The Water Cooler

Twyxz

08:58

Anyone know what happened to fattie

avazula

@Twyxz are they gone?

Nofel

Morning everyone

Twyxz

09:14

@avazula Suspended

avazula

@Twyxz o_o

Twyxz

09:47

But I'm nosey and want to know why :P @avazula

motosubatsu

@Twyxz I'm guessing it's just the traditional cycle of that user.. make a nuisance of themselves until they finally do enough to annoy the mods into suspending them, rinse repeat

Lilienthal

10:36

@IDrinkandIKnowThings See also our own site's meta thread on cross-posting:

8

Q: Is Cross-Posting Allowed?

In a business where staff churn is costly, should I let employees lead and request their salary increase? Is a cross-posted question. It's interesting, perhaps on-topic, but it is specifically cross-posted. Is that okay?

discussion

@Twyxz And I'll refer you to this post:

19

A: What did this user do to warrant a 1 year suspension?

For privacy reasons, moderators and Stack Exchange employees do not reveal reasons for suspensions. If the user brings it up (elsewhere or after) that's different, but it's not for us to say. We don't like suspending people; we aren't going to then pour salt in the wound by telling the world mo...

Twyxz

@Lilienthal Thank you

Sourav Ghosh

12:21

Hiya folks!!

I am just told my answer is not helpful

any reviews?

Feeling unproductive in my team and would like to give my manager a plausible reason to change teams

motosubatsu

@SouravGhosh seems fine to me.. you are legitimately frame challenging the OP's question

Sourav Ghosh

@motosubatsu OK, thanks

Kepotx

seems fine to me too

this IS helpful as OP needs to realize that he/she can also feel unsafe despite changing team

basically, OP asks how to implement a solution, and you say that it's not a good solution because it may not be the actual problem

Sourav Ghosh

@Kepotx point

@Kepotx Right, yesterday we had a same situation

where OP resfused to listen to any advice

Kepotx

Also, it's truer on other SE network such as SE, but OP is not the only one to have this kind of problem, so a solution can be helpful to other people. Therefore, even if it won't help OP because OP refuse a particular answer/advice, it can help someone else facing a similar problem

Richard U

13:10

Ah, Fattie is gone for a vacation eh, no surprise. It seems the only one speaking bluntly who hasn't gotten one is Kilisi.

Kilisi stays out of the comments. Kilisi stays out of trouble. Be like Kilisi

motosubatsu

@RichardU there's a difference between speaking bluntly (such as Killisi) and speaking egocentric drivel (such as Fattie)

Richard U

@motosubatsu yes, the difference is tone. But tone is not content. Fattie does post good answers, if you look past the... showmanship? There's good advice in many of his posts.

motosubatsu

@RichardU he does post the occasional gem of an answer certainly.. but when he's in one of his omnipresent phases there's reams and reams of unsalvagable junk

and much of it is essentially LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

avazula

@motosubatsu "I'm Mister Meeseeks!"

motosubatsu

@avazula haha :)

Richard U

13:20

@motosubatsu that's what the down-votes are for. Basically, he rubs people the wrong way. So do I. Maybe it's because I'm an old fart dating all the way back to BBS sites and the USENET, but we always ignored the attention wh, ooops, forgot the word is VERBOTEN.

Mister Positive

@avazula I am Mister Positive :-)

Greetings all

avazula

@MisterPositive Ooh, first time here, heh?

lol

Richard U

@MisterPositive Greetings. I'm crafting an answer for Kilisi's answer on Meta.

avazula

How are you people?

Mister Positive

I am doing great. Stupid cold is about kicked.

Richard U

13:22

@avazula my psychiatrist says that I suffer from significant tendencies towards sociopathy due to past trauma.

avazula

@MisterPositive yay! congrats

Richard U

but other than that, I'm fine

avazula

@RichardU oh no! Do they (or you) know what triggered the trauma?

Richard U

@avazula years of bullying, abuse, ostricization, et cetera. Due to that I cannot make more than superficial emotional connections to people. We're working on that though.

avazula

@RichardU i hope things will get better. I wouldn't be surprised to be diagnosed with difficulties to truly connect to people if I were to see a psychologist. Which I don't

Richard U

13:27

@avazula yeah, the autism made it hard to connect to people to begin with, and what I've gone through in this life is enough nightmare fuel to make my psychiatrist wonder why I haven't gone on a rampage. The simple answer to that is I don't care enough to do so.

I've also been doing enough NLP, and other things to substitute positive for negative. The quotes by Nietzsche and Coolidge are essentially my life's philosophies.

avazula

@RichardU I somehow recognize myself in what you're saying. One day I had a chat with a friend and we ended up talking about the trauma stuff that has happened to us throughout our lives. When I was done with mine, she just said "If I were in your shoes, I'd have turned to a basic b****". We could be gold for therapists I guess, except that for most of it I feel it's behind me already :p

Richard U

It is my understanding that a person who goes through significant trauma can break one of two ways. Either you want to see the world burn for letting it happen to you, or you want to make sure that you do everything you can to keep it from happening to someone else.

@avazula one thing that kept me out of the mental ward was I ticked off the long list of things I was dealing with, then stopped, looked at him and said "I guess, given the circumstances, I'm not doing that bad." He thought it to be an accurate assessment and decided that I did not need inpatient therapy.

@avazula perhaps the most fruitless argument anyone has ever used towards me is "How would you feel if...."

avazula

@RichardU because chances are that you've already been through what they're about to make you imagine?

Sourav Ghosh

@avazula ..and they are only making you remember those.

avazula

@SouravGhosh true... that's bad.

Richard U

13:49

@avazula actually, to me, it's more like someone with a hangnail complaining to an amputee about how they can't use their hand.

avazula

@RichardU ahah, right. I learned through the pass of time that our suffering aren't marked on our faces and that most people have no idea, which is why they bluntly assume such things about others

Richard U

@avazula which is why I find it highly amusing or annoying (depending on my mood) to get called "privileged", by people who haven't gone through half of what I have. I can say that with a fair degree of confidence that they have not, because I rarely see that term used by those not engaging in severe psychological projection.

I know people who have had it far rougher than I have, including a man from Africa who suffered such severe torture, that his right arm is permanently useless. For some strange reason, I never heard him complain about microagressions.

Mister Positive

@RichardU You may want to consider breaking your answer into an answer and a question. You ask a question at the end that may warrant its own answer thread ( versus answers in comments ) -- FWIW

Richard U

@MisterPositive good Idea, I will.

avazula

14:05

@RichardU "for some strange reason" lol. AFAIK the more you've been through the less likely you are to complain about such things

Richard U

@avazula yes, I find that I'm often perceived as being a monster because I can't get upset about unkind words, when I've personally witnessed human cruelty, and it's after affects on a level that would rather have not. So, I guess it is true that I cannot empathize with someone suffering from such indignities as being kicked about as microagressions, when I've dealt with people who have suffered physical and psychological torture. I simply can't relate to those grievances.

avazula

@SouravGhosh I have a T shirt from that avatar

Sourav Ghosh

@avazula Cool. :)

avazula

@RichardU Erh ... I'm on the other side of the spectrum for that, I'd rather feel deeply hurt by any word that seems to question or attack me. I'm (very sadly) incapable of welcoming critique.

Richard U

@avazula well, I can actually relate better than you think. I can't empathize for the people who say "poor me", but I can for those who get combative. I can get combative if I feel I am being attacked. I've gone far too far in responses in the past.

I was dealing with a workplace bully, and got into his head and hurt him in retaliation, badly. That's the thing about having gone through these things, you learn how to do them. I always try to be measured in response due to that.

Pointy Haired Boss

14:43

0

Q: What is the standard for mods stepping in and deleting posts?

Inspired by the discussion on THIS QUESTION The answer deleted had a +17 and -21 for a total of -11 The following answers, by the same user, were rated as low, if not not lower What should I do about discriminatory notes on candidates' resumes made by my boss? How can I push back against a bo...

discussion

Sourav Ghosh

15:12

anyone understand what is this?

is contract legal at this point

motosubatsu

@SouravGhosh I think they might be asking if the contract is legally binding at this point, but even if I'm right we simply don't have enough context to answer that

Sourav Ghosh

@motosubatsu OK, so it's not only me, the question is unclear in general....

motosubatsu

@SouravGhosh yeah.. I suspect a language barrier might be in play somewhere

I've cast the final VTC and left a comment to see if we can get the OP to come back and clear things up a little

Richard U

15:29

It does look like they didn't finish the question, it's closed now.

avazula

@motosubatsu do you guys have a lot of users who seem to just post a question and then never come back to add clarifications / comments / accept an answer?

motosubatsu

15:45

@avazula yeah pretty common

avazula

@motosubatsu that's sad

motosubatsu

it's not quite as bad as say Mechanics SE but it happens rather a lot

avazula

@motosubatsu TBH I didn't read all the answers I got from my TWP questions after they hit HNQ, because I didn't feel I was strong enough to see the controversial points people would raise at me and make me feel like a bad person

motosubatsu

@avazula which is a shame.. but totally understandable

avazula

@motosubatsu I know haha

If that reassures you it also happened with some of my IPS questions

Especially one of them where I asked how to tell my coworkers to stop threatening LGBT people during work time

People were like "you have no right towards other people's opinions"

I was like "I just wanna work in a quiet environment"

motosubatsu

15:53

the big pitfall of questions hitting HNQ can be that you get a load of randomers coming in and throwing their two (monopoly) cents in

avazula

Exactly

motosubatsu

your two TWP questions attracted an element of that.. but fortunately you got some good answers as well (both questions' accepted answers are good ones IMO)

avazula

@motosubatsu Yes, I feel that way as well :)

motosubatsu

personally I can't stomach IPS any more.. I just find it way too hostile an environment

avazula

I should admit I rather quickly accepted those answers also to stop the incoming stream

@motosubatsu That's ... a strange one. I don't feel very well on TWP because I'm impressed by the specialists we have around and the speed at which they answer

motosubatsu

15:56

@avazula nothing wrong with that.. they were good answers :) I actually didn't bother answering either because others had already said what I would :)

@avazula there are some erm.. prominent users on IPS who loathe me for some reason

Gregory Currie

@RichardU You there?

Richard U

@GregoryCurrie I am always here

4

avazula

@motosubatsu Oh, I chose them (as) wisely (as I could) :)

Gregory Currie

Just want you to know that i didn't actually downvote your answer, I was just trying to head off you and the other dude going off at each other.

motosubatsu

@avazula TWP has some very, very knowledgeable people on it - and they can be very quick off the mark. It's mainly a function of the sheer size of the site I guess

avazula

15:59

@motosubatsu Yeah, I observed that tendency with you and some other TWP high rep users

Gregory Currie

Which kinda backfired, cause now @Ertai87 thinks I downvoted their post.

No biggie ;)

avazula

@motosubatsu I think too :)

Richard U

@GregoryCurrie oh, that's a long standing mess that has been going on for some time, no worries

:D

motosubatsu

@avazula haha.. you flatter me :) I wish I could come close to the genius of people like JoeStrazzare! And no matter how fast I am seemingly Snow always gets there 2mins before me :D

Richard U

@GregoryCurrie you stop gaining any benefits to rep at 20,000 so I'm not irked by anyone DVing me. A few of us get a few mysterious downvotes every day. I just got a bump of +6 because they deleted someone.

@motosubatsu The foodies are coming! The foodies are coming!!!!

@avazula I've given up on trying to answer anything on IPS. Too stressful for me.

Gregory Currie

16:02

@RichardU You got a bump of +6 cause someone got deleted?

motosubatsu

@GregoryCurrie when a user is deleted any downvotes they cast are reveresed

Gregory Currie

That's pretty cool.

motosubatsu

so you get the rep "back"

Richard U

@GregoryCurrie ^^^^^

@GregoryCurrie yep, all sorts of neat things here. Welcome, BTW.

Gregory Currie

@RichardU Thank you. Feels mostly pleasant!

Nofel

16:36

Greetings everyone

Richard U

@Nofel how goes your photography?

Nofel

@RichardU I never did it since long time

Richard U

@Nofel do it again, even if just a hobby

Nofel

@RichardU yea, now I got driver license. I always wanted to go places to do photography

Richard U

@Nofel if you're good, you can make at least as much as a photographer as you can as a programmer

Nofel

16:45

@RichardU check it out photos.app.goo.gl/opRribvFpnYqnuq5A

my first Photograph when I came to uk

and it was from iPhone,

and yea I edited into B&W coz I LOVE B&W

Richard U

@Nofel you've got talent. Go for it!

Nofel

@RichardU photos.app.goo.gl/PC2TCXkGuCdpHWKD9

is close up of photos.app.goo.gl/ZKqjewTWjnJj6eMb7

that some of them.

@RichardU I will restart again, I think I lost my spark for it

sometimes I feel like doing it, that is vert rare.

and my memory card got lost, so i felt heart broken. It has amazing view of London Iconic pictures

and again I was told,u shld sell them online

Richard U

@Nofel you just got the wind knocked out of you. Pick yourself up and start over.

Yes, you should sell them

Nofel

My biggest mistake when I uploaded my few first pics, I was told "lol, ur watermark is too big"

I am very sensitive

I took it off and never again put it back

Richard U

@Nofel never give much attention from people too timid to chase their own dreams. They soothe their own feelings of inadequacy by tearing down those who do.

Nofel

16:56

@RichardU photos.app.goo.gl/uVNao662Kbnze5ow7 that is from a moving car

and these are just photos from iPhone

It takes a lot to come back up

Richard U

yeah... get back to work as a photographer. Follow your bliss.

Nofel

after getting knocked down. Once I hired a model, a person I was dating was going do the makeup n provide studio and on shoot day, that person ditched me coz the model was all over me. so model wanted her money and I got some crap shots of her with her own crappy makeup

Nofel

17:16

@RichardU I got so much on my mind TBH

I do not see jobs related to me

I slip into panic mood but I try to stop it again n again

yes my knowledge is transferable to React (it is everywhere) but all they ask commerical exp of react which I do not

Either I can slip my way in, like fake it till I make it

or learn and do my own projects (even then I do not have commerical exp)

Richard U

@Nofel another book suggestion: "What color is your parachute"

Nofel

@RichardU the book I need is how to speak up to ppl who r loud, disrespectful or overstepping

sometimes my inner person wanna scream out to ppl who step over boudries.

Richard U

@Nofel ah, that would be Richard U's book on "How to be an asshole, and influence people"

Nofel

speaking of recruiters as well as family or friends

@RichardU haha, where can I find one.

Richard U

@Nofel actually, any book on "assertiveness training" would do you well.

Nofel

17:28

Being at home I can do 5% of what I do

studying books, focus uniterrupted.

and some arse in family comes n r so loud that I cannot say and they cannot see they r in someone else house

I had to tell my wife to tell them to control the noise

I wanna be that myself

be rude enough coz that person wont understand "how to behave in someone else house"

Richard U

@Nofel "Excuse me, I need to get things done. Please be quiet, or leave"

Nofel

@RichardU I want to but cannot, just thinking and walking to someone make my heart ponder so loud that I loose my voice

It has been my problem

and if i do it my voice become aggressive, offensive quickly

bruglesco

@RichardU I'm disenganging now. I didnt mean to devolve into such a long debate.

IDrinkandIKnowThings

18:14

@Nofel You need to practice talking slowly when you get spun up like that

Nofel

19:38

@IDrinkandIKnowThings whats spun

IDrinkandIKnowThings

19:55

@Nofel when you get agressive

Nofel

@IDrinkandIKnowThings I don't thats the thing. my heart ponders too hard If I just think I gonna talk to this person

even just going and speaking to someone at a conference

or office meeting If I have idea and wanna share

I can hear my heart

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