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00:33
0
Q: How can I keep online acquaintances interested in my work without engaging at a private level?

TransientEntityI am a music and video producer half of my time, not an hobby though, since I am released, make a bit of money, and have my work reviewed in online and paper magazines. The thing however is that having a day job to sustain myself I find it impossible not to reduce my social life in order to wor...

 
7 hours later…
A J
A J
08:25
@Tinkeringbell puts on reading glasses
09:00
@Tinkeringbell I finally cast the first close vote. I was never interested in this question, but this situation where everyone agrees that it should be closed but no one was voting to close was really annoying me! (don't worry, I read the question first ^^)
@Ælis Let's see how it gets through the queue then. I think we did our best to fix this one, but in the end sometimes you have to conclude that a problem isn't with someone's interpersonal skills at all, and close.
 
1 hour later…
10:16
#22913 Džuris (533 rep) | Q: Telling my mother that I have anorexia without panicking her (score: 31) | posted 47 hours ago by Ælis (8454 rep) | edited 22 hours ago by A J (6975 rep) | Toxicity 0.07994508 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
@IPSCommentBot sigh
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1 hour later…
11:25
@Ælis This is the workplace-y part of this site I'd never fathom. In most SE sites, (hell, ones like SFF) people don't dare leave a reckless frame challenge when someone says "this is X" with a link. The precedent is the person linking it has already read more than you on it, and relates to it more
12:12
@M.A.R. Yeah, I really dislike it too. It's like they can't take your words for granted and are acting like they know more about yourself than you when, in fact, they literally don't know you
The job offer I turned down won't leave me alone. I answered their request for additional information, and then they called 2 days later to ask for more
@Rainbacon Wow, I don't have much experience with job hunting, but it sounds like they are desperate! Oo
12:39
Yeah maybe. My wife keeps saying "they must really like you"
12:55
I guess that this is a more flatering way to look at things :p
My computer is currently dying and, of course, I have things to do (it wouldn't be fun otherwise) ><
@Ælis Oh dear, I hope it sorts itself out
Well, I just killed everything and restart again, things seem to be better now
Sometimes that's the only way
BURN IT WITH FIRE
...wait, no, that would produce a bunch of toxic smoke. Never mind.
Hehe :p Thankfully, killing everything and restarting again works most of the time
 
1 hour later…
14:34
It's funny when the only people talking in TAS all have an ava I've drawn. Makes me wonder whether I'm awake :p
We live in an Ava drawn world
@Ælis i hope your computer got scared and fixed itself!
@Rainbacon I hope your interviewer got scared and fixed itself
:p
Is it just me, or are you problem solving skills on main different from your problem solving skills in chat?
@scohe001 ... I know it was a bad joke to make
Lol I enjoyed it, it just wouldn't be TAS if one of us wasn't giving the other a hard time :p
14:42
@scohe001 erh, neither Aelis or Rain's issues are about communication. AElis should tackle their issue the engineering way: either with WD40 or duct tape. Rain should get to know his rights and hire a lawyer for stalking issues. I was gonna say that neither of those topics are my strong suit... And then I remembered I debug for a living so that creepy hackers don't break my site to steal customer data
:p
@Ælis real quick question: I'm writing up a meta post on comments and comment deletion. Are you okay if I reference some of the messages you sent in chat as a response to the comments that were made on main? I know it was only in chat, so I wanted to get your permission before just posting them (it'd only be a link to the transcript, not a quote)
@avazula lol I mean if you already know the path to a solution, you sound like an expert to me :p
@avazula I doubt they did, I'm not a particularly intimidating person
@avazula Are you?
@Rainbacon joke aside I do think they're scared, not because you gave them the hint to back off but because you're very good and they don't wanna miss the chance of hiring you
@Mithrandir I don't know. Are you real? You sound too good to be true
can't take my eyes off you... 🎶
@avazula *fleeing stalker*
14:52
Lol
@Ælis I ended up using Em's comment, since it got the point I was trying to make across without having to send people into a chat transcript :)
@scohe001 nice post! two questions: do you think it'd be a good idea to mention the comment bot (as part of why we might seem faster / more diligent)? and .. where is that image from in the answer? :P
Oh I was totally thinking of doing that last night and then it slipped my mind this morning
Good call!
15:09
2
Q: Does IPS moderate comments differently from the rest of the Network?

scohe001I often see comments like No other site that I'm a member of is this picky. Why was my relevant comment deleted? and This management over comments is a very different experience from many other communities on SE. Propose automated comment deletion emails In fact, I even see ...

@EmC lol it's a meme my gf showed me yesterday! I thought it was perfect for this :p knowyourmeme.com/memes/well-yes-but-actually-no
@scohe001 hahah I see
@IntrovertedMetaMan Yes, but only because the rest of the network are slackers
:P
@EmC The comment bot evolved out of the need to keep an eye on the comments, not the other way around.
(disclaimer, I haven't read the post yet)
@scohe001 If you've only seen it for the first time yesterday, you're hanging out in all the wrong places of the internet.
@Mithrandir haha I've been out of the meme game for years now. I think I've been reddit/9gag/all-that-jazz free for...4yrs now?
@Mithrandir yep, that's pretty much what the edit was :)
15:18
My work slack has a #memes-old-enough-to-drive channel that I love though. Those I can relate to :p
next you'll need a #memes-old-enough-to-drink
well, in the US ... it wouldn't be as different in other countries haha
Haha true!
...I'm old enough to drive, but not to drink... I just haven't taken driving lessons yet.
(TIL "all your base" is only a year younger than me)
@Mithrandir But do you have plans in place to take drinking lessons?
15:22
...I'll have to get back to you on that.
@EmC Wow, I didn't realize it was that old (not to insinuate that you are old)
@Rainbacon lmao when I was in scottland they had to teach me how to properly taste scotch. Don't skimp on your drinking lessons, @Mith!
Understood :P
@Rainbacon me neither! I was trying to think of the oldest memes I knew of, that might be it
@scohe001 now I'm curious.. is it like wine tasting where you have to sniff it first and talk about bouquets and notes?
@scohe001 Did they read you a poem first?
15:26
Apparently the tastebuds on the tip of your tongue can't taste the alcohol in the scotch. So you take a sip and hold it in the front of your mouth to taste all the smoke and flavor, and then swallow it for a quick sting of alcohol. It was super interesting to me
@Rainbacon lol I wish. But they did pair the scotches with chocolates which was awesome
@Tink do we still post here for potential new faq's? Or is just tagging enough?
Scotch is my favorite alcohol
@avazula What is your favorite scotch?
Although its been a while since I last had a drink
@Rainbacon I really like the peated ones Aberlour does (we're talking about scotch whiskey right?)
@avazula Well we certainly aren't talking about scotch tape ;)
Lol. But I don't know, don't you guys use scotch to talk about bourbon as well?
15:40
I don't think I've ever used scotch to describe bourbon
But maybe that's just because I happen to have multiple friends who have extensive collections of scotch and are very particular about it
Ooh, nice! The only person i share this taste with is my mother; my friends prefer rhum
@scohe001 For futur reference, I wouldn't have mind :) (sorry for the late response, I was busy coming home with no public transportation ><)
You're chillin. I think it worked out better this way anyways :)
@Ælis how was this first week of part time working?
15:55
@avazula Very good! I finally had time to do some necessary stuff and, even though I'm still tired when coming back from work, I don't feel as much exhausted. I feel like I'm not "falling" anymore, like have a finally manage to stabilize my life a little. I'm very grateful for that :)
That is so cool! I'm really glad for you.
I had an invitation for a birthday party next October 6th, so i thought I could spend the weekend in Paris. I haven't decided what to do yet but, would you be free and okay to meet then?
@avazula OMG, yes!
We could go eat at this super pizza place or its cousin the burger restaurant :D
Oops, I meant 6th, sorry :)
@avazula Ahah, I'm totally fine with this plan :p But I'm also okay to test another one if you want too :)
@avazula Still good for me!
@Ælis as long as we check up the place beforehand I'm good :)
I need to see if I can get affordable tickets and a place to stay first, but ill sure let you know!
15:59
@avazula What do you mean by "check-up"?
@avazula I wouldn't mind you staying at my place if you want to :)
Maybe it's just a poor choice of words, but you seem to be quite extreme. It's either no network or going out every night. Most people would suggest aiming for the middle ... — Raditz_35 14 secs ago
#22931 Raditz_35 (259 rep) | Q: How can I keep acquaintances interested in my work without spending too much time (score: 0) | posted 15 hours ago by TransientEntity (58 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by TransientEntity (58 rep) | Toxicity 0.26751262 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
My week kinda was dedicated to this new car paperwork and a big project at work (and of course my family reunion of yesterday) but i'll be able to plan that next week :)
@IPSCommentBot tp
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@Ælis well, getting the directions and checking that its open, reserving a table if needed, this kind of stuff :)
16:02
@avazula Oh right, I wouldn't even think of not doing so x)
@avazula Are you all done with the car paperwork?
@Ælis well I think it'd be better I get a hotel room, because the birthday is on Saturday and I have no idea how late I'll stay
@Ælis I think everything's good on my side, yes! I have to wait for the money to be unblocked but then ill be done.
@Ælis I think we just met but I think I know your scuba diving technique preference better than you.
@avazula I could always give you a key if you are afraid of waking me up :) (I finally know how to use my "interphone" x) ). But I would understand if you would rather find a hotel room near the birthday place :)
@scohe001 What do you mean 'skimp on your drinking lessons?' I've had good scotch before! It was nice too!
Ahh sorry Mith. I must've accidentally hit you with an errant Mith ping
16:05
@avazula Nice! So no stress for this weekend then?
@Ælis that's nice of you to offer but don't worry, ill find a place in the middle of La Défense and your place :)
@avazula Alright, let me know if you change your mind :)
@scohe001 pings warn everyone that matches the regex, so you summoned all Miths that were here before. It's a feature ;)
Maybe it's just a poor choice of words, but you seem to be quite extreme. It's either no network because you don't invest anything or going out every night. Most people would suggest aiming for the middle ... you will already know that you can only harvest what you have planted. If you value other things more than networking, you won't have a network. This isn't an interpersonal issue, you seem to know the interpersonal stuff. Maybe consider a life coach to learn how to prioritize properly — Raditz_35 1 min ago
#22931 Raditz_35 (259 rep) | Q: How can I keep acquaintances interested in my work without spending too much time (score: 0) | posted 15 hours ago by TransientEntity (58 rep) | edited 15 hours ago by TransientEntity (58 rep) | Toxicity 0.3220544 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
@Ælis well, a couple laughed at me in the restaurant yesterday and it kept me awake a good part of the night, my confidence shaken and incapable of knowing what did i do wrong, but today was better :)
16:08
@IPSCommentBot this looks like a repost
@avazula How rude
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Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
@avazula :'( <3
@avazula that's messed up :/
16:11
I'm used to it. To be honest I was struggling to contain my autism (kinda high volume, stimming), maybe that played a part
@avazula That's even sadder :( I wish will live in a word where we wouldn't have to hide who we are
@avazula I'm curious, how do you stim?
@Rainbacon know about this?
I've also added a vote to close, after discussion on meta, but I think that the question could easily be preserved: given that an answer was accepted, and that answer makes the OP's effective rank order of priorities clear, the part about being unwilling to be at all untruthful can be softened or otherwise changed. I'm hesitant to make the change myself (it's still the OP's description of their own situation), but that's what would get me to revoke my VTC. — Upper_Case 1 min ago
It looks like an old telephone cord
16:14
#22907 Upper_Case (14611 rep) | Q: How to let my kids believe in Santa Claus without lying to them? (score: 6) | posted 3 days ago by Dan Anderson (7481 rep) | edited 28 hours ago by A J (6985 rep) | Toxicity 0.13668463 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
I always have a couple of these on my wrists. Its a hair band but I pull it in all directions when I'm uncomfortable
ah, ok
I used to have a chewable necklace pendent. I loved it, but I broke it a few months back (too much chewing :p) this was less discrete though. No one ever complained about it at work though.
Otherwise I swing and I tap feet
I shake my leg
Omg me too. Like, all the time.
16:17
Hmm that sounds pretty subtle though. Like playing with a hair band it something you could do under the table and I don't think I'd ever notice
Sometimes when I get really overloaded I will start to wring my hands
@scohe001 people tell me they don't notice either. I guess swinging and changing voice volumes are more obvious. But not many people know about my autism. At work only my boss knows, not even my manager. I'd love to tell them because compensation seems like hiding and it's exhausting and I'd love not to have to worry about that from time to time but I'd be too afraid of getting the famous "but you don't look autistic" ... And so nothing would change.
@scohe001 You can tag it faq-proposed. If the community has seen it and upvoted/edited it as needed, you can flag later to add the faq tag :)
@avazula I really need to get on with my "things not to say to an autist" blog post
(Sorry for the slow reply, I was picking out a kitchen)
16:25
I watched a couple episodes of good doctor on Wednesday night, and it made me so angry. I thought it was full of stereotypes and it felt offending. But then autism varies with every autistic person and maybe its because its not my perception of it? Anyway, I know people would think about this show when I'd tell them about my own autism and that would not match at all, and its normal
@Tinkeringbell nice! What color did you pick? :)
@Rainbacon that'd be nice
@avazula A not so bright white for the cabinet doors, and a dark brown/gray-ish countertop. That's going to be easiest to work into the rest of the room :)
But it's not set yet, I can still choose other colours next week if I change my mind ;)
You should just print out a bunch of slips of paper with a link to Ælis question on them to give out to anyone that says that
I at least have some sense of what my kitchen is going to look like, how big it is going to be and what kind of utilities it'll have :)
@avazula I don't watch it because I feel the same. I don't believe this show to be problematic in itself (at least, for the few that I have seen of it) but this representation of autism seem to be the only one we get which is a problem. For example, I never saw a show with "Asperger" woman. Or a show with a trans, autistic person (and God knows that a lot of us are trans/gender non-conforming)
@Ælis Have you tried watching Atypical on Netflix? The second season of it has several scenes with the main character's autism support group (most of whom are played by actors who themselves are on the spectrum)
16:36
@Rainbacon I also tried but I had the same issue (yet another autistic male character). And also the "I want to find a life partner" part was making me uncomfortable and a bit angry
Well what you're experiencing is not limited to autism IMHO.
The way they dumb down (no pun intended) the character to make them appeal to a broader audience is just romanticizing bullshit to people that do deal with such things in real life.
Be it autism, cancer, financial bankruptcy, or cheeseburgers.
The last one is the most brutal.
Even things as mainstream as science and scientists. Only recently the abomination known as The Big Bang Theory ended, and funnily enough, lots of people that sat through it gave a sigh of relief.
@M.A.R. Hey! No spoilers please I'm only at season 5 on Netflix yet :P
@M.A.R. ... what shows are you watching with dumbed-down cheeseburgers 0.o
@Tinkeringbell Major plot twist: The show ends with showing actor and actress names
@Ælis Interesting, Sam's desire to find a relationship (and then the struggles he goes through in the relationship) is my favorite part of the show. It's probably because those struggles closely mirror ones that I've had in my own relationships, but I'm also not used to seeing autistic relationships portrayed that way
16:44
I've had the opportunity to talk to quite a few people IRL diagnosed with some form of cancer and try to understand what they're going through and how they cope with it, and I myself have had the shocking reveal and the way I dealt with it myself, although it wasn't cancer.
@Tinkeringbell that's nice!
Even "better" movies make me cringe sometimes.
@Tinkeringbell You need Dettol
It's so effective it removes all color from the house walls
@M.A.R. No worries! As you can see from the sketch, there's no color to begin with XD
16:46
Seriously, check out their ads. I'd have to walk with skiing sunglasses in a house like that.
You'd want to put everything in a green shade except not like Matrix but with olive green
@Rainbacon Well, as someone who is aromantic and asexual, I'm really fed up by shows and stories in general focusing so much on romantic love with a heterosexual couple. Like, seriously, there are other interesting things to show! I'm not against a good love story (in fact, I literally love them), but I rather have them be a small part of the show or about a non-conventional relation (polyamor, homosexual, pansexual, etc..)
@Ælis Never, ever watch Iranian TV.
I imagine Bollywood TV shows would be the same but with 65% more nudity.
in The Screening Room, Aug 7 '17 at 18:14, by M.A.R.
There's a TV show airing about Nurses right now, creatively titled Nurses
in The Screening Room, Aug 7 '17 at 18:15, by M.A.R.
And all the nurses in the hospital are marrying other nurses
@M.A.R. Sounds like Grey's Anatomy but with nurses xD
@Ælis Bojack Horseman is nice for that, but I find it a bit too depressing when you're not in a good shape yourself
@Ælis Googles Yep, that poster is EXACTLY fit for a nurses show with marrying nurses.
16:56
@avazula Never tried "Bojack Horseman", it sounds too serious for me (I can't even watch a "regular" TV show without being stressed ><)
Tom & Jerry is really stressful.
Will the cat end up teaching the mouse a lesson? We will find out
. . . IN THE NEXT SEASON!
It's 2019 and we're waiting for that next season
17:44
argh, venting: I do not "get" how to talk to my new coworker - he keeps talking out loud about having build problems, so I try to help debug, he just goes "nope doesn't work. must be broke. gotta start over"... and/or goes and asks someone else... who is surely going to say the same thing, in this case..
(specifically I do not think there is any way that typing in a command that did not actually run broke his build! and if he had read his terminal output he would have realized what happened! I even told him he needed to double-check the folder names which I guess he just ignored!)
18:07
@EmC ohhh that's frequently a problem I saw in new people trying to contribute to open source too
I do respect the patience with which senior developers answer queries year round
@M.A.R. Well, I'm not a english expert so i won't :P
Guys, guess what, I've passed the driving test \o/
@ankii did you mean to link to the answer? not sure what you mean
@ankii Well, the passenger was a bit annoying lol but eventually it was fine
@EmC I already added the tags (there was only one)
@ankii yeah.. I'm trying to be patient :S maybe part of the reason it's frustrating is because I'm very much the opposite - try to research and fix my own problems before asking for help (though that can be bad too)
18:17
@EmC Those kind of communicate issues are hard :/ In those case, I always wonder if they didn't listen because they see me as a women and/or because I'm young
@Ælis I have wondered that too, but giving him the benefit of the doubt for now ;)
I usually give people like that the benefit of the eyeroll
though it was kind of funny the one time - I told him "to do X, you need to Y", he said "nope that didn't work", brought another coworker over, and that coworker asked me "hey, do you remember how to do X?" xP
and when that coworker did it, sure enough, it worked
@CaldeiraG the test is the only Time people drive fine
after that, god save the travellers
@CaldeiraG oh congrats!!
18:23
I like that Time is capitalized
(I missed that with my complaining sorry :P)
@CaldeiraG 👏
it went from tim -> Tim (autocorrect )-> Time (laziness )
@M.A.R. ELU.SE police?
@CaldeiraG Congrats!
@ankii Am I not police enough myself?
18:28
@M.A.R. naah
in The Screening Room, Aug 10 at 9:52, by ankiiiiiii
I always thought you're a grumpy 37 y/o mechanic who first scolds customers for breaking the machine first and then thinks about repairing.
p_p
@EmC well I will never help a stubborn and ignorant colleague if what they do isn't important
okay a few times, just to test progress.
well I do want to be nice, we're on the same team after all :p
also he respects the signal that headphones = please don't bother me (unlike one of my coworkers at a previous job..)
@EmC Heh, I think you just reassured yourself why you shouldn't be bothered too much by the silly behavior
18:45
@ankii very true :p
@EmC, @M.A.R., @Ælis, thanks :D 🎉
18:59
@Tinkeringbell ooh smort to flag it custom. I'll try that (once I think it's ready)
 
2 hours later…
20:53
Wow, nice meta.SE score @Tinkeringbell! This 9,666 is very fun (I might have a weird conception of "fun" :p )
(alright, I'm of to bed now)
Night!
0
Q: How to stop her from harming her-self after I broke up with her?

a_guyAfter severe ups and downs, I decided to end my 3 year relatioship with my girlfriend. I have a feeling that she wont be able to cope up with the emotional stress and might do something to herself. GOAL How do I prevent this from happening ?

21:32
@ExtrovertedMainMan oof..... :( I could write an answer to this one, but it already has a close vote, and my answer would be a frame-challenge-y
Thanks man
21:56
wait what!

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