The Awkward Silence

12:00 AM

Because that's what I'd like to see.

If you want me to be content with teaspoons, let's try putting the spoons together. Many spoons may even move as much earth as a shovel, ya'know?

user15026

@apaul That is the point of the analogy, yes

user15026

And again, I think people are trying to do that, and I don't think you are giving people enough credit for that

user15026

Which I think is where my disconnect is

apaul

So, when you see that I'm already fuming, it may be better to take a step back, or to step in and help before telling me that I'm using the spoon wrong.

user15026

12:02 AM

you say things like "we have to try putting the spoons together" and all I see is a bunch of people who are trying to do that, we're just not making the teaspoon Voltron you want to see

apaul

It's easier to hear that when I see the comments like the one you posted today, before I hear the criticism.

user15026

@apaul Problem is, I'm running in parallel

user15026

I can chat here, and do those things

user15026

Like yeah, I'm not perfect, but also a lot of what I say here comes out of seeing your anger and knowing what that kind of thing feels like and wanting to help you find ways to deal with that sort of feeling outside of fixing SE

user15026

Because I can offer you immediate "here's how to like...dampen the wanting to punch a thing feeling" advice, but fixing all of this gestures widely is much loooonger process

user15026

12:06 AM

Like I can flag and I can do stuff but it takes time, and some of it takes mods to act who might not be around 10000% of the time)

apaul

I do deal with that anger outside of fixing SE, but oddly enough SE causes a lot of anger too.

user15026

Oh, I meant specifically the SE anger

apaul

Just seems like I get put in the position to fight the bigots, the system, and you at the same time... that seems unnecessary

user15026

Alright, then I'll remove myself from the situation.

user15026

I'll stop trying to help, because apparently I'm fucking that up royally, and I don't want that.

apaul

12:13 AM

The best thing someone could probably do, is be that helpful bystander that sees the fight coming and says something so that I don't have to.

user15026

I'm not trying to fight you, I'm trying to give you my dang spoons.

apaul

Feels an awful lot like scolding a lotta the time.

sphennings

Maybe try to work with the system instead of fight it? It's much easier to deplatform bigots when you say "This is against site policy" than it is to say "You're being a bigot and bigotry is wrong."

apaul

@sphennings Different goals.

user15026

@apaul Which is why I am just going to silent retreat on this

sphennings

12:14 AM

@apaul What is your goal?

apaul

@Ash Just sayin that the spoons are better spent out there in the trenches than in here on me.

user15026

@apaul Please. Stop. Implying. I. Am. Not. Doing. That.

user15026

I am really damn tired of you making it sound like I am sitting here attacking you and doing nothing else!

sphennings

@Ash Same here.

user15026

@sphennings I cannot tell if you're agreeing with me or not, sorry (text is hard for me to interpret)

sphennings

12:20 AM

@Ash I'm saying I have similar feelings.

So agreeing.

user15026

Ah, okay :) Sorry, I am a little on edge and also trying to get the last bits of work stuff done so I can go home.

apaul

Just trying to say that yelling at me for yelling at bigots is probably wasted spoons. Save those spoons for yelling at bigots. I've seen you do it, I know you do it.

It wasn't intended to be an accusation.

user15026

shrug Okay. I'd suggest examining your approach to those of us trying to help you, as it does not come across that way whatsoever

sphennings

@apaul I'm sorry if it's coming across like I'm trying to chew you out. I'm talking to you about this out of a place of respect for you and the fact that you're willing to listen to what I have to say, even if you disagree with it. I'd be a lot less tolerant if I didn't want to see you continuing to contribute to IPS.

apaul

# sarcastic asshole problems... When you're a sarcastic asshole, people generally assume the worst, no matter what you're doing, or why you're doing it. I'm trying real hard to work on that, let me take my baby steps, teaspoons, and so on.

thesecretmaster

12:31 AM

@Cashbee Yep, it's so that in the future we can pull statistics about how good the regexes are.

sphennings

@apaul I've seen you putting in the effort. I'm also seeing results.

apaul

@sphennings Ugh... Gotta stop doing that man...

sphennings

@apaul What would you prefer I do?

Jesse

pottery maybe?

apaul

@sphennings Well... Was that a genuine statement? Or was that what you thought you should say to further de-escalate the situation? Don't really want an answer, just something to think about.

sphennings

12:38 AM

Both the compliment and the question are genuine.

Did it feel disingenuous, like I'm trying to manage you?

apaul

You're really not that smooth friend.

sphennings

@apaul I'm hanging out on IPS. Of course I'm not smooth.

Extroverted Main Man

1:11 AM

1

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I have a dilemma, I'm living in USA and I'm from Latin America (I'm learning to speak English too) so I'm trying to make some friends, I've already found a girl that is very nice with me and she wants to hang out with me, but I really don't have so much money. I want spend some time with her but...

JAD

6:29 AM

wth, an old meta question of mine got >1.5k views in two days :o what happened?

Jalapeno Nachos

@JAD do you have a link?

JAD

19

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