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2:19 AM
0
Q: What to do about unhelpful help?

FinastSometimes when you ask for help, someone will offer a suggestion that not only doesn't actually help, but clearly would make things worse. Let's assume for this question the person genuinely wants to help. If you tell such a person, "thanks but no thanks" you look bad as a help-seeker. The perso...

 
 
4 hours later…
6:47 AM
@caldeirabot cat?
 
@Magisch I think caldeirabot is mostly off when Caldeira isn't home ;)
Just a few more days/weeks, if I understood correctly the plan was to get it running on a Pi... but the Pi needs to be delivered and set up first ;)
 
that's right
Morning!
:D
 
Have a cat from me instead ;)
Morning! :)
 
but i'm slighty suspicious that Amazon choose me a bad seller
if i lookup the seller's name on google it looks like it's from a company founded 2 months ago
no reviews on amazon
well i'll wait until monday which is the date it should be home
 
Ael
7:33 AM
Morning people :)
@Tinkeringbell Oh, very nice cat!
 
Morning
 
Ael
Every morning should start with a picture of a cat like that. It would replace coffee for me :D
 
@Ael Norwegian forest cat (at least that's what I Googled ;) ).
@Ael Perhaps you should just get your own cat :P
 
that would solve it XD
 
Ael
@Tinkeringbell I wish I could. Unfortunately, it seems that cats aren't really happy to live in a 17m2 appartement ^^
 
7:45 AM
@Ael Ah, yeah. Bigger apartment first then? ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell cat!
 
Ael
@Tinkeringbell Yep :) The only issue is that I can't decide where I want this bigger appartment to be >< (I just know I don't want it to be in Paris, nor in the city I grew up because that would be too close to my parents ^^)
 
I've only been to one city in france
It was a horrible experience
 
Ael
8:00 AM
@Magisch How is that? Also, what kind of city?
 
small town near St. Tropez
I was like 15, it was a school field trip. I don't speak a word of french, and nobody spoke a word of english, and everything was super expensive
It was also way too warm
 
@Magisch I'll only post more if asked nicely, not on command :P
@Ael I would also steer clear of any very touristy places, if I were you ;)
 
@Tinkeringbell cat pwease :3 ?
haha
 
@Magisch You call that nicely? You didn't even try to articulate!
 
hehe
 
8:06 AM
 
Ael
x)
@Magisch That doesn't sound very nice indeed. I must say, every time I visited a city in the south (near the sea), I disliked it very much too. It was often too warm and always too full of people
Crap, I think my manager is going to ask me to stop working from home ><
I just told my manager "I prefer to work from home" and he answered by "I would prefer to not work, but I am still working"
 
8:28 AM
Contrary to popular belief, the cat behind grumpy cat, tartar sauce, was a very happy and affectionate cat
her grumpy look came from feline dwarfism
 
@Ael Well, that's a great way to start a conversation about that...
(not)
 
His answer isn't considerate at all. He basically compares your request to the ones of an uneducated child.
 
Ael
Yep, right now I am having very strong feelings toward him
 
sorry if i spilled oil on the fire.
 
Ael
No, you are not the one who did that. He did it to himself
 
8:37 AM
@Ael "I would prefer an understanding manager, but I am still managed by you" :P
 
Ael
The "funny" thing is that I spend more time working when I am at home than at the office (where I would spend part of my day hiding in the bathroom, laying on the floor because of the bloody pain)
@Tinkeringbell Too bad I am not planning to be fired just yet ^^
 
@Ael Yeah. I'm sorry. He's just being nasty.
That deserves nasty back, imo ;)
 
Ael
@Tinkeringbell I wish I could tell him: "since you are working from home 3 days per week, are you saying that you are doing nothing during those 3 days?"
 
That's a good one too ;)
 
I made extension of remote work a formal request in my semestrial one to one. The implied meaning was that if I'm not satisfied on this, I might try to find a more flexible place
 
Ael
8:47 AM
@ArthurHavlicek Maybe I should do the same and start looking for a new job. Unfortunately, it's not that easy to find a part job as an informatics engineer
In any case, with this one sentence, my manager just successfully made sure I wouldn't be able to correctly focus for the day (and probably for all the days between now and the meeting where we will discuss this remote thing)
 
9:26 AM
@Ael Perhaps you can ask a coworker for advice?
 
Ael
Well, my manager just called me. I will be going to the office tomorrow (that is, if I don't have a panic attack before going). If it goes well enough, I will be supposed to work from the office two days a week.
Apparently, it's important to "see people face to face"
I find it a bit of nonesense and really don't understand the point, but whatever
 
On the corporation point of view there is two benefits from working at the office. First, controlling what you do, and second, make sure you make bonds with coworkers to build corporate loyalty. And easier verbal interactions. Since most people are ok with that, they tend to ignore a minority can be quite anxious in social situations (and don't care much loosing your time in transports)
 
Ael
Yeah, I guess the issue is that I really don't care about bonding with coworkers. I like them, but bonding with people is exhausting so I would rather not be forced to do it
 
9:41 AM
@Ael Yeah, it's a much heard thing here too. I don't really have any advice on how to handle it because I haven't had to yet, but you could ask your manager if anyone has had trouble contacting you during the wfh period, and you could point out your increased welfare and productivity while working from home.
 
Ael
@Tinkeringbell I think the issue here is that "it's important to see people face to face" is more an irrational belief that a rational one. So opposing rational argument to it is unlikely to work (I tried, I ask "why is it important" and the answer had really no argument to it)
 
@Ael
sorry
i mean you won't change their beliefs, but from experience you can probably manage to find a compromise
not always though
I faced the same type of argument before, and all i could say to oppose that is wfh is very important to me, it make me win time, it is good for the environment, it is good for my concentration also
and all i found is that in the end if you want to obtain that, with my current employer, you have to threaten or negotiate very hard
I have good hopes but nothing more
 
@Tinkeringbell I think it's a thing everywhere
If it is irrational, it must be one of the less annoying ones. I haven't given much thought to it anyway.
 
@Ael Yeah, in that case that's where Arthur's advice comes in...
 
It's certainly irrational CURRENTLY
But thankfully I have an easy evasion most people don't have: "I'm sorry, but my doctor's strict advice has been that I not meet people or shake hands; you see, I take immunosuppressive medication"
 
Ael
9:57 AM
@ArthurHavlicek I might have to do that too. But first, I will see how things go tomorrow. I don't want to fight if it's not worth it
 
10:28 AM
i'm mostly done with the VBA stuff yay :)
now i just chill for a bit since my boss is out of the office this and the following weeks XD
 
 
2 hours later…
Ael
12:15 PM
My anxiety just managed to make me physically ill. This day is going awesome #sarcasm
 
here's a cute dog to lighten the mood
 
@Ael :(
 
@Magisch Office dog! :)
 
Ael
Thanks people <3
 
He's kinda cute. Can you pet him again?
@Ael :( I hope you'll find something to relax a little bit soon.
 
12:18 PM
here's a cat too
 
Ael
@CaldeiraG This one is ugly x)
 
;P
 
Ael
@Tinkeringbell I hope too. But I have to finish this workday first
 
better? eheh
 
@Ael Ah no! It looks very cuddly!
 
Ael
12:19 PM
@CaldeiraG Aww
 
@Tinkeringbell yas
 
@Magisch Good! :D
 
12:48 PM
he's a havanese terrier
 
Sounds more frightening than it looks :P
 
He's terrierble
at being threatening
 
Ael
1:05 PM
@Magisch Ahah x)
 
1:56 PM
I just animated a retrospective where everyone complained about not getting wfh and having bad hardware
as being team issues
idk what to do
 
I would love to have such a good dumpster around here
XD
 
@ArthurHavlicek My team often has retrospectives where we list out pain points that are outside the control of the team. Our manager takes those issues up the ladder to someone who can actually effect change. You could do something like that.
 
@Rainbacon I will escalate it, but the tragedy is that it got declined several times and we are at the point of being kind of desperate about it
 
@ArthurHavlicek that sucks :\
 
Yeah, that's unfortunate
 
2:02 PM
never got allowed wfh gang assemble
:D
 
i'm curious about the "bad hardware", upgrading to a SSD can speed up a computer per ex.
@Magisch +1
unless it's a macbook, no dice there
 
@CaldeiraG Just an example but management asked one of our recent employee to either use a 15 euros headphones or buy his own
we use a lot of teleconferencing because our team is split in two offices locations. Headphones are important
 
@ArthurHavlicek :\
@ArthurHavlicek totally get it
 
or, we want to upgrade hardware cpu. This is more expensive but there is also business logic. Our software take minutes to execute, and is cpu-bound in execution time
faster cpu would mean less test iteration times
one of our intern had weeks of delay before getting his computer, it was so embarrassing to ask him to use his own in the meantime. I know covid explain things but still
 
2:18 PM
also depends on I/O and (graphics?, don't know what you develop) but i get you yea
@ArthurHavlicek well when i joined on where i work now i had to wait 2 days to get my computer, spent those 2 days helping an intern do a C# app XD, this was last year XD
but yea that's a long time
 
Ael
2:41 PM
@ArthurHavlicek Ouch, that would indeed reflect terribly badly on your company
@CaldeiraG Honestly, I'm not surprised. Some company really don't hesitate to throw away perfectly working things
 
3:02 PM
@Ael yeah :\
 
 
4 hours later…
7:21 PM
@Ael ew it didn't have a cover
 
I don't have an answer for this question, but as far as "I understand that ultimately I should listen to my parents and do what they say" - I think this is important. 16 is more than old enough to recognize when you're being treated unfairly, and a good parent/child relationship would enable you to have a discussion and be treated more fairly. I don't think enough teenagers get to hear that. — Tesset 29 secs ago
#25977 Tesset (2710 rep) | Q: How can I stop my mom from targeting me to do the chores just because I’m a girl? (score: 7) | posted 43 hours ago by Sarah (71 rep) | edited 31 hours ago by OldPadawan (19075 rep) | Toxicity 0.079442345 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]
 
Uh, respectfully, no way. 16 is in no way old enough for people to decide whether people are being unfair to them.
Source: Someone who's been recently 16
But I guess that comment is an fp, unless it's an answer
 
@M.A.R. a good parent/child relationship would be good regardless :)
And I just read the question, the girl is right. She is being treated unfairly.
well it seems fair to her parents due to their surroundings.
 
@anki To me it seems like the poor lady asks for her daughter for some help, and she's summoning up all the lawyer power she has not to help the mother.
And again, it seems like that because I've been personally guilty of the exact same things too.
So yeah, relationships aren't one-sided. A good parent/child relationship would be good
 
@M.A.R. no she's asking for her mother to ask her brother to do something too.
It feels like the mother is preparing the girl for marriage..
.. and the boy for earning and expecting some lady to do the chores for him after marriage.
 
7:36 PM
Might be, but it's unlikely, I think.
My mom uses the same argument, and I'm not being prepared for marriage
 
@M.A.R. It's Pakistan, sir. An even more socially conservative country than India.
 
"it’s not my fault that he has a job" doesn't seem like trying to strengthen family relationships but I dunno if speculating further about someone we dunno any further helps anything so I want a kitten gif
 
"One time I confronted her about it and she admitted that due to our culture (we’re Pakistani), she specifically asks me to do house work because I’m a girl."
 
The mother has seen the word "culture" as a blanket escape from arguing with the child and she probably sees it in a positive light, unlike the child.
 
@M.A.R. that is a counter to her mother statements that, see he's busy working, you're free and also a girl, so do this task.
I know it's wrong to say that the mother is "targeting" her. But that's the way a teenager feels like.
 
7:41 PM
If knowing a skill set is customary of an age or a gender etc. the onus is on every individual belonging to that group to git gud. Whether this discrimination is moral is something else entirely, and I agree that being a girl is not a good baseline.
@anki And it's wrong.
 
Ultimately we never know, people can be of incredibly bad faith all ages included but I find the unfairness plausible given context
 
You can't expect her to talk about gender roles and women rights, at least not before she gets into college.
 
Actually, I exactly expect teenagers to talk that.
Ironically in spite of my earlier comment.
I'm not trying to isolate camps here, here's the conservatives, here's the neo-liberals etc.
 
@M.A.R. teenagers of all countries ?
third world countries too ?
 
But . . . Look how far individualism has taken us. People roam the streets without masks because they're individuals and not a group.
 
7:45 PM
@M.A.R. I didnt think of you doing that either.
 
@anki Especially someone that can formulate that question.
You're telling me she learned to be that fluent in English without being exposed to English teen culture?
 
@caldeirabot tp
 
Marked this comment as flaggable (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.
 
@M.A.R. My English when I was 16 was just like hers if not better. And my imagination was restricted by what was there in the course* books. English books were in the curriculum. Gender roles.. I don't remember reading about it back then.
 
Were you composing questions at Stack Exchange back then?
 
7:49 PM
Se wasnt what it is, IPS is 3yo
 
@M.A.R. ditto I just thought about that before you sent your comment :)
I didnt have a phone (read internet) till I was 18
 
@ArthurHavlicek I caught myself in the middle and didn't type Eeps
Trump has said "There weren't even tests when I took over." and he was responded to "Why would they? We didn't even have the virus"
 
@M.A.R. well none of the countries had tests when he took over ;)
 
@M.A.R. did you see the one with Chris Wallace ?
 
7:53 PM
Not in large chunks preferably in case Trump talking makes you wanna go to the bathroom or something
@anki Read about it
 
I try to avoid Trump material and satire when I can
 
When even Fox News can't take you anymore . . .
 
@ArthurHavlicek why
 
Makes me sad, end of the day
 
right
 
7:57 PM
@ArthurHavlicek I guess people would be talking about it much less if the first reason this bozo is POTUS in the first place wasn't most of the opposition were too apathetic to go vote in the 2016 election
So now they need a firm reminder of what this narcissistic abomination is to get rid of him and hope they'd never have to trust anything to him anymore
 
Complex problem, much to be apathetic about the us voting system
In the*
I wish republics felt less 1600
And a tiny bit more 2020
 
They feel 1930s Germany, and I don't think that's an exaggeration.
They object to the criticism of the president solely on the ground that he's president. Like criticism is only what a foreigner would do. (I'm a foreigner, to be clear)
 
@M.A.R. Yeah, voter turnout in the US is pretty abysmal. Usually somewhere between 40-50% of the eligible population doesn't vote. Some of it is apathy, but there's also a large degree of voter suppression. As far as the apathy goes, there are a lot of people (though I don't know how many) who feel like there aren't any options that represent their views.
This isn't necessarily true, we do have candidates outside the two main parties, but they aren't covered much and if you dare mention that you might vote for one of them, you will quickly get crucified on the altar of "wasting your vote"
 
I'd waste my vote in the US I believe
I'm non-conforming :p
 
I "wasted" my vote in 2016, and I'm planning to do the same this year
 
8:12 PM
In France we had something mildly interesting happening. Ecologists made decent scores for the first time in history
They won my city, Bordeaux, being 13 points above predicted scores
 
absence here was 45,5% which is basically half of the eligible people, for maybe 7/8 million only 3/4 million voted, left or right then the extreme left and extreme right 😆 young poeple also don't vote because they don't know who to vote
(4.250 million didn't vote)
 
That seems kind of usual in our republics
 
We also have voter suppression in the form of all felons (even if those who have served their sentence and been released into society) being ineligible to vote for the rest of their lives.
 
@Rainbacon is this a thing in any other country?
 
I'm not sure. It's hard enough just keeping track of the laws here
 
8:25 PM
Good night everyone !
 
night
 
9:03 PM
 

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