@Tinkeringbell: the things you ask could be easily part of such a flowchart. Like: Do you have personal experience with this? Yes: continue with the next step. No: You should only answer here if you have experience (link to more info why). Is the answer you suggest a frame change (link with info what that is)? No: continue. Yes: You should only suggest a frame change under the following conditions. ... Continue.... I don't know if there is a tool to create flowcharts together with other users online. I would like contribute (and likely read more background info). — Edgar 1 min ago
00:00 - 16:0016:00 - 00:00
12:29 AM
#2728 Edgar (3009 rep) | A: Could this site make use of a FAQ? (score: -1) | posted 58 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (3733 rep) | edited 48 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (3733 rep)
12:42 AM
You mention here and in your (original) question and comments that people should not judge you about your planned paid sex trips. And you feel discriminated. This sounds very much like YOU think what you do is bad (probably that is what you learned from your parents, friends, etc.). I think if you wouldn't think what you do is bad then you wouldn't have a problem telling other people what you do. But then this is about your intrapersonal skill and not about interpersonal skills. — Edgar 1 min ago
#2739 Edgar (3009 rep) | Q: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic when the vast majority of questions here are not closed for the same reasons? (score: 1) | posted 6 hours ago by snart (22 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by snart (22 rep)
@Edgar No, not at all. I think it's good and enjoy it a lot. I don't have a problem telling my friends, we talk about it. I don't want to tell my parents because they will think it's very bad. I was expecting people here to have a problem with it but perhaps I was wrong. I feel discriminated because only my question was criticized and closed all the other questions that look similar to me were not. — snart 52 secs ago
#2739 snart (22 rep) | Q: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic when the vast majority of questions here are not closed for the same reasons? (score: 1) | posted 6 hours ago by snart (22 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by snart (22 rep)
@eis true, I just couldn't help make a remark for something that made me chuckle.. I didn't mean to get it removed, I just thought it was slightly funny, considering how painful gender declination can be with some languages :) — Patrick Trentin 1 min ago
#12936 Patrick Trentin (394 rep) | A: How do I communicate gracefully to coworkers that they are accidentally misgendering me? (score: 39) | posted 36 hours ago by Stacey (7079 rep) | edited 19 hours ago by Stacey (7079 rep)
1:06 AM
Your answer actually demonstrates why the question is now very different. As currently written it's a sensible thing to suggest. Looking at my original question it's clear that my actual problem is just those two trips, is it really reasonable for me to "Move out" and change a living arrangement that's currently comfortable for all of us just because of them? By the way I know I'm a grown man I lived alone and with a girlfriend for many years if anything I need to reestablish my life away from them by like I said in general I'm good with the current situation. — snart 37 secs ago
#2741 snart (22 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic when the vast majority of questions here are not closed for the same reasons? (score: 2) | posted 4 hours ago by Stacey (7084 rep)
1:39 AM
#12982 snart (22 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
I think @avazula forgot to mention, and this answer forgot to clarify, whether the confession would be made for the sake of avazula or for the sake of her companion. — can-ned_food 55 secs ago
#12913 can-ned_food (264 rep) | A: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: 25) | posted 55 hours ago by Daniel (2115 rep) | edited 43 hours ago by henning (3752 rep)
1:58 AM
And now an answer with the exact amount of lying I'm comfortable with appeared interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/12982/16460 it answers my original question but not the current one. — snart 1 min ago
#2741 snart (22 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic when the vast majority of questions here are not closed for the same reasons? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by Stacey (7084 rep)
#12663 Keith (101 rep) | Q: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 166) | posted 6 days ago by Stacey (7094 rep) | edited 37 hours ago by Stacey (7094 rep)
2:12 AM
You might consider removing all of the technical details of the specific problem that you corrected your professor on from this post. They aren't particularly relevant to the interpersonal situation at hand and might steer people who don't understand them away from an otherwise helpful answer. — Rainbacon 7 secs ago
#12981 Rainbacon (1328 rep) | A: How to politely correct a teacher? (score: 0) | posted 44 minutes ago by Hale (1 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by Rainbacon (1328 rep)
3:09 AM
#12983 Yoshiaki (51 rep) | Q: Is it possible to talk politics while knowing little about politics? (score: 0) | posted 14 minutes ago by user191799 (1 rep)
Specifically one group of people right now, but I'm sure there are many other political people out there. — user191799 just now
#12983 user191799 (1 rep) | Q: Is it possible to talk politics while knowing little about politics? (score: 0) | posted 15 minutes ago by user191799 (1 rep)
3:35 AM
Don't do this. You need to become the most stupid person to do this because you are going to bring nothing but pain for him without any real reason. — I am the Most Stupid Person 1 min ago
#12913 I am the Most Stupid Person (266 rep) | A: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: 24) | posted 57 hours ago by Daniel (2113 rep) | edited 44 hours ago by henning (3752 rep)
@snart: You wouldn't be the first guy who meets the love of his life. Just bring her back and introduce her to your parents ;) — Edgar 26 secs ago
#12982 Edgar (3011 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 2 hours ago by Edgar (3011 rep)
2 hours later…
5:22 AM
@cwebb91 That ungodly reason is because we have to spend 40+ hours a week with our coworkers. One third of your life. I'll gladly pick up a little slack versus being around someone that is seemingly socially retarded. I'm far more productive when I'm happy. — coinbird 32 secs ago
#12915 coinbird (431 rep) | A: How do I interact with people who don't understand that I don't want to share personal information (score: 8) | posted 55 hours ago by coinbird (431 rep)
5:33 AM
I realize that this post is several months old. Hopefully you have found a way to work on this and make it better. I wanted to call your attention to the strong possibility that something more happened that she told you in her story. That is something that you may care about or you may not care about it. Long-distance relationships are very difficult. I encourage you to pay a lot of attention to your relationship and I encourage both of you to work very hard if you expect this relationship to last. — Itsme2003 34 secs ago
#8440 Itsme2003 (127 rep) | Q: My girlfriend told me that she has some feeling for her colleague. What should I do? (score: 0) | posted 103 days ago by lonelyguy (23 rep)
6:08 AM
I am not a vegetarian, but I am a big fan of low-carb diets. I just want to comment that it is possible to do a low-carb or even keto vegetarian diet, but food variety is extremely limited on that type of diet. It would take dedication to sustain that in a health way, but it is possible to do. If you were talking about vegan instead of vegetarian, then that would be much more difficult to accomplish. — Itsme2003 1 min ago
#8547 Itsme2003 (125 rep) | A: Girlfriend, vegetarianism and me not wanting to change (score: 29) | posted 100 days ago by Stephan Branczyk (2014 rep) | edited 97 days ago by Stephan Branczyk (2014 rep)
#12936 Edmund Reed (101 rep) | A: How do I communicate gracefully to coworkers that they are accidentally misgendering me? (score: 41) | posted 41 hours ago by Stacey (7116 rep) | edited 25 hours ago by Stacey (7116 rep)
6:30 AM
The question is asking how to establish a boundary, so that the parents won't ask about this kind of thing. Not about what to say when it is asked. Such questions are off-topic on this site, and such answers to this question are Not an Answer — Tinkeringbell 38 secs ago
#12982 Tinkeringbell (17271 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 1) | posted 5 hours ago by Edgar (3009 rep)
6:43 AM
in my experience, statements and requests like this from a SO often mean something quite different than their direct content. that may be so, but it does not answer the OPs question. What exactly is he supposed to do? How would he ever find out what went wrong in the recent past? I've been in similar situations, and while on a logical level it is easy to understand this approach, it does not necessarily lead to a solution... his wife asks me "promise you never will leave me" and he sends her to therapy? That can't be the solution, especially if she is the heavily clinging type... — AnoE 1 min ago
#12878 AnoE (1833 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 34) | posted 2 days ago by Craig.Feied (411 rep) | edited 29 hours ago by Craig.Feied (411 rep)
@SethR absolutely it is exhausting, and it's not fair that someone should have to exhaust that much energy into something like this - but this isn't happening due to people's ignorance. The choices are literally find a way to deal with it, or become exhausted correcting people. People you interact with often enough will eventually pick it up as habit. — Edmund Reed 7 secs ago
#12934 Edmund Reed (101 rep) | A: How do I communicate gracefully to coworkers that they are accidentally misgendering me? (score: 22) | posted 42 hours ago by Galastel (748 rep)
@gnasher729 Even if some people can change the culture and societal norms in these contexts, it might take a long time until such a change is generally accepted. All the while you will have some people looking disfavourably upon the non-conformers, which will cause other people trying to 'help' by suggesting conformance. — Wilbert 1 min ago
#12687 Wilbert (209 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 10) | posted 5 days ago by Wilbert (209 rep)
I did not see the ‘edited by’ tag initially, hence my question. Thank you kindly for directing my attention to it. — Sinewave Surfer 1 min ago
#12293 Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | A: How to recover from being falsely seen as a racist? (score: 3) | posted 16 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | edited 15 days ago by Suma (216 rep)
7:13 AM
And yes I do know that ‘women’ is plural and ‘woman’ is singular. It was likely autocorrect voodoo and me prematurely tapping ‘Send’. It happens. But thank you for the snarky comment pointing it out ;-) — Sinewave Surfer 1 min ago
#12293 Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | A: How to recover from being falsely seen as a racist? (score: 3) | posted 16 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | edited 15 days ago by Suma (216 rep)
Thanks for clearing that up. Apologies if I came across unreasonably harsh. — Sinewave Surfer 39 secs ago
#8896 Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | A: Communicating during sex when my partner doesn't like direct questions? (score: -4) | posted 91 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | edited 91 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep)
@apaul I agree. It’s not the most concise blurb I’ve written. Will let it stand as is to serve as a helpful example for newcomers :-) — Sinewave Surfer 37 secs ago
#8896 Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | A: Communicating during sex when my partner doesn't like direct questions? (score: -4) | posted 91 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep) | edited 91 days ago by Sinewave Surfer (31 rep)
As I said many times, crush is the closest word in my language to say "to find someone (physically) attractive. I'm not feeding this attraction, I'm even avoiding this coworker as much as I can for it doesn't grow in sth bigger. So please don't insinuate I'm misleading my boyfriend just because I find s.o. handsome. — avazula 1 min ago
#12980 avazula (3636 rep) | A: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: -1) | posted 8 hours ago by jmoreno (246 rep)
@snart: I suggest you change your question back to your original question. Then my answer, which you confirmed, but which was deleted, fits the question again. So then we have the question you want to answer together with a valid answer which can then be undeleted. I think that is the whole idea about this site. Or not? — Edgar 10 secs ago
#12966 Edgar (2991 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 16 hours ago by snart (22 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep)
7:33 AM
Questions get closed, so they can be edited into new ones. You can't write an answer after reopening that answers the original question, because that's exactly the reason questions are closed (so they can be edited into better ones and can get answers to that) — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#2742 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -1) | posted 15 minutes ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
In addition you may be able to use the opportunity for a little break talking with him without too many people around you. Tell him it is a bit loud and you would like to go outside with him for a moment. If he's a smoker he probably will enjoy a little smoking break. Going out with the smokers is often a nice tactic to have a little break with fewer people around you. You do not need to smoke for it. Smokers don't mind you coming out with them without smoking. — allo 1 min ago
#12811 allo (181 rep) | A: How do I answer a question about not enjoying a party without revealing sensitive information (score: 122) | posted 3 days ago by avazula (3636 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Catija (10763 rep)
I understand your policy on this. However, I do want to criticize the strategy you opt for, because it is not very transparent to whomever has a comment deleted. In the future, might it be worth adding a comment pointing to this answer to reduce such confusion? [There is a certain irony in this question since it is about interpersonal skills - should I post this on the main site?] — FirefoxMetzger 1 min ago
#2736 FirefoxMetzger (262 rep) | A: Why were some comments removed? (score: 6) | posted 52 hours ago by Catija (10763 rep) | edited 44 hours ago by Catija (10763 rep)
You might find this meta interesting, if this is also about your first answer there: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/q/1789/1599. Basically, closing questions sooner will solve the problem — Tinkeringbell 2 mins ago
#2742 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 28 minutes ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
7:50 AM
#12663 Mario Trucco (101 rep) | Q: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 167) | posted 6 days ago by Stacey (7121 rep) | edited 43 hours ago by Stacey (7121 rep)
we adopted a shelter cat and it feels to us like we had a child together -> Do you get up three times a night to feed the cat or to change its diaper ? — Evargalo 54 secs ago
#12827 Evargalo (103 rep) | Q: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: 34) | posted 3 days ago by avazula (3646 rep) | edited 2 days ago by psmears (140 rep)
adding to @Tinkeringbell comment, it's really important that folks here, all of us, carefully read and think before answering. Is the Q on-topic? Will it stay open? Do we need more information to clarify? and so on... Too often, I read a post, I think about it for a couple of minutes, and while I write (or am about to write) a comment, I see one or two answers. Are they OK? hm... Then, we see DV, CV, and arguing in comments arises... — OldPadawan 42 secs ago
#2742 OldPadawan (8856 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -1) | posted 43 minutes ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
Not an interpersonal answer but from travel guides you can get stories to fill the time. — paparazzo 22 secs ago
#12966 paparazzo (1415 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 17 hours ago by snart (22 rep) | edited 12 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep)
@Oleg, just a coincidence. It was the first question that came to my mind that is a clear example of asking about a particular theory/skill. Links take up a lot of comment characters, so that's why I only linked one ;) — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12965 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 17 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
8:22 AM
I see a lot of people (and downvotes) agreeing and disagreeing with this in the comments. I think that's because we have no way to see why or how this answer would work. Have you used it successfully yourself? If you could back-up this answer with experience that relates to experiences the OP had, it would be a great improvement to it. — Tinkeringbell 25 secs ago
#12675 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: -5) | posted 6 days ago by user1886419 (123 rep)
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Arwen Undómiel 32 secs ago
#12555 Arwen Undómiel (1929 rep) | A: How to ask a tourist outfitter about their competitor's products (score: -1) | posted 10 days ago by George P (1 rep)
Come on mods, let the guy get some help from the comminity. OP is in trouble and expecting to find some help here. What if he is too shy to visit the psychotherapis, or can't afford it? — Deutche Knabe 58 secs ago
#12959 Deutche Knabe (436 rep) | Q: How to cure my addiction to my girlfriend (score: 0) | posted 24 hours ago by Shachar Har-Shuv (275 rep) | edited 24 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (3743 rep)
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Arwen Undómiel 15 secs ago
#11831 Arwen Undómiel (1928 rep) | A: How to politely inform a friend that you already have a "best friend"? (score: -1) | posted 25 days ago by EricS (107 rep)
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#12203 Arwen Undómiel (1927 rep) | A: How to aproach the subject of intimacy with an ex? (score: -3) | posted 18 days ago by el científico (89 rep)
Hey, welcome to IPS! We require that all answers contain an interpersonal solution to the problem detailed in the question. Could you please explain exactly how wearing headphones is an interpersonal solution? (This answer could also benefit from an expansion of the explanation of why it would be a good idea to do this and for it be backed up.) — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago
#12527 Arwen Undómiel (1926 rep) | A: How do I tactfully avoid interacting with a person I meet on the way to work every day, at a subway station? (score: -1) | posted 10 days ago by Hermien Scholten (99 rep)
Just want to say : ` It's healthy, but they would prefer eat sweet/fatty foods all the time.` If your child is full, feeding them "healthy" food is unhealthy. It just gets stored as fat. And as it reads OPs mom seems to ignore his
needs. — Sidar 11 secs ago
#12918 Sidar (101 rep) | A: How do I tell my parents I don't like them forcing me to eat food that I don't want to? (score: 1) | posted 56 hours ago by colmde (131 rep)
@TiagoCaldeira You do realize they are very controlling that way, right? This could continue into a later stage of your life. — Sidar 48 secs ago
#11862 Sidar (101 rep) | A: My mom won't let me handle my money, what should I say? (score: 3) | posted 24 days ago by Twyxz (322 rep)
9:16 AM
Yes FFK means nudist which has per se nothing to do with sex - but "FKK Club" is just an euphemism for Brothels. Easy to confuse! — Daniel 42 secs ago
#12989 Daniel (2153 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 1) | posted 48 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (282 rep) | edited 26 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (282 rep)
Thank you for the suggestions. I need to implement those soon. Also, by blasphemy, I mean it in real sense. There is always one person who makes nasty comments about different religions, God(s) they worship etc. Also, by 'isms', I am referring to regionalism, religionalism, or sectism. I am from a country where these are widely spread. As you have suggested, I think, I would start saying that I am uncomfortable being a part of such discussions. — Sandy C 46 secs ago
#12987 Sandy C (442 rep) | A: Socializing at workplace (score: 2) | posted 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (292 rep)
#12966 Mafii (401 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 18 hours ago by snart (25 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep)
@OldPadawan: Yesterday I thought there is no answer to snart's original question. But then, many hours later, an answer came to my mind and it seems like he liked that answer (see comments). So in this case it seems he was more or less forced to change his question because people thought there is no answer. But now it seems there is a valid answer to his original question. — Edgar 1 min ago
#2742 Edgar (2991 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. — Arwen Undómiel 35 secs ago
#12966 Arwen Undómiel (1931 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 18 hours ago by snart (25 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep)
#12966 fkraiem (101 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 18 hours ago by snart (25 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
9:39 AM
What do your personal convictions have to do with setting a boundary? Also, although I think I can see it between the lines here, you might want to make it explicit that you think guilt is the reason the OP wants to set this boundary. Furthermore, has this ever worked for you, what experience or sources do you have that this is the way to set a healthy boundary? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12989 Tinkeringbell (17271 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (300 rep) | edited 50 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (300 rep)
9:50 AM
@Edgar : Yesterday I thought there is no answer to snart's original question -> didn't you answer it anyway? (now deleted, but attracted many DV?). To me, before many many comments asking for clarification and many many edits, the Q wasn't answerable. At all. And your second answer was only half-one, OP said it didn't help for the main point: "Germany". That's why we work (fight?) hard, here on IPS, to prevent things like that. Nothing personal, just what I think is a fact, and a mistake made by many many users... — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#2742 OldPadawan (8866 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 2 hours ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
"start with a coworker you're more comfortable with" is also good advice because then (assuming they're receptive to what you say), you might not necessarily have to always make the correction yourself; your coworker might hopefully be comfortable gently correcting the person themselves as well. — V2Blast 1 min ago
#12936 V2Blast (197 rep) | A: How do I communicate gracefully to coworkers that they are accidentally misgendering me? (score: 42) | posted 45 hours ago by Stacey (7136 rep) | edited 28 hours ago by Stacey (7136 rep)
"I think best is accept her version of the truth." - Maybe "best" would be to reconsider the location? — Fildor 31 secs ago
#12973 Fildor (1457 rep) | A: How to resolve conflict over differing sources of truth? (score: -3) | posted 17 hours ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
10:08 AM
#11862 Tiago Caldeira (31 rep) | A: My mom won't let me handle my money, what should I say? (score: 3) | posted 24 days ago by Twyxz (322 rep)
@avazula: you are the one that implied that you are misleading him by saying that your vision of honest tells you to tell him. Which implies that by not telling him you are being dishonest. Personally I think it would be both unwise and hurtful to tell him. You apparently feel that it would at least be potentially hurtful personally and possibly damaging to your relationship, but that the press of the dishonesty in not telling him is to great to bear. I'm telling you to figure out why — jmoreno 13 secs ago
#12980 jmoreno (246 rep) | A: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: -1) | posted 11 hours ago by jmoreno (246 rep)
10:55 AM
"Because I feel better without it." could be replaced by "Because that is the truth", and if the other party is so obnoxious as to continue offense, next up is "Are you trying to force me to lie now?"... — user21820 33 secs ago
#12732 user21820 (157 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 10) | posted 5 days ago by taswyn (391 rep) | edited 4 days ago by taswyn (391 rep)
@OldPadawan: I understand your point. I guess the problem is that with lots of (not obvious) rules IPS is difficult to use and only suitable for "few" questions. Without many rules (or people ignoring or not knowing rules) it is easy to use - but not really "correct". I wonder if maybe it would be easier to relax the (enforcement) of the rules for more variety - even if it does not really fit the strict concept. — Edgar 1 min ago
#2742 Edgar (2991 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by Edgar (2991 rep)
Could you maybe be a bit more specific about your home country? Because I'm from a place not that different from some countries in "Western Europe" and for my country, there is absolutely no way you live with your parents and tell them everywhere you go over the age of say 25, and not have deeper lying issues and dependencies that need to be resolved first and I'd argue it would be off-topic here or any answer you get that is on-topic won't help you much. However, I know this is a cultural thing as it is completely normal to live with your parents well into your 30ies. — Raditz_35 37 secs ago
#12966 Raditz_35 (190 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 20 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17271 rep) | Has magic comment
@pipe: The yoghurt analogy is fine. (No analogy is perfect anyway.) Do you judge people as inferior if they do not put strawberries in their yogurt? I hope not. Likewise, do not judge people as ugly if they do not put makeup on their face. As long as their face does not harm you, whether or not you must look at their face is totally irrelevant. — user21820 1 min ago
#12699 user21820 (157 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
#12699 pipe (105 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
#12965 kiiler (29 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 20 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 18 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
@Edgar : if maybe it would be easier to relax the (enforcement) of the rules for more variety -> I sure don't think so :)) See TWP or M&TV for instance. Here, I believe that IPS can have variety, still, it has to be "on IPS tracks", and not zigzag over abstract concepts or too broad material. — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#2742 OldPadawan (8866 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 3 hours ago by Edgar (3009 rep)
11:19 AM
Is there any chance that your issues are the "result" of low self-confidence in general? Or would you describe yourself as a confident person? I'm asking because it might be good to fight the cause and not the symptoms. For example, if you think you are boring, you are automatically boring. — Raditz_35 1 min ago
#12963 Raditz_35 (190 rep) | Q: Socializing at workplace (score: 2) | posted 22 hours ago by user149332 (154 rep) | edited 21 hours ago by user149332 (154 rep)
#12699 user21820 (157 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
Instead of I think you misunderstood ... try sorry, I may have been unclear ... much less hostile — Daniel 35 secs ago
#12946 Daniel (2173 rep) | A: How to clarify questions to professors without seeming condescending? (score: 9) | posted 38 hours ago by aaaaaa (1386 rep)
@user21820 You want it to be morally irrelevant, but like it or not - people are judged by their looks. — pipe 54 secs ago
#12699 pipe (105 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
#2742 Edgar (3009 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 4 hours ago by Edgar (3009 rep)
@pipe It is morally irrelevant. Judging someone by their make-up is incredibly shallow and potentially sexist. — Belle-Sophie 51 secs ago
#12699 Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
@Edgar : TheWorkplace / Movies & TV (2 other stacks). The latter stopped answering Q about identiying movies, for instance, and rules are enforced, as are the ones at TWP, and other stacks I know of... I agree when you say a little frustrating for a newcomer, but hey, we try hard to explain and help :) — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#2742 OldPadawan (8866 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 4 hours ago by Edgar (3009 rep)
@pipe: It is morally irrelevant, whether you like it or not. Even if most people judge others by their looks, it does not make it right. In some countries, people who do not believe in the state religion are considered infidels that ought to be killed. Does that make it right?! — user21820 24 secs ago
#12699 user21820 (157 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
As a person who had on occasion felt like your wife does, I'd suggest dropping the "but" ending of the sentence. It can sound as if you're putting an emphasis on the uncertainty, as opposed to your current feeling about the future. I'd say something like "It is impossible to predict the future, but it's hard for me to imagine it happening". Not as in "I can't make up a hypothetical scenario in which it could happen", but as in "I feel like our relationship would stay the same as far as I can see". (Assuming this is somehow similar to how you feel) — Pandora 36 secs ago
#12841 Pandora (101 rep) | Q: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 48) | posted 3 days ago by Cory Klein (367 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1356 rep)
@user21820 Indeed, judging people by their looks, gender, race - all of this is irrational. In the real world it still happens, which is what the question is all about. OP is not interested in debating the moral issues but how to handle real-world situations with real-world humans in a graceful way. — pipe 17 secs ago
#12699 pipe (105 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
[cont.] I see myself as quite a rational person, and I completely agree that one cannot make promises about the future, but one can express his intentions or feelings. For example, I can't be sure I'd love my partner my whole life, but I feel like there's no real reason for it to change, and I intend to be open with him if something does happen. — Pandora 1 min ago
#12841 Pandora (101 rep) | Q: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 48) | posted 3 days ago by Cory Klein (367 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1366 rep)
#12844 Pandora (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 74) | posted 3 days ago by Link0352 (1366 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1366 rep)
@pipe: Then perhaps we merely differ on how to handle real-world situations. I think that if we act more firmly on our moral principles, the world will be a much much better place. And I also think that it is precisely because we don't in general do so, that the world is such a horrible place in many aspects. Hence I indeed think that the best interpersonal approach to such issues must include a forgiving but uncompromising stance towards unfair prejudice. Of course, I can understand if you disagree with that, but not on the morality aspect. =) — user21820 39 secs ago
#12699 user21820 (157 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 4) | posted 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep) | edited 6 days ago by Belle-Sophie (928 rep)
""I want to be with you forever." is different to "I promise to be with you forever."" This is a great part. You can't make promises, but you can express your hopes and intentions. I can't imagine hearing something more reassuring than this. — Pandora 2 mins ago
#12882 Pandora (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 9) | posted 3 days ago by Erdrik Ironrose (220 rep)
@Pandora the policy on this site suggests that no answers(partial answers) are permitted in the comment section, so I suspect your comment will get deleted. In order not to lose it, maybe you could try write an answer. Also, I don't agree with the insinuation if you are rational then you cannot make promises about the future. Nothing can be certain however we make prediction on what we know. For instance, you say I will bring you water when I come there: you don't say I want to bring you water unless I get mugged etc. so it depends on your conviction on how likely is something to happen. — clark 1 min ago
#12841 clark (209 rep) | Q: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 49) | posted 3 days ago by Cory Klein (372 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1366 rep)
I would definitely not make any of those comments. I'd suggest you just try to avoid staring next time :) (I'm a woman, by the way.) — Pandora 31 secs ago
#12760 Pandora (101 rep) | Q: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt? (score: 72) | posted 5 days ago by erbert (377 rep) | edited 4 days ago by BlackThorn (1727 rep)
I think this is an excellent answer, and definitely the approach that works best for me — Tim 25 secs ago
#12887 Tim (1243 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 17) | posted 3 days ago by Bilkokuya (1344 rep)
12:01 PM
@Pandora We cannot be sure that we will love our partner our whole lives, however we can be certain in different degrees. It depends on how fundamental are the reasons we are with the other person. For instance, if someone wants to be with someone because the other person is hot then it is not super certain. However, if you love some innate characteristics of their personality that are very unique then you would be very certain. Of course there are different gradations of the previous analysis, changing how certain you are. — clark 20 secs ago
#12841 clark (209 rep) | Q: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 49) | posted 3 days ago by Cory Klein (372 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1376 rep)
I have a couple of people in my life who constantly claim to have bought stuff for amazing offers/coupons we know they are lying, it takes about 5 unbelievable bargains for everyone to rumble you.. — WendyG 35 secs ago
#4001 WendyG (465 rep) | A: How to deflect "How much does it cost" questions? (score: 11) | posted 205 days ago by Crazy Cucumber (3490 rep) | edited 205 days ago by Crazy Cucumber (3490 rep)
@Tinkeringbell Everything. If there is no intensive for it, why would you bother setting a boundary to begin with? I don't know how to answer your other question. Are you asking why it is good to establish a boundary before something that crosses it happens? Or if I have experience with explaining to my parents that I visited a brothel? — FirefoxMetzger just now
#12989 FirefoxMetzger (320 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep) | edited 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep)
@Edgar I would if I could but then it will just be closed again (I might do it anyway, I'm not getting useful answers with the current hypothetical question so it might just as well be closed). — snart 40 secs ago
#12966 snart (30 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 21 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
#12989 FirefoxMetzger (320 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep)
why are you interested in talking to people about politics if you don't understand politics or currently care enough to read about it? — WendyG 38 secs ago
#12983 WendyG (465 rep) | Q: Is it possible to talk politics while knowing little about politics? (score: 0) | posted 9 hours ago by user191799 (1 rep)
12:09 PM
@fkraiem A good way to decline that will prevent further questions was what I was looking for in my original question. — snart 56 secs ago
#12966 snart (30 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 21 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
No, I'm asking why you think the incentive in this case is guilt: There's absolutely no mention of it in the question. Also, I'm asking why you feel a need to say you'd rather be productive, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with the answer you're giving here. And, I'm not seeing any back-up for your claim that this is the way to go about setting a boundary — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12989 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep) | edited 7 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (320 rep)
@Raditz_35 It's normalish in my country. It's not the norm but it's common enough and many people do it. I don't have to tell them everywhere I go but I do want them to know my general geographical location. — snart 5 secs ago
#12966 snart (30 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 21 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
@Edgar No. You don't edit a question, have it reopened, and then roll it back. That would certainly gain you some moderator attention: People voted to reopen this version of the question, and voted to close the first version. Editing, having stuff reopened and then reverting it is gaming the system — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12966 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 21 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 16 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
@Tinkeringbell Yes, "diagnose" can refer to medical diagnoses or a the generic "figuring out the root problem" sense.. but the meta post you linked is very clearly talking about the medical sense, so I still fail to see how that is relevant. If you think we should no longer suggest which skill the OP has trouble with please link a meta post on the subject. — Em C 9 secs ago
#12965 Em C (6009 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 21 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
#12989 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (318 rep) | edited 14 minutes ago by FirefoxMetzger (318 rep)
#12966 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 21 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 17 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Has magic comment
#12844 i-CONICA (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 75) | posted 3 days ago by Link0352 (1376 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1376 rep)
@avazula I'm asking a lot here as this is personal, but if you do bring this up, whether it goes good or bad, it'd be nice to find out the aftermath. For future people, if you brought it up and it went well you can say how exactly you phrased it that had success, and if it went bad you can say how you think you should have phrased it to go better. — Philbo 1 min ago
#12827 Philbo (141 rep) | Q: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: 36) | posted 3 days ago by avazula (3676 rep) | edited 2 days ago by psmears (140 rep)
@EmC, such a post would most likely have to be made, like I said before, I have been trying to draw parallels between that post and this question, I already admitted it didn't have a direct relationship. If you think such questions are a form of good subjective questions though, and are not a list-type question with every answer being equally valid, I think we need to start discussing this question on meta. — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12965 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 22 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
The logical first step would be asking your coworkers how they deal with that situation since they are the ones most qualified to help you, not so much strangers on the net. People here don't know the guy, don't know you, don't know the situation at your work and can offer very general help at best. I take it this is not an option? — Raditz_35 15 secs ago
#12993 Raditz_35 (190 rep) | Q: Awkward end of conversation (score: 2) | posted 42 minutes ago by Taknok (11 rep) | edited 30 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8866 rep)
12:43 PM
FWIW: I really don't know if I'm more right or wrong on this one (Q you talk about), still, I wrote an answer. Not that I wanted to do that, but it's an experience. Let's see how it goes... :)) — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#2742 OldPadawan (8866 rep) | A: Why was my question criticized and closed as off-topic while other questions asked in the same way are highly upvoted and not closed? (score: -2) | posted 5 hours ago by Edgar (3009 rep)
#12996 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 9 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
... or tell the parents you went clubbing and don't mention that it's been sex clubs (+1) — Marzipanherz 36 secs ago
#12996 Marzipanherz (101 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 10 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@snart: I've read all of the versions of your question, I waited until we have an answerable one. I believe I get the whole meaning of all this story, and that this answers it all. Well, you and the readers will tell :) — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#12996 OldPadawan (8886 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 12 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
Replace "prostitute" by "charming company" ... don't lie - how is that going together? — Daniel 44 secs ago
#12996 Daniel (2173 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 13 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@Daniel : not a native speaker, so I put a warning on the words to be used. To me, "charming company" means "sex". Prostitute means "sex". With the latter, I just forgot to talk about the money involved :) I said: don't tell all of the truth. — OldPadawan 1 min ago
#12996 OldPadawan (8886 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 16 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
Most people I know that like to talk politics know little about politics:| You just have to be confident in your ignorance... — el.pescado 1 min ago
#12983 el.pescado (125 rep) | Q: Is it possible to talk politics while knowing little about politics? (score: 0) | posted 9 hours ago by user191799 (1 rep)
#12996 Daniel (2173 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 19 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@clark, Thanks for letting me know, I will move it to an answer. As for the other parts of your comment(s), I think what matters are the implications of being wrong, not necessarily the chances. If you for some reason don't manage to bring the water, it will probably make no harm, therefore it doesn't matter if you're wrong. But if you end a marriage then the implications (at least for the worried partner) will be grave, so an empty promise is more problematic. — Pandora 1 min ago
#12841 Pandora (101 rep) | Q: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 49) | posted 3 days ago by Cory Klein (372 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Link0352 (1376 rep)
Premise 1: "I am open and I don't have any problem with any religion or idea" Premise 2: "I became angry" — Strawberry 54 secs ago
#12348 Strawberry (101 rep) | Q: How to tell a gay co-worker to stay far and to never try to flirt (score: 14) | posted 14 days ago by Moslem Cherif (261 rep) | edited 13 days ago by zack6849 (103 rep)
#12996 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 22 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@erbert You might prefer an answer that did not insult you, but have you considered that perhaps you don't deserve one? The answer to your question seems, very clearly, to be "learn not to stare at women's cleavage", but instead you're angling to get women to change their behaviour for your benefit. — Bob Tway 58 secs ago
#12761 Bob Tway (1304 rep) | A: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt? (score: 81) | posted 5 days ago by apaul (32556 rep)
#12996 Daniel (2173 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 30 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@Daniel You are free to think that all lies are equally bad. To me there is a very big difference between slightly altering the truth and just inventing stuff that never happened. I'm sure that's how most people see things, finding out that this is not the case would be mind blowing(and still won't change how I see things). — snart 1 min ago
#12996 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 37 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
They imply that currently I don't feel good about myself, and that I need to look better The issue here is actually that they don't feel confident without makeup (which they've effectively been brainwashed to think by adverts). You feel fine - just say so. If they persist tell them that maybe the issue is them being brainwashed not to feel good without makeup, not your lack of it. — StephenG 1 min ago
#12663 StephenG (3705 rep) | Q: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 169) | posted 6 days ago by Stacey (7176 rep) | edited 49 hours ago by Stacey (7176 rep)
#12999 Daniel (2173 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 1) | posted 18 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1204 rep)
@Daniel I was looking exactly for this story as well, but I couldn't remember any precise keyword! Thank you for sparing me a painfully long search! — LinuxBlanket 1 min ago
#12999 LinuxBlanket (7524 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 21 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep)
#12996 Daniel (2183 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 46 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
I've told him a hundred times I understand completely his concerns about our future, but the things is even if I follow my current path, I have a quite successful path, Bob isn't in the same situation so I understand his concerns about him and I've spoken with him about this issue, so I don't see why is he so bothered with me, just because I could "aim higher". But yeah, I don't see any of his attemps as attacks but rather trying to help us . — Alexander Aeons Torn 33 secs ago
#13000 Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | A: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 9 minutes ago by AndreiROM (14824 rep)
I knew already the story but forgot about it for some time, thanks for reminding it Daniel, you're completely right, it's a really good comparison. — Alexander Aeons Torn 44 secs ago
#12999 Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 28 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep)
#12999 Daniel (2183 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 28 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep)
So if the OP's wife starts beating them (spousal abuse happens to men too), the OP ought to stay "because of their wedding vows"? I disagree. — Martin Bonner 1 min ago
#12899 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 11) | posted 2 days ago by Nacht (235 rep)
@Daniel Not exactly, the goal is to think of a way to lie as little as possible. Anything bellow the obvious "invent a bunch of normal touristy things to tell them about" can be helpful. I was not aware of people like you who think all lies are the same. I was also looking for answers from different angles that don't involve lying. — snart 10 secs ago
#12996 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 52 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
@snart okay. Then what is your motivation for having the goal of not telling them? Assuming that this is an instrumental goal of yours and not a terminal one (which I"m pretty sure it is, since you are not trying to achieve this at all cost?) — FirefoxMetzger 30 secs ago
#12989 FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
#12996 Daniel (2183 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 57 minutes ago by OldPadawan (8886 rep)
#12763 Alex (101 rep) | A: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt? (score: 281) | posted 5 days ago by Jane S (2069 rep) | edited 5 days ago by Jane S (2069 rep)
#12899 Em C (6009 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 11) | posted 2 days ago by Nacht (235 rep)
@EmC I missed that. The point is that the OP clearly does want to take them into account. — Martin Bonner 55 secs ago
#12899 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 11) | posted 2 days ago by Nacht (235 rep)
@AlexanderAeonsTorn This sounds a lot like jealousy is in play too on John's side. Would you mind editing your comment into your question, as I think this is important information for future answers. Thank you ;) — Cashbee 13 secs ago
#13000 Cashbee (2620 rep) | A: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 24 minutes ago by AndreiROM (14824 rep)
@AlexanderAeonsTorn - you know how to some vegans you can never justify hunting, or eating meat? This is exactly the same situation. Your friend fundamentally considers your pastime a complete and utter waste of time. Short of a life-changing event, that opinion is not going to change. Thus, you need to learn how to live with one another in spite of disagreeing as to this one thing. — AndreiROM 17 secs ago
#13000 AndreiROM (14824 rep) | A: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 25 minutes ago by AndreiROM (14824 rep)
@Tinkeringbell I accept your point with the productivity. Applying my goals and values to another scenario is something I shouldn't be doing. My apologies. The explanation behind my logic does not fit into a comment, i will update the answer when I have more time. How would you back-up my claim of it being the best approach? Given that you distrust me and we are on the internet how should I proof to you my experience? — FirefoxMetzger 38 secs ago
#12989 FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
#12989 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 20 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
@FirefoxMetzger The OP wants to set up boundaries with his parents so that they will not pry into his personal affairs. He made it clear that this sort of trip will not be a one time thing and he doesn't want to have to go through a big process of dodging questions every time he goes on one of these trips. — Rainbacon 13 secs ago
#12989 Rainbacon (1328 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 23 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
@FirefoxMetzger I think it's perfectly acceptable, my parents think that it's not. — snart 23 secs ago
#12989 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 23 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
Hey, thanks for the answer! Can you please explain exactly why you think that this is a good idea? Why do you say to take this course of action? What’s the thought process behind this answer? As this currently stands, this is essentially a “Try this!” answer. We require that answers provide some sort of explanation for why they are suggesting this solution, and unfortunately, at the moment this answer doesn't appear to do that. — Cashbee 1 min ago
#12995 Cashbee (2620 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by topo morto (494 rep)
@snart
just don't do any socially unacceptable things on the off-chance of causing offense because people don't like to be analyzed logically: Do you think visiting brothels is socially unacceptable? — FirefoxMetzger 2 mins ago
#12989 FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 23 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
@FirefoxMetzger I can't expect you to prove your experience to me, I know I have to assume good intentions on that... Just like people on here can't prove they're a medical professional or a software dev for all that matters. But backing up your answer with an experience will make it easier for people to see the circumstances under which this is supposed to work. If you're wondering how to do so, and how to relate your experience to the one the OP is having, here's a meta on that: interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/183/1599 — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#12989 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 2) | posted 5 hours ago by FirefoxMetzger (316 rep) | edited 24 minutes ago by David K (939 rep)
#12995 topo morto (490 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by topo morto (490 rep) | edited 1 minutes ago by topo morto (490 rep)
@Cashbee I can tell you there's jealousy on his side since I'm one of the guys who earns more money of all my friends even tho I work 30h/week. I waste most of my money on food and I say waste because I'm aware I'm terrible at handling money and I'm trying to work on it. This has been subject of jealousy by some of my friends, but besides the money by itself I think it's more related to the fact that prior to getting his last job he had more time (time he spend on playing games as well & practicing guitar) and now he has almost no time. — Alexander Aeons Torn 1 min ago
#13000 Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | A: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 39 minutes ago by AndreiROM (14824 rep)
I like this answer and I think the concept of showing action (instead of making promises) is great. It may be helpful to combine with @Bilkokuya's answer - you can reassure her by remembering the many challenges you two have already grown through together and how you plan on continuing that. I would just add one (maybe obvious) thing to this sentence: "the conversation where you ask her what you've said or done" - tone here will be important, you don't want this to come off as defensive or accusatory - make it clear you're trying to solve a problem versus pinning the issue back on her. — dwizum 12 secs ago
#12878 dwizum (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 39) | posted 3 days ago by Craig.Feied (461 rep) | edited 37 hours ago by Craig.Feied (461 rep)
This is not a situation where you want to make self-deprecating remarks. This is a situation where you are happy and proud and your boss has just received positive feedback for your performance. no need to 'lessen' the positivity of that feedback. But I think earnest appreciation and an own assessment of how things went is a really good option to go for here. Asking for the bosses perspective is also a very good idea! — Cashbee 15 secs ago
#12995 Cashbee (2620 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by topo morto (500 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by topo morto (500 rep)
@MartinBonner The thing is those circumstances ARE exceptional. The divorce rates we have right now aren't because people are leaving when their spouses start beating them all of a sudden but rather because they are leaving for myriads other reasons one of the worst of which is "I don't love you anymore". People expect crazy stuff from marriage and there is noone to hit them over the head for bailing on it. And the children suffer for it. — DRF 1 min ago
#12899 DRF (101 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 12) | posted 2 days ago by Nacht (245 rep)
#13002 snart (30 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 1) | posted 15 minutes ago by fkraiem (111 rep)
That last sentence is HUGE. Poor managers say "If you're not hearing from me, you're doing OK." That is lazy and just plain wrong. Passing along feedback, be it positive, negative, or informational, contributes to employee motivation and engagement and helps the review to be just a review and not a surprise-laden adventure. — baldPrussian 38 secs ago
#13003 baldPrussian (11007 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by chauxvive (1 rep)
@snart It seems to me like basic courtesy that when someone says they don't want to talk about something, you don't press them without a fairly good reason (and "I want to know" by itself is not a good reason). But sadly, as is evident here and also on Parenting.SE, basic courtesy is in rather short supply among parents. Maybe I just got lucky on that one. :) — fkraiem 53 secs ago
#13002 fkraiem (111 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 1) | posted 23 minutes ago by fkraiem (111 rep)
I'd normally upvote this, but the self-deprecation hurts the cause here. ".. he may have been very drunk..." sends a horrible message to your boss - that your positive feedback was chemically-induced. It tells the boss that you expect negative feedback except when people aren't thinking properly or are under the influence. Humility is valuable but excessive humility will hurt you professionally. — baldPrussian 1 min ago
#12995 baldPrussian (11006 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by topo morto (498 rep) | edited 18 minutes ago by topo morto (498 rep)
2:18 PM
@FirefoxMetzger I do post comments sometimes... when I feel that it's necessary. But, more often than not, telling people that comments were removed often makes more people curious about why or what the comments were. Adding comments to a post I'm removing comments from (potentially causing discussion in the comments about why the comments were removed) just replaces one argument with another. — Catija ♦ 1 min ago
#2736 Catija (10775 rep) | A: Why were some comments removed? (score: 5) | posted 59 hours ago by Catija (10775 rep) | edited 51 hours ago by Catija (10775 rep)
@baldPrussian it may be a cultural thing, but I've never known a colleague who would take that literally - every boss I've ever had would understand it as a joke. Fair to point out that humour is always context-dependent, but then so are all interpersonal skills! — topo morto 51 secs ago
#12995 topo morto (498 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by topo morto (498 rep) | edited 21 minutes ago by topo morto (498 rep)
I think this may have a close-vote because it currently can be read as asking 'how do I make X do Y' which isn't really a good IPS question because no interpersonal skill is going to guarantee you that X will do Y. Maybe you could rephrase it a little? Is this about communicating your feelings more effectively? Then what would be the nicest outcome be for you? Because one of them would be to never talk about the tournaments anymore, at all. Is that something of a goal you'd like to achieve, or would you still like to be able to talk about the game just not about the 'aiming higher' part? — Tinkeringbell 5 secs ago
#12999 Tinkeringbell (17272 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | edited 29 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep)
This does not provide an answer to the question. To critique or request clarification from an author, leave a comment below their post. - From Review — Lord Farquaad 31 secs ago
#13002 Lord Farquaad (1217 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 1) | posted 35 minutes ago by fkraiem (111 rep)
The question has a good course of action; I'd like to suggest one edit. How do you want the relationship to improve? What would you like your final relationship with your brother to be like? If you can clarify to me what the goal looks like, I'd cast a reopen vote. — baldPrussian 1 min ago
#12965 baldPrussian (11006 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 24 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
@LordFarquaad I believe this answer meets the standards of this site: it describes one possible way to achieve the question's stated goal (to avoid telling the parents about the details of the trip without lying) whose effectiveness is backed up by personal experience (my own). — fkraiem 38 secs ago
#13002 fkraiem (109 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 0) | posted 41 minutes ago by fkraiem (109 rep)
Perhaps eventually proceeding up the politeness to rudeness scale to "After you get a nose job, I may consider it". But I'm the sort that does not shy from being "rude" if I feel someone is offensively going beyond reasonable boundaries about my personal concerns. — mickeyf 41 secs ago
#12691 mickeyf (143 rep) | A: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 59) | posted 6 days ago by Arcanist Lupus (1572 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Arcanist Lupus (1572 rep)
#13003 r41n (241 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 28 minutes ago by chauxvive (11 rep)
@r41n did you post this underneath the wrong answer, or use the wrong name? — Tinkeringbell 1 min ago
#13003 Tinkeringbell (17270 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 31 minutes ago by chauxvive (19 rep)
@Tinkeringbell I added an Ideal outcome scenario to clarify better. — Alexander Aeons Torn 19 secs ago
#12999 Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | Q: How can I make my flatmate empathize better with my competitive aspirations on games (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep) | edited 2 minutes ago by Alexander Aeons Torn (1209 rep)
I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because questions asking for us what to say are off-topic, see the help center for more explanation. — Tinkeringbell 38 secs ago
#12993 Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Q: Awkward end of conversation (score: 3) | posted 2 hours ago by Taknok (22 rep) | edited 46 minutes ago by Cashbee (2620 rep)
This is rather short but is a good answer. I'd suggest that, especially with a new manager, this conversation is important because it tells you what they consider valuable. Learning what the boss values sets you up to succeed with respect to the position and the boss and makes you a more valued member of their team. — baldPrussian 12 secs ago
#12994 baldPrussian (11006 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by Mafii (477 rep)
Hey, folks, please confine comments to requesting clarifications and suggesting improvements to the question. Answers should be posted as answers, and side discussions aren't really appropriate. — HDE 226868 ♦ 23 secs ago
#12663 HDE 226868 (6452 rep) | Q: How do I deal with people trying to convince me to wear makeup? (score: 169) | posted 6 days ago by Stacey (7196 rep) | edited 50 hours ago by Stacey (7196 rep)
@fkraiem sorry for the robo-comment; didn't realize it'd send that. The first paragraph is the start of a good answer, but you might need to edit it a little to differentiate it from the answers already given (which also discuss setting a boundary and sticking to it). The second paragraph takes away from that though, since you kind of admit your answer probably isn't relevant. Maybe now that OP's made a few more comments and clarifications you can hone your answer in a little more! — Lord Farquaad 2 mins ago
#13002 Lord Farquaad (1217 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: -1) | posted 57 minutes ago by fkraiem (107 rep)
@henning It may be hard to explain how to control basic urges verbally. Can you explain how you control your bladder, how you don't shout insults at people you despise in public or how you don't just grab anything you like? I'd expect that neurologically those are non-trivial functions but it's hard to describe them verbally. As apaul says: they take practice and - for better or worse - they are expected in adults. — AllTheKingsHorses 18 secs ago
#12761 AllTheKingsHorses (3752 rep) | A: How can I avoid the awkwardness of a returning player who wears a low-cut shirt? (score: 81) | posted 5 days ago by apaul (32591 rep)
2:58 PM
Unfortunately this happens regularly and quite broadly and a lot of valuable thoughts and additions to a lot of answers are lost that way (only on this Stack, I might add) It also usually happens to fast to really give the commentators a chance to make improvement or answers out of it. I think that this leads to quality-problems on this site! — Daniel 1 min ago
#2736 Daniel (2203 rep) | A: Why were some comments removed? (score: 5) | posted 59 hours ago by Catija (10775 rep) | edited 51 hours ago by Catija (10775 rep)
@Tinkeringbell, I don't think so, just an unfortunate phrasing on my part I guess. — r41n 55 secs ago
#13003 r41n (241 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 49 minutes ago by chauxvive (19 rep)
@r41n: This answer was written by chauxvive ;) Mafii's answer is above this one, was your comment meant for chauxvive or Mafii? — Tinkeringbell 27 secs ago
#13003 Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: 0) | posted 52 minutes ago by chauxvive (19 rep)
I feel as though we really ought to be able to shape this into an on-topic question, given that the OP is essentially asking about how to manage 'The Awkward Silence'... Would it be sufficient to change the question to 'what IP Skills or techniques can I use to minimise the social awkwardness for myself and my boss?' — Spagirl just now
#12993 Spagirl (9372 rep) | Q: Awkward end of conversation (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Taknok (22 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Cashbee (2620 rep)
#13002 fkraiem (107 rep) | A: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: -1) | posted 1 hours ago by fkraiem (107 rep)
@Spagirl that'd probably make it a list-type question, where every answer is equally valid. I thought of that too, but didn't want to suggest it because it wouldn't really save the question... (I'm still thinking on what might work here) — Tinkeringbell 24 secs ago
#12993 Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Q: Awkward end of conversation (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Taknok (22 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by Cashbee (2620 rep)
I too think that self-deprecating remarks are really not what anyone would want to use here, not even as a joke. If you removed that part this would be a very good answer. Because earnest appreciation for the feedback, your own assessment on how things went, and asking for the bosses perspective are indeed very good options in the given situation! — Cashbee 1 min ago
#12995 Cashbee (2620 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by topo morto (498 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by topo morto (498 rep)
3:27 PM
@baldPrussian the goal is, I want to have normal conversations more frequently (maybe once a week? if he's not busy). I also want to know if I'm doing something wrong by having interest only in tech related fields and not showing interest things sports, playing music etc (I tried my best to branch out but I keep losing interest). I want to talk about more casual topics such as dating and friends, ie. The same amount of casualness we exhibit with our cousins but not with each other. — kiiler 9 secs ago
#12965 kiiler (29 rep) | Q: How do I become closer with my brother? He feels like a complete stranger (score: 5) | posted 24 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep) | edited 23 hours ago by kiiler (29 rep)
@Cashbee I've done something that I feel is more honest - added specification of cultural context as a qualification. I'm confident that my answer works here, but it's interesting to know that the approach might not translate. In the UK, self-deprecation is the norm when receiving a compliment - in fact I've just heard a colleague say "well, I don't think I did that much" when the boss complemented her on her project work - when the reality is that she worked overtime. — topo morto 1 min ago
#12995 topo morto (498 rep) | A: Awkward end of conversation (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by topo morto (498 rep) | edited 8 minutes ago by topo morto (498 rep)
In an (attempt at an) answer, I said that when I am asked a question that I do not wish to answer, I say just that : "I do not wish to answer." You said you can't do that, but why? Certainly you can do it, you just don't want to because you expect it will lead to a bad outcome. Fair enough, but we can't continuously try to guess possible methods until we find one that you think might work... — fkraiem 28 secs ago
#12966 fkraiem (107 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 25 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Has magic comment
@henning try reading my comment again. You don't seem to have understood what I wrote. — Carl Witthoft 37 secs ago
#11739 Carl Witthoft (111 rep) | Q: How do I answer the question "why are you vegan?" honestly, without making them resent me? (score: 126) | posted 26 days ago by Bridgeburners (717 rep) | edited 20 days ago by Bridgeburners (717 rep)
@fkraiem Because they're going to expect me to tell them what I did on my trip, I covered it in my question. — snart 13 secs ago
#12966 snart (30 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 25 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Has magic comment
I like this method, as it turns the conversation around to a positive statement, rather than refuting a negative one. A similar one would be, "I already promised you that we'd be together in our marriage vows, and I don't plan on breaking that promise." You have no plans to leave, thus you have no plans to break the promise, and you're giving her essentially what she wants - reassurance that you're not leaving, without splitting hairs. — Adam Davis 1 min ago
#12882 Adam Davis (2935 rep) | A: Maintaining honesty while being comforting in response to insecurity about relationship? (score: 10) | posted 3 days ago by Erdrik Ironrose (230 rep)
3:51 PM
@Daniel If you have concerns about it in general, feel free to ask about it. I'm not going to get into a long discussion on it here. — Catija ♦ 20 secs ago
#2736 Catija (10775 rep) | A: Why were some comments removed? (score: 5) | posted 2 days ago by Catija (10775 rep) | edited 52 hours ago by Catija (10775 rep)
I don't know if this has come up, but mention boyfriend to coworker. There's no excuse not to do this. — AJFaraday 7 secs ago
#12827 AJFaraday (101 rep) | Q: I have a crush on a coworker but won't act on it, how can I tell my boyfriend about it and that I'll remain faithful? (score: 37) | posted 4 days ago by avazula (3701 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by HDE 226868 (6452 rep)
Yes, and I asked you in my first comment, what do you expect them to do if you decline to tell them? Clearly, when someone asks a question, they usually expect an answer, but in this life expectations are not always met... Because, one way or another, not answering is what you want to do, so I think it is important to know what kind of reaction you are likely to get, since the goal is to appease it. — fkraiem 46 secs ago
#12966 fkraiem (107 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 25 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Has magic comment
@fkraiem If I flat out tell them "Sorry, I don't want to talk about that." not sure that's no a reasonable thing for me to say to them based on our current dynamics. They would probably be shocked, don't know what will happen next, this is already something I want to avoid. — snart 6 secs ago
#12966 snart (30 rep) | Q: How to establish more boundaries with my parents? (score: 4) | posted 25 hours ago by snart (30 rep) | edited 20 hours ago by Tinkeringbell (17269 rep) | Has magic comment
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