4:39 PM
Hey all. I'm sorry for disappearing on you and for taking bad care of TIO lately. I'll try to explain what's been happening, although it's not easy for me to talk about this...
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I've been dealing with mental health issues for a little over four years now. It all started with fibromyalgia, mainly pain in my legs that made it difficult to walk, without a physical cause. This soon was accompanied by depression, which got pretty severe. I barely had any desire to live in 2017. Working on TIO actually was one of the very few healthy things that brought me joy during that period.
I was much better already, less depressed and with less pain, but I started to get pretty severe anxiety in 2019. In June, I started to get tinnitus. This constantly reminded me that there was something wrong with me, making the anxiety worse. In July, I felt like I was literally dying all the time, which is why I was barely here anymore during that time.
After a few weeks and several doctor appointments, I eventually convinced myself that there was nothing physically wrong with me. I was still anxious, but no longer to the point where I felt I was going to die. By that time, I had lost a little over 10 kg (22 lbs) in roughly a month. I had been too afraid of food to ingest all the calories I needed...
I'm not sure what exactly triggered it, but the anxiety eventually got worse again; it might be related to returning my diamond. Phone notifications freaked me out, afraid of what they might be about, unable to check. While working on TIO, I was constantly afraid of messing up the servers. Not wanting to get back to how things were in July, I turned of pretty much all notifications on my phone. I didn't notify you at this point, because I though it would only be for a few days.
I was eventually unable to even enter this chat room, worried everybody would be mad for disappearing. Today is the first time in weeks I managed to log in...
If you never experienced anything liek this, it probably sounds a little pathetic. But anyway, that's what's been happening to me and why I was so unavailable lately.
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@Pavel I definitely want to keep maintaining, but I cannot guarantee I'll be able to.
If you want to set up your own backend, I'll certainly try to help.
If somebody of you is interested, I could give your access to the servers and we'd keep them in shape together. It doesn't have to be all the time, but it would be nice to have somebody to fall back on if I become incapacitated again.
@LuisMendo Sorry for not responding earlier, I wasn't really checking my email either...
@Adám I'd like to try coming back first. If I can't, I'll transfer the domains to someone who wants to keep it going.
The backend stability issues can hopefully be resolved by setting up fresh servers. After fixing the outdated build scripts, I'll try that.
@AndrewSavinykh Thank you for the reminder. I just renewed the certs.
Since they are wildcard certs, I sadly cannot auto-renew them. I would have to store a DigitalOcean API key to perform the DNS challenges automatically, granting full control over my DO account...
@JeffZeitlin While not the cause of my absence, the the Monica situation hasn't helped matters. Being a Code Golf mod was important to me. Leaving the way I did made me either sad or angry every time I visited the site...