@user19312, I do agree with what you said. And it is not just in US but in other countries also. For example, I have lived in India most of my life and the last couple of years in a Latin American country where I have seen and practiced being more courteous than I used to be in India. Here it is seen as a sign of respect regardless of age, position etc. In India, however, when people are very close, such politeness is seen as too formal. I want to suggest to the OP to understand the cultural difference of the spouse to see if that helps in anyway. Understanding the root of the problem is key. —
KNP 53 secs ago