The Awkward Silence

Tinkeringbell

5:00 PM

@apaul Well, yours is best :P

TheTinyMan

You're late, it seems

Tinkeringbell

it's the only one inviting further talk :P

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell glerp.

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Should I have added a disclaimer that drinking while you're sixteen was allowed until recently in the Netherlands?

TheTinyMan

What was the scene in Rush Hour, where Chris Tucker is trying very hard to instruct Jackie Chan on the proper enunciation of the urban "y'all?"

Tinkeringbell

5:01 PM

It only got raised to 18 a year or 3 back....

TheTinyMan

(as opposed to the southern "y'all" ... English is weird, and American English doubly so :-P )

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell that's probably relevant, yes

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I didn't know that countries were running around raising their legal drinking ages, that's interesting to know outside the context of the question, too.

Mithrandir

I personally hate the smell of most alcoholic drinks....

TheTinyMan

Oh, man, me, too, @Mithrandir. The taste even more so, unless it's so sugary and fruity that it's closer to fruit juice than to an adult beverage. xD

Mithrandir

5:04 PM

I wouldn't know. ;)

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I just added a tiny disclaimer :)

TheTinyMan

Oh, is it against the law for your parents to allow him to drink, too, @Tinkeringbell? In the US...I don't actually know the precise legality any more, but it's legal for minors to drink at home with their parents.

Extroverted Main Man

2

Q: How can I express my concerns about my underage brother drinking alcoholic beverages to him without sounding like I'm his mom?

So, recently my youngest brother (16) had a party of a classmate. Mom and dad did allow him to go, and he did just fine. He lived by the rules, he sent a message when he arrived safely and one when he started the bicycle ride back, was home sort-of on time. He only missed one rule: No alcohol. ...

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Yeah, it's not illlegal as far as I know...

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Okay, cool. The "which is why" part confused me a little. :-)

apaul

5:06 PM

@TheTinyMan Eh... There's some gray area there.

Mithrandir

Wait wait wait. If this was the party of a classmate, who's presumably around the same age, why the heck was there alcohol available at all?

TheTinyMan

@apaul Is there? Am I falsely remembering looking up the actual law years ago and am just running on what I'd heard through the grapevine?

Mithrandir

Sounds like your parents need to have a serious talk with the classmate's parents o_O

apaul

@TheTinyMan I think it's sort of a selective enforcement issue. There was a psa campaign down here a little while back reminding parents that buying alcohol for minors is illegal, even when it's your own kid.

TheTinyMan

@Mithrandir That kind of thing happens a lot here in the U.S., too. A lot of parents don't object or even supply the alcohol. Of course, a lot of parents object pretty heartily to learn that that happened at a party they sent their kid to, too.

@apaul Hmm. I'll have to look into that then, just so I know. Not that it's relevant to my life I suppose. :-P

Tinkeringbell

5:15 PM

@Mithrandir Classmate has older friends.

There was a group aged 15 - 19 I believe, but I have to ask about that..

Mithrandir

@Tinkeringbell so they brought it? Or the classmate supplied?

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir I'm not going tattle tale on him...

Have to ask... I think the older friends bought it though... But generally, my parents would have supplied it and trusted me to make sure I only served the ones that were allowed to drink...

But for me, it doesn't really matter where the alcohol came from... I just want him to know he shouldn't do that again, or at least call me to pick him up

I'm not going to call parents, or visit said friends house

TheTinyMan

3 beers seems like a relatively responsible amount, too...the only action that I take issue with here is piloting a vehicle, as it were, under the influence.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan What bothers me most is that, and the fact that the road is next to a canal.... He could have drowned.

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, absolutely.

Tinkeringbell

5:19 PM

If it was just grass or bushes I wouldn't even care that much... if he fall, he'll have a few cuts and bruises but that would be it.

TheTinyMan

Yeah. Do you personally know anyone who's been injured riding a bike or driving a car under the influence? I'm not actually proficient on a bike, but it seems like it's a lot easier to mess that up than driving a car.

Balance and stuff. :-p

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Meh... once you've learned to drive a bike, you don't fall of easily

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Oh...even if you're swaying from inebriation?

Tinkeringbell

I think cars are more dangerous, due to speed and other cars ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell More dangerous, absolutely. I'm trying to draw a parallel for the sake of your conversation with him, though, and the question I'm asking is 'easier to mess up,' especially when driving by a canal. xD

Tinkeringbell

5:23 PM

@TheTinyMan Well.... I had a rather unpleasant experience once, of a 'friend' spiking my drinks and me being so drunk I blacked out during part of the evening.... One thing I can't remember is the bicycle ride home, but I never fell off... (Don't worry, two other classmates made sure I got home safe)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Holy crap, I'm sorry that you went through that.

@Tinkeringbell People really suck. :-(

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan And girls are the worst.... she thought it would be fun 'because I was always sober and restrained'.... Needless to say I went ape on her and ended the 'friendship'.

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell That doesn't really help with the conversation with your brother, though, does it? Hmm. I was gonna suggest that you say, "hey, did you know that XXX happened to YYY because they were biking/driving after drinking?

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Hahaha, no, that's not going to work... ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Wow, you never hear of girls spiking girls, but at least it was 'just' that... I'm glad that you had the self-respect to end the friendship.

Tinkeringbell

5:26 PM

@TheTinyMan Well, a very upset stomach helps a lot :P I think it was more anger and a hangover than self-respect :P

TheTinyMan

I hate saying 'just' that even in quotes, because that is terrible.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Yeah, well... I learned, I lived :) I'm over it, now it's nothing more than a story ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yep. :-)

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Is this flirting? Or is she just clueless?

I'm bad at socializing. Like really bad. It's amazing. I could regale you all with wonderfully hilarious screwups, but I don't think the servers could handle the flood of "omfg dude u serious?" responses. So here's the situation. I routinely visit somebody, we'll call her Jane, who has regul...

romance flirting

Tinkeringbell

@ExtrovertedMainMan It's just that they don't make turtlenecked sweaters for girls anymore, move on ;)

TheTinyMan

5:31 PM

haha

well what he's asking about is 100% a thing that happens, I have had female friends vent to me that someone didn't pick up on that happening

HDE 226868

@ExtrovertedMainMan We seem to have a lot of males maybe reading too much into things lately.

TheTinyMan

buuuut it's definitely not the most common case and it's impossible for us to know if it's wishful thinking (which is the more likely case) or if it's what he hopes it is

Her behavior the rest of the time sure didn't sound like it was supporting it though

Tinkeringbell

I dunno.... should this one stay open? I'm not seeing enough grounds to close it as off-topic or unclear-what-youre-asking...

TheTinyMan

There are votes to close it for being opinion-based

Tinkeringbell

Works for me :)

TheTinyMan

5:34 PM

which...I dunno. It's not, exactly, but I don't think that a 'yes' or 'no' answer does anything other than further confuse the poor guy's own opinion.

Tinkeringbell

I think 'recognizing a certain behavior' is an IPS though... :/ Like you recognize when people get angry, mad, sad, don't want to talk about it, want to vent...

But we're generally closing all questions asking 'is she flirting or not'.

I might make a meta after assembling my desk chair :D

TheTinyMan

You do make a good point...Hm.

Tinkeringbell

5:50 PM

@TheTinyMan Would you like to try and make the meta? It's a good exercise :D

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Nope, way too shy here to do that still. xD I consider it a major personal success when I post a bad answer still. ^.^,

@Tinkeringbell I appreciate the suggestion though!

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I'm gonna make you write the meta ;) Just wait an hour or 2, then I'll be home and settled, and I'll help you. It's the best way to overcome being shy ! :D

(You don't have to if you don't want to, just teasing you)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell :o well that was an exciting proposition. xD No, today isn't the day for that, I'm already multitasking away from work more than I probably should and composing a meta would probably require a lot more focus than I should grant it...and I'm gonna be working late today, sadly.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan Oh, you're at work? Well, I'll stop distracting you then ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Now if that offer is still valid at 2 AM CEST, I might try it then ^.^

Tinkeringbell

5:54 PM

(I have to go, almost at the station ;) )

@TheTinyMan The offer is still valid, but I'm not around ;)

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Ehh, some distraction is okay, even good if I'm having a high-anxiety day.

@Tinkeringbell Well how can you help me if you're not around? xD

@Tinkeringbell Anyways, have a good evening! :-)

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan There's other people here as well :P

That don't bite :P

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell I'll bet @TheSnarkKnight bites.

TheTinyMan

6:21 PM

So this question about the awkward person who thinks he's being flirted with has been significantly changed, removing the story that lends us toward considering it an opinion question, I think. Do we think this is good enough to reopen now? It is still asking the same question.

The Snark Knight

@TheTinyMan you rang?

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight Oh, I dunno. You were an easy target. :-p

And people seem to tag each other a lot here. :-p

The Snark Knight

I'm just getting back from lunch, it's two weeks before I go on vacation, and there is little to do as we are winding down. I have what in my life has been fairly unique: A period of slight boredom.

TheTinyMan

The Devil's plaything, as they say. :-p

The Snark Knight

@TheTinyMan yeah, the last time I was bored was in college. I brought their print server to it's knees with three lines of BASIC

ME + BOREDOM = VERY BAD THING

Magisch

6:37 PM

@TheSnarkKnight in the age of video games there's no excuse to be bored

The Snark Knight

@Magisch video games bore me

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight There are 10.000 different kinds of video games

There's bound to be some that don't bore you

Hell, play minecraft and go from a stone pickaxe made with your bare hands to constructing multiple fusion reactors to power your matter fabricator

The Snark Knight

@Magisch that kind of endless moving of the goalposts is what annoys me at work, why would I find that entertaining off the job?

Maybe I'll order a few new books.

Magisch

@TheSnarkKnight What about a game where you set your own goal?

The Snark Knight

@Magisch I liked the old RPGs. Not real-time, no great graphics, but much more fun that what we have these days. Hmmmm, maybe I can get a copy of "Pirates" out there somewhere.

TheTinyMan

6:42 PM

Played Torment: Tides of Numenera?

Magisch

I think you'd enjoy minecraft

especially with mods

TheTinyMan

It's a spiritual successor to Planescape: Torment and IMO did an even better job at doing what Planescape: Torment did than it did...and that was my favorite game ever for a good decade.

Magisch

you can even build a functioning 16 bit computer using logic circuits made possible by redstone

The Snark Knight

@Magisch my nephews like it, not a fan of minecraft though

TheTinyMan

Mass Effect is a shooter-RPG hybrid that also has better branching dialogue trees in some ways than the old Baldur's Gate games, and has between-game-choice-persistence that would make Quest for Glory green with envy.

Almost every game that Telltale makes a series of adventure games that also have really impressive branching dialogue, from their flagship The Walking Dead games onward.

I've heard that Divine Divinity 2 is Baldur's Gate but better ... despite the name. Tactical party-based RPG, with a very strong story, wherein your decisions hold real weight.

Sadly, I haven't seen the old Ultima feel captured in a long, long time.

Oh! I almost forgot Life Is Strange, which is an RPG with essentially zero combat. The cool bit is that it involves rewinding time as a primary gameplay mechanic in a game centered on branching conversation trees. But not everyone can get behind the high-school-girl-trying-to-survive-highschool plot that's 50% of the game, and the dialogue is often stilted.

Any of those sound like your kind of experience, @TheSnarkKnight? xD

The Snark Knight

6:53 PM

@TheTinyMan Yeah, I loved the Ultima series. III and IV were my faves. I don't like the endless sandbox, but I have played Runescape in the past, may give it another go.

TheTinyMan

Yeah. Skyrim thinks it has an open world and stuff, but you can't have a freaking conversation with anyone like you could back in those days. And you don't have to pay attention like you used to, to really invest yoruself.

Jarko Dubbeldam

The witcher is also amazing

It's more story oriented though. Not as much freedom as say skyrim.

TheTinyMan

Man, I need to play that. I actually own...two if not three games in the series, haha. And have never once launched 'em.

Jarko Dubbeldam

But an amazing story.

TheTinyMan

I've heard such amazing things about them.

Jarko Dubbeldam

7:00 PM

Witcher 3 is amazing. 1 and 2 are somewhat dated. Couldn't get through them because of the controls, ohwell

The two big dlcs are really good too

And I recently added some gameplay mods to skyrim and doing a replay

Extroverted Main Man

7:16 PM

0

Q: How do I tactfully get clarity about maybe-flirtatious behavior?

There's a woman we'll call Emma. I've known her for a few years through work she does for somebody in my family. I am in a long-term relationship, terrified of making my partner jealous, and hopelessly socially anxious usually, so we've never had a real conversation. Usually (always) when I se...

relationships flirting

Extroverted Main Man

7:30 PM

0

Q: How can I express disappointment while still being supportive of partner quitting smoking?

Background I met this girl, who we'll call Alice, about two years ago, and we have been casually dating for the past 2-ish months. She has been an off-and-on smoker for a handful of years, and when we first met, it was during an 'off' period. However, Alice picked up the habit again about 6 mon...

conversations relationships

Magisch

@JarkoDubbeldam The witcher 3 will consume 300 hours of your time

more with the dlc

the second dlc alone is 100 hours if you enjoy everything it has to offer

Jarko Dubbeldam

I don't think I have quite that much time spent

256 hours

over multiple playthroughs

The Snark Knight

I hate most online games. my gaming time is limited, so forming parties and group playing is out.

Extroverted Main Man

1

Q: How to answer user questions in interpersonal skills community?

I am new to this stack community. The first thing I was blown away was the number of views each question garners within minutes. Would love to know a comparative stats of the different community from the stack exchange. I attempted to pick a question and answer it. However, I felt ( plus few us...

united-states united-kingdom india europe australia

TheTinyMan

7:47 PM

@TheSnarkKnight None of the games listed with the exception of Minecraft is multiplayer. Well, I guess Divine Divinity 2 can be played cooperatively, like Baldur's Gate could, and Mass Effect 3 has a horde mode, but it's not integral to the experience of either.

Introverted Meta Man.

0

Q: Most dictionaries don't include "communication" in their definitions of "interpersonal". Does this have any problem?

First, I don't have any opinion on the scope of the site focusing on communication - no agreement, no objection. However, I see that many arguments on various topics about the scope (e.g. https://interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com/a/2205/86 ), and I think whatever people's arguments are, as lon...

discussion scope

2

Q: How to answer user questions in interpersonal skills community?

I am new to this stack community. The first thing I was blown away was the number of views each question garners within minutes. Would love to know a comparative stats of the different community from the stack exchange. I attempted to pick a question and answer it. However, I felt ( plus few us...

discussion

The Snark Knight

@TheTinyMan "Go for the eyes Boo! GO FOR THE EYES!!!! YEAAAAAAH!!!!"

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight Ermagherd, Minsc is the best character EVAR

The Snark Knight

@TheTinyMan Auron from Final Fantay X was cool too. The polar opposite of Minsk

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight He sure was. :-) Stern and gruff, a quiet protector who's a man of a few words and absolutely no levity whatsoever...yet never impolite unless it was really necessary. :-p

@TheSnarkKnight So you do also enjoy FFX-style linear JRPGs?

The Snark Knight

8:06 PM

Loved Auron and THE REVEAL was heart breaking

TheTinyMan

@TheSnarkKnight It sure was. There were a few heartbreaking reveals and shocking revelations in that game, haha. ^.^

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan It's deleted by it's owner, so there's no need in reopening it

They reposted another question

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yeah, I took a look at it. Decidedly less distracting material I think?

The Snark Knight

@TheTinyMan yeah when you find out what happened to Jecht for example.

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I think it's better... How can I find out is definitely a better IPS question than 'Is she?'

Extroverted Main Man

8:14 PM

0

Q: How to explain that you're upset that your girlfriend prefers to stay with her family at Christmas?

It's normal to be upset when you have a girlfriend for 4 years official ~ (but we've been dating for 6 years) and she prefers to spend Christmas with her own family than with me / with my family? It bothers me the fact that she prefers her family rather than me. I dnot care about Christmas, but ...

relationships

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Yep. :-)

Tinkeringbell

People are being busy...

TheTinyMan

Hmm?

Tinkeringbell

Lots of questions tonight :)

TheTinyMan

Yeah! :-)

Magisch

8:49 PM

@Tinkeringbell More content for the site!

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Yeah, but I like mine most :P

Magisch

Have you checked that you aren't actually evolving into your mom though?

:D

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Triple checked... :P That's why I asked, I was hoping to stop it before it got worse ;)

Magisch

My cousin will do the same thing to me and tell me I sound just like her dad when I told her that getting blackout drunk at 14 was gonna mess up her brain :p

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch Yeah, well, luckily he wasn't black out drunk :P

I think he's at the least too responsible for that :P But I still think he was irresponsible anyway

Magisch

8:57 PM

I realize though I'm becoming like my dad as I get older

Part of coming of age is realizing that a lot of the things you thought your parents were boors for are actually pretty good advice that you'd have done good heeding :/

Extroverted Main Man

0

Q: Should I do social networks?

I would like to have an instagram/twitter/facebook account where I could share some pictures of me, my friends, food and similar. I've never had it before because it was never very attractive to me and I couldn't see the point to it. Now I understand that it can be a bad idea to share a lot abo...

social-media

Mithrandir

@ExtrovertedMainMan POB, anyone?

Tinkeringbell

@Mithrandir Sure

written from my amazing lazy brand new desk chair

Magisch

@Tinkeringbell \o/

Tinkeringbell

I have never felt lazier before :D

Magisch

9:07 PM

I have a nice beanbag chair and one of these gymnastic balls to sit on for my back

Tinkeringbell

@Magisch beanbags are fun too :) but they're generally too low to use in combination with a desk :P

Magisch

yeah I have a lowered desk at work

TheTinyMan

9:19 PM

@Tinkeringbell Is the chair as comfy as you'd hoped?

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan It's even better :D

TheTinyMan

@Tinkeringbell Wow, really? :o Do tell!

Tinkeringbell

@TheTinyMan I think I might be able to sleep in it.... :D

But that said, I finished my episode and really think sleeping should be done in a proper bed :D

See ya!

TheTinyMan

But...but science! xD

Night night!

apaul

10:24 PM

So...

TheTinyMan

It's pretty funny when I see an HNQ talking about "Voyager" and think it's from the sci-fi stack, talking about Star Trek, instead of the Space Exploration stack, talking about the NASA probe. xD

Extroverted Main Man

11:06 PM

0

Q: Asking out a stranger on the street,

Sometimes, you see someone you want to ask out and she's a stranger on the street and you don't feel there's enough time to make small talk and feel her out - that you only have a few seconds of her time. What's a good way to ask her out on a date? Ask for coffee? Ask for her name? When I t...

flirting

TheTinyMan

Wow, @Catija, that's an impressively quick reaction time to put that question on hold!

Catija

eh... it needed it. That sort of question attracts dozens of really, really low quality answers.

TheTinyMan

@Catija It absolutely did, I'm not questioning your decision, just marveling at its alacrity. :-)

Catija

HA HA. Ah. Thanks. I have the tab up and it shows whenever new questions are posted. I was glad to catch that one quickly.

TheTinyMan

Yep. :-) I wish that I had a better instinct for what should and shouldn't be answered...I've come to the realization that most of my answers feel opinion-based, and I think that's not entirely how I should be approaching these things? But it's hard to draw a line between problematically opinion-based and just, you know, interpersonal, unless I'm quoting a psychologist or study or something.

Catija

11:18 PM

I actually have a feeling that what we close will get more strict the longer we're around... right now, we're sort of in the "questions are precious" phase... this can be dangerous because it can set a bad example. We're doing a lot of really good stuff but I think we really need to start focusing on thinking critically about what questions work here and attract good, make-the-internet-a-better-place questions... and which do not.

I struggle with it at times... and I'm sort of lucky. As a moderator, I'm encouraged to let the users decide when to close questions as off topic, largely... unilateral closure is something that should be done relatively infrequently, though I will do it when it's obvious to me... preventing low quality answers on a question that's really not ready for the site is more valuable to the community than waiting on five users to do it themselves sometimes.

TheTinyMan

Yeah...That's still kind of subjective and hard to wrap one's head around. Like, with this particular question, improving how people in the world approach strangers sounds like some good, but the low-quality answers doesn't. And, I'd like to emphasize, I think that putting that one on hold was the right approach...just trying to identify that line.

Yeah, absolutely.

Catija

That's sort of part of the problem with this question though... in my opinion, "improving the world" would be telling this user to stop asking random people on the street for their contact info for a date... to me, that's creepy... but that's not why I closed it and... to some degree, that would probably not be a good answer... but if he's in a culture where that's standard behavior (though with an accept rate of 1 in 10 I doubt it)... my feelings are irrelevant.

^This, though, is why it's so important for us to get cultural information from people - and sometimes that's two pieces of info... what country they're in and the culture they associate with... some actions may be generally bad in a country but acceptable within certain subcultures.

TheTinyMan

An accept rate of 1 in 10 was waaaaay higher than I would have guessed here though, haha. :-P Even if we're filtering for people who happen to be single already. I agree, that's not okay in most cultures that I'm aware of.

Absolutely. It's weird to contemplate that I don't even know what kinds of subcultures exist across the ocean, or probably even here locally. Lots of people aren't aware of some of the subcultures that I'm a part of.

Catija

Are you in the US?

TheTinyMan

Yep, Kentucky. :-)

Catija

11:32 PM

Ah :D Nice. I've only driven through... my husband is from Ohio (though he was born in Kentucky, I think) and we live in Texas so we've driven between them.

TheTinyMan

Oh, cool! I LARP with several people from Ohio, whereabouts is he from?

Catija

He grew up in Gambier...

Tiny town north of Columbus.

TheTinyMan

Ah, yeah, that's waaaay further up there than the people I know are. :-) Not that it's likely that we'd be only one or even two degrees of separation away...I wonder why we as humans do that? "Oh, you're from the same place as one person I know, maybe the two of you knew each other from this city of 500,000,000 people!"

Catija

Ha ha... yeah.

TheTinyMan

TX to OH...geez, what's that, like a 19 hour drive?

Catija

11:38 PM

We always stop in the middle... I don't remember the full amount of time.

TheTinyMan

Yeah. :-)

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