The Awkward Silence

A J

05:52

→ 2 messages moved to Trash

Morning!

dhein

06:18

Hey all :)

A J

Yello!

dhein

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/24049/32 Is it just me or is this one lacking qutie some backup?

avazula

@dhein no, you're right

A J

06:38

Do you people have anything related to leaking the code or database in your employement agreement?

avazula

@AJ do you mean things that prevent us from doing it?

A J

yes

avazula

mmh. Not specifically related to code but intellectual works, yes

I don't own any of the patents I write for the company, but my name is on it and I earn something from it

A J

I guess the intellectual work does involve code.

avazula

Same goes for the papers I might write within my time at the company

I also am not technically allowed to talk about my works which leads to super awkward conversations when people ask me what do I do for a living because idk how much I can tell them without breaking my contract haha

A J

06:45

lol

dhein

@avazula you invented something for your company that got registered as patent? :O Thats cool :)

A J

here my company would take ownership and I won't get anything from it.

dhein

@AJ I think here in germany, it is regulated by law (and else where that should be the case, too?!). So even if your contract doesn't mention it, it should be clear.

@AJ Same here. I mean, thats what I am getting my salary paid for. ^^

avazula

@dhein that might be because I'm not really doing a job where I would write patents on a daily basis :p

dhein

@avazula Nono, I was talking about my contract. Its quite common here to just write in, that any invention being made bladi blah, is property of my employer and with my regular salary is coverign already the payment for the ownership of any ivnention I might make. I either don't work on any real inventions at all.

That's why I was wondering that you already were involved in patent registrations :o

avazula

07:01

oh. Well the first part applies for me too but it's stipulated in my contract that I get ... "bonuses" because of the patents

Haven't published any patent yet though :)

dhein

Ahhhh :D

So do only people not working on inventions get "these bonuses"? :P

avazula

@dhein Only people who work on them and co-write the patent get them

avazula

07:38

why were you asking @AJ?

CaldeiraG

08:03

Morning :)

avazula

Heya

A J

08:41

@avazula Well, my company has added that clause now and made us sign that.

avazula

o_o

Belle

Morning

A J

Afternoon!

Belle

My colleagues always tease me because I'm from a rural area. Today they got some extra ammo: I was late for work because there was a peacock on the road.

Tinkeringbell

08:56

o.O

Belle

Zeeland-life

Ælis

I still haven't received my new credit card. It's been five day that I have to pay stuff cash and I'm starting to worry that the new one will never arrive :/

Mithical

@Belle vile vicious creatures

CaldeiraG

@Belle They really must enjoy living in a small apartment in the middle of the mess that is the city :\

@Ælis :( but 5 days is not that long though, hopefully you'll get it by the end of the week

JAD

@CaldeiraG thats a very binary way to look at things

Ælis

09:03

@CaldeiraG It's the second one they are sending...

Both haven't arrived

CaldeiraG

@Ælis sad noises

@JAD I agree but that's what it is

I'm lucky to live in a medium-sized apartment outside the central area. I would consider it a rural area when I moved there 10 years ago but now it's full of buildings around

JAD

you're claiming there's no middle ground between high-rise urban and rural?

CaldeiraG

There is, I probably consider my place that

JAD

2 mins ago, by CaldeiraG

@JAD I agree but that's what it is

I'm confused

Belle

I love living on the island. It's pretty, quiet, I have lots of space... But there are downsides too. The city is far away (my job is a 60 km drive), the supermarket is far away (5 km drive), basically everything is far away.

Although, my colleagues seem to believe we still ride horses and hunt and gather.

CaldeiraG

09:10

@JAD Sorry, I probably used the wrong words there but there is a middle ground, it's somewhat hard to find these days

JAD

@Belle the train still runs on steam doesn't it? ;)

Belle

@JAD Train? We don't have a train :P

JAD

oh right, the one two islands over

Belle

@JAD Oh yes, it does

avazula

@Ælis when did you order it?

Also, do you know it's supposed to be sent in a letter confirmation letter, that you have ot sign to get?

JAD

09:12

@Belle hah, that's cool

CaldeiraG

@Belle Everything comes at a cost :) work is pretty far away :o but nice you like being there

A J

Belle

J A D A J

A J

JAD and my avatar look like a single picture.

Belle

@ava has a kitty-hat

avazula

09:16

@Belle or your cat farted, idk

2

A J

lol

avazula

You know @AJ I've recently watched "AJ and the Queen" (which is a great series btw) and only since then did I start to hear your name when I read stuff you wrote / were written to

Funny how the brain works

I recently heard on the radio that it can be a deal breaker for readers to hear an author's voice because from then on they would hear their voice when reading the stuff they wrote and apparently you'd lose some of your imagination abilities that way

kscherrer

@avazula same goes for reading a book after you saw the film. When I first read Harry Potter, I had my complete image of Hogwarts in my head, how the characters look like, how they talk. Then come the films and BAM I can no longer read it with my own imagination but have to use images and voices from the film.

avazula

09:31

@kscherrer :sad:

ankii

@avazula in blue

CaldeiraG

@ankii o/ haven't seen you in a while

A J

@avazula oh, nice! It's French?

avazula

@AJ Nope, from the US ... You may recall my love of drag queens? Well this show's plot is all about that :D

A J

ohh

ankii

09:48

@CaldeiraG finding new communities over the internet :-)

One that pays ;p

<FR>make Dumbo's face an emoji easy to use in chat</FR>

Belle

@avazula I love RuPaul

avazula

@Belle "gurrrrl"

ankii

reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/exbcj3/… just in case someone wants to vent :)

It was full of little things that can make one's life easy..

Though I am yet to meet a person on spectrum in real life.

Ælis

@avazula The first was send the 10th of January. The second one was, I think, send the 31 of January. Also, it's probably not sent in a confirmation letter, otherwise they would know that I didn't received it

Tinkeringbell

> To be fair, switching between knife and primary weapon gives you a certain speed gain compared to running with primary weapon, but why simply not run with a knife instead?

"Mom says I'm not allowed to"

XD

gaming.stackexchange.com/a/363575/205399 (source)

Belle

10:02

I'm also not allowed to run with the scissors!

JAD

@ankii Given that it's a broad spectrum, you probably have. Many cases are not generally noticeable unless you spend a lot of time. And that's a good thing.

A J

@Tinkeringbell Ohh, I played that game and loved it. I used to switch between knife and gun just to run fast.

I even got into the semi-final of its tournament.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle Same here. Also not with hot beverages or food, and the bucket of cleaning water :P

@AJ That sounds pretty cool but I have no idea if that was hard or not as I've never played the game ;)

A J

@Tinkeringbell It's not that hard, but yeah, you need to be aware of the map you play in.

CaldeiraG

@AJ cool :)

Belle

10:07

@JAD This. I got pretty good at "sniffing out" autistic people irl. There are far more autistic people around than you might think, you probably know a few. A small group of colleagues at my previous job was convinced there were no autistic people in the company. I knew of at least 3 with a diagnosis, and I suspected another 3 or 4.

JAD

@Belle I remember when I got my diagnosis in university. My lab partner shrugged and said "well, we're in uni at a beta study, I think we're in the majority here"

CaldeiraG

@AJ CSGO player with 700 hours approx, i'm not that good though and i stopped playing it for months but it's a fun game with friends

most of my gaming sessions now are solo and i play simulation games, Euro Truck Sim 2 and more recently Farming Sim 2019 (it's free on Epic Games until tomorrow)

Belle

@JAD Haha, yeah, that doesn't seem unlikely :P

avazula

@Belle Since autism is still very unpopular in France, I've met several people I'm pretty sure are on the spectrum, some of them being in real hurt because they're different, but they wouldn't even hear about autism because they speak, they have jobs, they don't have intellectual deficiencies ... Ugh. #ThankYouFreudForScrewingUsAll

Belle

@avazula It's not that much better here. Some people I know don't want a diagnosis because they'd feel less about themselves for having one.

As if a diagnosis changes who you are.

kscherrer

10:24

a diagnosis changes who you think you are

similar to placebo effect

avazula

@kscherrer oh yeah. I used to think I'm a freak. ~~Now I know that I'm one~~

Tinkeringbell

@avazula That's the good outcome, I guess. Sadly, I've recently watched a series on how abominable psychiatry in The Netherlands can be, and it certainly can go the other way as well... feeling pretty okay then getting a diagnosis and becoming the diagnosis, even though it's not correct :/ I watched parts of that series with tears in my eyes seeing how psychiatry wrecked these people :(

JAD

hmm, my experience is quite different

the diagnosis helped me better understand myself

Tinkeringbell

(I don't know if I ever told the story of how I was a continuously tired teenager that mental health services said 'was just asking for attention and should be treated as such, while I just needed to bring an extra sandwich to lunch?)

avazula

don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I got diagnosed. That was a joke :)

@Tinkeringbell oh dear Cash no. That sounds horrible :(

Tinkeringbell

10:31

@avazula Yeah, I think I got that ;) That's why I said that's the good outcome :P

JAD

It opened the possibility to get educated on what it entailed.

avazula

@JAD Wish I could say the same ... I'm eagerly looking for resources on that

kscherrer

@avazula oh dear ava

oh wait i no longer go under cash

Tinkeringbell

It was less horrible then it sounds, I guess... I had exactly one visit with a .. I'm not even sure if it was a properly educated psychologist or just some goat-wool sock coach (I should ask mom if it's important)... It was a very frustrating conversation though, being asked questions you have never thought about, have no clear answer to, and are sometimes only allowed to answer yes or no to while the 'real' answer has 10 buts.

I'm glad mom has good friends that took one look at my lunchbox and said 'if she's cycling 20km a day that's not enough food'.

avazula

@kscherrer That remained my go-to phrase when I wanna say "omg" or "dear god" long after you were gone ;p

@Tinkeringbell :( that's an awful experience

kscherrer

10:36

oh wow did I ascend to deity status? :D

JAD

hmm, being asked questions you normally don't think about can be helpful

restricting the answers, not so much

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Yeah... so I can understand why people want to steer waaaay clear of any of that.

@JAD Being forced to answer those questions on the spot is also not helpful.... all it does is make you lay in bed at night thinking you should've/could've/would've liked to say....

avazula

One of my sisters, Nina, has endometriosis. She battled with doctors for more than 5 years for them to accept to get her to have a sonogram. They would constantly tell her that it's normal to hurt during her periods, that she's overreacting and faking it to get attention. She would bend in pain and stay on the floor for hours. I'm so mad at them.

JAD

I guess. At the same time, maybe it's not the answer necessarily that's interesting to the psychiatrist, but rather the way you reason your way towards an answer

kscherrer

@Tinkeringbell making you think about these things and what your true answer would be to the questions is in my opinion a good thing. However, they should have given you time to think about it, and give the final answer at a later point in time

JAD

10:39

I think it depends a lot on the setting

When I was getting my diagnosis, it were biweekly sessions, so things could be held off till a later time for example

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Probably. I really should ask mom if we ever visited a proper psychologist or just some certified quack... because it sounds more and more like the latter.

JAD

but yeah, if there's no trust between client and psychiatrist, you're starting off on the wrong foot

avazula

She only got them to accept to examine her because a male friend of the family that's vaguely familiar with biology told the doctor she shouldn't be suffering that much. Both her parents and I work in medical and health research.

JAD

That's what I spent some time getting to realise myself. I'm there for me, not because my parents wanted me to

ankii

@JAD mental health is a long way to go in here (: I'm happy that people are acknowledging depression at least.

JAD

10:42

if you're just going through the motions to make others happy, that's not gonna work

ankii

One can find several comic videos/ vines which try to spread some awareness as there is no other way to do so..

Do you disagree @AJ ?

Do You Concur?

Tinkeringbell

@avazula Yeah... those are really hard to get doctors to act on here too. :/

(I've had a coworker with much the same problems, took years before doctors were okay with surgery... because 'she might want to have (more) kids' :/)

Journeyman Geek

@avazula erf. Apparently lots of girls in my family have it

avazula

@JourneymanGeek 1 out of 10 worldwide ... seems logical yea

Journeyman Geek

@avazula and I assume there's a genetic component

avazula

10:48

@JourneymanGeek It is, apparently

Journeyman Geek

yup

Belle

Ugh, I also got told period pains are supposed to be horrible. The pain made me faint a couple times. My doctor sent me to get an ultrasound done at some point, but the doctor who did that was very rude to me. He told me he couldn't see anything because I hadn't had enough to drink that day. I was a super nervous 13 year old that had to go get an ultrasound done.

He said he didn't see anything on the ultrasound and that was the end of that. No treatment, I was fine. Doctor wanted to help me out a little and offered the pill. That helped somewhat.

I used to take painkillers for the pain, but I'd throw them all up again. I resorted to taking them rectally. That was the only way I could take them.

avazula

I'm pretty sure I'd get hardcore painkillers should I go see a doctor for my period pains ^^'

Belle

I'm still not sure if what I used to experience before getting hormones was normal.

Ælis

@Belle :'( I was way more lucky than you. I had an ultrasound. It didn't show anything. My doctor said: "it doesn't mean that you don't have it" and she gave me an appropriate treatment that, indeed made my life so much easier

avazula

11:01

@Belle That depends. If you mean "normal" like "statistically common" then yes, it sadly is. If you mean "should I have to go through that" the answer is definitely no :o

Ælis

@Belle Fainting and throwing up is definitively not suppose to happen

avazula

@Ælis wait. so the sonogram might come negative but you still have endo?

Journeyman Geek

@avazula well, its not infallible

a lot of medicine is well... guesswork

avazula

@JourneymanGeek yeah, I've learned this the hard way ...

Ælis

@avazula It's like the Schrodding cat. You didn't manage to open the box, so you don't know. But you will still treat the pain because you can and there is no reason that you should suffer uselessly

Belle

11:04

I got a new doctor later that gave me a hormonal IUD, which helped a lot, actually.

Ælis

@avazula Apparently, the damage are sometime to small to show up in an ultrasound. So, if you are young, the ultrasound probably won't show anything unless you have a very bad case of endometriosis

avazula

I have an IUD (plain old one) too. The cramps are much painful than when I was still on hormonal birth control but my head is so much clearer now

@Ælis o_o had I known before ... I need to tell another sister this

Journeyman Geek

I mean, I don't have.. the plumbing, but I had a less annoying issue that didn't get treated until I saw a canny old doctor

@avazula ... how many sisters do you have? 0_0

Belle

There's a lot of information here. I hate the IUD, but it's worth not having the pains. I'd rather not have either, though.

avazula

@JourneymanGeek 5 ... foster kid xD

Journeyman Geek

11:09

ah ok

Ælis

@avazula It's sad that I was the one to give you this information. That is something you should learn in college, in a biologic class. Or from a doctor. But from me, so late in your life? That doesn't sounds right

Belle

My sister takes the pill to be rid of the pains too, even though she hates the hormones as much as me.

Journeyman Geek

Your parents must be busy, but... not in that sense :D

avazula

we're 9 total.

@Ælis Dear ... I haven't heard about endo before I was 20.

Journeyman Geek

@Ælis if onnnlllyyyy

most school biology classes are not designed to give you life skills

avazula

11:12

@JourneymanGeek what do you mean I learnt to play the flute for nothing?

Journeyman Geek

biology classes.. flutes...

You must have had much more interesting biology classes than I did

avazula

oh I misread that, I read "school classes".

xD

Belle

I'm gonna make an appointment with my new doctor about it. I hate this IUD and I'd rather be rid of it.

Ælis

@Belle I take a contraception pile everyday even though I can't get pregnant (because I don't do sex, and I'm very not planning to). I know there is long term very bad side effect (like... maybe cancer). But, right now, I'll kill anyone who would try to take those pills away from me. They are life savior. Suffering none stop for five days every month? No, thank you!

@Belle I hope you will be able to find a solution that works for you :)

Belle

I have like... 80% of the side effects mentioned on the IUD page.

Ælis

11:16

Ouch... That's a lot ^^'

Extroverted Main Man

13:53

0

Q: how to become friends again with a girl i confessed my feelings too?

i have a friend who i have known for a a long time. we are not good friends necessarily, due the fact that we had just reconnected a couple of weeks ago. a couple of days ago i confessed to her that i have feeling for her and she told me that she had just gotten back with her ex recently. the fol...

CaldeiraG

14:26

Flagged this question ^^ as a duplicate, I think there is very good advice on the dupe for this situation

Does this answer your question? How can I again be on friendly terms with a girl I have a crush on since she's avoiding me after I gave her a small gift? — CaldeiraG 2 mins ago

What do you think? :)

Tinkeringbell

That works, it's also a 'what should I do, confront or not'...

avazula

oh hey, @AlexRobinson is in here! Hello!

CaldeiraG

@Tinkeringbell yeah but that's already part of most question of new users :p

Belle

Boooo! My fiancé's request for a weekend off so we can visit a con got declined. Well, screw it, I'm going alone!

Tinkeringbell

@Belle Boooo! indeed. Glad to hear you can still go though ;)

@scohe001 Perfect sandbox edits, thanks! :)

kscherrer

14:36

@Belle don't let yourself be conned out of a nice weekend

scohe001

@Tinkeringbell Thank you for taking the time to review :)

Belle

Ba-dum ts ;)

But indeed. Neither of us gains anything from me not going.

Tinkeringbell

@scohe001 No problem :P I kinda saw it and thought it was interesting. I'll try and see if there's some research into this :)

(Then may write an answer when you posted it ;) )

scohe001

Yea I'd be really interested to see some research on the human attention span when listening to/following a conversation/presentation and how much of a sidetrack that attention span can take before the distraction throws a person out of the groove

Belle

I like doodling when listening, it is just enough distraction to not get distracted by bigger things and at the same time still have enough focus, and it reduces visual stimulation. Sadly, doodling while in a 1-on-1 conversation is considered rude.

Belle

15:54

It's quiet. Did everyone go home?

avazula

nope

I'm stuck between nosql queries and tests plans to write :o

scohe001

I'm snowed in over here, so I never left! :p

Em C

16:24

@ankii this is a really interesting thread to read :)

I have been here but catching up on emails .. and chats :p

@scohe001 :o how much snow do you get there?

ankii

@EmC sometimes the other chat reaches upto 300 messages in a few hours and it's a pain to understand when project leaders are taking in incomprehensible jargons

scohe001

This is going to sound pathetic to the New Yorker's here, but we got 5in (and still going). The issue is, we have one snow plow for our entire town, so everything's basically going to be shut down for the next few days lol

Em C

haha. that's nothing to sneeze at when it comes to driving around! especially with only one snow plow

@ankii there's a couple channels at my work like that.. I usually just skim through when I'm bored and figure I'll get pinged directly if I actually need to see any of it :p

El'endia Starman

@scohe001 Even speaking as a New Yorker, 5 inches is still pretty decent! 3 inches is probably around when I start actually considering staying home and working from there.

scohe001

Huh. I grew up in southern California, so I've never really had snow. So I guess I don't really have anything to compare to for a "normal" amount. Good to know that 3in is the line to draw lol

El'endia Starman

16:38

Probably depends on the person though. I grew up in North Carolina and we typically got snow a couple times per winter. Snowfall totals of 3+ inches were pretty rare.

Tinkeringbell

@Belle I was eating dinner :)

I need a nerd/geek.... My camera keeps flashing green on Discord, and the top solutions from google (reinstall drivers, restart PC, check Discord video permissions) all refuse to work...

Help?

scohe001

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?

El'endia Starman

> restart PC

I know you were joking but still. :)

Tinkeringbell

XD One of them recommended to unplug webcam, uninstall driver, restart pc, replugin webcam

scohe001

Oh I was talking about your router, just for good measure

Tinkeringbell

16:49

BTW it's only on the desktop app, if I access Discord through my browser it works fine :/

scohe001

You can never be too sure with these things

Tinkeringbell

That's the backup option.

El'endia Starman

Move to a new house?

Tinkeringbell

Working on it :)

El'endia Starman

Get a new computer?

Tinkeringbell

16:51

This one is still good.

El'endia Starman

But the Discord problem...

Anyway, a serious answer from me is that you've probably done basically all the googling I would have so I dunno what else there is to do. :/

Tinkeringbell

:/

I'm going to try and uninstall/reinstall Discord... if that doesn't work the next ASL lesson shall have to be through the browser ;)

Belle

I just finished dinner too. We're doing OT again. Ah well, bonus days off and free dinner, can't complain.

Tinkeringbell

What's typical OT dinner look like there? :)

(It seems I fixed the webcam)

Belle

17:12

Nice! :)

It's takeout from whatever place our manager fancies that day

Tinkeringbell

That sounds quite good, actually. At my dad's/brother's place they have the same thing each time... which gets a bit boring if you're working overtime several days a few weeks in a row ;)

At my place, it depends on the office location. Some have catering, generally the food will be overcooked and undersalted if you eat there. If not, it's take out... which is usually Chinese, pizza, or burgers. I like the last part :)

Ælis

22:25

About GoFundMe:

Em C

@Ælis I think that's outdated info.. YouCaring was acquired by GoFundMe apparently: gofundme.com/c/youcaring (which is also where you get redirected if you just type in youcaring.com)

Transcript for