The Awkward Silence - 2018-08-18

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IPS Comment Bot

1:51 AM

Should the title say "potential new landlord" instead? The current form sounds like they're your landlord but you don't know if they're new as the adverb is modifying the adjective. A second adjective would modify "landlord" instead. — William Grobman 1 min ago

#17681 William Grobman (248 rep) | Q: How to express my concerns to a pontentially new landlord? (score: 21) | posted 15 hours ago by clueless (1400 rep) | Toxicity 0.30224156 | edited 7 minutes ago by Em C (8561 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

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8 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

9:45 AM

0

Q: What is a language that Swedes will prefer to use with Copenhagen hostel personnel?

When I was in Copenhagen I was impressed by the dialog of some other tourists with our host. They both spoke their native Scandinavian languages (noteworthy to say i understand no Scandinavian languages but I believe i can recognize that they are actually spoken), but it sounded like they speak d...

language-barriers

@ExtrovertedMainMan Yes, it is a common practice.

IPS Comment Bot

Ok so you are sure you know it was this language but actually you don't know the language and it also didn't sound like this language and there were english words... That's a good sense of humor :-) Btw. regardless of this particular language I don't think there is a general rule how tourists talk to a host. I would bet a lot that it depends on the tourists and the host. — puck 1 min ago

#17709 puck (803 rep) | Q: What is a language that Swedes will prefer to use with Copenhagen hostel personnel? (score: 0) | posted 20 minutes ago by Ilya Yevlampiev (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.056783214

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

Jalapeno Nachos

hey @avazula :)

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9:58 AM

@JalapenoNachos hi there :) how are you today?

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Jalapeno Nachos

I'm ok :)

just working on a few things

how are you?

still on vacation?

I saw your post on the workplace. How is it going?

I'm great, thanks :) nah, I don't have vacation yet, I m on a new job. Just regular weekend :)

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10:01 AM

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Jalapeno Nachos

Oo yeah - I umm ... emailed them and apologized and asked to be reconsidered. I figured there was nothing to lose. They emailed me back and said they will think about it. basically, I had planned to stay here and publish the paper with my advisor, since many were urging me to do so :(

but I have no money :(

Have you told them about the paper?

Jalapeno Nachos

although the dept is trying to get me a teaching gig for the year

to the interviewers? nope

I know, lack of money is hard :/ I've been through myself

No, I mean, that you have and want to write this paper

Jalapeno Nachos

I said something about "i'm admittedly attached to my research lab but do plan on leaving soon ... I apologize ... "

10:04 AM

Sounds good as an explanation.

Jalapeno Nachos

oh no ... i rather get an offer from them first ...

yeah, I was honest :(

hey

guess what?

?

I'm bad at guessing xD

Jalapeno Nachos

so, it's an analytics role, and based on my research, the pay range is about 50-105k USD, with an average at around 85k. now, if you look at coding / engineer jobs that use Python (something I could pick up pretty quickly from my using Matlab ... ), the pay range is like 120k - 170k near where I live. that's a considerable difference, ya know? its min is even higher than the max for analytics roles ...

haha I'm a bad guesser too :(

IPS Comment Bot

+1 for explaining why one shouldn't use the most obvious answers! (some fools vote down for telling things that were not asked but additions like these are really helpful) — puck 32 secs ago

#17693 puck (803 rep) | A: How do I politely say no to a stranger asking to use my phone to make a personal call? (score: 5) | posted 15 hours ago by Jess K. (16997 rep) | Toxicity 0.4330357

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

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10:07 AM

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

@JalapenoNachos true. I guess the real question is how much money do you need for a living?

Btw that a huge range

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah

so, I was wondering - I may be selling myself short

by not just sucking it up and coding in Python now... for a bit

I'd qualify for much higher-paying roles ... within a few weeks

Do what pleases you most

Few weeks is short , you could go through it

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah

true true

Plus you'll discover python, that's huge good point in research :)

Jalapeno Nachos

10:11 AM

Yeah, true :)

do you live near Paris?

I'm saying this but I currently work for sth I don't like. Money is enough but I m so bored. I guess money isn't everything ;)

Jalapeno Nachos

Oh

is it recently that you started not to like it?

Depends if you think as a French or an American. I'm 3h30 away, so quite a bit for me, next door for you :p

Jalapeno Nachos

or was it like from day 1?

hahaha yeah

that's a close drive for us

Erh. I like programming but I hate the purpose. I'm currently working for CCTVs and agencies preventing terror attacks. Goal is "good" but the means...

Jalapeno Nachos

10:15 AM

Oh :(

I wanted to create video games, I've been drawing since the time I could handle a pen correctly

When I was 17 I told my family. They say "that's not a real job. You'll struggle so hard"

So I gave up

Jalapeno Nachos

why not switch back now?

4 years later my little bro gets his high school degree and claims he wants to draw video games, and everyone was like "ok, go for it"

Jalapeno Nachos

haha

same here

I don't have the strength nor the money to get back to go back to school rn

Jalapeno Nachos

10:18 AM

I have a little bro who claimed that too

I see

have you seen

the stack exchange site called

blender?

I hate it. I'm almost 23. When I come home I can't go anywhere alone. Its like "why are you leaving - where r u going - I'll come with you" and for my (younger) bros it's like "ok, have fun"

I saw it, yes.

Jalapeno Nachos

:(

So Ava #3 gets to go in his car to smoke weed and I can't walk the dog without notice xD

Jalapeno Nachos

hahaha

Anyway. I hope you'll find a pleasant and lucrative job.

Jalapeno Nachos

10:22 AM

you have good parents, I guess?

my parents were controlling - but in some ways, now I appreciate it

thanks :)

My family is a mess, but they're sweet.

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah, I hear ya

I guess its because I'm the oldest daughter, I had to lead the way xD

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah

So now I build websites for fun. It lets me tell my creativity as well :)

Jalapeno Nachos

10:24 AM

that's nice :)

hey

when you go to San Fran why will your job be?

and, I'm really excited for you :)

San Fran is really, really awesome and charming

I'll be a programming consultant for both GAFA and small startups. Probably in deep learning as well since I now a bit about it now.

Yea, my uncle told me it's beautiful :)

Jalapeno Nachos

Oh nice :)

yep, it sure is :)

I really wanted to work in an international environment. I miss the English practice.

Jalapeno Nachos

when are you leaving for San Fran?

Next year, about the same time.

Jalapeno Nachos

10:28 AM

English is nice :)

When I am in Paris, people appreciate me trying to speak French but are annoyed when I don't try :(

ah, nice!

soon enough

I was offered a job in London yesterday. Minimum wage was more than 3 times than what I currently do. I was like "you sure you asked the right person" xD

Jalapeno Nachos

hahahah

that's awesome!

Ah, I'm sorry. Please don't mind the Parisiens. They're the worst towards everyone.

Jalapeno Nachos

wait, weren't you also offered a job in Switzerland?

it's ok, I was fine with the treatment :)

Last week, yea. I told you?

Jalapeno Nachos

10:30 AM

my thesis advisor is French btw - a number theorist. I miss her :(

I was in the chat room when you said that but I was busy and didn't respond

congrats, btw!

Ahah. Have you kept in touch?

Thanks :)

It's incredible how many job offers we get. When I started studying market was saturated. I feel blessed, and a little "notworthying".

Jalapeno Nachos

A little bit - not much. She has moved. Sad academic life - one must go where the jobs are.

True

Jalapeno Nachos

wait

all these offers you're getting

@JalapenoNachos What a great username.

Jalapeno Nachos

10:37 AM

is there a skill set that's drawing their attention to you most?

Python?

@Avantgarde thanks! :)

Hi there :)

Jalapeno Nachos

@Avantgarde not only do I love jalapenos and nachos, I also have a jalapeno haiku :)

Hello

Ah, it depends really. But most of them are about c++.

And deep learning.

@JalapenoNachos What is that?

Jalapeno Nachos

10:39 AM

@avazula interesting - you could get into quant finance and make like 300k - 500k here in the US with your C++ skills

@Avantgarde a haiku? it's a poem with some constraints

3 lines long

What's interesting with such skills is that most deep learning programmers do it in python, which is great to prototype but not for industrial purposes. C++ is close to the hardware architecture so you use it to create performing algorithms.

Jalapeno Nachos

5 syllabes

7 syllables

5 syllables

Yea, I guess. Tbh I'm considering going back into healthcare.

Jalapeno Nachos

:)

@avazula what about medical machine learning?

@JalapenoNachos not so many companies do that in France. I'd love to work abroad long time but my bf does not think the same way.

I've been raised by a workaholic. It's a bit difficult to find balance xD

10:42 AM

@JalapenoNachos Some Hamiltonian constraints on the poem. Okay.

Haha

Jalapeno Nachos

@Avantgarde haha yep

@avazula what does your bf want / envision?

@Avantgarde write a haiku :)

with those constraints

it's fun :)

He is amazing at baseball, which is not a common sport in France. We need to stay close to a practicing city.

Jalapeno Nachos

I have a jalapeno haiku

Oo nice @avazula!

what position does he play?

Catch

And also coach xD

Jalapeno Nachos

10:45 AM

Oo awesome :)

nice :)

I may look like I'm complaining, but I'm truly grateful.

My work issues leave me bitter.

@avazula Really? Though I can't know. I met one on the bus once. He seemed nice but....

But...? XD

Jalapeno Nachos

I hear ya - I don't mind @avazula. It's important to not be afraid to examine your life with brutal honesty :)

I dont wanna boast or whatsoever, but I think the stuff I've been through led me to question everything I do and pursue my real goals :)

10:50 AM

@avazula he was smiling very awkwardly when I was getting off the bus.

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula that's awesome :)

@AJ haha. French people are weird.

Jalapeno Nachos

as soon as I come up with a way to progress with my paper, I will log off ... in the meantime, I don't have a way to proceed :(

Have you ever written one?

Jalapeno Nachos

my thesis yes, not a paper for publication, no

10:54 AM

Erh. The first one is the hardest, I guess. Luckily you already have experience in research literature then :)

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah :(

Btw, what's your field?

@JalapenoNachos A locally gauge invariant haiku. Changing the verses here and there won't affect the effect it has on the reader.

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula math :)

@avazula I can tell ya specifics at another time :)

Is English your forte?

Jalapeno Nachos

10:58 AM

@Avantgarde cool :)

yep

I used to send my poems to a famous poet

and he'd critique it and send it back to me with comments

Who are some good poets today?

Today? No idea

We only read about old ones, more than 60 years ago onward.

@JalapenoNachos okay :)

@Avantgarde "what makes a good poet is the grass on their tomb"

Jalapeno Nachos

@Avantgarde hmm I forgot the full name of the poet that I sent my work to. It was done along with my creative writing teacher, who knew that poet.

@Avantgarde at the time, we studied his works and didn't really believe the comments we got back were truly his own

11:03 AM

@JalapenoNachos Aha, I see.

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah

let's all write a haiku!

@avazula wanna go first?

:)

I tried reading a book the other day and failed miserably. An impediment that has stuck with me forever. At least I can write fairly well, so that's a savior.

@JalapenoNachos Nah, I'm terrible at this.

Jalapeno Nachos

ok, it's fine :)

A friend of mine wrote one to me like, 10 years ago

Jalapeno Nachos

11:05 AM

did you like it?

it was deeply profound, and beautiful, yes.

Jalapeno Nachos

ah, nice! :)

do you still have it?

Yes

It's japanese, so I need to translate it first

One minute xD

Jalapeno Nachos

Oo awesome!

ok, cool

@Avantgarde I'm thinking of a book recommendation for you

one where you'd likely wouldn't put the book down, unless you had to use the bathroom :)

some books are that* good

"ore ha takaunga
dakara
ore ha watashi to
ore no taitetsu mono
hasure iadayo"

Which means

" I will stay strong
for I do not want to forget
who I am and what is precious to me."

11:12 AM

@JalapenoNachos I'm fairly sure I will fail :P. I've never been able to read a book, especially fiction.

I always leave without finishing.

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula that's pretty deep - I like it a lot :)

@Avazula do you keep in touch with him?

@Avantgarde how about the da vinci code?

@JalapenoNachos He was going through a lot with his dysfunctional family. Our friendship helped him getting better.

@JalapenoNachos Nah, unfortunately. He went to a brilliant engineering school and forgot about me. I wasn't fancy enough ...

@JalapenoNachos I've probably read a page or 2 lol

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula :(

@Avantgarde haha, that's it?

@Avantgarde I'm pretty sure I didn't put down that book except for bathroom breaks :)

@avazula I'm not brilliant, but the department that I am in is full of brilliant people. You know, I'm thankful for what I have, who I am, etc. and can happily forgo the other stuffs that others have -- namely power and prestige. I don't desire power or glamor. I don't want to be a fame chaser.

@JalapenoNachos Most important is that you get what you want

Do you mind asking me how old are you?

Jalapeno Nachos

11:26 AM

@avazula I'm about your age ;)

ok :)

@JalapenoNachos Yeah .. :(. It's a shame, I guess. I watched the movie, which was good lol.

Jalapeno Nachos

haha

yeah, the movie was surprisingly good

can I tell you guys something?

sure

Jalapeno Nachos

haha nevermind :)

sorry for the suspense :)

11:38 AM

Meh

Jalapeno Nachos

:(

:)

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula are you religious?

I was at the church of notre dame for easter sunday ... that was memorable :)

11:58 AM

@JalapenoNachos I'm ... Searching my truth :)

I got inti religion so I could be my foster sis' godmother

I loved the main lines (I'm catholic) but I have problems with the Catholics

Thinking you can be a jerk with people because God will forgive you if you redempt, no thank you

Fortunately not all believers are like that, of course. it's likely I'm in a not so nice county I guess.

@JalapenoNachos are you?

@JalapenoNachos which one? :)

Jalapeno Nachos

my thoughts exactly - I don't like people who do bad things and then think that a confession with their priest will wipe away their wrongdoings :(

I'm kinda religious but not really haha

Can you confess anything to a priest?

Jalapeno Nachos

grew up in catholic school but never baptized

@Avantgarde yep

@Avantgarde then he'll give you some prayers to say, depending on how bad your sins were

@JalapenoNachos same

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula there are two churches of notre dame? haha

I went to the one in Paris

12:07 PM

Ha, okay

Jalapeno Nachos

yeah

Because all churches in France are Notre Dame of something so I didn't know how it is abroad haha

Jalapeno Nachos

O haha

@JalapenoNachos which countries have you visited till now?

Even if it is illegal, etc.? Without the fear of being denounced?

Jalapeno Nachos

12:10 PM

@AJ most of Europe, Russia, Egypt, Scandinavia and some of America, namely the East and West Coasts :)

@Avantgarde I guess it depends of the priest. Don't know if you heard about pedophilic priests, most of them confessed to colleagues with higher ranks in hierarchy and weren't denounced.

Jalapeno Nachos

@AJ Asia and India are next on my list, soon enough :)

@JalapenoNachos You're a curious American haha

Jalapeno Nachos

hahah yeah :)

@avazula I see. I've heard about the abuse, but I don't know much about it.

12:14 PM

That's one of the things I don't like in Catholicism. Priests don't get to be husbands or fathers, they're even forbidden to satisfy themselves. I think that's unhealthy.

Jalapeno Nachos

satisfy? what does that mean?

@JalapenoNachos You seem to be a well-traveled person. Which city are you planning to visit in India?

Jalapeno Nachos

Oo @avazula I got it

@JalapenoNachos Oopsie, I may have used an anglicism here haha

Jalapeno Nachos

:)

yeah, I was thinking foods, movies, dance, etc

yeah, I figured haha

12:16 PM

@avazula cough cough

Don't just visit Agra to see the Taj Mahal :P

@AJ Sorry. I already removed.

@avazula nah. you didn't have to

Jalapeno Nachos

@AJ mumbai :)

@AJ I don't get it?

Jalapeno Nachos

12:17 PM

@Avantgarde haha :)

@JalapenoNachos Where do you plan to go next?

Jalapeno Nachos

@avazula not sure exactly :(

but to be honest

and this is a little gloomy, I sense a terror attack will happen soon :(

Ha

Jalapeno Nachos

so, I'm not traveling in the near-term

haha

I get that.

Though it's sad we have to think that way

Jalapeno Nachos

12:22 PM

yeah :(

eyeballs-requested(off-topic?) interpersonal.stackexchange.com/q/17709/4550

Jalapeno Nachos

12:56 PM

gonna sleep - g'nite @avazula :)

bye @doppelgreener :)

@JalapenoNachos Night!

ttfn!

7 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

8:17 PM

0

Q: How can I ask my wife to share more of our responsibilities?

I feel like too much of the responsibilities of being an adult fall on my shoulders, and that my wife does a lot more taking than giving in that regard. I would like our relationship to be more of an equal partnership where I feel that I benefit from it too. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly,...

relationships marriage

3 hours later…

11:09 PM

This answer was flagged NAA and got delete votes in review (hence why I'm looking at it), but nobody commented to explain why.. anyone in here want to hazard a guess?

FWIW I don't think it's particularly great, but it does appear to give an answer and an explanation

11:24 PM

From my perspective, it seems to be deviating from the original question... maybe a frame challenge of sorts? It's not directly saying what to do to de-escalate the situation... it's basically "there's another problem. Stop listening to her. that should solve the problem" IMO

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