10:04 PM
But in a short short story, it's a risky approach because it clutters the reader's path. The key in such a tightly-constrained piece is to eliminate the "depth" elements - in your story, the MC being a popular girl; Noah being an orphan; the MC's father destroying the photos - and let the characters reveal themselves simply through their interactions.
More dialogue! (Characters, like real humans, are most revealing when they open their mouths!). More non-verbal cues (psychologists say that 70% of our communication is non-verbal: e.g. posture, gestures, tone).
Instead of saying X felt sad, describe their teary eyes; instead of being formulaic ("teary eyes"), be subtle ("damp cheek"), or adventurous ("a tear landed on X's shirt, and Y's attention was momentarily drawn to the change in colour of the fabric").
But when you re-read your draft, above all, ask "why's that bit there? What does it add? Is it logical here? Does it contradict anything?".
Hence: a "booming" voice - why? In a library? Or Em twirling a curl: is she flirting with Noah? Of course she is! She's socially savvy and quite conscious of what these little things signify. But does Noah notice?
Does he see the action, and is momentarily distracted by the graceful shape of her finger, the softness of her hair, the languid movement, the (gasp!) sensuality? Or does he notice the action absent-mindedly, and is momentarily distracted by a book in the shelf behind her that hasn't been placed properly?
Anyway, the important thing is to continually hone your craft, becoming more aware of what to eliminate and what to accentuate. I look forward to your next story!