The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

00:01

0

I'm currently an IT student in college, and I encounter an issue with a friend of mine. Each year, a teacher gives to students, projects' topics, and he dispatches them according to wishes that students give, from an algorithm. Unfortunately, this year, all didn't happen as students wanted to ...

Em C

02:21

→ 32 messages moved to Trash

ElizB

Thanks :)

Em C

good evening :)

since I saw someone mention we only ever get "good morning" in here :P

Alex

That would be me.

But it's morning somewhere, so Good Morning.

Em C

02:38

haha yep, usually it's @AJ saying that when I come here in the evenings

timezones are fun

Alex

Indeed.

A J

02:50

@EmC good morning! ;)

Em C

@AJ hello :D

dhein

05:48

@RichardU Thank you :) That was really helpfull. :)

dhein

06:00

@Tinkeringbell you mean such a meta post? Or that concept about answers? (Isn't that what we ahve already?^^)

Ah and Good what ever to all of you :)

@ExtrovertedMainMan Speaking of similarity with RPG.SE '^.^

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/20810/32 Should this answer actually be downvoted and deleted? I mean, I see it being usefull and true. But from all I know about our policys, it is a) challenging OP's frame without giving much info about why this is better than what OP asks for. and b) it lacks any backup.

avazula

08:50

→ 3 messages moved to Trash

Good morning everyone!

dhein

09:35

Morning :)

Noon

10:41

flag-pls | interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/20696/…

Right now, I'm really taking upon myself to not start arguing with them, so if someone could flag this quikly, I would appreciate ^^

I'm sorry but I have to say that: If you are not on the autism spectrum, don't tell autistic person that they have a mental disorder

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: when I don't know German Language that time what I do?

I am currently working as software developer but more things is in my company all Employee are discuss all things in German that time my moral was down because I can not get anythings what they want to say or wanted to Explanation task. What should I do for this problem? please let me know or wri...

work-environment coworkers non-verbal-communication

JAD

@Noon hmm, Wikipedia calls it a developmental disorder

wonder what the difference is

Noon

10:58

@JAD I don't know but I know that a lot of people in the autism community are unhappy with the "disorder" name. If we are just thinking in a different way, is it really a disorder? If autism people where the majority, neurotypical people would be the one wearing the "disorder" label, so does this label really makes sense?

JAD

hmm, I personally am autistically disordered, doesn't necesarily bother me.

Point is, if it's just a label, why get all worked up over it.

By calling it a coming out, you yourself as treating it as a special thing as well

Noon

@JAD It doesn't necesarily bother me either, except when it's a neurotypical person who tell me that. "Mental disorder" has a bad connotation so let me decide to use this terme or not

@JAD Well, judging from the reactions I get when telling people I'm on the autism spectrum, it definitvely fell like a coming out... (I come out to my familly about being a lesbien and it was waaaaay easy)

dhein

I am on it. reading before flagging tho

Noon

@dhein Sure, that's good practice, never blindly flag something because someone on chat ask you to ^^

JAD

@Noon Guess that has to do with people thinking it's a binary thing, instead of a spectrum

Noon

11:10

@JAD Yeah, definitively look like that

dhein

First comment is gone after I flagged, second is flagged :P

Noon

@dhein Thank you :)

dhein

BTW, @Noon mind adding to that OP some info about what exactly you expect from an answer to that question? Right now I could add an answer how I am handling these kinds of conversation, I assume, tho that wouldn't be what you ask for. You say you don't want a conversation, and I get that. But then what else you want to transport without having conversation, if not "I don't want to discuss this"?

And just as a side note on this: As annoying this can be, I think it is infact just meant to be a compliment, especially after recently I had been told this from other autistic coworkers, in the context of me explaining them something about their autism. The reaction was like "Uh, you are handling this so well, you really are the opposite of the autistic stereotype" I know that person said it with an admiring intend, but still it felt to me like what you describe in your post.

Noon

@dhein I just want to let them know that I find there reaction hurftul but I would also avoid having to argue with the fact that "no, it's not hurtful"

dhein

@Noon Are you maybe confusing disorder with disability? I experienced it a few times already someone calling autism an disability and I know that the community is totally against it. But an disorder is actually pretty much what it is, AFAIK

@Noon So shutting down the covnersation and not letting it come up again (what from my experience does only happen once per person anyways) without offending the other would be an acceptable answer for you here?

JAD

11:22

@dhein best way to do that is to just not bring it up in the first place I guess. But I assume that's not an option

Noon

@dhein Yeah and hopefully make them understand that they shouldn't react like that with someone else in a similar situation (because they might hurt the other one feeling)

@JAD That's not an option indeed ^^

JAD

May I ask what you hope to gain by bringing it up?

Noon

@JAD I don't want to feel like I'm hiding a durty little secret

dhein

Yeah I am confused a bit by that, too. And I am not too sure yet if phrasing an answer would really add any value to the existing answers :/

JAD

So it's not a disorder, but it is dirty?

I treat it very much as a need to know thing. Generally it doesn't affect me, so I don't need to tell people. Whenever something needs explanation, that's when it warrants telling.

Noon

11:27

@JAD If you feel like you must hide it, then yes, it makes me feel like that

JAD

Especially in IT, autism is so commonplace...

dhein

@Noon Why you feel so?

JAD

@Noon but imo there's a difference between hiding something and actively bringing it up

Noon

@JAD You aren't living in France, the context is different here and people don't trust you when you tell them that you are on the spectrum :/

JAD

I would consider hiding autism to be actively going out of my way to not "act autistic".

@Noon I guess

Whereas not telling someone, isn't as much hiding it, but just living it, by lack of a better word.

dhein

11:30

@Noon I know how you feel :(

Noon

@dhein If you are writting an answer please consider that some people are really against the idea that I could be autistic (because I "don't look like one") and react very poorly when I tell them that I am

@JAD There is a lot of people who would qualify as "need to know" but I don't tell them, because Im too afraid of they reaction

dhein

@Noon: Would you be willing to share what the worst experiences were, you made so far by sharing with others that you are autistic? I mean I get your point and know myself how that covnersation can feel, but I can't really remember any situation, where just telling someone about it escelated. Usually it was just their ignorance of that info afterwards that made thigns escelate; for me.

Noon

@dhein I will edit my question to do so

@JAD Also, I have a coworker that I really and that might be on the spectrum too. But I can't tell them that I'm autistic because I don't know how much she knows about autism and I feel like I have to keep quiet until I educate her about autism and, only after, I would be able to trust her with my "secret" (I'm on probation period and I'm afraid I will be dismess if they know I'm on the spectrum)

JAD

(I'm on probation period and I'm afraid I will be dismess if they know I'm on the spectrum)

That would be a juicy lawsuit if I ever seen one

dhein

@JAD Well the problem for germany (and probs same in france) is, in your probation period, you can get terminated without the need of giving any reason.

Noon

11:40

@JAD No, it wouldn't. They would find another reason to dismiss me and it would be impossible to prove that it was because I'm on the spectrum. Companies (not mine specificaly) do that a lot and really tend to get away with it...

JAD

@dhein That still doesn't give the right to discriminate. And I think there is a case to make that the dismissal was due to the revelation

But I guess it depends on jurisdiction

sucks

dhein

@JAD Here in germany it clearly says, you don't have to justify your decision if it was on probation period. So ofcause it would not be ok to discriminate. But if even to a judge your employer can say "I don't want to give any reasons for that termination" How you supposed to prove them being discriminating? ^^

JAD

@dhein by proving that you were fired exactly after they found out

but then I guess you tell them one day after probation ended

Noon

@JAD That's mostly my plan. End of probation, then telling them

@dhein I edited my question

dhein

12:11

@JAD Yep, or you have the selfconfidence I had and keep telling them in the interview already, and tell your self "If that's a reason for them to not hire me, it was anyways a company I wouldn't want to work for."

3

But yeah, usually thats what you do here, as Noon said. Just telling them after probation, so they can't terminate you for that anymore without risking getting into serious trouble.

JAD

In that case I'd still edge towards not telling them at all

it's not really any of their business

avazula

@Noon it's gone, I flagged as unkind

Ok guys, I just posted my 1-month leaving warning

Wish me luck! o/

dhein

@avazula Good luck x) Now just make house partys every evening. Cause thats what autists like to do when they have that oportunity x'D

dhein

12:53

@Noon Ok, given your edit, as Richard tought me already yesterday. Family is a different thing. Given my autism related family background my therapist once told me, my mom most likely reacted like she did, cause autism is belived sometimes to come from external influence. So me telling her of my autism likely sound to her like blaming her for my situation.

@Noon for your post perse, I wouldnt conclude from family to random people. So I have to honestly say, knowing how this feels for you Id really love to help. But I couldnt add anything that isnt already covered by current answers. I see no way how you could teach people not to continue that behavior without inviting for discussion :/

All I could advice would rather be a frame challange, and the last time I did that my impression was I offended you, what I would prefer to not make happen again :x

Noon

13:11

@dhein I must say, I tend to have something against frame-challenge ^^ But I'm still curious about what you would have suggested. Also, I appreciate your willingness to help and I must say, I'm not sure myself that there is a way to tell people "don't do that" without inviting a discussion

IPS Comment Bot

13:38

Take all my +1's! As someone who was in a normal income household but found a partner from a very high income household it was hard to go to a restaurant every weekend and it getting paid by them. I couldn't make them understand that it was difficult for my because of my feelings. They did the same as you described here and it helped so much! — Nico 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

avazula

@IPSCommentBot tp

dhein

13:55

@Noon Well I can share my idea with you, but just gotta go now. I will consider if I can put it in as answer, or otherwise ping you about it here tomorrow

avazula

@Noon Sorry girl, but hello frame challenge

(Don't worry, I mostly answer your question, I just add that it may not always be a good idea to come out)

Noon

@avazula Wow, that's a long answer with a lot of research! And I really like the way you ended your question <3

avazula

@Noon ♥

I hope this is not too much of a frame challenge (I don't think so, as I answered your question? Not disclosing autism to some people is more of general advice)

Noon

@dhein I was more expecting that you would post your idea in one or two sentences in chat ^^ But I'm fine if you want to write an answer :)

@avazula No, I think it's fine the way it is :)

Richard U

@avazula good luck. Will miss you.

Noon

14:09

@avazula I don't know if I'm totally biased towards you or your answer is indeed really awesome, but I just accepted it :D (plus, so many research!)

avazula

@RichardU I'm sorry, what? I don't understand :)

Richard U

@avazula didn't you post that you're leaving or did I misread that. I could have

avazula

@RichardU Oh no, I'm indeed leaving, just not this site :) I'm leaving my flat haha.

Richard U

@avazula DOH! ooops, well, never mind then happy not to lose you :D

avazula

@RichardU Haha. I'd have missed you too if I indeed had to leave.

Richard U

14:13

@avazula A few people have missed me, but I'm concerned that their aim may be improving.

avazula

@RichardU what do you mean?

Richard U

@avazula that was just a joke. As in they miss me, but with their attacks, and that I'm afraid they might hit me one day. Sorry, rough upbringing.

avazula

@RichardU haha, don't worry, I'm totally hermetic to implicit statements ;)

Rainbacon

@Noon @avazula that's a great answer

Richard U

@avazula I often fall for sarcasm. autistic literalism. Even though I can employ it myself, I don't often get it when I see it.

Hmmmm. I wonder if the psychology stack ever studies the rest of us. I'm sure we'd provide them with sufficient material for a doctoral dissertation.

avazula

14:22

@RichardU Same here. I ended up being paranoid every time I don't know whether someone's being sarcastic.

@RichardU I was actually thinking of proposing a SE site for neuroatypicalness ...

Richard U

@avazula I was once the "attack dog" for an Asperger's board on another website. The trolls that came in didn't expect a fight.

Rainbacon

@avazula I believe that such a proposal has been made in the past

Richard U

I'm going to propose a procrastinators stack. Nah, I'll do it later

2

avazula

@Rainbacon I couldn't find a trace for it. I'll look further

Rainbacon

I can't seem to find it either. Perhaps I'm mistaken

dhein

14:26

@Noon In 1-2 sentences..... 🤣

Rainbacon

What I would wonder is how it would differentiate itself from some of the existing stacks. For example, the two largest use cases (I would think) would be living life as an autistic person (many questions could be in common with IPS) and parenting a child on the spectrum (questions which would belong on parenting)

Richard U

@Rainbacon unfortunately, the way IPS is set up will keep many of us from answering questions.

dhein

Yeah i will try :p

@RichardU I asked this myself too a few weeks ago xD

Richard U

@dhein Kind of meta, and recursive at the same time :D

dhein

@RichardU Either out of context but true or i dont get it xD

Richard U

14:30

@Rainbacon what would be useful in an neuroatypical site would be that we could talk about coping strategies in having to live in an NT world

Noon

@dhein Yeah, I know that's usualy not how you do things :p

Richard U

@dhein If a stack is studying the stacks, as part of the stacks, it's recursive. Noting that it's recursive is also a Meta point.

dhein

@RichardU well.... i think an nt se wouldnt really work well, cause the amount of autist being attracted by ips clearly shows most nt's not really reflect them self nor even try to understand and improve

Richard U

@avazula could you imagine the subjects? How do I deal with people who want to hug or touch me? How do I deal with the fact that there is too much light in retail stores...

avazula

@Rainbacon I thought of it like a stack where you could get to know more about all neuroatypical "disorders" and also ask for advice on how to live in society while having one or several of those disorders

dhein

14:34

@RichardU ok than i just didnt get why it was a response to me :D

avazula

@RichardU Well, a beta site's scope has to be defined with the first users, but yes, this could be examples of suitable questions IMO :)

Richard U

@dhein oh, you said you asked the same question. Sorry for the confusion

dhein

NeuroAtypical... ah misread that

Np mate

Richard U

@dhein LOL, I've infected you with the misreading virus.

dhein

Thats why i prefer autist vs allist rather that nt vs at :p

Richard U

14:36

@avazula The problem with trying to ask questions among NTs is that they simply can't understand things they don't experience. How do you explain, for example synesthesia.

Or "what color music do you like"?

avazula

@RichardU That may be a place for them to get to know more about it, actually :D

Vegetarianism already works that way. There you can both ask theoretical questions and ask questions on which spice has the highest proportion of vitamin D (I'm BSing here, if you find a spice with vit D some day, let me know, so I can steal the patent)

Richard U

@avazula well, it would be nice if they would learn. Sometimes I wish I were a bit less high functioning, honestly. If you're lower-functioning, and having a meltdown, for example, you don't have people telling you to get over it. But, if you're very high functioning, and something knocks you off your game to the point of having a meltdown..... people are less than sympathetic, and might even antagonize you.

avazula

@RichardU That's so true.

"You're just oversensitive" Nah man. Don't tell me what I am. You know nothing ~~Jon Snow~~

Richard U

I was once working at a place, where the fire alarm went off, literally right above my head. I ran head first into a steel door three times until someone grabbed me and brought me outside

Rainbacon

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like to have a meltdown at work... I can't envision it going well

avazula

14:45

@Rainbacon I can't count the number of times I cried in silence at my desk. I'm glad I have a huge power of self-control over this, I know how lucky I am that I can "reduce" my meltdowns to make them "more socially acceptable". Inconvenient: I'm clueless when at home and selective mutism is a daily guest in our flat

Richard U

@Rainbacon Well, they knew, and just sent me home for the day because I was such a wreck. But, if you're otherwise an exceptional employee, people tend to be understanding. This is why in TWP, my advice to people with disabilities is "Be better than your peers". You need that arrow in your quiver.

Noon

@Rainbacon If you know you will have a meltdown, you can always try to hide in the toilet I guess (that's what I do when I have too much anxiety)

Richard U

@avazula ah, you get the selective mutism too? Good thing there is text now. My SO is understanding and usually sees it coming on.

@Noon I understand that, I have severe panic disorder. I had an evil boss who timed me in the bathroom though, so that wasn't an option.

avazula

@RichardU well most of the time it strikes when I'm in the car with my SO, either he or I am driving so, it's difficult to text in such context :p

Richard U

@avazula You can work out hand signals. My SO and I have done that.

avazula

14:48

@RichardU Oh, smart. Well, now that SO knows about my autism, he sees it himself (although I feel that he struggles a lot accepting my diagnosis)

Noon

@RichardU I definitively couldn't have work with a boss like that. I go to the toilet waaaaay too often (like, once per hour when I'm at work). But it's not because of anxiety, it's usually just because I need a break

Rainbacon

@Noon I'm usually able to tell something is coming before it does. I have some music for just such an occasion that helps a lot

Richard U

@Noon I couldn't either. I ended up having a stroke and a complete breakdown and couldn't work at all for five years

Then the company harassed me while I was out on disability

It got so bad that I had a panic attack every time the phone range

range

RANG, dammit

wow, mini flashback there

Noon

@RichardU Ouch, those people sounds really nice :/ I'm sorry you had to go through that

Richard U

@Noon I had plenty of ammo for a massive lawsuit, but was too much of a wreck to initiate one.

We had someone at TWP who was going down EXACTLY the same road. I started talking to him in private, and he's on the right track now. I never want anyone to go through what I did

Noon

14:54

@RichardU Yeah, that understandable. Just the idea of having to live through a law suite terrify me, I can't see how I could have the strength to handle that

Richard U

@Noon It's also why at TWP, I always include a warning to always have your resume updated and be ready to move if things go south.

Noon

@RichardU Sound like good advice, unfortunately

avazula

@RichardU Lots of courage, I'm with you

Richard U

@avazula well winding up homeless and desperate tends to inspire risk taking. The original diagnosis was that I would never be able to work again. They were setting me up to go on permanent disability.

at one time, I wasn't even able to feed myself.

I went completely catatonic.

avazula

@RichardU Well, this I know about

Richard U

14:58

I'm MUCH BETTER NOW :D

TheTinyMan

Or are you? :o Hi guys! ;-)

avazula

It depends on the days but it's frequent I wouldn't eat if it weren't for sharing meals with my SO

Richard U

@avazula yeah, I lost about 20 lbs then. I know what you mean

avazula

@RichardU Barely ate during 6 weeks, I was at a point where eating a full meal wasn't imaginable anymore. I tried, almost got the PR because of the pain. I lost 10lbs then.

Richard U

@avazula I was told by my ex sister in law that I would just be gone for hours at a time, and occasionally come back for a few seconds, then gone again.

avazula

15:04

@TheTinyMan Hi there! Are you far away? You look so tiny... ;)

@RichardU Erh :/

TheTinyMan

@avazula I look that way on the Internet all the time! It's because I'm in a little box on your desk or lap.

avazula

@TheTinyMan huh, so you're the leprechaun hiding in my goggles box?

TheTinyMan

@avazula Heck...you know too much! It's over the rainbow with me!

avazula

:O

Rainbacon

15:20

"I'm not trying to introduce extra steps into our process, but here are 3 new things you need to do with every story" - manager just now on our standup

Richard U

@Rainbacon you can't make that kind of stuff up

Rainbacon

I've decided that our standup would be much better if he wasn't there. Every day for I think it's 5 days straight now, he has spent 10-15 minutes of our standup giving the team a lecture about accurate estimation and how all of the problems we are having make us look bad to the client

Noon

@Rainbacon Ahah, maybe I should present things this way to the dev team XD

Rainbacon

@Noon I did think of your question when he said it

Noon

@Rainbacon Yeah, this doesn't really sounds like bad managing :/ It probably is taking a tool in the team moral (as well as taking time for nothing), isn't it?

Rainbacon

15:28

It definitely takes up time, but I don't know about the team moral because I am remote from the rest of the team

Noon

In any case, it definitively doesn't sound like something I would tell someone every day if I wanted them to be more efficient

TheTinyMan

That sounds awful

Accurate estimation is impossible to begin with...so if I had a manager that browbeat me for not doing impossible things every day, yeah, my morale would not be great

Richard U

@Rainbacon you haven't experienced the 9th level of hell until you've had the Friday, 4:30pm meeting in the summer in NJ.

Rainbacon

@RichardU I've been there, my first client was in Metropark. Also got to experience the 2:30 am deployment in the summer in NF

Richard U

@Rainbacon Yep, you have experienced it

Extroverted Main Man

15:43

0

Q: Fiancée does not talk to me anymore

I'm engaged for 7 months now with my girlfriend we were in a relationship for 3.5 years, we never got in a fight or a breakup, we had great complience, i spoiled her with gifts, dinners etc.., we were together when we were in the same school we graduated and started to work, i managed to find her...

relationships

Richard U

Uh oh, that one's being cheated on ^^^^^^^^^

avazula

@RichardU you think so?

Richard U

@avazula yeah... clear as a bell, that one

If she was ignoring his texts for weeks at a time, she was doing something... or someone else.

avazula

16:04

@RichardU :O Language! :p

TheTinyMan

16:15

So how's it been, @RichardU? :-)

IPS Comment Bot

this sounds like a very rough situation to be in, keep in mind no one except your girlfriend knows what she is thinking and none of us are fortune tellers so asking what you should do or if there's a chance is impossible to answer as is. If you want to keep this question open you'll have to focus on a specific interpersonal skill, like say 'how to reopen communication in a long distance relationship' — BKlassen 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

avazula

@IPSCommentBot fp

dhein

HOLY.... I am getting f**king famous :D just got a request for my 5th interview!!!!

Tomorrow I will finish my 4th month at SAP and so far I was involved/am planed to be involved in 5 interviews '^.^

IPS Comment Bot

this sounds like a very rough situation to be in, keep in mind no one except your girlfriend knows what she is thinking and none of us are fortune tellers so asking what you should do or if there's a chance is impossible to answer as is. If you want to keep this question open you'll have to focus on a specific interpersonal skill, like say 'how to reopen communication in a long distance relationship' — BKlassen 3 mins ago

Rainbacon

@dhein That's awesome

dhein

16:19

This time its a magazine called "understanding autism" which wants to write a story about SAP and wants to interview 2-3 employees about there personal story and how they got to SAP. Probs gonna be my favorite x)

Richard U

@TheTinyMan Ever hear the story of the man who comes back from war, is met at the train station with a friend, and is told that his dog died?

When the man asks how his dog died, the friend replies, "Well it must have been from eating bad horse meat"

When he asks how his dog got any horse meat, his friend says "Well, we think it was from when the stables burned down"

Aghast he asked how the stables burned down and his friend says "Probably from sparks from the main house"

The man asks how the house burned down. The friend says from all those candles?

avazula

@IPSCommentBot huh?

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Damn, no respite for the wicked, huh? :-( Sorry to hear it's been going that badly. Is it new and exciting misery or the same misery as before?

Richard U

@TheTinyMan Oh, it's always new and exciting. The lasts was getting creamed by a car in the parking lot. The idiot did over 4K worth of damage to my TRUCK, and pushed it 5 feet. she could have killed me if I had been in a smaller car.

Now I'm dealing with insurance companies.

But at least the divorce got finalized

dhein

Cant wait to share my tv interview with all of you :3

Richard U

16:24

@dhein AWESOME :D

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Geez, what happened to the other driver there? O.o But yay for the divorce being finalized!

@dhein Congrats on all the success! :-D

Richard U

@TheTinyMan her car was drivable, didn't even bust her radiator, if you can believe it.

TheTinyMan

Wow. Well, that's good luck for her I guess.

Richard U

@TheTinyMan I caught up with an old friend, and after letting him know the history he backed off and said "I hope you don't mind, but I just don't want to be too close when the meteor hits"

TheTinyMan

@RichardU Geez, that's awful. :-(

Doesn't sound like the kind of friend anyone needs though

Richard U

16:39

@TheTinyMan No, he meant it good naturedly.

When he had last seen me, it was before everything hit me, and I was flying high.

TheTinyMan

Guess I'm having trouble coming up with an interpretation of that that seems "good natured" :-P

Introverted Meta Man.

2

Q: Should we consider reducing the speed at which we close off-topic questions for new contributors?

Sometimes an off-topic question is asked by a new contributor who doesn't understand well our site requirements yet, or simply didn't take/have the time to read our guidelines for asking a good question. Such question may get closed very quickly, sometimes without a comment left for explaining wh...

discussion vote-to-close new-users

avazula

Yay, that's me!

Mithrandir

@IntrovertedMetaMan. nah

avazula

@Mithrandir O_O

Mithrandir

16:44

close it quickly, reopen quickly if possible

avazula

but many users don't know their question can be reopened, do they?

Mithrandir

Don't hold off on closing something on the off chance that it'll be improved; instead, close it quickly. Otherwise it'll get lost and won't get closed.

avazula

@Mithrandir Mmh. I see.

Mithrandir

@avazula closing it isn't for the user, it's for the site

instead, encourage people to be a bit more proactive about checking back if it's been imrproved

avazula

@Mithrandir I think that'd make a great answer to my question

Mithrandir

16:47

Definitely encourage editing; definitely encourage working with the OP; don't encourage holding back on the close votes.

@avazula heh, maybe in... four or so hours if nobody else wants to write an answer like that first

...and now I dash out again *grabs helmet*

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: I missed an airport shuttle because of a friend, so she drove me to the airport. Should I reimburse her?

This happened to a friend of mine (I framed the question differently to make it shorter). She told me about this and I'm wondering if she did the right thing given the situation. Background: My friend had an international flight which would be departing from a different city (not the one she li...

friends money

Noon

@Mithrandir The legend say that Mithrandir only appear when a site policy and moderation is in danger. When the danger is passed, Mithrandir disappear again...

7

scohe001

Oof. Always hate it when a question gets closed right before finishing a nice meaty answer :(

avazula

@scohe001 DON'T ANSWER WHEN IT'LL GET CLOSED!! :p

scohe001

I didn't know it would get closed! It was at 3 votes when I started and to me it looked on-topic so I thought it could go either way :/

avazula

16:58

@scohe001 Huh. That's different then :)

Alex

@scohe001 There might be a sly trick to get around that.

scohe001

@Alex post a short answer while the question is open and then slowly edit it into the behemoth it was always going to be?

Alex

@scohe001 Nah, better than that. There is actually a way to post answers after a question has been closed.

114

A: How was this answer posted after this question was closed?

If a question is closed while you're answering on the full version of the site, you will receive a notification that the question was closed and the 'Post Your Answer' button will be disabled. However, this is only a client-side restriction, so it is possible in some cases that this process fails...

7

A: How was this answer posted after this question was closed?

When a question is closed, the server still accepts answers for 4 hours. So if you can submit an answer to the question within this 4 hours, your answer gets legitimately accepted by the server. If you want to force-submit an answer after a question is closed (within 4h), you can do this: Open ...

scohe001

@Noon A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Mithrandir, a Literature mod named Mith. And although his mod skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save any policies. But I believe, Mith can save the StackExchange /cue intro music/

2

TheTinyMan

I feel like "willfully disable our client-side validation in order to best contribute to the site" seems...incongruous. :-P

scohe001

17:10

@Alex ooh I didn't know about this black magic. Idk if I'll ever be desperate enough to use it, but I'll keep it in mind. Thanks!

Alex

You're welcome.

avazula

@scohe001 this is cheatery

:p

Noon

@scohe001 Avatar <3

TheTinyMan

My NP and I started rewatching Korra last night :-)

Noon

@TheTinyMan That's a decision I can only approve! :P

ElizB

18:23

Good afternoon... cough cough bleh.

TheTinyMan

Sounds like you're feeling about as good as I am! :-\

Noon

19:01

Check your box mail people, we have news concerning the Amazing 2018 Stuff-A-Way! :D

ElizB

@TheTinyMan others have reported they're sick as well... Seems it's going around

@Noon Yes! I just got my email :D :D

I'm still stumped on the lottery bit

Noon

@ElizB Ahah, personaly I'm still on the "should I take a man or woman t-shirt?" and "what size should I choose since USA probably isn't sizing the same way as France?"

user15026

@ElizB Oh, someone else who is feeling under the weather! passes over their box of Kleenex just in case

ElizB

@Noon I don't use stack overflow but the only womens shirt available is in stack overflow... i just got a men's medium. whatever :P

@Ash Thanks ash :) Just a sore throat here. I took nyquill (sleep medicine with antihistamine and cough suppressant) last night and this morning and ever since my head has been in the clouds... feels like crap

TheTinyMan

That's how my flu started!

user15026

19:14

@ElizB I've been surviving off of Buckley's and such this week, I feel you

TheTinyMan

I hope you feel better though :-(

ElizB

buckley's... googles

TheTinyMan

And also, unlike me, that you remember that over the counter fever reducing medicine is a thing before you wander to the doctor on the weekend. :-P

ElizB

ahh, a cough syrup

Tinkeringbell

Should I worry about installing a virus scanner?

TheTinyMan

19:15

@Tinkeringbell Hopefully I've already infected you if I'm gonna :-p

ElizB

@Tinkeringbell hehehehe :)

Noon

@ElizB I guess I will take men too, but I don't like choosing a color without seeing a picture first ><

ElizB

@Noon submitted. too late to change anything and I'm pretty sure i picked a white stack exchange shirt

I'm cool with that

Noon

@ElizB It's nice for you then. I believe I won't submit mine before having done more research, I don't like making decision without all the datas!

ElizB

@Noon Good idea :)

Rainbacon

19:18

@Noon Ooh, my fiancee gets upset with me sometimes because I won't make a decision, but how are you supposed to make a decision without all of the information!

Noon

@Rainbacon Exaclty! Decision making can be so hard sometime...

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon Allow me to introduce you to the prophets...

I call him "The great prophet Abe"

Rainbacon

@TheTinyMan he is a wise prophet indeed

TheTinyMan

At times I instead call upon the mighty prophet "TJ"

Richard U

@Rainbacon if you have about 70% of the information, you can make a good decision.

Noon

19:21

@TheTinyMan I had the idea of using luck to make a decision. I have to control everything :p

Richard U

They actually did a study on that

@Noon If I had to rely on luck, I'd be long dead by now

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I tried, but even meta.so doesn't seem to have pictures of what it'll look like

I have a black SE shirt already, and as I'm too messy to wear white, I think I'm going for grey SO pyjama's next ;)

Richard U

Remember folks, Data is not information. Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom.

Rainbacon

@RichardU Just because it's possible doesn't mean I'll be able to do it.

TheTinyMan

Yes but you didn't make the decision. The Prophets did. ;-) Unless you decide that the Prophets are wrong and act against their will, in which case they helped you to make your decision!

Richard U

19:23

@Rainbacon I find desperation helps.

Rainbacon

I'm very risk averse and highly prone to self doubt

Richard U

@Rainbacon again, that vanishes when desperation kicks in

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Thanks for trying anyway :) I use google image to give me an idea, I think I will go with black (but I didn't saw the grey version which mad me sad ^^)

Richard U

Nothing like being homeless and hungry to make you throw self-doubt out the door and start taking risks.

Tinkeringbell

@Noon black is stack exchange, not stack overflow. I could send you a picture of that one , though it's pretty wrinkled at the moment :P

Noon

19:26

@Tinkeringbell Nah, don't worry, I tend to like black better anyway (almost all my t-shirt are black with a beautiful and colorful image on it)

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I tend to go for dark blue

Really bad habit :P So once in a while I buy black :P

black is for when I have to dress neat

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Haha x) I like dark blue too, but it's harder to find where I shop (qwertee)

By the way @Tinkeringbell, which size did you choose? The same that you would in your country are a smaller one?

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I've recently been keeping an eye on the designs at okimono (dutch brand). I already bought a nice green hoodie for at home wear. It has a chameleon on it, that's almost the same as the sweater. So the lines only show up when the light is just right, making the chameleon part funny :P

@Noon I just picked the biggest one, as I wanted to use the shirt as pyjamas, last time. I don't know if there's a size chart?

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Oh, that sound nice, I really like the concept!

@Tinkeringbell There is: asknumbers.com/ClothingWomensConversion.aspx

Tinkeringbell

@Noon I'd gamble and pick what matches, but in case you're not in a hurry I've asked if there's a chart :)

(Someone's looking now ;) )

Noon

19:36

@Tinkeringbell Thanks :D

Tinkeringbell

20:25

@Noon apparelvideos.com/cs/CatalogBrowser?todo=mm&productId=DT564 There you go :)

That gives a few measurements in inches for each size :)

A bit like that :)

(So you can see where measurements are usually taken, stick with the lengths/sizes from the link!)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Nice, thank you!

Tinkeringbell

@Noon Again, (since you replied to the image, not the link: Use the link! :P)

Noon

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, especially since they don't say the same thing ^^

scohe001

21:14

Anyone have any input on this question for what it needs to be reopened?

Rainbacon

@scohe001 I think it looks good, I've voted to reopen

scohe001

Thanks!

scohe001

22:35

Ahh finally got that answer out. Thanks for the help guys!

Mithrandir

23:05

@IntrovertedMetaMan. Basically: Don't hold off on taking necessary action because of a potential hypothetical action.

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