« first day (575 days earlier)      last day (1931 days later) » 

ElizB
ElizB
1:04 AM
→ 4 messages moved to Trash
 
 
2 hours later…
ElizB
ElizB
3:17 AM
→ 3 messages moved to Trash
 
 
2 hours later…
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
5:26 AM
0
Q: Where do adults make friends outside of work?

SomeBlokeOut side of work it seems like some adults have no social life. Can someone tell me where and how adults make friends out Sid of their work place?

socializing making-friends
 
 
3 hours later…
avazula
avazula
8:43 AM
Good morning people!
 
JAD
JAD
9:07 AM
o/
 
Pseudohuman
Pseudohuman
\o
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
9:24 AM
Morning!
 
Noon
Noon
9:50 AM
Asking about cultural differences is on topic, right? My question is "Is there some cultural differences between France vs the USA on the 'mind your own business' rule?"
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Noon You might want to define 'mind your own business' a lot narrower. It's a generic thing that can be used for a lot of things.
 
Noon
Noon
Humm, I guess I will have to drop that in the sandbox first then, thanks!
 
Sandman
Sandman
10:07 AM
0
A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions

HaptometerI'm not sure how to phrase the actual question but I think after reading it most people would see the problem. I say this because I mentioned it to a few of my friends and they were surprised how unreasonable this person is being. A few months ago I moved into a communal house where a sense of...

 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps
 
 
3 hours later…
avazula
avazula
1:15 PM
→ 4 messages moved to Trash
I just had my first rehearsal
It's exhausting but I'm so glad I get to sing again! o/
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@avazula That sounds like a lot of fun ;)
 
Noon
Noon
@avazula Oh, I though it would have been after work, not during the lunch break! I'm glad it went well!
 
avazula
avazula
@Tinkeringbell It is :) and I feel that it may help me getting to know my coworkers, which is great
@Noon Well TBH I'm glad it's during lunch break otherwise I'd have been exhausted and couldn't sing well haha
I'm just kinda dead after work. No energy left :p
 
Noon
Noon
I perfectely get that. Having me doing something after work is like "hell, no!"
 
A J
A J
1:56 PM
@ExtrovertedMainMan That was a spam. cc @avazula
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@AJ Was that link there right away? Or was it one of those grace period editors?
 
A J
A J
@Tinkeringbell It was there already.
 
avazula
avazula
@AJ Oh, right? I didn't guess from reading it and I didn't click the link, so ...
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
It's okay. It's gone now :)
 
avazula
avazula
Sorry guys
@Tink did you guess it was spam?
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
1:59 PM
Heh :P Don't worry, at least you didn't edit out the link.
I think AJ recognized it. I'm trying to work, so I didn't even open the question
 
avazula
avazula
@Tinkeringbell ha, ok. Good luck :)
 
A J
A J
@avazula I got the doubt by just looking at the title. So I investigated further.
 
avazula
avazula
Well thank you :)
 
A J
A J
:)
 
Em C
Em C
2:26 PM
@Noon I didn't get a chance to reply last night but thank you for the kind words :)
good morning all!
 
Noon
Noon
@EmC Good morning to you :)
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
Good morning!
 
Richard U
Richard U
2:43 PM
Hello peoples
 
A J
A J
@EmC good evening!
 
Em C
Em C
@AJ showoff :P I still have a whole day of work to go..
good thing it's almost friday though :)
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:13 PM
In the words of Allen Jackson, "It's five O'clock somewhere"\
Here's a quick question for the powers that be here...

If someone asks a question here, and the answer is essentially "no" or "you can't" how can you answer in such a fashion, and have your answer not deleted... or can't you?
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU that sounds like a "frame challenge" answer, this faq entry tries to explain it.. basically you need to explain why there's no possible way, and explain what OP can do instead that will still get them towards their goal
the answer it links there has a good example
 
JAD
JAD
also:
23
Q: What is the difference between not answering a question and posting a frame challenge?

JADWhat is a frame challenge? We require answers to adress the question. However, some questions may warrant answers questioning whether what the OP wants, really is the best choice. These answers are generally of the form: Don't do [x], do [y] instead. This is generally referred to as a fram...

discussion answers policy frame-challenge
11
Q: Coming to terms with "Frame Challenges" vs. "Respecting the Question"

scohe001I'm a little confused. Recently, it seems there's been a push to "respect the premise of the question" in answers. It's causing answers like this to be heavily downvoted and flagged with comments explaining that it's not a valid frame challenge. However, I then look back at answers like this, t...

discussion scope answers
 
Richard U
Richard U
@EmC I thought I did that in an answer I recently deleted, but apparently not. I cannot get the hang of answering in this stack, for some reason. I find it very discouraging and intimidating.
 
avazula
avazula
@RichardU Actually I feel quite the same about TWP... It's a cultural difference I guess
 
Richard U
Richard U
@avazula well, if you ever need help in TWP, stop by in the chat there. THAT site, I know :D
 
avazula
avazula
3:29 PM
@RichardU same for you pal
 
Richard U
Richard U
@avazula It's funny, but you'd think that after half a century or so, I'd be able to handle interactions better....
 
Noon
Noon
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@RichardU <shrug /> if you want to see discouraging and intimidating try Pets SE sometime
 
Richard U
Richard U
@motosubatsu I have, LOL. Still haven't heard anything about how to deal with a Maine Coon that goes from cuddly to murderous in 0.2 seconds
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@RichardU I believe the only real answer to that is "they all do that sir"
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:33 PM
@motosubatsu not to this degree. I've never had a cat break skin with her teeth before. I think she could bite through steel, if given a reason
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
seriously though.. I've had my mental capacity challenged, been mod-slapped because I pointed out that someone didn't say something nasty they were accused of then when said accuser told the mod how they laughed uncontrollably at the comment slapping me down they got told "you're welcome"
@RichardU is it a new behavior?
 
Richard U
Richard U
@motosubatsu it's playful on her part, as she NEVER attacks the face or anything other than hands and arms
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU the gift card one? it isn't clear to me why OP should never even try to say anything.. it's great to give info about how it could backfire but it's still OP's decision if they want to risk asking, so answers still need to say "here's how to try asking / alternate way to attempt stopping the gift cards"
 
Richard U
Richard U
@EmC there is no way to do that without risking being rude. At least not that I know of. Since I was warned it would be deleted, and I know of no way to make it fit, I deleted it myself.
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU okay.
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:39 PM
@EmC It's the autistic rigid thinking, I cannot phrase it differently than I did. I literally cannot think of the words.
 
Em C
Em C
@motosubatsu that's something you should really bring up with the site / CM team, not IPS chatroom..
 
Richard U
Richard U
Sometimes it sucks being autistic.
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@EmC apologies.. wandered off topic a bit there.
 
Em C
Em C
@RichardU it's not the phrasing, it's that there's no alternative being offered. "you can't" needs to be accompanied with "but instead, you can do.."
anyways I'm fine talking about cats if we'd rather ;)
 
Richard U
Richard U
@EmC yeah, it's hard to explain, my mind cant' go there.
It annoys the hell out of family and friends when I hit a wall like that.
It's like when a computer freezes
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
3:43 PM
@EmC the thing is doing nothing is an alternative surely>?
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu Not if it doesn't solve the issue
 
Em C
Em C
@motosubatsu it doesn't do anything to solve OP's problem, though
@Noon jinx :P
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Noon how would you answer a question where there is nothing that can solve the issue other than walking away from it?
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon not solving the issue is better than an alternative that makes the issue worse or replaces it with a less desirable situation
 
Noon
Noon
@EmC Hehe, I was quicker than you! \o/
@RichardU I won't, because someone may know of a way to solve the issue (you meant "walking away" in the metaphoric sens, right?)
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:47 PM
Asking for cash is considered rude, she asked how to ask for cash without looking rude, you cannot ask for cash without looking rude.
@Noon there are some issues that are untenable. I've been in a few.
 
Noon
Noon
@RichardU I believe you can and that's why I answer
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon which is fair enough.. but if Richard genuinely believes that there is no better solution than not doing that why isn't he allowed to give that as his answer
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu If an answer is actively harmfull and is making the issue worst, it's probably lacking back-up and should be deleted
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
then let the voting decide?
@Noon not the same thing at all
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Noon isn't that gatekeeping?
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
3:50 PM
it's a bit of a leap to go from what Richard suggests to "actively harmful"
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu That's not what we do here. If you do nothing to solve someone problem, just walk away
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
funny.. I thought we were supposed to be giving the OP the best advice for their situation
 
Richard U
Richard U
@Noon isn't teaching someone that it's rude to do something helping with their interpersonal skills?
 
Em C
Em C
there's an answer saying from experience they have asked for cash and it was not rude. so it's clearly not impossible to do that
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
so downvote it
 
Richard U
Richard U
3:52 PM
@EmC and from my experience, it is rude. So, who decides who's experience is valid?
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@EmC well if you think that answer is a better one you can always upvote it and downvote richards
 
Richard U
Richard U
That's not sarcastic of snarky either, it's a serious question
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@EmC isn't that what voting is for?
 
Em C
Em C
the point is if you don't know how to do something, don't write an answer.. also if something is true of your culture, make sure that's also OP's culture? nobody has asked that yet..
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@EmC I think it's pretty clear that Noon was saying that Richard's experience wasn't valid and shouldn't have been posted, regardless of whether she intended the rudeness of the phrasing or not
 
Em C
Em C
4:04 PM
@motosubatsu I don't think calling it "valid" vs. "invalid" is helpful or really relevant here.
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu Sorry @RichardU I didn't intended, at all, to say that your experience wasn't valid. But yes, I belive it shouldn't have been posted. I receveid a lot of "don't" to some of my questions and it always made me angry because there were useless and unnecessary noise for me. If I ask how to do something, I really don't want people do say "don't do it".
 
Em C
Em C
We close questions where OP asks us to make a decision for them. that's pretty pointless if we let people answer that question anyways.
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@motosubatsu I just read the answer, I personally see very little experience. Is this an 'I've always been told this is rude/crass, for this reason' or 'I've seen people do this and man, did I think they were crass'? I think what may really help the answer is a bit of 'Even if you apply all the rules that make your request as polite as possible, like this < rules/example > it will still hold a high risk of being perceived as rude'.
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon honestly I can't understand that approach - if I'm about to do something really stupid because I haven't thought of x,y and z I'd much rather have that pointed out to me
otherwise you're just asking into an echo chamber
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@motosubatsu We did have one of those in the early days of IPS that just got plain deleted because the OP couldn't give any reason to justify asking for doing the stupid thing anyways.
 
Noon
Noon
4:12 PM
@motosubatsu What if OP already though about that? By doing so and not offering an alternative approach, you are just annoying them ("Do you think I'm stupid and haven't though about that?"). But if you are indeed offering a solution afterward ("If you really want to pursue, here is what you can do: ..."), then your answer become helpful.
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon since it's not really feasible to expect posters to list every thought process they have been through up to that point I tend to think "better safe than sorry" if they don't mention it (and if they have already considered some of the common reasons not to and wish to proceed anyway then that would be pertinent to post in the question), and I'm not considering them "stupid" if they haven't thought of something
I'm suggesting that they might not have considered something, nothing more nothing less.
Additionally since SE questions are supposed to help future visitors even if this particular OP has considered something - that doesn't mean future visitors will have
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu Right, but you should still offer an alternative as how to achieve the goal
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@motosubatsu The short thought behind this whole thing (to me) is: 'If someone wants to do something stupid, they're better off with an explanation that explains how to do it and which/how each step contributes to the stupidness'. So explain what would usually be the polite way to request something, then explain why this won't work for this situation. Preferably with matching culture and experience/sources as a back up
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Tinkeringbell which (while not quite what you are saying) is why I will usually explain why I believe the goal/course of action to be inadvisable
@Noon not if I don't believe that there is a viable alternative that won't actively harm the OP or others
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu I find it really patronizing to not let the OP decide for themselves if they still want to pursue what they want to do. So to me, you should always add a solution: "If you still want to do that, here is how you can do it as safely as possible". Otherwise, OP might still do it but in a more dangerous way (since you didn't give them a way to do it safely)
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
4:29 PM
→ 9 messages moved to Trashcan
@motosubatsu I'm not a fan of 'I believe', I rather see experience or sources, especially on IPS as it's already so opinion based... but at least that's better than nothing. If you can use an example in your explanations of why, that's even better.
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon that's a strawman - I'm not deciding anything for anyone
@Tinkeringbell which is precisely why I don't just post one-liners saying "don't"
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@motosubatsu Yeah, and what we're after here is not just an explanation of an opinion that this shouldn't be done, but either experience (I did this/saw this done like this and it ended badly) or a way to do it, explained with it's pro's and cons
 
BlackThorn
BlackThorn
Hey guys, I feel like I remember seeing somewhere that "convince" questions are off topic, but I can't find anywhere that specifically says that. I can only find meta a meta post that makes it seem like they are on topic interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/1501/…
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Tinkeringbell which I don't disagree with - my confusion is that surrounding the idea Noon posits that a "way to do it" must always be presented or the answer shouldn't be posted. This is the antithesis of not only other SE sites but also how giving advice IRL works
 
BlackThorn
BlackThorn
4:44 PM
Are they specifically off topic and does anyone have a link to show that?
 
scohe001
scohe001
@BlackThorn my first meta question on the site (and one of my first contributions here) was on that topic!
13
Q: What is the difference between a "convince" question and a good question?

scohe001In my experience with the stackexchange network, the format best supports questions that give a situation, actual behavior and desired behavior with the question being how to obtain desired behavior. I see the same thing on this site. Looking at the highest voted questions, I see: What to do if...

discussion scope asking-questions
 
BlackThorn
BlackThorn
I actually just read that a few minutes ago, but I think that mostly takes for granted that convince questions could be reworded to work better. Are convince questions actually closeable though?
BTW, I agree that they generally could be reworded to fit better, I just can't find anywhere that says specifically that they are problematic
 
scohe001
scohe001
Yea I was about to say...I don't see from a quick search a definitive "convince is off-topic" meta
I remember at the time of me making that post though, there were a bunch of comments on posts explaining that "convince" was off-topic
 
BlackThorn
BlackThorn
yeah, I think people generally VTC for that reason, but I can't see any meta or help page justification for that
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
5:36 PM
@BlackThorn convincing isn't off topic. Mind control (make someone do X) is ;)
Convincing/Persuasion is an Interpersonal Skill. But it's hard to ask about that
The help center has a bit about 'we're not here to make your arguments for you'
Is that what you were looking for perhaps?
 
Noon
Noon
@motosubatsu It's not just my idea, it's what the community has deemed necessary to make a valid frame-challenge
@Tinkeringbell How much "Look ok" is need to push an answer out of the NAA review queue?
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
@Noon It depends on the number of flags such an answer has, but usually I think it's 2 or 3
 
Noon
Noon
Alright, thanks :)
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
48
A: When is a post removed from a review queue?

animusonAll Review Tasks One moderator action - the moderator's review will be the binding, final outcome Post is deleted[1] Post is locked Close Votes Three "Leave Open" reviews One "Edit" review Post gets closed All close votes and recommend closure flags on the question either expire or are re...

 
Noon
Noon
@Tinkeringbell Ahah, Tinkeringbell magic link! \o/
 
Tinkeringbell
Tinkeringbell
5:43 PM
I should stop doing that... it might make people lazy :P
 
Rainbacon
Rainbacon
@Tinkeringbell or you could get a screen reader and build an alexa skill that does it for you
 
Noon
Noon
Maybe just a little, but I still love it anyway :D
 
motosubatsu
motosubatsu
@Noon and all dissenting voices must forever hold their peace
fair enough
 
 
5 hours later…
scohe001
scohe001
10:18 PM
Holy moly, Meta's popping today
 
Extroverted Main Man
Extroverted Main Man
11:17 PM
0
Q: How to decline food without sounding picky

NielsvhMy spouse has food sensitivities to things my parents frequently cook including tomatoes and nuts. These sensitivities don't put them into shock, but do cause sensations of pain and discomfort. In a lot of ways, my spouse comes off to my parents as picky, which isn't exactly the case. The only "p...

conflict-aversion etiquette
 
IPS Comment Bot
IPS Comment Bot
11:42 PM
Why are there so many downvotes? The question might have a seemingly obvious answer, but I think it’s still valid and follows the site’s guidelines. Especially since it might be helpful to those who ponder asking familiar groups about a glimpse of a situation; one they don’t fully understand. — La Anilla 1 min ago
#20725 La Anilla (418 rep) | Q: Tactifully telling my cousin that she might do too much chores (score: -1) | posted 33 hours ago by Noon (4807 rep) | edited 30 hours ago by Noon (4807 rep) | Toxicity 0.024667779 | tps/fps: 0/0
Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]
 

« first day (575 days earlier)      last day (1931 days later) »