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10:00 PM
That looked to me at first like one long URL split over two lines. Probably fine as is, but if you can think of a title for the second one, so it can be formatted the same as the first with a title first, it might be better. A minor point.
 
@TRiG Good one, though.
 
> On a literal level, there's the idea that the Exodus -- which the entire Jewish people experienced, and in which G-d manipulated and subverted nature as He pleased -- serves as proof that G-d originally created that same natural order out of nothing.
The double hyphens are still a problem everywhere, and are still particularly a problem here, where they split over two lines.
> testimony that God created, and continues to actively play a role in the world
There should be a comma after in.
 
@TRiG it's not letting me unpin this. Don't know why.
 
(Well, that's assuming that the verb created is supposed to take the object the world. It could theoretically be used intransitvely, but I doubt it.)
 
@TRiG You're good at this.
 
10:07 PM
I have to step out. Can somebody else maintain pins?
 
@MonicaCellio shrug.
@IsaacMoses Thanks.
 
@MonicaCellio Never mind the pins. I'll just look at all of @TRiG's comments.
 
@IsaacMoses that would be easier. Thanks!
 
> no commandment of keeping the Sabbath
I'd say commandment to keep rather than commandment of keeping.
But I'm not certain of that one.
In the four cups of wine section (which incidentally does have dashes, not double hyphens) pleasurable is in square brackets. It does not appear to be an insertion into a quote, so it should probably be in round brackets (parentheses).
Page 12: The references to the four cups question fill an entire page by themselves. Is there any way around that?
 
The shortlink s.tk/miyodeya just stopped working. @Jin
 
10:15 PM
> In the Magen Avraham there he does bring in the name of the Lehem Hamudos that there are those who do not wash for dipped foods based on an opinion of the Baalei Tosafos.
there?
> Just the one leading the Seder washes as a way of evoking questions from the children. (As per SA OC 473 6 B'er Heiteiv 17.)
Section in brackets is not a complete sentence, and refers exclusively to the preceeding sentence. So it should be repunctuated as,
> Just the one leading the Seder washes as a way of evoking questions from the children (as per SA OC 473 6 B'er Heiteiv 17).
When you're working through changing double hyphens to dashes, also check the spacing.
Authorities differ on whether or not there should be spaces around the dash (I like it myself), but what really matters is consistency.
> a new type of person was created—the Free Man
^^ no spaces.
(Yes, I know that's a quote, but this sort of mild reformatting (adding spaces around that dash) is acceptable even for blockquotes.)
> If G-d would have waited even a second longer to take the Jews out of Egypt it would have been too late.
Surely the correct tence there is had waited?
> As it was the Jews didn't feel truly free of the Egyptians until they saw their bodies washed up on the shore of the Red Sea,
Charming. Also missing a comma after was.
> if we stayed any longer we would be too far gone
If we had stayed, I think.
> Had God not taken us out of Egypt, then we, our children, and grandchildren would have been indebted to Pharaoh.
The items in the list aren't parallel. This could be fixed by inserting an our before grandchildren.
It could also be fixed by removing the comma after children, thereby turning our children and grandchildren into one item in the list.
(In the latter case, you would of course have to insert an and before our children and grandchildren, as it would become the last item in the list.)
> Only by the dramatic show that it was clearly G-d's power, and Pharaoh's not, that we didn't feel indebted to Egypt anymore.
This confuses me. I'm going to attempt a rewrite, but I may be misunderstanding what he's saying.
> It was only by the dramatic demonstration that it [what?] was clearly G-d's power, and not Pharoah's, that we no longer felt indebted to Egypt.
> It was only by the dramatic demonstration that the Exodus was clearly G-d's power, and not Pharoah's, that we no longer felt indebted to Egypt.
That's a guess.
> "If God had not delivered us from Egypt we would still be slaves"? Really? - mi.yodeya.com/q/9944
The PDF shows a linebreak there, which seems unnecessary. It looks like there should be enough room. There isn't trailing non-breaking space or anything, is there?
> Michoel brought
> Since he mentions Hashem -"Which the L-rd, our G-d has commanded" he is not excluding himself.
Should be,
> Since he mentions Hashem ("Which the L-rd, our G-d has commanded") he is not excluding himself.
Perhaps dashes would work. Either way, there should be punctuation on both sides of the parenthetical statement.
> he want to hear the command the way it was given
wants
> Whereas, the Rosha asks not about the command but about the actual practise and excludes himself by saying "לכם ".
practice (the noun form)
Nouns in -ce, verbs in -se. (Compare advise and advice, there the difference also affects the pronunciation.)
(I think this rule holds for American English. You may want to check.)
Also, I'm not comfortable with that comma after whereas. I think it's okay, but I'd be happier with it gone. (Getting tired now.)
> Why is the wicked son sanctioned for doing what the wise son does? - mi.yodeya.com/questions/22332
questions? Why not the usual q?
> The Haggada speaks about 4 sons, the second of which is called "wicked".
of whom
Also, the word four would probably be preferable to the digit.
> with the coming of Moshiach - may it be soon
Just for variety, here's a single hyphen which should be a dash.
> " 'to you' but not to him"
I see what this is trying to do, but the spacing around those quotation marks distresses me.
> "to you but not to him"
> "to you" but not to him
either
> Meanwhile, in plague of Death of the Firstborn, Hashem only skipped over the houses of those who had offered the Paschal Offering.
the plague
> So the Rasha, who excludes himself from the serving G-d, would not have wanted to leave Egypt, since he had no interest in serving G-d.
Either serving or the serving of (or perhaps the service of), but not the serving.
> How do we know the rasha would not have been redeemed? - mi.yodeya.com/questions/6952
questions should perhaps be q. (Consistency!)
> God designed the Passover offering experience as the process that would transform the crowd of dehumanized, dispossessed slaves that was the Israelites into a nation - His nation
Again, a single hyphen which should be a dash. (I'm not pointing out the double hyphens which should be dashes: there are too many and they're quite easy to find.)
> R' Hirsch notes the significance of the word "לָכֶם " - "unto you (pl.)" here, in light of the rules we have for inaugurating a Rosh Chodesh. Each monthly meeting with God is established not by God, not by astronomical phenomena, not by individual Jews, but by the Jewish nation as a whole, through its leadership - the Beit Din.
single hyphens > dashes
Also, that first sentence seems to end on a dangling participle.
Or maybe not. It would help if I understood what you were saying.
> Why are the commandments for Rosh Chodesh and Passover in the same paragraph? - mi.yodeya.com/questions/26956
questions/q
(I did once proofread a thesis on modern Irish church architecture; and I proofread my sister's fiancé's thesis on psychology. In neither case was I as lost as I am here.)
 
Jin
10:50 PM
@IsaacMoses hm it's working for me. s.tk/miyodeya
 
> He still, using his free will could have made the right decision, but he willingly chose not to.
There should be a comma after will.
> Egypt is described as a "furnace of iron" (I Kings 8:51)
I Kings, to prevent the linebreak.
> Did hardening Paro's heart mean he wasn't really responsible? - mi.yodeya.com/questions/12200
questions/q
@Jin Works for me too.
And for Web-Sniffer.
 
Oh here's an important one:
On the last page, we forgot to include under editors: TRiG - judaism.stackexchange.com/users/581/trig
4
 
> Ten plagues of Egypt: hail and pestilence - mi.yodeya.com/questions/8168
@DoubleAA Meh. Editing and proofreading aren't quite the same thing.
> He could have just left Pharaoh to stew in his own juices and take the full punishment he deserved; instead he chose to not only get involved, but indeed to "cry out" about it as if it personally affected him or his family - all because he had in mind the ultimate goal of getting Pharaoh to acknowledge Hashem.
Single hyphen which should be a dash.
> Ibn Ezra writes that Moshe, on his own initiative, had given Pharaoh the option when the plague should be gone (8:5-6) - without first consulting Hashem whether this was the right thing to do, or whether the stated deadline was acceptable to Him.
ditto
> 8:5,7
I'd put a space after the comma. Depends on your house style, I suppose.
> "Moshe cried out" - really? - mi.yodeya.com/questions/245
I'm going to stop pointing these out individually. Just to say that all should use q. It's shorter, and consistency matters.
> [Incidentally, the preceding midrash (11:2) seems to say that birds were involved as well.]
Those should be round brackets.
> The word I think most literally translates to "a collection" or in this case, maybe along the lines of "a swarm" (consider the word "eiruv" from "to mix up" the reshuyot [domains] in a community).
I'd put them as round brackets too: it's not an insertion into the text, but a parenthetical. But some authorities do allow square brackets for this purpose if you're already inside round brackets.
So it's an issue of house style. Probably best to leave as is.
> eg. Shadal
e.g.
> [Also, see Bechor Shor, who compares " הִּנְנִּי מַשְׁלִּיחַֹ בְךָ וּבַעֲבָדֶיךָ וּבְעַמְךָ וּבְבָתֶיךָ אֶת הֶעָרבֹ " (Shemos 8:17) with " וְשֶׁן בְהֵּמוֹת אֲשַׁלַח בָם " (Devarim 32:24).]
Round brackets again.
> in other words, creative derashot + math to stress how much Hashem did for us. trying to identify each one would be missing the forest for the trees.
These two sentences should begin with capital letters.
 
11:17 PM
> "Woe is unto us! Who will save us from the hand of this mighty God? This is the God who smote the Egyptians with every sort of plague in the wilderness."
This uses a blockquote and quotation marks, which is rather over-egging the pudding.
> Avos deR' Nosson
Should there be a space between de and R'?
Hiya @Isaac.
> [From Avoth d’Rabbi Nathan, second version, ch. 43; Ber. 9b]
 
@Jin Back up for me. The outage was unfortunately timed. Could you please check with whoever maintains the links and ensure that it's permanent now?
 
Should be round brackets. Should end with a full stop.
 
@TRiG Hey thanks so much for the proofreading!
 
> (Indeed, the command (Exodus 11:2) was that the Jews should request "each man from his neighbor, and each woman from her neighbor" - pretty clearly excluding the royal household.)
Single hyphen should be a dash.
@IsaacMoses My comments get briefer as they go on, and some might not be understandable unless you read from the start.
> (Which also would explain how the plunder from the drowning of the army exceeded what they took away from Egypt: in an autocratic monarchy like Egypt, the king's wealth probably far exceeded that of all his subjects combined.)
This probably shouldn't be an independent paragraph. It would be better attached to the preceeding paragraph.
Also, it should start with This.
 
@TRiG Later this evening, I plan to see what I can do in an hour, working chronologically through chat transcripts
 
11:30 PM
> Ex. 19:2
I think this is the first abbreviated book name I've seen, but I also vaguely recall seeing a decision that you wouldn't be standardising this.
 
@TRiG recollection partially right. abbrevs are out
 
> The Aruch haShulchan 158:1-2 brings the 2 main reasons
Word two.
@IsaacMoses Okay. I'll look out for further ones.
> Why is this ok?
Should be OK (the original) or okay (my preferred).
> So did Hillel do. When the Temple was standing he would bind [meat from the} Pesach [offering] Matzah and Marror and eat them as one. As the verse states (Bamidbar 9:11) ...on Matzah and Marror you shall eat it [the korban Pesach].
Curley brace? Really?
Also, there should be spaces on both sides of that elipsis.
> (Shemos 12:8 - "... roast with fire, and Matzah - on Marror you shall eat it")
Changes single hyphens to dashes.
> (Shemos 12:8) -
ditto
> [He notes at the end that there are those who have an alternate text that substitutes the verse from Pesach Rishon].
Change square brackets to round. Put full stop inside the brackets. Attach to end of previous paragraph instead of leaving independent.
> (Today it isn't considered obligatory any more, due to the weakness of our generation).
Full stop should be inside brackets.
> (e.g. one is required to make a separation between shabbos and the weekday - this obligation extends till tuesday night
Single hyphen should be a dash. Tuesday should have a capital.
> Since this lesson is so important, if one missed the opportunity G-d gave him another opportunity to celebrate this.
I have heard that changing pronouns in mid-sentence from one to him is acceptable in American English, but I think this is the first time I've seen it done.
I'll leave native speakers of AmE to rule on that one.
> [and the next verse quietly; in some communities the leader recites "Hodu" quietly with the others]
Round brackets.
> what did he do that worked, what new perspective helped him, etc?
should end on etc.?
Yes, the full stop followed by a question mark looks odd, but it is correct.
> For example I walk past a delicious smelling treif pizza place and say, "God, that food smells delicious but you commanded me not to eat it, so I want you to know the reason I'm not going inside there right now is because I value your will and want to keep your commandments".
Full stop should be inside quotation marks.
> How petty have our lives become that having a nice house and physical comforts makes us forget that God Almighty has no home.
Question should end on question mark (even a rhetorical question).
> (The translation is the one quoted by R' Yaklowitz)
Insert a full stop at the end of the sentence (inside the brackets).
Incidentally, I say round brackets (or just brackets), where you would say parentheses, and I say square brackets where you would probably just say brackets (if I'm remembering my AmE/BrE differences correctly).
> Our entire existence of Jews will be completely different, and immeasurably better.
Our entire existence of Jews should be either The entire existence of Jews or (better, I think) Our entire existence as Jews.
> (often preventable or treatable) illness
The parenthetical statement should really come after the noun. (That way, when read aloud, it still sounds like a parenthetical statement. In its current form, it doesn't.)
> I heard all of the niggunim in Nirtzah are since you are supposed to be busy with Yetzias Mitzrayim the whole night (a halacha, unlike Shavous, where it is a Minhag) This is a riddle that we are supposed to figure out its deeper meaning. (Haggadah Shlall Rav)
Missing a full stop before This (and perhaps after Rav).
> what is on a Jew's mind other than God.
There should be a question mark here.
Phew. Got to the end. I'm sure I missed bits, but it's now nearly midnight.
See ye tomorrow.
 
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