The Awkward Silence

@dhein I'm either still getting a cold, or yesterday was the worst and today is slightly better (I don't know yet :P). And as for work, I'm busy and not busy at the same time, and I still have that thing with the coworker that isn't doing a good job of teaching me to solve.

It's a hard thing, as that's the same coworker with that us-vs-them mentality regarding the males on the team, that I wrote a question about recently. So I fear that if she comes back and I've switched mentors she's not going to take it well :/

Magisch

Seems like a "It'd be easier to ditch the company for a new job than resolve this" type of situation

Tinkeringbell

8:15 AM

@Magisch Perhaps, and I'm keeping eyes open for new opportunities. But then again this is manageable, I should think of myself sometimes and while I can try to limit hurting others feelings, I don't think it's fair to let myself be hurt in the process...

This thing with the coworker I can manage. Ælis gave a good answer there, that made me realize she's just doing this to hear what she wants to hear, and that there's not really any way to stop her without hurting her feelings.

Magisch

Seems exhausting

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch You reach a point where it's no longer your problem, and then it suddenly isn't anymore :P

If she's just doing this to hear what she wants to hear, it's not my problem to worry about her if she keeps doing it and I have to keep doing my thing ;)

Magisch

Was it ever?

It depends how much you care about her friendship. If you don't then it was never your problem to solve

Tinkeringbell

Well, I made it my problem for a while when I decided I wanted to somehow do something right for her... Took me a while and a question on IPS to figure out that was probably the wrong way to go about it.

I might lose the friendship, but then again I'm not really interested in pretending to be someone I'm not just for the sake of a 'friend'.

I would still have liked it if we'd have been friends, but that's relationships sometimes :P

She shouldn't have the change for me either, so people sometimes are just incompatible

Magisch

Thats a thing to consider. If you have to bend yourself and pretend a whole bunch of stuff you don't believe in to retain a friend, wouldn't it be kinder to be honest and let the cards fall where they may

Tinkeringbell

8:23 AM

@Magisch Well, sometimes you can both skip the pretending and accept there's a difference and work around it, but it seems this isn't one of those cases.

Too bad, but it shouldn't be too hard to find a real friend :)

Magisch

Ideological differences can be a dealbreaker depending on how central to one's personality the ideology is

2

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Oh gosh... this day has a quite hard job proving them self then, tho. :O But its now a diferent coworker than the one stressing you weeks ago? Cause then I might not even be up to date. Gonna check your post for being updated xP

Tinkeringbell

@dhein Yeah, I got rid of the male problematic coworker just to get a female one with some problems in return. But like I just discussed with Magisch, these problems are more on an ideological differences level, not really that much interfering with the work itself. So they're a bit easier to manage for now :)

dhein

@Tinkeringbell Absolutely. Just figured that my self. If people force you into a situation where you have to either hurt yourself or them... Why pick yourself? its them having brought you there... And since I convinced my self living that philosophy.... makes a lot easier, and isn't as hard to justify for my own conscience as I was thinking first '^.^

Magisch

I thank my lucky stars regularly that my coworkers are if a little quirky largely ok and pleasant to work with

dhein

8:32 AM

@Tinkeringbell Yeh yeh lets make it a gender thing xP Haha and yeh, just skipping through your conversation

Magisch

no ego trips, extremists or jerks all around

dhein

@Magisch yeah..... Its so nice being at such a workplace. Never thought before how much of a difference that can make :o

Cause I never before was in such a team.

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch If I could, I'd go back to the team I started with (only that the project we were working on is discontinued, so the team was disbanded). I still go to one of my coworkers birthday parties each year, and sometimes we meet up at the office on Friday so we can have the Friday afternoon drinks together.

Those guys were great too. I think this team is also pretty great, don't get me wrong... there's no real egotripping, extremism or jerks in this one... I just made my life hard by wanting to make friends with someone that would not work out ;)

Ælis

9:07 AM

action-needed | editing to remove bold + commenting to ask back-up | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/21736/21067

I finally edited it. It's slightly better, but it could probably still be improved (but, for now, it's lacking back-up anyway, so...)

IPS Comment Bot

9:50 AM

⚠️☢️🚨 Offensive/Abusive Comment 🚨☢️⚠️

Ælis

10:26 AM

close-vote | too broad | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/21726/21067

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