How do you respond to this, without sarcasm?
> Table schema consists of a ‘datetime’ column and 100-200 ‘image’ data type columns.
> Query performance is inconsistent when reading data the ‘image’ data type columns.
> Objective is to provide consistent good query performance, when querying LOB data.

  index_type_desc   alloc_unit_type_desc   index_level   page_count
 ----------------- ---------------------- ------------- ------------
  CLUSTERED INDEX   IN_ROW_DATA                      0       184758
  CLUSTERED INDEX   LOB_DATA                         0      4328705

CREATE INDEX
    p0
ON dbo.Posts
(
    OwnerUserId
);

CREATE INDEX p0 ON dbo.Posts (OwnerUserId);

CREATE INDEX p0
ON dbo.Posts (OwnerUserId);

CREATE DATABASE [🦆🦆]
ON
(NAME = N'🦆🦆_primary', FILENAME = N'/var/opt/mssql/data/🦆🦆_Primary.mdf', SIZE = 128MB, MAXSIZE = 128MB, FILEGROWTH = 128MB)
LOG ON
(NAME = N'🦆🦆_Log', FILENAME = N'/var/opt/mssql/log/🦆🦆_Log.ldf', SIZE = 128MB, MAXSIZE = 128MB, FILEGROWTH = 128MB);

-rw-rw----. 1 mssql mssql  134217728 Apr  5 12:01 🦆🦆_Primary.mdf