The Awkward Silence

Tinkeringbell

06:43

morning.

Extroverted Main Man

09:00

0

Q: Am I wrong in getting upset when my partner dismisses my help with a "I didn't ask you to do that?"

To clarify, so my partner has been going through major life changes, (1)she has had to move, (2)she lost her job, (3)she also has not been good with her finances, and (4)she had to sell her car. 1.) I offered my help to help her move her things, store some of stuff, she didn't specifically ask me...

conflicts

Extroverted Main Man

09:25

0

Q: About the Challenges ahead of women psychologist in the Workplace and society

I have asked one question in the psychology SE site which has been closed and guided me to here. The question is : I have asked one question via my country question site (here), and I get some answer like below: One of the problems is that psychologists speak kindly to people, and unfortunately...

work-environment gender

Alex Robinson

09:41

good morning all! its a sunny day here hope it is for everyone else :)

Tinkeringbell

Yep, way too hot here XD

Alex Robinson

09:56

its not too hot here yet, but there was a particular window shining straight into my eyes which was not welcomed

Tinkeringbell

10:10

Ugh... It's going to be 25/26 degrees here today. 21 is nice :D

Journeyman Geek

glares in 30 degrees in the office

Tinkeringbell

Yeah but you live in a different climate. You're built for that kind of temperature :P

Journeyman Geek

melts

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, 30 degrees isn't fun. I was kidding.

Alex Robinson

11:10

i normally suffer in the heat but the office's AC is aggressively cold :/

Tinkeringbell

11:57

@AlexRobinson Sounds familiar... Come in dressed for 20+ degree weather, shiver all day because the airconditioning is set at 18 :|

I used to bring a long sleeved thing on days like that, something I could easily take off when going home (in the heat, by public transport)

Alex Robinson

i had a lovely walk outside with my lunch and now appreciate the AC a lot more lol

but yeah... t shirt and jeans is cold for indoors but absolutely boiling outdoors

Tinkeringbell

Yeah... jeans are especially bad. I've lived mostly wearing sweatpants/jogging pants during WFH, and they seem both warmer in winter and cooler in summer, probably because they're pretty loose fabric :D

Alex Robinson

i would love to wear shorts and our office is technically casual clothing... but with the amount of people who still wear suits... i'd feel immensely out of place

Tinkeringbell

Try a skirt! :D

To be honest I often found it rather unfair... on hot days you see the females walk round in skirts or dresses, even for very formal stuff (though that is a bit more covered than the casual stuff), while the men still seem to feel they have to wear a suit.

Alex Robinson

i mean as far as i can immediately (sample size ~7) most guys are wearing a collared shirt. maybe i should adopt that approach going forward

Tinkeringbell

12:11

If you just do as the rest does, no one is going to feel free to change :P

Alex Robinson

12:25

good point!

Tinkeringbell

learned it from the secretary that showed up to work wearing birkenstocks on a hot summers day, instead of the high heeled stuff that was mostly prevalent on such days XD

It's... good advice in some cases, but wholesome nonsense in others :D

Journeyman Geek

I wear shorts to work during night shifts :D

Sarov

13:06

@ExtrovertedMainMan Auuugh I hate when someone does something for me that I don't even want and then gets mad at me when I don't appreciate/reciprocate it.

@Tinkeringbell Anything between 10-21 is good.

@Tinkeringbell TBF when it comes to sexual difashionism, looking at the price and lack of pockets of women's clothes... I'll stick with male, thanks.

@AlexRobinson Be a trendsetter! Go in with shorts and a t-shirt. And sandals.

Alex Robinson

given i'm currently trying to persuade them to make my position permanent and its based in london... i think i'll pass on the sandals

Sarov

(I would wear shorts to work, if not for my OCD. The less my bare skin touches outsideness, the better.)

Also, morning.

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Tent sized pants come with tent sized pockets :D

Sarov

And how much do they cost?

Tinkeringbell

Mine usually go for anything between 40-90 euro's. Depends on whether there's a sale or not, and whether I want a specific color or not :P

Sarov

13:17

$135. Ick.

Granted my clothes are pricey too, but that's 'cause of my size.

Tinkeringbell

I don't think my morbidly obese person sized clothes are that much more expensive than general healthy people sized clothes...

But it is true that it's harder to shop at 'discount' stores, where they sell those unethically sourced clothes from Chinese sweatshops :P

Sarov

Are you over 6' tho?

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Dunno, I am metric sized. 1m66/67.

(tall that it. Wide is bad, but not that bad XD)

Sarov

5'5".

I use metric for everything except people.

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, I wouldn't have expected that to be 6', I'm short.

@Sarov Why?!

Sarov

13:22

But yeah. Try being, like, 1.9 m and still finding cheap clothes.

@Tinkeringbell shrugs because that's how everyone does it around here.

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov That's not easy, I know.

Though, over here, I do think that's a generally acceptable size for men still :D

Haven't heard anyone complain though, and I know a few people around that size.

Sarov

Pfft, 'acceptable'.

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Everyone over there is weird then :P

Sarov

"You're too tall! I won't have it, you hear me?!"

Tinkeringbell

Well I have heard of people breaking their legs, then adding this whole cage on the outside to keep the bone broken, and by increasing the gap slightly at intervals, eventually their legs get longer.... The opposite is probably easier: Saw a piece out of the middle, let it heal :P

Alex Robinson

13:27

@Tinkeringbell if the pockets can't fit a nintendo switch i'm not interested

Sarov

@AlexRobinson What if they can fit a Gameboy SP?

@Tinkeringbell Holy crap why.

@Tinkeringbell $"You are just now realizing this? You've known me for {timePeriod}s!"

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Well, I knew one person that did this in high school, basically because one of her legs was a bit shorter than the other, and it could be fixed this way... It would mean she didn't have to wear orthopedic shoes that correct for the difference in length all her life, and she really was vain enough to just want to wear sneakers ;)

At the same time, there was something in the news about these surgeries becoming increasingly popular in Japan, just because people want to be taller.

Sarov

The former I can understand. The latter... yeesh...

Alex Robinson

@Sarov i understand that the practice is """common""" in italy

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, some Google searching shows its popularity is not just limited to Japan or Asia, indeed.

Sarov

13:41

I feel I must repeat myself.

Holy crap why.

Yeah sure it might be nice to be a bit shorter but I'm not gonna mutilate myself for it!

Tinkeringbell

13:55

Depends on your definitions of mutilate, I guess :P

On another note... holy shit. I have closed all doors and windows and I can still hear this neighborhood kid screaming as if she's standing next to my ears.

Throwing a tantrum because her brother, sister and mom all tell her to go play by herself.

Alex Robinson

poor girl

Tinkeringbell

Not at all.

She's a spoiled little brat.

Sadly, she's a spoiled little brat with a very loud voice.

I don't mind spoiled little brats as long as they don't bother me :P

I'm tempted to text the neighbors. They're always asking us to be more quiet too

Sarov

@Tinkeringbell Do it.

Tinkeringbell

It's tempting...

Alex Robinson

order a muzzle for their adress...

Sarov

14:04

Honestly, I would, specifically because of "They're always asking us to be more quiet too".

Ideally, using the exact same phrasing they've used.

Tinkeringbell

I'd have to ask mom for that phrasing, but it includes just shouting 'HEY' from their window at 11PM :P

I have thus far satisfied myself with slamming my window :P

Sarov

I am reminded of a sign:

> Unattended children will be given espresso and a free puppy.

Alex Robinson

the pub nearest my dads house has something similar, but instead with "energy drink and a can of spray paint"

Tinkeringbell

14:21

Hmm...

Unattended children will be mostly ignored and yelled at if they come within 1,5m, as they are after all still all unvaccinated little super-spreaders.

Especially since schools have started again.

Alex Robinson

i had to take the tube this morning and i haven't for atleast a month - it was almost amazingly busy

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, I'm very glad I don't have to take public transport anymore even if we were to get back to the office. My mom took the train with a few friends last week, and there were many people refusing to wear masks and acting aggressively when reminded they had to.

Alex Robinson

as much as i hate people not wearing masks / not covering their nose, i've decided its not worth my time to try to change it because to my mind someone not wearing a mask isn't going to suddenly start wearing one

Tinkeringbell

Oh, this wasn't my mom trying to correct them either, it was train personnel.

Alex Robinson

OH

Sarov

14:29

It should just be made a criminal offense. Like attempted murder.

Because it is.

Alex Robinson

in theory its a fine almost everywhere, in practice its difficult because people claim medical exemption

Tinkeringbell

You're right, people aren't suddenly going to listen to someone else saying they have to obey the rules if that other person is just a stranger... though: stuffdutchpeoplelike.com/2015/01/19/no-65-social-policing

Alex Robinson

interesting, london is the complete opposite in that talking to a stranger is practically a crime

Tinkeringbell

I mean, I would love less talking with strangers, but on the other hand, I would also love it if strangers listened better if you told them about the rules.

But in general, yeah. Dutch people will tell you 'please shut up, this is a silence compartment, if you want to chat you need to go sit in another carriage', and get train staff if you don't oblige.

Alex Robinson

thats the trade off isn't it... the tube in london is always crammed but the only sounds you'll hear are the train itself and possibly someones headphones being too loud - however you can't change anything that is antisocial

Tinkeringbell

14:35

Yeah. I've been on the london tube once, and now that you mention it... our class was probably the loudest thing there XD

I like the part where people hold others accountable though. The rules of public transport are often pretty clear and present, so breaking them really is something that should be addressed IMO :P

Tourists however hate it :P One of the buses I took regularly from the office back to the train station would come from the airport first, often filled with tourists. Asking (then telling) them that putting a suitcase on a seat was not allowed and that I am going to sit there and their suitcase goes in the luggage room... was not appreciated a lot XD

Alex Robinson

that is... interesting behaviour

Tinkeringbell

It is. It was quite entertaining to observe a bus full of tourists. Some are actually polite, giving up seats for elderly people and stuff... usually, these were often groups of people that were also being very loud and boisterous, something that for Dutch people is usually associated with a less polite mentality or drunk people.

Others were plain rude, breaking the rules, trying to circumvent paying the full bus fare by 'checking out' early, not staying seated, eating/drinking on the bus, and not listening when corrected.

Alex Robinson

14:55

when i'm on an overground train i always give up my seat if i'm alone and someone else clearly needs it more - normally a parent/child combo or someone elderly.

Tinkeringbell

Yep, it's what I was taught to do too.

Though, with the introduction of a lot of handicap spots in trains, I admit I'm not as much on the lookout for it anymore. I just go read a book and I'm not going to stop reading at every station. If it's needed, someone will ask me, but usually I make sure not to sit in a handicap seat and then people will usually just go there instead anyways so.

Same for buses, most have 3/4 handicap spots, just make sure you're not sitting there and there's not much trouble.

Alex Robinson

sounds like a sensible system

i'm gonna be off for now but hope everyone has a nice evening!

Tinkeringbell

You too! I think dinner is going to be served here in a few minutes as well...

Sarov

15:16

@Tinkeringbell Wait, 3/4 of the seating is handicap?

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov no, 3 or 4 :P

Though with the kind of people that take public transport.... :P

Tinkeringbell

15:31

5:30 and still no dinner... something is wrong...

Sarov

16:35

@Tinkeringbell What kind of people? :O

Tinkeringbell

17:10

@Sarov public transport people ;)

Sarov

@Tinkeringbell Well that's tautological.

Tinkeringbell

17:25

Of course it is, that's the joke :P

Sarov

You shouldn't be tautological!

Tinkeringbell

I love being tautological though!

Sarov

You can't. It's bad.

Tinkeringbell

:P

Introverted Meta Man

0

Q: Unpinning accepted answers, or not?

There's been a change on Stack Overflow: Accepted answers are no longer pinned to the top of the list of answers. They ran a test on Stack Overflow, and the results of that are mentioned in this post. Some main things to note were that unpinning accepted answers for a while on Stack Overflow led ...

discussion featured accepted-answer

Tinkeringbell

17:43

Uggghhh I made a typo in the title of all places.

That's what you get for not focusing.

Sarov

And now it shall live forever, immortalized.

Tinkeringbell

I have no idea what you're talking about :P

Sarov

@Tinkeringbell This.

Tinkeringbell

@Sarov Hmm. Okay. I can do some mod-fu and redact it, but it would require a second mod and be too close to mod-privilige abuse :P

Sarov

snorts

And thus now it shall live forever, immortalized.

Tinkeringbell

18:07

:P

Sarov

Possibly stupid question (the best kind!), but - why isn't there an Intrapersonal Stack Exchange?

Tinkeringbell

Probably waaay too subjective, too close to playing pretend at being shrinks, and never managed to get through Area51 ... pick any order.

Sarov

18:22

"Probably waaay too subjective" - How would it be more subjective than Inter?
"too close to playing pretend at being shrinks" - See Law.SE :P

Tinkeringbell

Well, go propose one then ;)

Sarov

I was actually legitimately asking. How would it be more subjective than Inter?

Tinkeringbell

Oooh, essay incoming. First of all, this isn't "Interpersonal Stack Exchange", it's interpersonal skills. There's a reason it's limited to skills, to the behaviors people use to interact with others and achieve goals, and not just everything that involves two people.

If it were just a place for any question involving more than 1 person, there'd be a lot more subjective questions too... like whether or not something is rude/abusive. They're primarily opinion based, but right now they're also off-topic because they're not about interpersonal skills.

Sarov

...Right. The url and IPS acronym are confusing! :P

Tinkeringbell

For intrapersonal things, there's also the aspect of 'we can't read minds'. You'd get questions like "Why do I feel the way I do", which just isn't something that can be answered with anything but opinion... or therapy. And therapy is just someone's opinion on your feelings a lot of the time :P

Sarov

18:31

So basically it'd have to be Intrapersonal Skills Stack Exchange.

Tinkeringbell

I'm not sure if there are such skills, but perhaps. There was a proposal some while back for a 'neurodiversity' SE, which would probably have included some intrapersonal stuff as well.

Sarov

Like "close your eyes and count to 3 pi" I guess!

Tinkeringbell

or 'control your temper'. But explaining on a site how to do so... that's going to be hard.

Sarov

Why, I wonder.

Tinkeringbell

Well, try explaining what you do to control yours! ;)

Sarov

18:36

Listen to a particular song! :P

Tinkeringbell

I can say I take distance. But sometimes, people see me taking that distance as just me throwing a tantrum :D

So then it's still not solved

Sarov

@Tinkeringbell Closed as Off-topic: That seems like more of an interpersonal issue. We only deal with intrapersonal skill issues, here.

Tinkeringbell

XD See? :P

I think an intrapersonal stack exchange just is going to struggle even harder than one for interpersonal skills in attracting high quality questions.

There is already 'psychology and neuroscience', which is the most objective/research part of intrapersonal if you ask me.

Sarov

I dunno, I think it might be handy to approach from both angles.
Intrapersonal is take distance.
Interpersonal is how to stop people thinking you're tantruming when you take distance.

Tinkeringbell

Well, not really... Interpersonal skills don't include mind control ;)

Sarov

18:40

Sure they do!

Tinkeringbell

I've got to go though, we can continue this tomorrow :P I need to excercise and shower still before bed.

Sarov

We just don't deal with those here. :P

"How do I gaslight someone" Is a perfectly legitimate interpersonal skill question.
...Though I'm sure it would be closed here, I'm not sure what the close reason would be.

I guess off-topic because:

> Other types of questions that are off topic include questions that: [...] violate the Stack Exchange “Code of Conduct” rules by encouraging bigotry of any kind, harassment, or abuse of others. While not all interpersonal interactions meet these guidelines, our goals are to encourage respectful interpersonal skills.

It's still an interpersonal skill. It's just not one that happens to be on topic on this specific site.

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