeiraG I think they meant they understood that I deleted it. My "nope" meant "nope, I won't let this remain"

9:36 AM

oh XD

well, i misunderstood that

it's monday, give me a chance :p

9:50 AM

I didn't say anything :p

i know :p

i need more coffee

@CaldeiraG coffee is <3

yep

10:57 AM

Coffee. Sounds like a good idea. It's the middle of the afternoon, and I went to sleep almost exactly 12 hours ago.

11:49 AM

Ooh, I heard coffee

@avazula you recently switched jobs right?

I would say I've seen this many times with small stands. They lock up and put out a "back in five minutes" or similar sign. It's not a big deal and you shouldn't need to say anything other than "sorry, I have to close for a few minutes" (if you plan to return) or "I'm closing early today". — pboss3010 1 min ago

#22888 pboss3010 (217 rep) | A: How do I politely hint customers to leave my store, without pretending to need leave store myself? (score: 20) | posted 15 hours ago by Kate Gregory (33729 rep) | edited 9 hours ago by Kat (2784 rep) | Toxicity 0.2920795 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

@Rainbacon at the beginning of June, indeed

why?

12:05 PM

How did you evaluate whether or not the company would be a good environment for you given your being on the spectrum?

I've been interviewing, but I'm having trouble figuring out if the environment will cause overloads or help mitigate them

well

Before I begin I need to let you know that work environments are not the hardest for me (and that it may be much harder at home)

When interviewing I had the chance to visit the headquarters so I had an idea of where I would work and what the office looked like

As for the rest, I have some constraints in order to produce my best work: I need to be able to wear noise cancelling headphones, to work remotely from time to time, to have a flexible schedule (I begin very early so as too have as much time alone in the open space as I can), ... all those questions I asked my future manager before signing the contract.

Those are pretty common things to expect nowadays for an employee (may they be NA or not), so they won't be offended by these questions

I'm not sure that's completely answering your question...?

Also, I told them about my autism during the interview, so that they would, I thought, be able to make a decision with all keys in hand. Shortly after I discovered they didn't remember and were, as always, surprised, because "I don't look autistic"

But now they know and I'm sure they'd make sure to make the necessary adjustments if I had any trouble

@Rainbacon One thing you might want to consider is the commute time. I know commute can be really hard on me, especially if the bus/car/metro/etc is crowded and I'm unable to sit.

I think it answered it well enough. Thank you. I've found that I'm much better at being interviewed than I am at figuring out if I actually want to work for whatever company I'm talking to.

@Rainbacon do you have probation time in the US?

@Rainbacon Also, you might want to look at how divers the employees are. If there is only white male working there and no female at all, that would be a huge warning to me. For what I have noticed, workplaces with no diversity are more likely to be more close-minded and intolerant

12:20 PM

@Ælis I don't mind the commutes as much because I can just get on my phone, though it's always much nicer when it's not crowded

@avazula some jobs do, but I tend to not apply for them because they don't come with the same benefits. For example one that I did apply for didn't come with vacation time

@Rainbacon ooh, that ain't nice :/ I asked because probation periods are good to make your mind when you're unsure

The probation periods here are more about letting the company make up their minds

ooh...

should I decide to leave today I'd only have to work for two more days, then I'll be free to begin a new job somewhere else

that being said, we engineers have a 3 month notice to respect when we wanna leave a company, whereas most of American firms have 2 weeks I believe?

I would never leave a job without first finding a new one

I wouldn't either, but if I left today after finding a new job, I could begin this new mission two days from now

maybe @El'endiaStarman could tell us about their experience in finding a neuroatypical-friendly company too? Hi you!

ElizB

12:34 PM

(Yawns) good morning all. Gotta bustle around getting ready but popped my head in here to say hi

Hello :)

Hi :)

El'endia Starman

Uhhhh, not sure how much I can help since I basically just lucked out. Also not sure how I would rate my company with regards to neurodiversity friendliness, but I know there's a few neurodiverse people other than me and our boss treats everyone very well and considerate.

alright. Good to know things are good for you then, and thank you for sharing your experience with us :)

12:50 PM

Thank you all for this wonderful information. Now I just have to run it through the algorithm and decide if the company I'm interviewing with currently should be moved forward with

haha

you go pal!

1:29 PM

It's really hard to tell a company that you don't want to work for them.

@Rainbacon True :/ but it's easier when you can just say "I already find something else"

@Ælis Unfortunately I haven't gotten something else

Courage to you then <3

same <3

ankiiiiiii

\o

1:38 PM

@Rainbacon Pro social deceptions ;) Go for it! XD

(Unless you expect to apply for a different position for the same company)

@Tinkeringbell No, actually their CTO convinced me that I shouldn't work there. When he interviewed me we talked a lot about what my career goals are. I'm currently a generalist and I want to specialize in one thing, but I don't want that thing to be Python web development

@Rainbacon Ah.

2:11 PM

+1 This is an awesome answer. I had never thought about it before but, yes, if I was in a restaurant and someone kept asking me if I wanted anything I would totally get the hint :) — Francine DeGrood Taylor 32 secs ago

#22892 Francine DeGrood Taylor (802 rep) | A: How do I politely hint customers to leave my store, without pretending to need leave store myself? (score: 42) | posted 10 hours ago by Budd (301 rep) | edited 6 hours ago by OldPadawan (17011 rep) | Toxicity 0.05390536 | tp

Matched regex(es) ["chatty", "+1"]

@IPSCommentBot nope

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

2:25 PM

@avazula I think you've been spelling tp wrong :p

@scohe001 nope

:p

Lol nothing like starting a Monday morning off with some Ava feistiness

M.A.R.

@scohe001 tp

Oh speaking of which! My SO and I got sushi this weekend and this made me think of you:

So if you're ever trying to dress up and look nice, just remember, this is what a Hot Ava looks like ;)

6

2:43 PM

o_o

lmao XD

I'm a crab stick

3

i'll pass Hot Ava, not a fan of sushi :p

@avazula That explains why you've been so liberal with the comment hammer this morning: you're crabby xD

FWIW though, I think you're worth more than $13.95 <3

2:50 PM

Wow! I just referenced this to one of my answers... This is exactly what a good hotel owner would do! — Karma 55 secs ago

#22892 Karma (101 rep) | A: How do I politely hint customers to leave my store, without pretending to need leave store myself? (score: 48) | posted 11 hours ago by Budd (301 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by scohe001 (12451 rep) | Toxicity 0.039342336 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["experimental(@avazula)"]

@IPSCommentBot tp

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

@IPSCommentBot or as Ava would say: nope

@IPSCommentBot nope

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

2:55 PM

@Rainbacon Guess I'll have to look up a new word online :D

@scohe001 yay, I'm a rich crab stick!

@avazula Which word?

I think this is a good answer for the particular situation the OP described. I would hate if people did this to me if I stuck around an extra 20 minutes at a typical restaurant or something though. — Andrew 38 secs ago

#22892 Andrew (130 rep) | A: How do I politely hint customers to leave my store, without pretending to need leave store myself? (score: 49) | posted 11 hours ago by Budd (301 rep) | edited 31 minutes ago by scohe001 (12451 rep) | Toxicity 0.07208923 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty-no-doubt(@Noon)", "chatty"]

@Rainbacon crabby

@avazula LOL we're lucky to have our IPS Rich Crab Stick Mod<3 or IRCSM for short

@avazula Ah, the word crabby typically means grumpy

2:58 PM

@IPSCommentBot nope

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

FR: make a nope alias meaning "tp, oh btw I nuked this"

You keep that up and I'll build a custom response that pings you. Even if it's someone else saying it

@scohe001 Lookin it up online I only find International Rsearch Center for either Soft Matters or Social Minorities :p

I think Stick Crab counts as a Social Minority, so I'll take it :p

3:03 PM

@Rainbacon ooh okay, TIL

3:54 PM

If my only roommate posted a laminated "Rules" sign suddenly without discussing it with me first, I would find that incredibly passive-aggressive, since it's clearly aimed at me. — ekl 1 min ago

#22896 ekl (383 rep) | A: New roommate from India does something to make bathroom smell really bad (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Francine DeGrood Taylor (810 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by Francine DeGrood Taylor (810 rep) | Toxicity 0.3147525 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

El'endia Starman

4:08 PM

httpstatusdogs.com

@El'endiaStarman yaaasss

El'endia Starman

Some of them are really clever.

Yeah, my favorite was 431

Now we just need httpstatuspigs so that Finley doesn't feel left out. Right @scohe001

4:27 PM

LOL Here's the closest I have to one

Only like 60 to go

Q: Is it too soon to ask my opposite-sex acquaintance to go to a museum with me?

But which one is that?

Extroverted Main Man

5:52 PM

0

I recently moved to a new city and there is a girl who I am interested in having a friendship with. I see her everyday besides weekends in orchestra where I usually make some mild chatter with her, and she seems like she wants to be friends. Of the things I know about her, she does not have a boy...

friends united-states making-friends

6:09 PM

+1 for the group idea. That definitely makes things seem less like a date. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

#22900 Lux Claridge (779 rep) | A: Is it too soon to ask my opposite-sex acquaintance to go to a museum with me? (score: 2) | posted 8 minutes ago by Macpeters (31 rep) | Toxicity 0.06606494 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

@IPSCommentBot tp

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

well how about we change that

we can retract comment flags now even

Ugh

My car is bothering me again

It shut down three times on my way home

I wasn't sure I would make it till home

Now I have to consider buying a car. Ughhhh

I don't know which brand! Why are they so expensive? You get the idea: p

@avazula I just called the lease car lady last week. I might be getting a car in 6 to 8 weeks too (but it'll probably take longer, bureaucracy and stuff)...

6:22 PM

@Tinkeringbell :/

which one did you choose? :)

But yeah, that sounds hard. What are you driving now?

@avazula That's exactly it, I haven't picked yet. But it'll probably end up being a VW polo I think.

Buy a mountain lion instead. Less maintenance, more interesting, and less pollution-causing.

@Tinkeringbell I have a Renault Megane II from 2004. 60,000km only, but I'm at the garage fixing it every two months...

@Tinkeringbell ooh, okay :) a bit too little for me I think, but it sounds nice!

@avazula Ah, yeah... French cars :P Get a German one XD

@avazula Yeah, it's going to be small. But that's good enough for me, I don't need to transport things or people a lot ;)

@Tinkeringbell haha! My heart goes to Skoda right now...

6:27 PM

That's a great one too!

6:41 PM

@Rainbacon uhhh I just provide the pig. Creativity sold separately

@scohe001 I laughed harder than I should have at this

Lol glad I could cheer up a Monday somewhere :)

Yeah, it's not a great one. I told the company that I didn't want to continue the process, but now they want specific reasons why

...this is for the interview process, yea?

Is there a reason you can't do what companies do to me when I ask why I'm no longer considered? (stop responding and disappear off the face of the planet)

I've definitely thought about it, though it seems rude

6:45 PM

Eh I mean unless you expect to be applying there again some time in the next 10 years, I don't think you'd be burning any bridges

@Rainbacon Is this the one where you said there'd be a heavy focus on Python? I think you'd be safe saying just that, if it wasn't in the job description :)

@Tinkeringbell Yes, but it was in the job description which is why I feel weird bringing it up now

Hmmm. That's... a pity :(

yeah...

@Rainbacon I learned from TWP that it is common to lie about the job description across the world (it's very, very common here) and so you could say that you gave a shot, to see if it was really about that ...

Consider yourself flattered, I don't think they would be that willing to know why you don't wanna go there if they didn't think you'd be a great addition to their team :)

Em C

6:53 PM

@Rainbacon the couple times I've been asked for reasons, I just said something about it not turning out to be a fit with my long term career goals, which seemed to go over ok

I'm going with "I'm looking for a position where I'm writing software that is more consumer facing"

Em C

that sounds good :)

That should have enough buzzwords to satisfy what the recruiter is looking for

Em C

the first time I was asked, which was also my first full-time job search, I tried being super generic because I thought you were supposed to do that and the recruiter was NOT happy >.< but then I explained I had a different offer that gave me more career growth, blah blah, and he was like "oh, I see, well if you change your mind let us know"

If your recruiter is a bee, you'll never have enough buzzwords.

6:57 PM

LOL if your recruiter is a bee, I think you have bigger problems

Unless you're in the honey industry I guess...

I mean, that's a pretty sweet deal if you can get it.

Haha true, there's probably a lot of mobility in that company if your coworkers are bees. They'll be refilling positions every week

I feel so much more adult-y now that I've turned down a job offer. I've stopped interviewing processes before, but never at this stage before.

7:11 PM

@scohe001 depends on the species :p

@scohe001 Their lifespan is of two weeks during Summer :p

Oh yea! I forgot we have our own special bee-recruited mod in here!!

I'm not moderating bees :p unless ... ?

Bzzzzz

haha

I could be an extremely dexterous bee for all you know. I don't think I've put my picture in here yet...

I mean...Bzzzz bzzzzz

7:18 PM

@scohe001 All I've seen from you so far is your arm

And it held a piglet!

so what proves me you're not a piglet?

LOL I wish I was a piglet

I could just sleep, eat and snuggle all day

@scohe001 There's this Dutch song: "Was ik maar een gijzelaar" (I wish I were a hostage)... it's sung by a guy that has exactly those three things in mind :)

Some days I wish I could be like that too :)

ugh, I'm lost in these car research ...

@avazula I have a better idea. You could move to New York, then you wouldn't need a car :)

@Tinkeringbell I'm not sure how many snuggles a hostage gets...or the kind I'm thinking of at least. But that sounds like a hilarious song. My girlfriend would probably enjoy it

7:32 PM

@scohe001 Dutch music can be quite funny.... though sometimes entirely inappropriate too XD

@scohe001 Yeah, but at least nobody will ever think the hostage is tasty

@Rainbacon Hey, Finley's not kosher. As long as he's in my household, he's safe :p

@scohe001 Oh! That reminds me... we now have a new team mate, who upholds Islamic dietary restrictions... I hear the awesomest reply to his apologies for being such a hassle when it came to food on our team outing last week: "If we didn't want to put up with this, we wouldn't have invited you" XD

In the category: dangerous, but perfect if it works

Ooh I really really like that--although I'm on the wrong end to use it :p that's the perfect mix of cute and "shut up, we're being nice" lol

@scohe001 Dangerous too though... like 'we're just inviting you so we can be nice people' dangerous. ;)

Really depends on the person and how they'll take it.

7:38 PM

Oh I wasn't even reading it like that. Looking at it again though, I agree. Probably depends on who's saying it and how it's delivered too.

@Rainbacon I'd honestly love to

I just think it would be nice to be on the receiving end. For me it's more often been "I really like Rainbacon, but I don't want to go eat with him because he's too disagreeable about food"

@scohe001 Yep. :)

@avazula How do you feel about consulting? My company is always hiring

@Rainbacon erh. I believe I have more reasons to stay here than to leave right now.

7:42 PM

@avazula Understandable

But I've done it before, I' m not scared of doing it again :)