The Awkward Silence

....right, the bot doesn't currently have a border thing on the regexes

so the regex agreed? caught that "disagree"

user15026

I was going to ask what I did to displease the bot :P

→ 3 messages moved to trash

:43525660 note to self: don't test when things like that are the latest regex hits

@Mithrandir Heh, seems like some unlucky timing.

Yeah, I should really just do it in the morning...

it's kinda late, I should head to sleep

$TIMEZONE$, y'all

12:13 AM

Sleep well.

Haunt_House

@HDE226868 and as soon as you undeleted my answer, it got the next downvote. I'd really hope you would respect my wish to use SE without having to be the target of negativity just because I was trying to help. Not that I did any good with that.

@Haunt_House I'm looking at your reputation history. You didn't get any downvotes today or yesterday.

The system might have again counted the old downvotes, that would have been ignored once your post was deleted, but nobody added a new one.

Haunt_House

@HDE226868 So it popped up again when the question got back from it's well deserved retirement. Misinterpretation recognized and filed. Sorry, my pain threshold has become super low, so these numbers do have an impact.

@Haunt_House Hey, I totally understand. I'm not a fan of downvotes either.

12:48 AM

This looks helpful, but I suspect the downvote came because it doesn't very well serve to answer the question. Useful information, but not an answer :-( — can-ned_food 1 min ago

#12146 can-ned_food (214 rep) | A: How can I suggest to someone that he may potentially be colourblind? (score: -1) | posted 42 minutes ago by user15644 (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

12:59 AM

While this is a good approach in the general case, I am trying to picture taking the lightfooted executive approach in a scenario where two people are arguing about what colour something is, and I can't imagine it as anything less absurd than the "Expert" sketch. "Okay, so we have a disagreement. Let's recap where we've got to thus far. You're saying that this is red and this is green. You're saying that these are both red. We seem to have a genuine difference..." Honestly that's just going to come across as condescending, no matter the facts! — Lightness Races in Orbit 1 min ago

#12126 Lightness Races in Orbit (344 rep) | A: How can I suggest to someone that he may potentially be colourblind? (score: 28) | posted 8 hours ago by Spagirl (8822 rep) | edited 7 hours ago by Spagirl (8822 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

1:47 AM

@Rainbacon blizzard tomorrow :(

I'm interested in what you guys think of this:

because I use coffee shops to get work done - it's pretty typical here in Manhattan to do that - I always make sure to leave a tip. The baristas have a tip jar by the cash register. often, they take my coffee order, I pay for it, but when I get my change, they turn around to make my drink, so that if I left a dollar tip in the tip jar, it feels like they're not gonna know that ...

user15026

Why do they need to know?

hmm ... isn't it nice for them to know that I tipped? compared to others who don't?

I dunno ... perhaps they feel it's rude to give me my change and just ... stare ... to watch whether I'll leave a tip or put all of my change back in my wallet ...

user15026

It feels more like you want the gratification of them seeing it

user15026

Like if you're just tipping because they did good/you want to, it shouldn't matter if they see it, their opinion of it, etc

A tip's extra. You shouldn't expect to get something in return, like attention.

user15026

1:55 AM

It should be something you do as a kind gesture, not because you expect a thing

but if they don't see it, won't they think, "ah, that cheap guy again ... "

user15026

So what?

user15026

You're making the tip all about you, and that kinda defeats the point

SmokeDetector

[ SmokeDetector | MS ] Manually reported question: How to deal with an abusive moderator - Catija by Mark Micallef on interpersonal.SE (@Tinkeringbell)

hmm ...

I read things about bartenders - not sure whether baristas do the same, though - remembering exactly who tips, who tips really well, and who doesn't tip at all. And they base their time and attention on that information, especially if it's a busy night ...

2:04 AM

You could always start paying with a credit card and leave the tip right there on the tip line.

Oo true ...

In fact, some of the coffee shops around here even let you run a tab (they keep your card at the bar) and you can order stuff throughout the day and pay out at the end.

Though, it's worth remembering that waitstaff generally prefer cash tips since credit tips get reported to the IRS by the shop.

I see ...

user15026

Also, like...if you wait for them to pay attention to you, you'll hold up the line

yeah ...

2:21 AM

@Catija what'd you think of my recent answer? I deleted it because of the drama that was occurring. I kinda like my answer, although it's a bit personal, and the reference that I link to seems like a good start for more background reading for the OP, but do you think the question is controversial and that it's best not to contribute to it?

I can imagine by the next morning that question's going to get a lot of interesting answers ...

Rainbacon

@D.Hutchinson Yeah, I'm working from home. My girlfriend's pretty excited about it because she's a teacher and they cancelled school

ah, nice @Rainbacon :)

@Rainbacon there were a lot of people at the supermarket and grocery stores tonight ...

Rainbacon

@D.Hutchinson I know, I waited in line to checkout longer than I spent shopping for groceries

haha ... geez ...

user15026

@D.Hutchinson One person stirring up drama in an answer does not a controversial quesiton make

2:27 AM

@ash I see ...

user15026

Either contribute, if you think it's on topic and you have helpful stuff for hte OP, or don't

user15026

And then votes/comments will sort you out

user15026

you don't need validation for each post from mods

yeah, true ...

user15026

you're an adult, you can decide where your own comfort level is

2:28 AM

ok, cool ...

I'll probably undelete it :)

I think it's useful ... though I might edit it a bit

2:39 AM

> Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter.

@AJ there's a good article, I forget the source, that writes about how miserable millionaires are -- how trapping their wealth is -- because they are striving to social-climb to a new status: to belong with the people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars. they land up spending all their money, e.g. their kids go to the fanciest schools, they live in fancy buildings, and they barely have any money left.

all from seeking approval from people who are higher up than them, in terms of wealth.

user15026

2:59 AM

Everybody wants what they don't have, unfortunately.

user15026

So everyone's striving for more, even the people we think have more

yeah ...

Q: How to use Social Penetration Theory to increased closeness when there are assumed personal boundaries in the relationship

3:28 AM

@D.Hutchinson agreed

Extroverted Main Man

0

I recently heard about Social Penetration Theory where the basic principle is that "people use self‐disclosure to increase intimacy including through breadth, depth, and the norm of reciprocity" and thought that it was interesting and since I have a few relationships where I want to increase exac...

Q: How to deal with abusive moderators like Catija and HDE 226868?

Desires never end. The one who walks wants to have bike. One who has bike wants a car. And it goes on.

Jesse Barnett

@ExtravertedMainMan I am quite pleased with my question :) its been in the back of my mind for months that we could benefit from some questions about actually researched IPS theories

Introverted Meta Man.

3:43 AM

-3

There is a serious problem with this forum in the shape of abusive moderators who vandalise or delete contributions which do not match their ideological agenda. A recent example of this can be seen in the my answer to this question: How can I let my girlfriend know that her insults are hurting ...

discussion support moderation

gparyani

4:10 AM

@Catija Are you planning on responding to that question, or do you think the existing answers are sufficient?

@gparyani The meta question? I don't really have anything to add.

4:25 AM

@Catija Do you get messages on Insta or is this feature turned off?

@AJ If you comment on an image, I see it. Is that what you mean?

@Catija No. Direct message.

I didn't even know you could DM on Insta.

I know that you can send an image to someone... but I think that's different.

@Catija Yes you can. When you're on home screen, you see a big icon on top right of your screen. Tap on that.

@Catija Yes, you can DM text and images.

OK. I don't use the app unless I'm actually adding an image and it doesn't look like they have that on the web based version.

4:28 AM

@Catija It's not available on Web.

+1 for the first part. I am very skeptical about someone being able to deal with insults from a romantic partner on what seems to be a regular basis, though. It may be bearable in a long distance relationship, but when OP moves in with the GF, this may turn into Chinese water torture. — Stephan Kolassa 52 secs ago

#12142 Stephan Kolassa (461 rep) | A: How can I let my girlfriend know that her insults are hurting my feelings and ask her to stop? (score: 4) | posted 5 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (2246 rep) | edited 1 hours ago by D.Hutchinson (2246 rep)

Matched regex(es) [""]

Q: How to let down a hopeless romantic as a female?

@Catija Anyway, try that feature on app. ;)

Extroverted Main Man

6:13 AM

0

I'll start off with this: I'm a male. I'm actually just curious from the standpoint of the ladies. How do you handle essentially "dumping" or not leading a man on who likes/"loves" you, but you know, while cute and or interesting, etc., is just not up to your lifestyle/intellectual standards?

relationships politeness gender politics

Extroverted Main Man

6:29 AM

-1

Q: How can I convince her that I truly changed?

This girl and I liked each other and we kind of hanged out all the time but I kind of got clingy and some other things happened[I thought she liked another guy that worked with us cause he started being around her all the time she told me that she didn't like him and he had told her that he liked...

relationships

Jesse Barnett

6:43 AM

could I just point out that the hopeless romantic question (2 up @ExtrovertedMainMan ^^) had the "Politics" tag

"For situations where the interaction revolves around the country's administration, ruling parties, or citizen rights."

I guess, if you really think about it, the question is about administrating someones personal relationships, and in a way a country IS its people, so if you put two and two together it actually is about the country's administration... ooh wait no it clearly isn't

Magisch

8:09 AM

morning

Cashbee

moin

o/

@StephanKolassa I disagree, saying "if you keep with this behavior, I'm leaving" is very different from "you hurt my feelings". The former implies a consequence to her actions. — André Paramés 27 secs ago

#12147 André Paramés (101 rep) | A: How can I let my girlfriend know that her insults are hurting my feelings and ask her to stop? (score: 5) | posted 7 hours ago by Guy who types fast (496 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

@mag 1380 votes isn't shabby

Magisch

@Mithrandir ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cashbee

8:26 AM

I helped! go mag go :)