The Awkward Silence

Extroverted Main Man

04:08

0

Q: How to remind people who forgot to reply?

I have anxiety and depression, and difficulty making friends. I texted two ex-coworkers who I considered friends (not great friends - we never hung out outside of work, but definitely more than acquaintances) and asked if they wanted to get lunch. They both replied something along the lines of ...

making-friends

0

Q: How to deal with a classmate that can't speak your language or understand the teacher?

Back in seventh grade I was the new kid: no friends and very nervous. The first day of school, so far, was going quite well. But then, when I chose my seat in Science, an even more nervous-looking kid sat down next to me and said "Parlez-vous Français?". Luckily I could speak some French(Sixth gr...

school language-barriers

dhein

05:12

Morning

dhein

05:28

I just realized SAP is the provider for the SO developer survey xD

Extroverted Main Man

05:42

0

Q: How to deal with people who make absurd accusations?

I live in a shared household. I was speaking with someone, call him Bob, in the kitchen. I needed to speak with another roommate, call him Dylan, and asked Bob which room he lives in (Dylan moved in recently and I virtually never go upstairs and this is why I did not know which room was his). Bob...

conflict-aversion roommates

Tinkeringbell

07:38

Monday Morning!

Alex

Already?

Tinkeringbell

Sadly, yes :P

JAD

@Tinkeringbell did you see the moon :D

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Just a tail end. I watched back in July, the time/temperature was way better back then :)

JAD

hehe

I could see it from my living room window, right above the heating. So I didn't mind :P

Tinkeringbell

07:42

Heh, nice :) I was still asleep at the full eclipse. I saw a bit of a half moon when at the carpool lot.

JAD

hmm, it was half red, half dark when I woke up

when I left home it has half dark half white

Tinkeringbell

Yeah, I saw the half dark part ;)

twitter.com/Tinkeringbell91/status/1023148804550414336 don't onebox

That was last summer

JAD

this one was posted on nos.nl

Tinkeringbell

Nice!

Alex

@JAD Are you sure that's not Mars?

JAD

07:53

@Alex That's the moon

And no, it's not a battlestation ;)

avazula

Good morning :D

I'm wondering something guys, could you tell me what you think about it?

I answered a question on Saturday asking how to ask for bill splitting. I got a comment saying that I did not cover the part of the question where OP is saying "I don't want to pay the whole cost myself, but I am happy to pay more than my share if it means some people would go who otherwise couldn't afford it.", and the person who commented that is right.

I actually forgot that part

So I said I'll edit my post to include info about that part. But right now there are two things that come to my mind ...

1/ I did not answer everything that was asked in the question. Do we have a consensus on "partially addressing the question"? I couldn't find anything about this on meta. FYI, on the four points raised by the question, I addressed 3 of them.

2/ ... and I forgot what was my point #2. Coffee break came into my mind. BBL, I'll tell you that point #2 if I can remember it by then!

Alex

08:19

@avazula From the Help Center (my emphasis): Help us find a solution by researching the problem, then contribute the results of your research and anything additional you’ve tried as a partial answer.

Tinkeringbell

@Alex Aghk. Ehm. Not a fan :P

Especially as the point about not wanting to pay for everyone is more of a restriction that isn't taken into account than a partial answer.

Alex

@Tinkeringbell Too bad that page can't be customized per site.

Tinkeringbell

@Alex I don't know... for me there's a difference between ignoring one of the limitations or giving a partial answer?

Alex

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, I wasn't actually referring to this particular example. I was just citing the Help Center guidance for the general concept of partial answers. Ignoring a limitation in the question sounds like not an answer. (I didn't read the question in this case, so I can't express an opinion.)

Tinkeringbell

@JAD mod-flags are usually reserved for more serious business. Next time, you could just ping one of us ;)

IPS Comment Bot

08:29

"How should I react if he accuses me of entering his room again?" is not only opinion-based (then, off-toupic), but could also be rephrased so to make another question maybe? The rest seems pretty OK to me after some clarification/edit though. — OldPadawan 1 min ago

#20688 OldPadawan (14599 rep) | Q: How to deal with people who make absurd accusations? (score: 3) | posted 3 hours ago by Haptometer (146 rep) | Toxicity 0.12011636 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic(@Noon)"]

JAD

@Tinkeringbell got the job done, didn't it? :P

Tinkeringbell

@JAD Because I saw it first :P

avazula

@Tinkeringbell Actually, I edited the question (it was originally off topic) and added that info in the resuming question so ... Not sure it's that important

Tinkeringbell

I should've pressed 'dismiss' on the flag, that gives you a nice pop-up :P

@avazula Well, if it's a restriction, a single sentence pointing out that your answer comes with a danger of paying for everyone (or not) should suffice

avazula

Yet I'm willing to edit my answer to address that too, it's just that I forgot about it when answering (although, some of my answer already addresses it, as I said that OP should note in their email "Should you have any issue with this venue, please let me know, and together we'll find something that's best for all of us.")

Tinkeringbell

08:33

@avazula Yep. A small edit will do then, just put some stuff black on white ;)

dhein

@IPSCommentBot Isn't that pretty much exactly what I commented? '^^

IPS Comment Bot

Invalid feedback type. Valid feedback types are tp, fp, rude, and wrongo

avazula

@Tinkeringbell I'll do ASAP :)

avazula

08:48

Edited.

Extroverted Main Man

09:06

0

Q: How should I approach her, after what has happened?

This question is regarding a lady I would name W, who is my age (late 30ish). Most of the other staff members are much younger. She and I are of a different race each, both of us being minorities in the country we live in, while the members of her race form the dominant racial grouping in the fin...

relationships colleagues misunderstandings estranged-relations body-language

avazula

@ExtrovertedMainMan what should I do... can someone leave a comment to help them please? I'd do it but I'm in a meeting :/

dhein

09:25

Did

avazula

@dhein thank you :)

dhein

"She and I are of a different race each" Are we today still speaking of humans of diferent Races? I mean isn't human the race perse? 0o

avazula

@dhein There are some people who pursue calling different skin color or body characteristics "race"

I'm uncomfortable with it too, but I think it may be culturally related. Seems pretty common to use this word in the US for instance

dhein

Yeah, I know that comes from times when it was still considered being diferent races, But my point is, is it still PC calling it "races"? ^^

That post reads to me like OP isn't really receiving signs correctly and is actually misrepresenting something. As the way he describes the story, I can't see any sense in the behavior he describes for W 0o

dhein

10:07

Honestly, I finished reading it (had a meeting before I finished reading). To the question what he should do I would love to advice "You should stop stalking her".... >.<

Honestly, I finished reading it and it made me shiver*

avazula

That's a bit weird, yeah

dhein

Also the tags he used clearly show that his intends aren't really.... objective.... I'd say

JAD

10:42

@dhein I think you could excuse the OP as they're likely not a native speaker

dhein

10:54

@JAD: Might be. But still, i.e. my history teacher at secondary modern school when we talked about the NS regime in germany and their views, talked aswell about "races" without clarifying that this was just the view back then, and today it sin't considered that way anymore. So might be either way ^^

dhein

11:19

Hah, you guys remember that I mentioned I had some smalltalk with our PR head after I was done with my TV interview? It seems I left a good impression. There is a newspaper interview, and this time it was explicit asked for me, if I was available for it °-°

Sandman

0

A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions

My problem is this is too long but don't want to leave out important information. Also I know I'm asking a couple related questions, but I don't want to post them separate because it would be the same thing with only one sentence different for the question. Please advise! .................. How...

avazula

11:32

@dhein wow, that's so cool pal! congrats :)

Noon

@dhein Wow, nice!

Noon

11:59

0

Q: Tour page and representation of IPS

In the current version of the Tour page, the question used as a good IPS question is "When should I use Mrs. or Ms. in emails?". This is a fine, on-topic etiquette question, however, I'm afraid it might need to "what should I do" type of question (because people won't necessarily see that this is...

discussion help-center

avazula

12:24

Darn it, VueJS is driving me crazy

dhein

12:47

Thanks :)

VueJS? Is that france? '^.^

avazula

@dhein Vue is a JavaScript framework, and it mixes HTML and JS .. that's pretty weird

IPS Comment Bot

13:16

WhatsApp hardly needs any data anyway if you choose not to download every picture and video someone sends — hopsinat 1 min ago

A J

14:23

@avazula I thought you were working on AvaJS. ;)

avazula

@AJ I wish ...

It'd be a framework with huge amounts of predefined functions and no memory leak

And it'd come with great documentation

Ugh... the dream

Rainbacon

@avazula That's better than the js framework I'd make. If I were to write BaconJS, it would actually be written in literally any other language

avazula

@Rainbacon Oh, yeah, and that... As we were talking about JS I didn't think of mentioning another language but should I have the choice, my framework would definitely be C/C++ or python

more C++ BTW haha

Javascript ain't a language ya know

Rainbacon

Typescript is a nicer wrapper around javascript, but it still has the problem that it compiles down to JS so you still get weird errors.

Introverted Meta Man.

15:01

0

Q: Tour page and representation of IPS

In the current version of the Tour page, the question used as a good IPS question is "When should I use Mrs. or Ms. in emails?". This is a fine, on-topic etiquette question, however, I'm afraid it might need to "what should I do" type of question (because people won't necessarily see that this is...

discussion help-center

avazula

15:11

@IntrovertedMetaMan. ~~ABOUT TIME~~

Rainbacon

He's been a bit slow recently

Probably been spending too much time around people and needs to take a vacation to recharge

IPS Comment Bot

Do these people really think autistic people "look" a certain way, or is it more about the actions/behavior of it? (It sounds like something was lost in translation or something) — Erik 18 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Noon

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps

avazula

@Noon lots of courage for that... I'm here too

Extroverted Main Man

15:23

2

Q: "But you don't look autistic" isn't a nice thing to say

"But you don't look autistic" (meaning: "you don't behave like an autistic person") is a sentence that a lot of neurotypical people (NT) say to people on the autistic spectrum (usually just after the autistic person told the NT that they are on the spectrum). However, this sentence can be painful...

conflict-aversion autism-spectrum

Noon

@avazula It's been "a while" since no one told me that, but if I tell people at my job that I'm on the spectrum, I'm afraid this will come up again. And lots of courage to you too <3

avazula

@Noon This is very likely, indeed. I faced that when coming out

Noon

@avazula I remember, it really must haven't been easy

avazula

@Noon Well, I think the hardest is with my partner, who says he doesn't care everytime I try to explain him that a "weird" behavior of mine may be explained by autism.

Noon

@avazula I understand that: "the closer it is, the harder it hurts"

avazula

15:29

@Noon yup. You face it too, I know :/

Noon

@avazula Probably every person who was diagnosed as an adult have to face it :/ But I'm lucky enough to have people like you who believe me <3

avazula

hehe, why would I question you ♥

Noon

The same reason a lot of people do, I guess ^^ (but I don't know why other people question the autism diagnosis. What is the point of it?)

avazula

@Noon I think it's related to the "we all suffer. Get over it" thought that seems to be printed in our minds. You have no idea how many times I heard this sentence or variations when I was speaking about my depression

Getting a diagnosis may seem to people like we have a right to suffer, and they don't. But that's not what a diagnosis's for. It's here to provide help to people who need it, be it in therapy, pills or financial compensation for unability to work (<- which may be entirely due to the fact that our modern society isn't suited for employing people with a looser schedule / facilities)

Noon

@avazula That sucks so much :/ The proper answer should be "let's find a way to fix your problem", not "get over it"!

avazula

15:38

I recently listened to a conference about the workforce that autistic people represent. In other countries of the world, it seems that some companies have hiring campaigns reserved for autistic people (limited in time, to raise the proportion of autistic employees). It seems that they value some common autistic traits like rigor, honesty, hardworking-ness

Noon

@avazula Some people might also think "now you have the right to live without working and I still have too" :/

Extroverted Main Man

2

Q: My friend always complains he's late, but doesn't want to eliminate the causes

I've got a close friend/roommate who is often late, (I'd say about 25% to 50% of the time, he'll be 15min to 1hour late), I've gotten used to it and it doesn't bother me too much personnally. But it also happens for more important appointments such as going to school (he's a student in master de...

difficult-people

avazula

@Noon yup, that too. I think the most difficult thing for people to understand is that autism is a social handicap. It's just that for some of us, they can't see it.

But they also don't come home with our anxiety, PTSD, depression, self-hatred for being weird and different, etc.

Noon

@avazula Some time ago, I read an article about it too. It made me feel good, reminded me that, even as an autistic person, I have value

avazula

@Noon of course you do!

Noon

15:43

@avazula Thank you wonderful. But someday it's hard to see things this way in your neurotypical world (luckily for me, it's been a while since I felt like that)

IPS Comment Bot

So presumably this just comes up once with each person, when you tell them? Or is this something that people repeat multiple times? — DaveG 1 min ago

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Noon

@avazula Yeah, but people who never had some of those can't even start to imagine what it's like. I know that, for me, I can't imagine what a bad day is when I'm on a good one and I can't remember how tiredness looks like when I'm not tired (it amaze me every weekend that I'm unable to cook after work. It's so easy and effortless! ... )

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps

avazula

@Noon I understand :) even if that's not so true for me

ElizB

16:09

Good morning :)

Noon

@ElizB Good afternoon! :)

ElizB

:) it is currently -5 F (-20 C) outside but it feels like -14 F (-25 C) with wind chill. 😬😨

Rainbacon

@ElizB It's so cold. I couldn't feel my legs by the time I got to the bus to go to work

ElizB

@Rainbacon I believe it. me and @El'endiaStarman had to go out twice instead of once for each car to clean off. the second time it was 7 F outside. we went back and forth from outside to the lobby of the building. wicked cold.

El'endia Starman

At least, it was 7 F when we finished. Was probably a few degrees warmer when we started.

Rainbacon

16:14

I forgot to wear my long johns today. I didn't realize until I walked outside, at which point it was too late because I had to catch the bus

ElizB

yeah, still the wind was picking up so that made it worse

aww. I need to get decent long johns, I don't have any right now

El'endia Starman

Oh, for sure. The wind was brutal.

ElizB

it's windy today with only a high of 4 F

Extroverted Main Man

16:43

0

Q: Is it okay to learn a dialect to get rid of one's accent?

Let's assume this scenario: I currently speak English with a strong German accent. To lose that accent, I could listen to/look up certain "correct" pronunciations and recreate them I also could look up, say, a northern accent and phrases and learn those Now, someone could be offended when t...

language cultural-appropriation

Richard U

18:14

It's so cold, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Tinkeringbell

18:33

@RichardU That's why it's Blue Monday today. All extremities are blue :)

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: My girlfriend wants to move in, but we're having issues

I've been dating a girl for about 3 months and for the past month she has basically been living with me. She has her own apartment, but since we live in different towns it's easier for her to stay with me. This let's us see each other all the time and allows her to get to her new job faster, whic...

relationships argument life-partner

El'endia Starman

19:27

ElizB

-_- @El'endiaStarman REALLY?

El'endia Starman

"tp"!!!

ElizB

--__--

Rainbacon

@El'endiaStarman I approve

El'endia Starman

Ayyyy :D

ElizB

19:33

ehhhh. :P

Em C

@El'endiaStarman lol

lots of comments today I guess! :P

ElizB

yeah, i guess :P hehe it's mith's fault for reminding me to participate then all I did was participate and contribute, then @El'endiaStarman went and had fun lol

Feeds

Em C has added ElizB to the list of this room's owners.

7

Rainbacon

Congrats @ElizB!

El'endia Starman

Congrats @ElizB! :D

Dang, Rainbacon beat me to the punch. At least I added a smiley... :P

ElizB

19:47

Thank you! :)

Noon

@ElizB Congrats! Now you will be able to clean the feedback mess you just made with the comment bot :P

Em C

now there's a new person to take care of all the TPs :)

haha

El'endia Starman

hahahahaha

ElizB

hahahahaha dang it

El'endia Starman

Welcome to (partial) modship! :P

ElizB

19:47

only my first minute in and you putting stuff on me already!! jeez haha

El'endia Starman

Grab a broom and get started...

ElizB

--_-- @El'endiaStarman How about I get the broom and whack someone sitting next to me? :P

El'endia Starman

hehehe

ElizB

this probably won't happen IRL, but if he annoys me enough, he probably will get a gibbs slap... sometime.

El'endia Starman

......

ElizB

19:51

hehehe BRB...

El'endia Starman

oh crap

ElizB

hehe, just kidding around.

Em C

hahaha do we need a disclaimer? "IPS will not be held responsible for any gibbs slaps resulting from this chatroom"

ElizB

@EmC If he annoys me enough, that might have to happen....

El'endia Starman

What have y'all done??

Now she's mad with power!

ElizB

19:58

whaaaat really? nah.

Em C

ElizB

hehe

ElizB

20:17

→ 14 messages moved to Trash

Em C

\o/

Rainbacon

It's so nice seeing so many questions get asked today :)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Just wait until after I've had this weeks paycheck :P

I promised myself a book on Interpersonal Communication and one on Etiquette for this months treat

Rainbacon

@Tinkeringbell Shouldn't that mean that you'll have fewer questions and more answers?

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon :P Often reading leaves me with more questions than answers

Rainbacon

20:24

Well, we do need all the questions we can get here

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon We need as much quality q&a as we can get ;) Numbers alone don't mean a thing :)

And as long as there's people willing to do the basic community moderation stuff (voting, commenting, editing, closing, deleting)... no site is in trouble :)

Rainbacon

Forgive my bias, but I implicitly assumed that any questions you asked would be quality q&a ;)

Tinkeringbell

@Rainbacon Hahaha... nah, mods aren't holier than thou :P

Rainbacon

Mods no, Tinkeringbells yes

My biases are based off of seeing your previous contributions more so than the bling next to your name

Tinkeringbell

Oh stop it. I might even start actually blushing :P

Rainbacon

20:35

Sorry, according to my fiancee I'm a flatterer

So I guess I can't help it

But, in all seriousness, you've consistently made good contributions (that's part of why you are a mod). My pattern recognition skills suggest that will continue

Alex

Actually, there was that one time...

user15026

@EmC ittybitty living space.

ElizB

22:50

@Ash hehehe yeah

@EmC I did the same thing when I did it, it was just that my mom and little brother came in that moment. That's why i disappeared for a bit. my mom came because shes interpreting a SQL class and she has no idea what it is, but with mine and @El'endiaStarman help, she has a better idea. :)

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