The Awkward Silence

@Nacorid Mmh... that title would likely need a rephrasing indeed. But for this we'd need to know what's going on & what is it you're trying to achieve

Nacorid

Okay

Ælis

@Nacorid Hello, is there something you want to communicate to someone? Because this sounds more like an intrapersonal issue which is off-topic here (we can't help you deal with your emotions, we can only help you communicate things)

Nacorid

10:29 AM

Yes, it is about communication

My goal is to not make him feel betrayed

Ælis

@Nacorid Why would "he" feel betrayed?

Also, feel free to drop your question in your sandbox before posting it into the main site

Nacorid

As there should be no reason that I should know about their breakup, because I have 0 contact to his exgirlfriend. Will do

Ælis

@Nacorid I feel your question is on the edge between on and off-topic. However, if you focus on wanting to communicate something specific to your friend, you should be good (but drop the question in sandbox as you intend to for more feedbacks)

Nacorid

Thanks @Ælis

Ælis

Your welcome :)

.

My sister just sent me this XD

m.9gag.com/gag/aVYL7Ed

A J

10:38 AM

lol

avazula

@Ælis nice :D

Kaspar

@Ælis ROFLMAO

Ælis

@Kaspar I don't understand this acronym, but I believe you liked the joke :p

Kaspar

@Ælis It means rolling on floor laughing my ass off. =)

Ælis

@Kaspar Ahah yeah, it kind of had that effect on me too XD

Ælis

11:14 AM

My manager just messaged me to invite me to lunch. For 5 second I was like: "okay, I'm fine", but then my hands start shaking and I felt kind of dizzy so, I guess I spoke too soon ^^. Anyway, I hope everything will go fine and that I won't be too tired by that

A J

11:28 AM

Time for a pun.

Who makes the money by driving their customers away?

IPS Comment Bot

11:39 AM

Technically he isn't out $300. What he's lost is the time spent doing the work - a subtle but important distinction. In his situation, I would write it off as a learning experience. — Will Appleby 35 secs ago

#12788 Will Appleby (2345 rep) | A: How do I ask a close family friend who keeps delaying communication to pay me for the work I've done (score: 2) | posted 356 days ago by OnlineUser02094 (233 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by OnlineUser02094 (233 rep) | Toxicity 0.0 | tps/fps: 0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

avazula

11:58 AM

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps. beep boop My human overlords won't let me flag that, so you'll have to do it yourself.

Kaspar

12:14 PM

@Ælis How was the lunch? =)

Ælis

@AJ a taxi?

@Kaspar Fine but tiring. I wish I could take a break, but I don't want to finish work after 6pm :/

avazula

@Ælis did they want to discuss something in particular?

Kaspar

@Ælis It might help if you take some coffee in the office. =)

A J

@Ælis a taxi driver. :P

Kaspar

@AJ Yes, I wanted to say that too, but I thought a taxi and a taxi driver are approximately the same, so I let it pass. =)

Ælis

12:18 PM

@avazula Nop, it was just chit-chat :)

avazula

@Ælis yay!

Ælis

@Kaspar Coffe isn't good when you have anxiety issues ^^

@AJ Pff... :p

Kaspar

@Ælis Oh OK. For me, coffee makes me feel more awake but does not make me feel more anxious. But I guess it is different for everyone.

Ælis

@Kaspar Well, I never actually really tried coffee because I don't like that ^^ But when I heard it was bad for anxiety, I decided that was a very good excuse to never drink some :p

Kaspar

Today I watched some youtube videos on how some vegans started eating meat and became ex-vegans.

avazula

12:23 PM

@Kaspar yeah, I read about those videos. Turns out they had health issues that had either nothing to do with veganism or because they didn't eat enough/the right things. It's sad they got health issues but I'm also angry at them for most of them say "veganism was unhealthy for me" - no it wasn't, you just didn't eat the right things. Don't say it's unhealthy.

Kaspar

@avazula Thanks. This encourages me to go vegan in future. =)

avazula

@Kaspar Both @Ælis and I are

Kaspar

@AJ I took a long time to understand this. I am slooow.

TheTinyMan

Veganism sounds hard!

avazula

@TheTinyMan It's about habits... I've been "meat-free" for 12+ years :)

Ælis

12:32 PM

@TheTinyMan I'm the "lazy" kind of vegan. I never do any cooking and yet, I manage to eat healthy every day ^^

TheTinyMan

@avazula Haha, that's fair. I still struggle to establish good habits without restricting my diet, but maybe that's part of the problem. xD

@Ælis Oooh, what's your secret? :o

Ælis

@TheTinyMan This (and other similar stuff)

I'm particularly fan of this one: images.ssstatic.com/…

avazula

@TheTinyMan The key is not to be too harsh on yourself. Good things (like changing habits to something healthier if needed) take time :)

Ælis

@TheTinyMan If you don't want to restrict your diet, what help is to find an alternative for everything that you will miss. Like eating houmous every time you want chess or things like that

TheTinyMan

Haha, right now about half of my meals consist of this: soylent.com/products/drink-cacao

Ælis

12:40 PM

@TheTinyMan I tried something similar for a time but, unfortunately, I really hated the taste and forcing myself made me sick. So I had to return to more "regular" food even though I was really pleased with how quick it was to feed myself with those

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Oh, geez. Yeah, it helps that I drink two different flavors of Soylent (mostly the chocolate one :-D ) and although I'm told I can replace every meal with it, I generally only replace most breakfasts and lunches

Ælis

Sorry for changing the subject, but does anyone know if there is a rule against talking about sex in here?

Rory Alsop

@Ælis Depends - the topic of content in chat has come up many times, and the general rule is to make sure the room is accessible to all, so avoiding offending people is useful. Of course this could depend on how you talk about it.

If flags happen, remember a million mods and high rep folks from across the network (not just IPS) get summoned and may not have context, so badness can happen

A J

@Ælis Try not to use derogatory or vulgar terms.

Ælis

So, "talking about sex is okay as long as you don't insult anyone"?

A J

12:54 PM

or offend.

And do not ask personal stuff.

Ælis

@AJ What difference do you make between insulting and offending? And how can you know in advance that what you say won't offend anyone? I mean, people here are from very different cultures and a subject might be quite regular in a country and a huge taboo in another

A J

Well, you can't. So avoid making a remark about a particular group or culture, which they may feel offensive.

But why do you ask, anyway?

Ælis

@AJ It's a bit like "avoid being racist", then?

A J

kinda

Ælis

@AJ Well, we never talk about that in here and I have some "news" related to it, so I was wondering if there was some explicit or implicit rules that those subjects weren't welcome here

A J

1:02 PM

If it's important or worth sharing.

Ælis

It's not important and I don't know what qualify as "worth sharing". Anyway, I will probably wait for a little longer before telling you about it ^^

(or not tell you anything after all :p )

A J

Don't worry. I am not that curious. :P

TheTinyMan

I am nooooow! :-P But that's okay, haha, I wouldn't want anyone to break any rules or comfort levels.

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Ahah, just imagine things in your head then, I'm sure it will be better than what I have to tell :p

TheTinyMan

@Ælis All the power of the Matrix, right here in my head! :o Reality can be whatever I want it to be! :o :o

Rainbacon

1:20 PM

@Ælis I think anything qualifies as "worth sharing" if it is important to you that you are able to talk to someone

Ælis

@Rainbacon I like this vision of things :) Well then, I guess I should share with you this thing that makes me overly proud of myself over basically nothing :p

Let's just say that I bought a "not for kids" toy for the first time which makes me feel very rebellious and proud of myself :p The "toy" won't be there before the 10th of April, though

(@TheTinyMan ^ If you want to satisfy your curiosity :p )

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Haha, I appreciate that! That's awesome, go you for taking care of yourself! ^.^ That sounds like waaaay too long a wait though!

avazula

@Ælis I recently got one. It's amazing. Have fun :p

Rainbacon

@Ælis Good for you!

Ælis

@TheTinyMan That sounded too long for me too :p But it was hard to get past the shamefulness that I felt when I wanted to by the item (I bough it online though, I wasn't able to enter a physical shop to buy that ^^' )

TheTinyMan

1:31 PM

@Ælis Is there a lot of shame around that where you're from? :-\ Not that that kind of shame necessarily even has a geographical root as much as, like, a friends-and-family kind of root?

avazula

@TheTinyMan More generally in France, female sexuality is taboo

Ælis

@avazula Ahah, I'm glad to hear that you have one and have fun with it :D It makes me feel less alone knowing that someone else I know have this kind of object :D

TheTinyMan

@avazula Man. I think the American media has lied to me, that's really distressing.

Rainbacon

@TheTinyMan I'm thinking the same thing

TheTinyMan

(I mean, it's distressing that it's taboo, not that the American media lies to me. That's what the American media does.)

Ælis

1:34 PM

@TheTinyMan What ava said. Just hearing the word "female masturbation" would have my mother turn red tomato ^^

@TheTinyMan When I was younger, I thought that only man masturbate (and that I was "not right" for doing it too)

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Then an extra congratulations to you for not being restricted by that kind of tradition!

Oh wow

Rainbacon

@Ælis I'm sorry you went through that. For what it's worth, I also grew up being taught that it was wrong to masturbate

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Is this something less taboo in USA? I thought it would be even more due to religious reasons?

avazula

@Ælis I bought one because I ... had some struggles during intercourse having pleasure. I'm so glad I made that decision because my SO and I aren't afraid about masturbation talks and (big change) have some alone time. Yay!

Rainbacon

@Ælis I think it depends heavily on your family. Mine was fairly religious and anything sex related was bad, but I've also met people whose families didn't care, so they were pretty open about it.

avazula

1:38 PM

I realized that it's healthy to keep it even when in a relationship

Ælis

@avazula If it makes you happy and improve your relationship/quality time with your SO, that's double benefits!

@Rainbacon Mine isn't really religious, but we just don't talk about sex (anyone in my family would try to flee if I were to start talking about that ^^)

avazula

@Rainbacon yeah, my religious class taught me that sex was only something that should be at the husband's will. Understand "women have no desires yet should obey their husbands' and do whatever they want to".

before that I thought intercourse was reserved for procreation :p

(according to them)

TheTinyMan

It varies widely, but part of the USA's feminist movement has included female sexual freedom. I think that the LGBT movement has helped with that, too.

But yeah, it varies by state, by city, and by the people around you. Among most of my friends, it's totally normal for a female to talk about orgasms or specific sexual activities. But I know some people who've never encountered that kind of discussion before, too.

Of course I'm personally part of multiple subcultures that are...I would guess among the most, uh, frank about this kind of thing, among any subcultures that I could think of.

So my perspective may be skewed :-p

Ælis

@avazula Wow, that's awful! At least they didn't teach that in my class. It was more a "I know you all want sex so, if you are in a heterosexual relationship, protect yourself" (and they never talk about non-heterosexual couples, so I didn't even know that lesbian too needed protection)

TheTinyMan

@avazula I know people who were taught that as children. :-( It sure sounds unhealthy to me.

ElizB

1:45 PM

@Ælis I have one of those kinds of toys, and i'm really glad that I have it so I can take care of myself that way. I'm married and my hubby actually was proud of me for taking care of myself and getting it

Ælis

@ElizB Oh, thank you for sharing that with me. I feel less and less like an alien, that's great :D

ElizB

@Ælis lolz it's something I share with those who I know I trust and don't judge... not like my christian friends unfortunately.

TheTinyMan

@Ælis I had the good fortune to go to a pretty good, and pretty liberal I think, public school. I remember them describing the ways that disease can be transmitted. I think that they specifically mentioned that same-sex interactions could transmit too? I'm not sure though.

@Ælis I think every partner I've ever had has had something like that.

avazula

Yay, self-care lovers!

@TheTinyMan that really surprises me honestly

it's so uncommon around here

ElizB

I still am christian and go to church and support the church and all that but it's just so hard when it's so taboo.... oh I also have entered an adult store with my maid of honor and bridesmaids (minus my 16 year old sister haha) and my maid of honor likes the more intense stuff like the whips and all that it was really fun. She was trying to see if I liked that stuff but I'm not crazy about it haha

Ælis

1:48 PM

@TheTinyMan I'm impressed that you are part of such a culture. Talking freely about female orgasms seems like a dream ^^

ElizB

she got some things for herself and her boyfriend and I was like ooookay you like the stuff that hurts I like the stuff that just makes me feel good not hurt haha

Ælis

@ElizB It's so sad to not being able to talk about that with some of your friends :(

@ElizB Did you felt weird entering this adult store? I would really like to visit one someday, but I'm not ready to do it on my own yet ^^

ElizB

@Ælis yeah seriously. Those friends are close, they know and trust me and I trust them.

TheTinyMan

@Ælis It's intimidating the first time! Do you have a friend you could walk in with?

ElizB

@Ælis really, it's just like any other store. One side was all clothes and lingerie, and the other side was various toys

Ælis

1:53 PM

@TheTinyMan Maybe I could ask @avazula, I guess? :p Otherwise, I don't have anyone to ask for that (or maybe my big sister but I'm not sure how I could bring the topic XD )

ElizB

@Ælis I went to clothes and lingerie first then i slowly looked around the toys part and found funny things, things I knew I didnt want and things I might want to try

Ælis

@ElizB I would probably do that too, trying to act all natural when I really feel super excited inside :p

ElizB

@Ælis it was hard for me to act natural hehe i loved seeing all the pretty clothes

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Aww, that's kind of sad - but I'll bet she'd go with you!

ElizB

plus it was my pre-wedding activity I chose... hehe girls only

TheTinyMan

1:58 PM

I remember being terrified when I first walked into a place like that...but it's really just another store. At this point I can even ask the staff about some of the products. xD Just like I was buying, I dunno, shoes or something!

ElizB

@TheTinyMan I havent really talked to staff of a store like that but i imagine if i had more money to spend I probably would buy more lingerie lol

avazula

@Ælis Ooh ooh! I'm used to consult my stuff online ... I don't know, maybe I could be able of overcoming my shyness for that :p

Ælis

@ElizB I really like pretty clothes too. But they are often just too uncomfortable for me to wear them (like: "What monster created this evil and uncomfortable thing!?! Don't they try their clothes before selling them???)

ElizB

@Ælis omg yes. They had changing rooms in that store I went to so maybe that can help?

I did try on one or two things but they did not allow me to try on things that were worn from my belly down- meaning underwear, stockings, etc

it was just a store policy

Ælis

@avazula Maybe we could be two weird persons trying to act normal when walking into a sex shop for the first time :p But there is no hurry, it's just something I would like to do at least once in my life and I don't mind waiting some time before doing it ^^

Rainbacon

2:06 PM

@Ælis Fun fact, the first time I went to an adult store and the first time I skipped a class where the same thing

ElizB

haha fun times

Rory Alsop

@TheTinyMan yep - at least one, often many

Ælis

@ElizB It's too bad that you weren't able to try all the things you wanted :/ But maybe they had problems with people just trying stuff for the fun and not buying anything? In any case, I personally find tights and bra to be crazy uncomfortable. So buying lingerie will probably not be something I will do soon ^^

Rainbacon

This whole discussion is reminding me that i need to go reread this answer. It's a really good one. I highly recommend that you read it and upvote it if you haven't already done so

Ælis

@Rainbacon Oh, that sounds like a very nice reason to skip class :p

ElizB

2:09 PM

@Ælis I think it's a matter of keeping their things clean

Ælis

@ElizB Yeah, that could be it too

ElizB

@Ælis what about loose fitting sheer dresses? Silk robes? That could be something you find comfortable

I don't like things that are super uncomfortable and honestly I wear the things I bought for a maximum of maybe 10 minutes

they come off pretty quick giggles :)

Ælis

@ElizB Haha :p

ElizB

@Ælis that way they are indeed itchy sometimes but i know they won't stay on.

I understand that texture can be triggering so that may not work for you

Ælis

@ElizB I don't know, I do find them beautiful, but they don't really go well with the image of myself I have in my mind. I guess I would rather dress in something that looks more masculine/butch

ElizB

2:14 PM

@Ælis Cool! I'm sure you can find something that fits you either online or in a store. :) It takes time to find something good, I know.

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: How can I appropriately debate racism claims at work?

To clarify, nobody is accusing me of racism, but I have heard an ever increasing cacophony of claims of racism and each one seems less founded than the previous. There seem to be more and more comments about how the 'white guys' are all racist and ruin it for everyone else. I hear drunk Irish j...

Ælis

@ExtrovertedMainMan 10 hours later, really?

ElizB

I love hearing all about the self care things we do for our mental and physical and sexual health :) feels good to relate to others

Ælis

@ElizB Looking for clothes sounds like a good idea. I do hate shopping, but if I go in order to find some clothes that I like and without thinking about the social pressure to look a certain way, I might be able to enjoy it a little more :)

ElizB

@Ælis I also went in with the expectation that I might not find anything, but was pleasantly surprised to find so much I liked.

that kind of positive attitude really helps people not become dissapointed.

I don't want you to be dissapointed if you dont find anything at the store you go to eventually

Ælis

2:21 PM

@ElizB Yeah, I really liked this discussion (and this kind of discussion) too :)

ElizB

@Ælis yep good feels all around lol

Ælis

@ElizB Oh, I'm not planning to buy anything there. I just want to visit it like a museum :p

ElizB

@Ælis ahh thats even more fun lol like looking at some toys like "what do people do with this? what?" haha

Ælis

@ElizB Exactly! Or "did you see this Kamasutra position? I'm impressed by how agile they must be" :p

ElizB

@Ælis hahahaha yeah :P

Introverted Meta Man.

2:26 PM

0

Q: Can question #21407 be improved and reopened?

Thanks to many edits (and last great one from @avazula), this question about "courtesy" has been (temporarly) saved and could probably be reopened. "Is it common to leave something in someone's house and expect them to think it's a gift for them?" is part of the "non-verbal communication" skill,...

discussion scope closed-questions reopen-request

Rainbacon

@Ælis That's a fun book. When I was in college I wrote a small program for my girlfriend and I that would choose one from the book for us :)

avazula

@IntrovertedMetaMan. yay, credits! 🙌

@Rainbacon :O I'm impressed :p

Ælis

@Rainbacon Oh, that's nice! I knew there is also some dice that can do the same thing for you (but the number of figures is much more limited)

I never had the opportunity to see the full book, though. Only some figures

Rainbacon

Yeah, we had some dice, but they were very "innocent" dice. AKA, there was nothing super fun on them. I found a website that had a page for each position from the book, so I wrote a little script that would pick a random number and open up to that page.

avazula

Now I feel so vanilla

Ælis

2:37 PM

@Rainbacon Did you use it a lot? I'm curious to know what was your "success rate" in reproducing the figure. I heard some of them are nearly impossible to do

Rainbacon

@avazula Vanilla is one of my favorite flavors :P

@Ælis We used it several times, but we usually had to go through a few until we found one we could actually do

Ælis

@Rainbacon Haha XD I glad to hear I wasn't misinformed about the difficulty of them :p

Rainbacon

I should probably dig that code out for when I get married this summer

avazula

@Rainbacon Maybe not immediately if it'll be the beginning of your intimate life :p

otherwise she might be scared haha

Unless that girlfriend you mentioned is your wife-to-be

Rainbacon

@avazula That's a fair point. Nope, different people. I wouldn't say getting married is the beginning of our intimate life, but there have been certain boundaries thus far in our relationship that will go away

Ælis

2:44 PM

@Rainbacon Have you both decided that those boundaries will go away? Or are you just hoping that it would be the case "because marriage"?

TheTinyMan

My ex-wife and I had a particular boundary that she wasn't comfortable crossing until around the time we got married. In our case, we really should have crossed that boundary sooner to learn that we weren't very compatible on the other side of it.

Rainbacon

@Ælis Yes sort of to both. The basic gist is that my fiancee is a bit more traditional and wanted to wait until we are married to have sex.

So the boundary was more "This is in place until we are married"

Ælis

@Rainbacon Oh, right. Do you talk about what you want to do after the marriage then? Or she isn't comfortable with/doesn't want to do that either?

TheTinyMan

Or does she know?

Rainbacon

@Ælis We do talk about it a bit. She used to be really uncomfortable talking about it, but thanks to EmC I learned how to help her become more comfortable talking about it.

TheTinyMan

2:51 PM

That's great, communication is key!

Rainbacon

That's very true.

Ælis

@Rainbacon That's good then :) Just don't hope that things will change overnight just because you get married, it always takes time to adapt to a new situation

ElizB

It did take time to adapt and let go of certain boundaries but it was pretty much the same before and after signing the marriage certificate because me and hubby already tried and communicated many things...

Rainbacon

3:07 PM

Yeah, I'm certain that there will be some adjustment, and I do have some concerns about how she will adjust, but we've talked about them so I think we'll be ok

Ælis

3:20 PM

I have the beginning of a crazy headache, so I took some drugs against that, but I must say: I really regret the day I choose the "dissoluble in water" version of this drug. This taste so terribly bad ><

avazula

@Ælis :(

Rainbacon

@Ælis medicine tastes awful. I hope you feel better and don't have to take any more of it.

Ælis

@Rainbacon I the worst case, I will be home in two hours, so I will be able to rest and stay in a quiet environment

Rainbacon

That's good

Ælis

3:37 PM

Yeah, but I wish I could just walk out of work right now. Saying "sorry, I don't feel well" and have my day over. But I don't have the guts to do that. I only skip class two days in my life and it felt way easier to do

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Whether that kind of thing is okay varies a lot by job in my experience...although I maintain that most of the time it leads to a better work environment and also product if it is okay. :-\

Ælis

Okay, I never, ever, want to eat outside with my manager again. This is way too tiring and gives me too much of a headache. The worst part is, my manager probably have no idea of much this meal took out of me. I really hate invisible disability, it's way too unfair :(

@TheTinyMan Totaly agree with your statement about better work environment and better product

TheTinyMan

@Ælis That really sucks. :-( I hate work-related, social meals. I mean, I hate most social meals in general. If my general anxiety wasn't enough, suddenly I'm worrying about everything from if I've made a mess on myself that I haven't noticed, to if this person expects me to follow antiquated table manners that I don't really know (which fork goes where again??), to am I eating too fast?, to am I eating food that the person sitting across from me approves of?

I'm sorry you had to deal with that today. :-(

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Thank you, I appreciate that <3

@TheTinyMan The other annoying part about work-related meals is also to wonder "did I said the right thing? Was this what he wanted to hear? Am I doing chit-chat right?"

TheTinyMan

3:52 PM

@Ælis Oh, yeah, absolutely. Did they want an honest answer to that or a 'polite' answer? What IS a 'polite' answer? How much detail do they want, is this a topic they want to talk about or are they just talking to fill the space? Oh, no, did I just leave too much space?

Chit-chat is a nightmare!

Ælis

Exactly!

TheTinyMan

Is it better or worse for you than it used to be?

Ælis

@TheTinyMan What do you mean?

TheTinyMan

The anxiety. I've noticed that some emotional problems, at least for me, get worse over time, like a wound that I keep agitating and not letting heal. And some of them get better as I develop coping mechanisms for them or familiarity with overcoming them.

I was just curious which, if either, of those category this kind of anxiety falls under for you.

Rainbacon

Does anyone know if there's any etiquette around giving a single specific time vs giving a range when someone asks you when you are available to meet?

TheTinyMan

4:03 PM

I'd love to know the answer to this as well, especially as regards scheduling interviews. >.<

scohe001

@Rainbacon how formal is the sitch?

As a general rule I give 2-3 times I can meet at. I'm not a fan of giving ranges, but I don't think that's a hard and fast rule...

Rainbacon

@scohe001 I received this email from a potential employer "What time are you available for tomorrow for a 30 minute technical interview?"

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Well, I believe I'm getting better with dealing with anxiety in general. However, this "chit-chat" was with my boss and I'm still on probation period, so this particular chit-chat was one of the "worst" I ever had because I'm not used to chit-chat with someone who as so much power over me. What I have noticed about my anxiety is that it get worst if I have previous experience where things go badly, but it get better if all previous experience got nicely

scohe001

@Rainbacon ahh then if you have a bunch of free time all at once give a range, else give 2-3 times.

TheTinyMan

Oof. Yeah, not only do they have power over you but I'll bet that your trust in your (career) safety in that situation is pretty low, too. I'd probably be ill from all of the stress in that situation - in fact I think I have been before. :-( Go you for getting through it!

And I'm glad that it's something that you're overcoming!

Rainbacon

4:06 PM

I gave two ranges. One was an hour earlier in the day and the other was anytime after 3:30

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon Yeah, that sounds like how I do it, too, if given a day. Recently I've had calls where a recruiter has said, "when are you available for an interview this week?" and I'm like, "uhhh, do you want to know EVERY range of availability this week? Do I start with my preferred times or just go with all of them?"

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Oh, I did fell sick before the meeting (and shaking and dizziness) but things become better when I'm "in the action" and I see that everything is going well

Extroverted Main Man

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Q: How do I talk to someone I've had issues with before?

Last year someone found me annoying. No grudges! Just "I wouldn't choose to sit next to him." This year she doesn't find me annoying, and I try to talk to her but it ends up being very awkward. I'm a guy, and she's a girl. That makes my various attempts start to look either very desperate or very...

conversations awkward-situations boundaries

Ælis

@TheTinyMan I believe that there are studies that show that people don't like to have too many options. So only giving two or three (with your preferred time) an saying "but I can push things if needed" would work well in this situation

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Gotcha. Go you even more for getting through it after being so debilitated going in, that's impressive!

@Ælis Yeah, that makes sense

Ælis

4:13 PM

@TheTinyMan Thank you :D /me blushing

TheTinyMan

4:26 PM

@Ælis You're welcome ^.^

I feel like it's weird that I always try to find a different response to receiving thanks than saying the traditional "you're welcome." I wonder why that is?

Ælis

@TheTinyMan I don't see what's weird with that. I always try to give the best response to a thank you depending on the context. Sometimes, I will just nod my head in agreement (like when I give a service to someone and I find it only fitting that I receive a thank in return)

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Yeah. I feel like if I say "you're welcome" it sounds to me like I'm responding as an obligation, but I don't want the other person to feel like the thanks they gave were an obligation, and I usually didn't feel obligated to do the thing I'm being thanked for? (I mean, unless I did, but then I really don't want the subsequent dialogue to feel like an oblogation xD )

Ælis

Oh dear, my manager just told me that he needs to see me before I go tonight (which is suppose to be in 30 minutes) and I have zero energy left ><

TheTinyMan

@Ælis Uh oh! You can do it!

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Yeah, that's why I only respond "you are welcome" (or similar) if I really believe it. This way, I'm always sincere and I hope that people can see that

@TheTinyMan I just want to crawl in a cave right now, but thanks for the encouragement (and I hope no one will have to collect me with a teaspoon when the meeting will be over ^^)

TheTinyMan

4:39 PM

@Ælis Someone, prep one of those water vacuum things!

Ælis

@TheTinyMan Haha yeah, that might be handy :p

TheTinyMan

5:21 PM

Holy crap, Google, you're creepy sometimes...so, GMail has predictive text now! I'm talking to a recruiter, and I typed, "I do confirm that I'm happy for <headhunting firm> to" and it offered up "represent me" so I tapped that, then it offered up "for this position" and I'm just like, "Google, you know exactly what I'm doing, don't you? O . O "

Tinkeringbell

My brother just mentioned it too, for him it was almost an entire email as he often has to send the same kinds of emails

Rainbacon

@TheTinyMan I have the exact same problem. For me, it will pop up what I'm thinking. Say I get an email from a recruiter about a position that I don't want. It predicts that I will want to decline

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon Oh wow, that's even scarier!

I do wish it would start predicting "I'm sorry but your position is 1500 miles away from me, that's a long drive and I don't want to relocate" though :-p

Rainbacon

6:29 PM

Oof, have a phone interview to take and I almost didn't get a conference room at work.

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon I took one in my car today

Rainbacon

I don't have a car though

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon Oh, that is extra awkward. You know, as much as I don't like cars, they're kind of magical. I mean, they're almost everything important in a house, you know? Shelter, heat, power. Privacy, apparently, at least to some degree. :-p

Rainbacon

Yeah, I ended up with a medium sized conference room because all the small ones are taken

Also, our conference rooms all have large glass doors, so other than dampening the sound there's not much privacy

And so far the interviewer is 3 minutes late. So I'm sitting in this giant fish bowl just waiting

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon awkward

Rainbacon

6:41 PM

yep

Rainbacon

7:38 PM

At least the interview went well when the interviewer finally showed up

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon That's good to hear!

Rainbacon

It's very good, because I think there might be some burning bridges at my current job

TheTinyMan

@Rainbacon Oof. Very good, indeed!

Rainbacon

8:35 PM

@Ælis Your comment about invisible disabilities got me thinking. Have you ever had anyone try to downplay invisible disabilities? I ask because I once had a coworker give a talk on disabilities in the workplace. During the Q&A I asked her about invisible disabilities and her response was that perhaps I shouldn't mention it if other people couldn't see it. The response seemed very poorly thought out to me. I was wondering if you've had similar experiences

Ælis

8:49 PM

@Rainbacon Wow, that really sounds like something stupid and inconsiderate to say. But I feel that, for now, what I had to deal with was more subtle. Like people saying I'm "lazy" because I don't cook because I'm way too tired to do so (hum, I guess my example isn't that "subtle" after all).

Rainbacon

I should mention that she didn't know I had autism, but I have had other coworkers who do know that have told me I should avoid talking about it in front of the clients

Ælis

@Rainbacon That would have made me feel like being on the autism spectrum was something shameful that people should avoid mentioning at all cost (like not talking about your same-sex partner because being homosexual was shameful). To me, if you are comfortable about people knowing and aren't afraid for your safety (physically, mentally and financially), then I don't see why you should hide that from people...

user15026

I can see why people might think it's a thing that shouldn't be said because they'll think it will change people's perception of you and your skills (and thus potentially the work you do) for the negative because of assumptions people make I guess

Rainbacon

@Ash That was exactly the reasoning that was given to me

user15026

It's one of those stupid things where yeah you shouldn't hve to hide and feel bad and ashamed or whatever but people have some really dumb ideas about how autism affects things.

ElizB

9:32 PM

my disability is invisible until I start to communicate. Then people freeze because they dont know how to reply

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