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00:03
0
Q: Should I leave comments when people answer my questions?

Yvette ColombI've been active on many Stack Exchange sites and post many Questions and Answers. I know I like it when I get feedback when I post answers, either in the form of an accepted answer or a comment from the OP (original poster) or both when I answer a question. Even if it's upvoted and the OP make...

0
Q: The issue of phones (or how to politely read a text)

heatherI have a flip phone that my parents use to contact me. Since only my parents contact me on it, I generally assume that if my phone dings, it's kinda important that I read it. For example, this past afternoon, my phone dinged in the middle of a conversation with my friend's parent, and I needed to...

@HDE226868 hello
@heather Hey there!
how are you?
Good, good. Doing plenty of writing.
You?
pretty good. i just finished a mock trial camp today - our team won.
defendant = not guilty.
00:10
Nice. I've always wanted to do one of those.
How long was the camp?
1 week
we had 4 days to prepare a case =)
00:26
Wow. What was the subject of the trial?
it was a made up case obviously
but it was about a comedian accused of murder
let me look it up
hmm, i can't seem to find it.
anyway, basically, the comedian was accused of strangling a critic who wrote a rather scathing review that ruined his career.
@heather are you studying law?
@heather Sounds plausible.
@YvetteColomb well - no. I'm just going into highschool, so it'd be a difficult there. Plus, physics is cooler ;)
Mock trial's really fun though. And it's kind of interesting reading cases and picking out the holes.
@heather oh they are - I remember those from high school
00:55
We did mock debates in school, although never mock trials.
01:15
@HDE226868 we did both - more debating though
@HDE226868 while I have you here - someone has voted this as too broad interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/1370/… I don't really regard this as too broad, I think it's quite specific
Reading it now.
No, I don't think it's too broad.
me neither - I was actually surprised by the down and close votes. I think it's actually one of my clearer questions lol
And it's something I really want answers to.
I felt I made a bit of a mess of another question I posted earlier today
I have a theme today - posting questions and answer to that tag
that's a sign I spend too much time on SE :D
01:51
@Catija I wrote a big comment-sized wall of text beneath your answer. Just saw it now (it didn't put a notification in my inbox when you answered, which was a little bit weird). Have fun :)
02:16
@Zizouz212 I left you a comment under your comments, in case you don't receive a notification :)
02:30
@Zizouz212 It didn't notify you because I posted it and deleted it immediately. I wrote a first draft on my phone and wanted to finish it on a desktop. The notification would have been removed when I deleted it and I don't think undeleting posts pops up a notification.
02:54
@Catija it was a good answer and showed insight and reflectiveness, and a positive attitude towards moderation
03:22
@YvetteColomb I would like some space, please. I don't appreciate how you are acting towards me and I would appreciate it if you left me alone for a while. I am very uncomfortable and am trying to continue using this site but I am finding that very difficult. I don't know how to react to one very complimentary comment followed by a very rude one. Thank you for your consideration.
04:04
@YvetteColomb May I suggest a different approach here?
(I suppose that's a rhetorical question, since you've left the room since posting that)
ah, there you are
@Shog9 well, I'm happy to make it work, but I don't know how to
I wouldn't normally broach a topic like this in public, but given the topic of this site I feel like it may be appropriate
and in all honesty I don't want to repeat any past mistakes or cause discomfort in the community - or for Catija for that matter
@Shog9 same!!
I haven't been too involved here, beyond handling a few flags. But I've been watching
And... Something that strikes me about this room in general and you + @Catija in particular
I have been wracking my brain of how to handle it. I didn't want to take it to TL and I've tried being nice, but have lost my patience twice - which didn't help
04:07
is that it can be a bit of a... Y'know the expression, "the cobbler's children go barefoot"?
@Shog9 ? we are both strong personalities? :)
ah, but you have rather different personalities
@Shog9 what do you mean by that?
@YvetteColomb how would you describe your approach to communication, in a nutshell?
@Shog9 hm, I'm always trying to teach something - which can be a pain - or I'm being silly
04:09
(apart from, "all attempts to communicate from within this shell echo back at me, oh tragic circumstance that has placed me within this thin wooden tomb!")
@Shog9 ah yes!! I googled it, yes I agree!
@YvetteColomb you're pretty quick to share your feelings and opinions, yes?
@Shog9 oh yep
And... If I might say, you don't always do a lot of tailoring of said feelings and opinions prior to making them known?
@Shog9 I don't know if it's useful to share feelings on this site (the network) I'm still figuring that out
04:11
well, useful or otherwise, we all do in one way or another
@Shog9 you mean I am too blunt or agressive?
@YvetteColomb not necessarily
but that can be the outcome
hm, what can I do to improve that?
I need to get this sorted, particularly becoming a more high profile user - publicly with the SO election and the possibility I may be elected - I want to sort myself out and the style of communicating that's causing issues.
I mean, I can be very blunt even after extensive "tailoring", because I find bluntness useful. You might be blunt for that reason, or merely because you've not taken time to file down the edges so to speak. Does that ring true?
@Shog9 yes! I'm matter of fact and it's taken as rude or an accusation and honestly, that's not usually my intention
I'm not referring to my snipes to @Catija I own those.
04:14
So, this is your style. Catija has a rather different style, from what I have seen.
I am not naturally good with people, I've always viewed society and interactions as a puzzle to solve - not uncommon with programming types I've found
@Shog9 ?
@YvetteColomb How would you describe Catija's approach to a situation or statement she finds problematic?
@Shog9 I think she gets a little emotional and when writing in that state, her comments can come off as a bit terse. I suspect she feels a little frightened - that's not the exact word I'm trying to find. But after the last comment from her, I realise she's not coping with the conflict either and is not as tough as I first thought
what do you think of that appraisal?
@YvetteColomb I think... You're beginning to realize that you've misjudged her, and structured your interactions based on some bad assumptions.
@Shog9 yes!
Now I feel bad
which is good
04:21
It's easy to construct a caricature of others.
I'm so pleased to be able to talk this through with you, because this is my achilles heel. And I haven't known who to turn to - people outside of the site aren't interested and everything here is so public. I also know you are time poor
@Shog9 and make assumptions
One look at the questions on this site demonstrates how often folks will present a problem based, not on real people, but on strawmen they've constructed to justify their own actions.
lol yes indeed
Finding a solution means discarding these false impressions and looking for the real person who they've obscured.
3
Which is... very difficult.
yes and remembering this site actually attracts a pretty high ratio of decent people - people who want to contribute
> Interestingly, I have formed good relationships, where, previously, I was difficult and I've found people on this site to be forgiving. I suspect that's the nature of this site and the type of people it attracts. People who want to contribute and improve the world, in this internet environment, that strives maintains a Be Nice policy.
I want you to know, I value your time - it's like gold dust. I also liked the blog with the Russian site - it has made me more mindful to work with people to improve their questions @Shog9
04:25
Heh... If you can stand to listen to an hour of my ramblings, you're either very patient, very bored, or borderline masochistic
3
But I'm glad you found something useful in it
Now... This being a site for interpersonal communication, I feel I need to make a cautionary statement
not at all, you know you're highly intelligent and do an excellent job on here. That's why I respect you so much
This site has and will continue to attract a lot of very passionate, dedicated people who have very strong feelings about the subject matter... And who will disagree vehemently with each other, over things both large and small.
6
Given that life is not a 90-minute romantic comedy, the resulting friction will not be resolved by trite statements and vapid exchanges.
There will be a lot of situations where one or more of you will find it very difficult to get along.
That, in and of itself, is not a problem.
It becomes a problem if you fail to respect one another as peers, even as you disagree.
The core purpose of this site is the search for expertise in the area which this site itself will be in constant need: the ability to interact with one another constructively in the face of numerous motivations to ditch that idea and go for the jugular.
So... Let's all just hope y'all find it.
perfect! thank you
(said expertise that is, not the jugular)
Also I wanted to be able to chat to you privately if that is at all possible - 10 mins tops?
04:32
(given I came here directly from a conversation about the appropriateness of physical violence as a conflict resolution method, I probably should've phrased that much more carefully)
@YvetteColomb I'll ping you shortly
04:51
@Catija sure, I can understand your confusion. I'm sorry if I've caused you discomfort on the network, I truly want you to be comfortable here. I'll give you space now.
 
1 hour later…
06:03
@Catija Ah okay. Makes sense. Just saw that, and was wondering why it didn't pop up :)
 
3 hours later…
SQB
SQB
08:39
20
Q: How can I remind someone to do a task when reminding them makes them less likely to do it?

AnoplexianI have a bit of a problem with my girlfriend, in that things aren't getting done because she is forgetful about things she doesn't like to do. We've had many discussions on the topic, and we both agree these are things that need to be done, and she agrees that she needs to do them. I do my part t...

Has 4 close votes against it, 3 of which cite "insufficient information". Querant has provided required information, so shouldn't those close votes be retracted?
08:59
1
Q: How share a flat with people who don't speak any language I know?

WatermelonLemonI am doing an internship in Tokyo and share my flat with two Chinese women. They only speak Chinese and Japanese, I only speak English and some other european languages, and my Japanese is not sufficient for everyday conversation yet. We did some small talk by using Google Translate, but I don't ...

@SQB I always assumed that was up to the close voter, like how you can retract up/down votes after something's been edited
SQB
SQB
@Mithrandir24601 that's what I meant. I meant to call on the close voters to review the question and retract their vote if appropriate.
I do find it weird that "the system" doesn't notify you if a post you voted on gets edited.
Especially if it's a close vote.
@SQB I'm pretty sure that's been tossed around in meta somewhere
SQB
SQB
Probably. Very likely, actually.
10
Q: Is it possible to get an Edit notification on questions that I Vote-to-close?

mfgWhen a user votes to close a question (for whatever reason), it would helpful to receive a notification (in the inbox) when the question is edited (either the text, tags, if it closes then is re-opened) so that the user can then modify his or her vote if the question is properly adjusted.

Closed as a dupe of a request for notification when a closed question is edited or voted to reopen, which is not the same. I'll ask a new one, once I'm not on mobile.
SQB
SQB
10:18
0
Q: I'd like to get a notification when a question that I've voted to close (but isn't closed yet) is edited

SQBRequested Feature Like the title says, I'd like to get a notification when a question that I've voted to close (but isn't closed yet) is edited, so I can review the changed question and retract my close vote if appropriate. Workings and Rationale Questions can be voted to be closed for a numbe...

Vote early, vote often.
 
4 hours later…
NVZ
NVZ
14:09
Why so silent?
Anybody home?
NVZ
NVZ
14:24
Wow
[Owen Wilson]
Breaks all Awkward silences.
14:37
@NVZ Shouldn't that be a "woooow"?
NVZ
NVZ
@HDE226868 woow, you noticed that
Nothing like a good Owen Wilson drawl.
NVZ
NVZ
15:00
So, what's up? What's happening?
:)
I reached India yday. It's rainy here. Nice. Compared to the desert life in Dubai, it's heaven here.
I've been reading, writing, running, answering.
NVZ
NVZ
I don't find stuff worth answering with my particular set of skills.
Skills I have acquired over a very short life..
Yeah, finding things to answer can be tough.
NVZ
NVZ
I now notice I'm somehow in the top reputation league. Hi5 myself. :)
Or, self-five.
15:45
@HDE226868 tags are supposed to solve this. If you aren't finding tags to be a useful tool to find questions to answer, then it might be worth asking why that is and if this site needs a new tagging philosophy.
NVZ
NVZ
Nah, not about tags.
About questions actually. Whatever interesting ones there are.. I find them having multiple answers.
And I wouldn't have much to add.
@Shog9 this is one of the reasons why it's important for questions to include information such as country tags. People on this site, when constructing these sorts of straw man arguments, for some reason don't think their location is useful to their narrative. Thus location data becomes one of the few pieces of info that isn't distorted by people's desire to look good.
@YvetteColomb how do you tell the difference between someone who knows what they're talking about, and someone from, let's say the US, who assumes that the UK is exactly the same despite never having lived there?
Especially given that many of the members of this site describe themselves as having trouble understanding a single culture.
16:02
@Shog9 in an effort to be forthcoming I want to answer some of these questions so that things can be more out in the open. While I may react immediately at times, I try to understand the situation before responding. This includes talking about it with other people so that I can see if my immediate reactions are "reasonable". If I'm not responding I'm probably talking with someone else about it (or asleep).
The problem with this approach, which I've learned from this, is that, because my "polling the audience" is often in private, people may think that they are being ignored. I've also been accused of "going to cry to mommy"... but it's not about getting someone with more authority to weigh in, it's about second guessing myself and wanting validation of my thoughts. The SE moderation system is great for this. Mods aren't islands.
We have fellowship on our sites and in the TL. We don't need to be strong on our own because we can ask for help.
In this case, I couldn't go to the TL so I felt lost and alone. I had to reach out to the CMs for that guidance directly, which I don't like doing because I know they have other things to do.
Saying what I did last night was hard for me but I tried to focus on me rather than pointing fingers. I said how I felt and asked for what I wanted. If @YvetteColomb would like to have a chat about it in private, I am open to that but I would appreciate it being mediated somehow.
here's the thing. obviously i haven't been here for the whole situation, but both you, @Catija, and @YvetteColomb seem like great people, who have tons to add to the site.
arguing with each other will hurt both of you and the site as a whole.
maybe a mediated "let's hash this out" discussion would be best.
but either way, it'd be nice if both of you could sort of take a deep breath and look at what you're arguing about.
presumably both of you are students or have "real world" jobs, and this is something you do for fun.
to enjoy it, to help out, to meet with all of the amazing people on SE.
16:18
Sup folks
@Zizouz212 o/
how goes it?
It's going well, I think
You?
pretty good.
@Mithrandir24601 hello to you too!
rytsas =)
@heather Rytsas!
hmm, i'm looking for a good game to install on linux...currently the only one i have is nethack.
also i know nothing about gaming =P
16:23
Todo list: Write an answer to the Moratorium... That will take me a while
Well, I've got to work on a few things... On a weekend -_-
See ya folks :)
@heather Portal
and Portal 2
:D
@Zizouz212 I requested a chat room for that. Not that you shouldn't write an answer but if you want to talk about it.
@Mithrandir24601 ooh...
that looks cool
It (alongside Portal 2) is (to my mind) the definitive puzzle game :D
16:26
<3 puzzle games
is it important to download steam?
yes. Most definitely yes
There's actually a 'tick-box' type thing on steam where you can narrow down the games to ones that are on a particular platform (i.e. Linux)
hoo boy, i have some stuff to figure out - i know nothing about steam.
yay wikipedia =)
I also like Civilisation, but the 6th one was released a while back, so I'm waiting for them to release a complete edition of the game (will probably be a couple of years...) before I buy it
quick question - is portal free?
don't think so
16:31
No, it's £7 in the UK
It's still worth it, no question
right - my parents just probably wouldn't want me to spend money on a video game.
yeah =/
16:33
I'm getting Portal at about 2.6 GBP cheaper lol
or did you mean portal 2?
Nope - I mean Portal, but I already have it, so it's probably just telling me the RRP
(well, OK, it's £6.99)
I'm getting Portal 2 at 6.8 GBP
(after converting from INR to GBP)
Portal 2 is coming up at £15 for me
@Avantgarde That'll be why :P
@Catija Oh okay cool. Thanks for letting me know. I'm probably not going to be around a whole lot today or tomorrow - I have to run around the province to do things. Actually heading to Niagara Falls right now
Hard to know but I think it's $10
@heather as far as free games are concerned, there's Team Fortress 2 and DOTA 2. Note: if you play DOTA 2, there is a risk of you wasting many years of your life
16:42
@heather not entirely sure if this is helpful. Both people seem to want to end the conflict, and both appear to be taking steps towards doing so. No need to tell them what they already know.
@Zizouz212 fun! Have a great time! My grandparents are from the US side.
@Catija you already know this (im writing this for other people's benifit), but meta is pretty cool. It's public, easy to find and follow along, and if the comments are moderated properly the structure of meta tends to turn heated arguments into constructive debates.
If anyone finds themselves in a heated debate about site policy, take it to meta.
Also, is there any way to get a list of what questions don't have country tags?
Pretty sure you could use -tag:india
But I don't know.
@Hamlet ( -[tag] -[tag] ) in search.
Parentheses apparently are important.
@Catija thanks
16:50
Or what Catija says :)
If anyone wants to join me in bugging people about adding country tags to their questions...
I will!
I'm at lunch.
In the evening though
16:53
@Catija get offline and enjoy it :)
A J
A J
17:19
@Catija nice
A question. If a user from different culture asks a question and the same question is asked by the user from another culture, should it be closed for being duplicate or not?
@AJ sounds like a great meta question.
Please do cite some examples (if you can find any). I'm not sure we've had any.
A J
A J
No. We don't have such questions yet.
This is why I did not ask it on meta first.
Does it need examples to be a meta question? - I would have thought that it would be a good idea to figure out what to do before the problem occurs
Until it's an actual issue the site is having, it's better for us to spend time on the problems we already have than ones we imagine we will have.
A J
A J
My suggestion would be that we shouldn't force users to include the cultural information in question. Keep it optional. cc@Hamlet
What if someone doesn't want to give this information?
Would we downvote and make them go away?
17:35
We would likely close them as too broad.
Think of it like ID questions on M&TV. Every hint we can get will help us do a better job of answering. It's not a perfect analogy but it's similar.
A J
A J
What if a question equally appropriate for all cultures?
@Catija seems reasonable
We can't know that because no one knows what is the standard in all cultures. We have to assume that they're all different.
@AJ all cultures?
There are a lot of cultures.
Some questions are culture agnostic because they're about interaction on websites... like Yvette's recent question. The "culture" tag there is the tag.
2
@Catija exactly
17:41
There may be some other exceptions where there's no country-specific "culture". Perhaps someone has a question about how to interact with people on Reddit, for example.
A J
A J
@Catija Or about writing an email.
@AJ Not necessarily. If you're writing an email to your boss, you're going to want to ask specifically about how to be respectful to your Emirates boss or your Indian boss... concepts like "do the needful" don't exist in the US.
@Catija or if it's a question about how to interact in the US theatre community... that's a US tag and a theater community tag
This might actually be an interesting question for us:
8
Q: "Do the needful" -- Why is it used instead of asking a question?

inanutshellusUpdate: (Originally this was a comment, but I thought it was worth sharing here at the top.) In the original question, I asked if there was a polite, socially-acceptable way to ask an Indian co-worker not to use the phrase "do the needful", as I didn't care for it. In the years since I asked ...

^ This is the sort of question we should search out. Questions about why we do the things we do rather than necessarily "what should I do in ____" situation.
Even then, the question isn't a great one for Americans to answer without doing some research because the concept is foreign to us. It really needs a region tag.
Both are good questions types but I'd be excited to see more "why" questions here.
A J
A J
I gotta go. Pardon me for leaving the conversation in the middle. Good Night. :)
17:50
Night!
18:11
@Catija I think that will be a good idea - to have a private and mediated chat. Maybe at the start of next week? The weekend is a tad busy. It would be good to resolve the issue and clear up some misunderstandings without involving the wider community.
@Catija personally, I see the scope of this site being about practical solutions to problems people have
Looking at the questions that are asked on the site.
I get the sense that others agree with that scope as well
@Hamlet Understanding why we do things is a problem people have.
@Catija i was just about to say that actually
5
Q: How should a young person correct an older person who got his name wrong?

ab2My lawyer delegated a college student in her office to act as my PA for a few hours yesterday. He was very helpful, and we got a lot done. Several times, I called him Michael, which I thought was his name. When I e-mailed my thanks to the lawyer, she said that she was glad Mitchell worked out....

That's an example of such a question btw
@Catija but the caveat is that asking a why question that's related to a problem you face might be harder than it sounds
@Hamlet No, it's not an issue about finding questions. I've seen every question on IPS.
I should have written "Questions I can answer are not common."
@Catija yep I agree - knowing the why is half the battle
18:26
@YvetteColomb I'm not ignoring you, by the way... I keep getting called away... Andy's trying to find some BenGay.
I'm prepping for Ben's first birthday... not this weekend would be good. We just need to find a good person to facilitate things, I think.
@Hamlet Someone from the US who is working in India would certainly be able to ask that question about "do the needful".
Bengay, spelled Ben-Gay before 1995, is an analgesic heat rub used to temporarily relieve muscle and joint pain associated with arthritis, bruises, simple backaches, sprains and strains. == Overview == Bengay was developed in France by Dr. Jules Bengué, and brought to America in 1898. The name Bengué was anglicized to Bengay. It was originally produced by Pfizer Consumer Healthcare, which was acquired by Johnson & Johnson. The product is used topically for adults and children 12 years of age and older, and no more than 3 to 4 times daily. The manufacturer recommends storing the product between...
By the way, if anyone needs some info from the 10K tools about deleted or closed posts or links or screenshots, for meta questions, please ping me. We can set up a chat room for it if it helps.
SQB
SQB
@Catija Is it like Tiger Balm?
...probably yes:
Liniment (or embrocation), from the Latin linere, to anoint, is a medicated topical preparation for application to the skin. Sometimes called balms or heat rubs, liniments are of a similar or lesser viscosity than lotions and are rubbed in to create friction, unlike lotions, ointments or creams, but patches, sticks and sprays are also available. Liniments are typically sold to relieve pain and stiffness, such as from sore muscular aches and strains, or arthritis. These are typically formulated from alcohol, acetone, or similar quickly evaporating solvents and contain counterirritant aromatic chemical...
Lists both Bengay and Tiger Balm.
@Catija nice :) enjoy. It will be good to clear the air - I think there's been misunderstandings and it will be good to explain a couple of things. Have a great day with your bub :)
NVZ
NVZ
19:27
Hello.
SQB
SQB
@Hamlet thanks for reminding me; I've done my reviews.
19:38
1
Q: Should we send [depression] and [suicide] to trained professionals?

VylixAs per Should we allow questions on dealing with depressed/suicidal friends/colleagues? All(?) question regarding depressed/suicidal should be closed as off-topic. At the present, depression has 3 questions What to do if I/Someone I know is feeling depressed/suicidal? How to talk to a de...

0
Q: Why don't people initiate conversations with me?

Daniel CannI don't really understand why no one actually initiates conversations with me, they always just seem to talk to someone else near me but not actually me. All of my friends start discussions with my other friends and if I try and say something to them they give me a one-word response and then igno...

 
4 hours later…
23:33
@NVZ hi :)

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