The Awkward Silence - 2018-10-03 (page 1 of 2)

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Extroverted Main Man

3:38 AM

1

Q: How to Ask a Muslim if He Adheres to strict Halal tradition

I would like to invite a Muslim friend and his family over for dinner and want to know how to casually inquire if they are strict Halal when it comes to food so that we can make the appropriate adjustments if need be. Or, can it be as easy as asking "Are you Halal?"

2 hours later…

Extroverted Main Man

5:13 AM

0

Q: How to know when to stop trying with a relationship

Background I'm a undergraduate university male student in the US (Chicago), and around 6 months ago, I got into my first relationship. I remember her asking me if I was interested in taking things further than a friendship, and I got a bit fluttered as I've never been in that situation before. I...

relationships long-distance

6:01 AM

Hi @avazula

6:21 AM

@DDD hey there!

6:31 AM

New profile pic @avazula. Nice!

Hi @avazula

?

Why'd you say that twice?

@Mithrandir, I think She was not there, So I said it twice

:-)

I don't understand How to help OP in order to change question. I have already told him in 2 comments -- interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/19033/…

6:50 AM

@AJ Thanks! :)

→ 15 messages moved to Trash

@DDD Upon what you already told them, I think it's gonna be difficult for you to help them if they don't try more than what they're currently doing

7:27 AM

→ 5 messages moved to Trash

0

A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions

How can I effectively "hold space" for someone? I recently came across an article titled A Man's Guide To "Holding Space", which was linked in an answer to this question. I had never heard the term before, but recognised some of my own patterns of behaviour, both in the original question, and in...

2 hours later…

9:05 AM

Wow, that's a quiet morning

→ 5 messages moved to Trash

@ava you're gonna like this joke

@AJ Hahaha

I was actually called for a SDN mission in Python this week

I'm a bit afraid lol

@avazula ohh

@avazula SDN?

Software-defined networking?

Thanks, I discovered a super instagram channel thx to you!

Yup

@avazula Wanna have a portable fan?

9:08 AM

@AJ Holy cow lol

I am thinking about those 1 million people who downloaded it.

:P

"Best fan sound ever" I bet you're right lol

@Cashbee This one's gonna make you laugh

Check this one

lel

@AJ Hahaha. He's right actually

IPS Comment Bot

9:17 AM

My answer to the linked question was downvoted without reasons. But the same here, think about this: I guess what you finally want to know is not one only reason that disallows certain food but what kind of food you can serve. It won't hep you to know the religious background, you still can serve "wrong" food for any other kind of restrictions or simply preferences regarding taste and content of food. So don't ask for one special background - ask what they would like to eat. This is not biased, doesn't make any assumptions and tells you exactly what you need to know. — puck 15 secs ago

#19032 puck (910 rep) | Q: How to Ask a Muslim if He Adheres to strict Halal tradition (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by squidlydeux (107 rep) | Toxicity 0.32249117

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

fb and google are not servers though

theyre companies :)

@Cashbee True dat. I don't even think FB have their own cloud services?

they probably have thousands of dedicated servers. but they are not a server :)

9:39 AM

This is what called an infinite loop. ;P

1 hour later…

10:43 AM

It's awkward here.

Extroverted Main Man

11:02 AM

0

Q: I have forgot the birthday of my friend, How can I convince him?

TL;DR Today, I have forgot the birthday of my best friend. At afternoon, I was calling him to wish. Now, He has cut my phone call. I think he got angree on me. How can I convince him? Background Today is birthday of my friend. We are best friends since childhood and share everything with each ...

conversations friendship birthdays

11:24 AM

@Tinkeringbell Totally

at this moment of time the chat stays true to it's name

I love it!

11:40 AM

@Termatinator It's kinda frequent in here :)

@avazula i noticed, and other times this chat explodes

@Termatinator Ha, and you never saw what a mutinery looks like in here!

@avazula do you mean a mutiny?

@Termatinator Ooops. Yes, sorry for the typo :)

@avazula ah okay, I was getting confused

11:45 AM

@Termatinator Perdon my French my good Lord ;)

@avazula so how's your day?

Heh. I just got explained a lot of code. Was fun :D

@Termatinator Good. Pretty quiet. You?

@Tinkeringbell oh, what kind of code

@Termatinator Magic code o_o

oh sorry no, Magik*

:p

11:47 AM

@avazula feeling poor after spending money on 3 expensive things

@Termatinator Indeed, Magik. It boils down to me working on an upgraded version of code that's also still worked on. So we need to communicate and stay sort of in-sync, and I just got explained the reasoning and code from a major refactoring in the original code-base

That probably at some time needs to be upgraded to the upgraded code-base

@Tinkeringbell pretty interesting, is the writing of the code comparable to PHP or C#?

@Termatinator Hmm. I don't have any experience with either.

I was used to Java before this, it's quite different if only for the fact that I'm now using Emacs instead of a 'proper' IDE

syntax takes some getting used to too

@Termatinator Magik is an OOP language, and is closer to smalltalk and python

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magik_(programming_language) has some examples

11:54 AM

user image

some minor php code

@avazula ah okay, I don't have expierence in those yet, might be interesting to research it

I see, it looks a bit different though I can see the logic of it

Extroverted Main Man

12:22 PM

0

Q: How to handle negative campaign about me by a colleague

I have a colleague, with whom I need to spend the most of my time. I personally feel that this person is not mature enough and does loose talk with others. I am a very silent person and not prefer to react to any rumours or negative comments about me. My colleague does a negative campaign abou...

acceptable-behavior

@Termatinator Which languages do you write code in?

IPS Comment Bot

12:42 PM

This is an excellent answer. I agree that substituting eggs doesn't really work a lot of the times, and when I've tried making vegan dishes, they never taste as nice (personal opinion). Best thing @noon can do here is either make her own cake or buy pre made vegan desserts from the shop. I always notice that when we have a dinner and I've made a lot of vegan muffins, and normal muffins, it's always normal muffins that gets finished first, and I'm left over with 50%+ vegan muffins. I've stopped inviting my demanding vegan friends to party (or tell them that they need to sort their own food). — LocustHorde 1 min ago

#18959 LocustHorde (188 rep) | A: How to communicate to my mother that I find it hurtful when she cooks for everyone except me who is vegan? (score: 57) | posted 4 days ago by HELEN GOUSSAROVA (579 rep) | Toxicity 0.0737671

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

@avazula hey sorry for the late reply, it's javascript, C#, PHP, Arduino (variant of C++), typescript and SQL

@Termatinator Arduino is a variant of C++? I had no idea

@avazula it's basically a simplification of it

12:46 PM

Oh okay then

I never did Arduino after all

which is funny because i did a lot of stuff with embedded systems haha

I only worked with the starter kit, a little more than 10 little projects and one of my own

1... 2... 3.... 4... 5.... 6... 6 identical comments! :P

@Mithrandir ?

@avazula looks at @tink

Haha, I see

This is a "difficult" question

i.e. it attracted a lot of poor contributions

12:56 PM

@Mithrandir I'm sorry. @Noon I went down quite heavily on the answer to your question, as 6 of them aren't answering the question of 'how to communicate that I feel hurt to my mother'. I hope the low quality posts queue gives us some support in deleting those ;)

@Tinkeringbell omw

In the meanwhile, I'd like to ask you to revert the edit to your question that point's out 'good answers', that's something that really doesn't belong in a question.

As the OP of that question, you have a little freedom as far as comments go, in that you can let us know if you've tried any of the advice and if it worked ;)

@Tink some of them are gonna be difficult to delete (56UP...)

@Tinkeringbell Sorry, I had no idea that it wasn't something to do here ^^'

@Noon Well, upvotes and accepting answers should be the only ways to express your approval. Pointing out the good answers is likely to get you in trouble if someone disagrees with you :p

1:02 PM

@Tinkeringbell And I agree with the fact that a lot of them don't answer my question, so thank you :) (that's why I thought it was a good idea to point the answers who where actual answers but I removed it now)

@avazula I thought that, since OP can accept an answer, it was okay to "accept several" by pointing to the other answer I thought were interesting.

@Noon You were right though, those were the only two (besides the accepted answer) that actually focus on you communicating with your mom about your veganism ;) It's just a bit messy in a question.

@Noon I get that it's difficult to have only 1 accepted answer :) I share this opinion

@Noon It's okay. It's a general rule that SE has, that question should as much as possible be limited to questions only

That that does exclude niceties as well is a side-effect of that, unfortunately

@Tinkeringbell does this mean that one (OP) should do a generic answer with all the answer they like/where helpful if they wish to "accept them all"? (I don't plan on doing that, I'm just curious to know if it's something that one can do)

If you liked them all equally, I guess you shouldn't choose one to accept and just UP them all

1:11 PM

@Noon Generally, 'accepts' are for 'right answers'. So for answers you tried and that actually worked for you

@avazula "Pointing out the good answers is likely to get you in trouble if someone disagrees with you" is that something that happen in the past?

@Tinkeringbell Good point

If that was a combination of advice, you can pick for example the one you used most from, and leave a comment on both (on the accepted one, leave a link to the other and vice versa) with what parts you took and how they were helpful

10

A: How to encourage askers to tell the end of the story?

No. I don't think we should do anything programmatically to request this. We're already asking people to share their private lives to some degree when asking the question. Prompting them to come back by emailing them or somehow having the system pinging them on the network seems invasive. In cas...

@Tinkeringbell Ah, good idea, thank you!

@Noon Catija says in that meta I just linked you could also write your own answer, it depends on how much you have to say I guess :P If you need three comments to explain, you might as well self-answer ;)

@Tinkeringbell Also that now we discourage comments for everything else than asking for clarifications :p

1:14 PM

@avazula just out of curiosity--I've seen you put UP twice now. At first I thought it was a typo for UV (UpVote), but I'm not so sure anymore....what does your P stand for?

@scohe001 Oops. My dysgraphy seems to have come in the way. I indeed wanted to say UV :p

@avazula Ahah, yeah, I might get one of those "Please don't write answers in comment, It bypasses our quality measure" :P

@avazula ahh sorry, I didn't mean to call you out! I was excited to learn some new SE term :P

@scohe001 Is "Up" never use as a short for "upvote"?

@scohe001 Haha, don't worry, I get caught when tired :p

1:17 PM

@Noon oh I guess. I didn't think of that. I guess it was the all caps that threw me

@avazula haha it happens. Were you up late last night?

@Noon I don't think so, I never saw it before I misused it :p

@scohe001 Not really, I just had a couple of harsh days.

Oof :/ everything alright over there?

@avazula It might be used in other sites then, I thought it was something common on the internet

@avazula There is a meta post that mentions we should leave comments with feedback from OP (comments saying "I used this and this happened")

I don't know where to find it quickly

@Tink looks like that last comment just directs to chat.stackexchange.com was it supposed to go here to TAS?

1:21 PM

@scohe001 Work and career issues. SO said out of the blue that he didn't want to go to the US anymore whereas I just got a great opportunity as cloud/fullstack dev there. My current job is kinda harsh as well (left alone with nothing to do / can't ask for help for the tiny things I'm still in charge of)

@Tinkeringbell Oh, okay. I actually liked it better, but it brought so much chatting!

@scohe001 So I'm left thinking I'm not understood in addition to being a bit useless ^^

@scohe001 No, that's okay. As I also told OP it's fine to make a room to discuss this with me :)

@avazula oh no! I'm so sorry to hear it :( What changed your SO's mind?

@avazula Just those... not the ones that say 'Thank you, this seems like valuable advice'

I think those are what's causing chatter

@Tinkeringbell ahh gotcha. I clicked it expecting to wind up here but ended up scratching my head lol just had to check

@Tinkeringbell I think so too :)

@scohe001 I don't know. I suspect that he's in a great place at work right now and does not want to leave for a year, even though his boss encouraged him to leave and guarantees him to get his job back when we return (which was not my case)

1:29 PM

@avazula oof. At least you have a bunch of time to work this out before a decision needs to be made, right? If I remember correctly, it's all still a long ways off, no?

@scohe001 This job was actually offered on Monday for starting in December (they had a special opportunity they thought was too interesting to be worth waiting until next year). The thing is, SO said "I don't wanna leave now, not ever anymore. US political situation sucks anyway". This is all the explanation I got.

@Noon I don't know TBH :)

@scohe001 But anyways, I don't wanna bother you guys with this :)

Talking with you is already enough to calm my nerves down

@avazula as someone living there I can confirm the political environment is a steaming pile that came out the back of a cow :P but that still really sucks. It sounded like everything was going your way! This seems like the perfect avazula-killer storm :(

@avazula it's no worries! I'm always happy to talk if you need an ear :) keep us posted if things take a turn for the better!

@scohe001 Oh no, that's okay :) My job issues are not new. I have an interview coming up next Friday for working on SDNs though, this may be more interesting than what I'm doing rn.

SDN...student doctor network?

What really made me sad was my SO's reaction, but we talked about it this morning. Things are good now.

1:36 PM

@ExtrovertedMainMan Is anyone keeping an eye on that new question? :P

@scohe001 Close enough ;) software-defined networks

@Tinkeringbell I was not, but I will now :p

@avazula It doesn't have any votes yet though.

@avazula yea it sounds like the timing on his revelation couldn't have been worse for you. I'm happy to hear you guys worked it out though!

It has the 'what should I do comment' but not appropriate voting :/

@Tinkeringbell I'm abotu to VTC

@scohe001 I learned a lot on IPS :p

1:38 PM

@avazula ahh google didn't turn that one up :P that sounds like fun tho! I've always hated networking, but if that's your bread and butter then more power to you!

@avazula the fast learner, at it again :P

@Tinkeringbell I just voted to close because your comment made me sad XD

@scohe001 Thanks for the support though! You guys from TAS are really like family :p

> I'm voting to close this question because Tinkeringbell made me sad

2

@Noon Never vote because the mod says so :P

^Best close vote reason

1:39 PM

I was just wondering if there was a reason it hadn't but got distracted while typing that

@scohe001 Well I'm curious and I like networks so I guess it's gonna be okay :p

@Tinkeringbell No but I already knew it whas a "what should I do" question but, since I was too lasy to write a comment I disaded to do nothing and wait for someone else to vtc and leave a comment first (which Jess did one hour ago)

@avazula of course! Always happy to help :)

@Noon Ah. Well, in order of priority: Vote and comment, Vote, do nothing :P

@avazula well if you need help with networking at your networking job you can ask here ;)

1:43 PM

@Tinkeringbell I will make sure to do that next time ^^

@scohe001 is this a pun with cooptation or are you really involved in networks management?

@avazula oh I was thinking since Networking would be on-topic here at IPS :P lol please don't ask me about networks management unless you want the wrong answers

Hahaha

I actually saw a programmer shirt during lunch break. It was written "My code is not useless | I still can be used as bad examples"

Hahaha I love it

@avazula It's just a theory (and I know that the discution has moved on because I was too slow to write this :p ) but could it be that, until you got the job opportunity, the whole situation wasn't real, but than it was and your SO started to freak out? I tend to do that about driving. I can thing about it and be fine but the second I think that the driving might actually happen, I start to freak out and do everything I possibly can to avoid it.

1:46 PM

He must be an std::vector half full kinda guy

@Noon It may be, but I think the thriving-at-work theory is worth considering too, since he only started 2 weeks ago (well, again, because he used to be an intern there and things were already great)

TBH I'm certainly jealous of him. He's enjoying his work. I've felt sad, insecure and useless for more than a year now.

@avazula :(

But when you wanna try new things recruiters are like "oh, but you don't have the experience!" aaaaand here it goes again. Vicious circle :p

I'm sending you a lot of cuddles and love right now!

I think I might as well give up and become a penguin

Penguins don't need to work

:p

1:51 PM

@avazula the circle of death! How to gain a job without experience or experience without a job?!

@Noon Ooooh, thanks Noon! I really appreciate :)

Are you still early enough in your career where you could take a junior dev role again in a different field to work up experience?

Or would that be a huge step down now?

@avazula *pangwangs

"Were I a penguin, life would be swell,
spending all day sitting on my eggshell"

@avazula Yep :/ Maybe try smaller company, they might be more open to the idea

1:53 PM

user image

5

@Mithrandir Hahaha

@avazula my current employer hired me as a java dev knowing very well that I have not written java except in one school module.

@Cashbee @scohe001 Which is great! It's nice they gave you that opportunity. I'd love that too, but it's not that common in France. But I shouldn't complain, I never did networks mgmt except in school yet I have an interview on Friday :)

El'endia Starman

@avazula With regards to the political situation, y'all would probably find California much more to your taste than the rest of the USA. It's always been a "blue" state, especially around the cities.

@El'endiaStarman I know, which is why I wasn't worrying to much either.

@El'endiaStarman that's a good point. Not to mention they'd be in SF of all places. If that's not 10 layers of insulation from the political environment in the rest of the US then I don't know what is

1:57 PM

yawn Good morning, world!

@scohe001 Hahaha

@TheTinyMan Hello TinyMan!

@avazula every single employer wants the most experienced devs. But they know that that is a fantasy that will never come true. IMO more employer that you'd think accept a dev who's inexperienced in that field, as long as that dev shows that he is capable of learning and adapting to new stuff. Still the "requirements for the job" will be full of impossible stuff. Just ignore all that. I hope you can convince the guys of you when friday comes. Don't give up and stay positive!

@Cashbee Huh, "Jack of all trades, master of none". Sounds pretty much like me :D

Again, I'd like to thank you guys. It's incredible how you're good advisors and cheerleaders. You're the best!

@avazula Also, having experience in fields that are not asked for, but still kind of relevant, is a BIG PLUS! I don't know what you are applying for exactly but make sure that you don't undersell yourself

@Cashbee Underselling is actually my biggest flaw professionally speaking IMO. The number of different things I've done is impressive, from scheduling music shows to teaching to refugees, from building software for surgeons to designing websites (that I try to make responsive :p) for NGOs

Yet I still think I know nothing Jon Snow :p

2:14 PM

@avazula I know exactly what you mean. Probably most of us devs. It's because in every single IT field everything evolves so fast und you have never learned out. Knowing that everybody else feels that they also know nothin Jon Snow can help you get more self esteem

@Cashbee Exactly. Is programming ever taught me something, it's to remain humble haha

No dev knows all, so your main focus in the interview shouldn't be how much you know about that stuff but more about you. Do you learn fast? do you get a grasp of a system or language quickly? How is your personality (don't tell them, let them find out)? stuff like that.

@Cashbee Who I am, huh?

Shoot, I wanted to make a joke then I realized it is terrible.

lel

make them trust you, not your knowledge of a language.

IPS Comment Bot

Have you considered that, if a woman is checking her phone when you are trying to flirt, that means she isn't interested? And, if she isn't interested but can't "use her phone" you are effectively losing your time? Anyway, this seems to be primary opinion-base which isn't a good fit for this site. — Noon 1 min ago

#19040 Noon (2845 rep) | Q: Is the best time to flirt with a woman when she can't use her smartphone? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by FanofComets (42 rep) | Toxicity 0.3699297

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

2:21 PM

that's a tp I guess :/

El'endia Starman

Could still edit your comment...

I was too slow but I'm kind of selfishly happy I was

Which, I know, isn't a great reaction but, arf... this question is just so... :/

@Noon that means you have to bring cookies tomorrow! :)

I'll accept a cake, too

@Cashbee Ahah, where should I send them? :p

here

Extroverted Main Man

2:29 PM

0

Q: Is the best time to flirt with a woman when she can't use her smartphone?

Its very common that when a single man approaches a single woman whom he wants to flirt with, she sees him approaching and then immediately gets on her smartphone to start texting or call someone, and he walks away feeling frustrated. Is it good advice then that a man should only attempt to fli...

conversations relationships flirting

3

Q: What is "holding space" and how do I do it?

I recently came across an article titled A Man's Guide To "Holding Space", which was linked in an answer to this question. I had never heard the term before, but recognised some of my own patterns of behaviour, both in the original question, and in the article (especially the tendency to try and ...

relationships family helping academic-research

Well then, I'm going to eat a cookie in an awkward silence :P

instead of a postal address, the post office now also accepts a url

In some parts of France this is not possible yet though

@Noon It's fp actually, since you're explaining a VTC :)

@IPSCommentBot fp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught incorrectly (fp) Currently marked 0tps/1fps

@Cashbee We French people live in the past spooky laugh

2:32 PM

@avazula I am explaining a VTC but I'm also asking question which may lead to a frame challenge so...

@Noon Mah, I get what you mean. 1 single vote to go though, and then it'll get closed. You may wanna keep it in mind for the next time but sounds good to me here: )

@Cashbee Because of you I though about this amazing humoristic video but I can't find an English traslation :'(

"And we can not be electrocuted by licking the envelope?"

@Noon Wooooh these guys are gold!

@avazula Yep, I'm still laughting everytime I ear them!

@Noon My fav is the Salon Funéraire

2:42 PM

@Noon I'll have a look in a sec. And I understand french well enough :)

@avazula Don't remember it, gonna listen to it again :p

"Have you ever lost someone?" - "Mmh, yes, my father" - "Ah yeah?" - "Yeah, but I found him' - "What" - "He was in the closet"

- So now you need to call the family to tell them about the person's death. Be careful - you need to speak with tact"
- Oh, okay ... *phone rings*
- Hello?
- Yes hello, I'd like to speak with Tact please

@avazula *checks* no skeletons in our Closet

@Mithrandir Hahaha

@Cashbee I hope you will be able to enjoy it, word games can be hard to understand in another language

2:46 PM

@Noon actually it's Les Pompes funèbres

@avazula Ah, it's very much like Chirurgie Plastique and very funny too XD

@Noon Yay, more fun!

@Noon woah they're talking too fast

(I didn't know that one)

@Cashbee Haha yeah, even for French people :)

@Cashbee I'm not suprise :/ I hope I can find a writing script somewhere but I have no luck yet

2:50 PM

Hi

hello @DDD

Want to ask one question here

go ahead

@DDD Hello :)

if anybody gives answer for my current question

But it includes answer for all my 3 questions which I have asked since the date I have joined here

El'endia Starman

2:52 PM

@Noon I remember my brother being really proud when he could watch a Spanish comedy show and understand the humor.

OI, who is serial upvoting my answers xD

@Cashbee hides

Can't help it, it's compiling

What to do then?

hahahahahahahahaha

@DDD quickly jumping in here: We appreciate the comment flagging, but you don't have to explain to us why something is no longer needed for each comment you flag. ;) There's a default flag option you can use for comments that are no longer needed, please do so, and only use the 'in need of moderator intervention' for very serious problems ;)

2:53 PM

@DDD in what sense? do you mean should you accept it?

No longer needed flags stack up, and if a comment gets enough of those it'll be automatically deleted. Mod flags don't work that way

ok Thanks

This answer includes answer for all my question (all 3 question)

What to do?

@Cashbee I hope you won't turn me in?

@DDD Could you please give a link?

wait a second please

I won't but if you go on like this the nightly script will detect it and revert it all @avazula

2:54 PM

No pb :)

@Cashbee t'was only 3...

@avazula, interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/19034/…

@DDD and which answer addresses all your questions so far?

interpersonal.stackexchange.com/a/19043/8077 this one

Last answer

GroovyDotCom

Oh yeah, I saw it after, sorry

2:57 PM

@avazula, this person has done my mind pattern analysis , ha ha ha

IPS Comment Bot

@ Erik, so it all comes down to whether she is attracted to that man. I heard it once said that 'beauty will bring two people together, but it is love that keeps them together'. — FanofComets 1 min ago

#19042 FanofComets (46 rep) | A: Is the best time to flirt with a woman when she can't use her smartphone? (score: 6) | posted 37 minutes ago by Erik (6458 rep) | Toxicity 0.18928841

Matched regex(es) ["chatty-weak"]

@DDD Yeah, which is actually not very appropriate here. I flag and VTD.

@avazula, ok thanks.

The person did lots of effort on all my questions although

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 1tps/0fps

2:59 PM

all 3 questions

@DDD Yeah, that's weird. Unless all 3 questions are recent and the person were lurking the whole time.

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