The DMZ

Mark Buffalo

16:00

@silverpenguin go work on it instead of chatting in here

this chat room is reserved as a reward for those who have finished their work >:o

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo lol im pretty sure no one on here does their work! im pretty sure everyone just chills here and pretends their work doesnt exist

Mark Buffalo

nope

most of us do important work

my issue is I finish it too fast

5

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo :< see im so interested in what everyone does! just because this is an info sec room. Yes i also normally finish my work really fast, but this one is a stickler. I have to find out why my linux system is taking 3 minutes to boot and how to fix it with no information in the logs...

Mark Buffalo

DAMMIT WITH THE STARS

Simon

@silverpenguin Did you see my website about my career?

silverpenguin

16:04

@Simon i already fell for it

Simon

@silverpenguin lolololol

silverpenguin

@Simon i was there all innocent and interested. then my trust was hurt and i was left cold and sad by your brutality plus the need to enter my passwords again

most of which are insanly paranoid passwords

Simon

May this be a lesson: do not trust anyone.

Not even your cat Mitten, he's planning something in your back.

David Freitag

I feel like I woke up from a coma

silverpenguin

@Simon i dont have a cat but my house mate is probably planning to kill me... sick of me stealing his DNS and redirecting him to porn every time he tries to google something

Mark Buffalo

16:07

@DavidFreitag Haven't seen you in a bit

Arperum

@MarkBuffalo That's also a surefire way to get me mad. Abuse is not a joke. It's terrible.

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag im more of a tikka massala person .... tumble weed

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo Yeah I caught the plague from a friend of mine. It was a bit touch and go there for a while.

Mark Buffalo

@Arperum Yeah, like all those pedobear jokes on reddit/etc. No idea how/why anyone finds that funny, but I find it disturbing that people can joke about something like that

David Freitag

I keep getting emails from some dude at "LiquidTalent" sounds like someone signed me up to be a porn star.

2

Mark Buffalo

16:09

@DavidFreitag Recruiter?

Arperum

@MarkBuffalo I understand you perfectly. Or rapejokes and other such vile nonsense.

Mark Buffalo

Most of 'em are low quality, and won't stop spamming me for irrelevant jobs. I'm not even looking for one rightnow

@Arperum Yea

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo Yeah but I can't really tell whether it's legit or not. Either way, moved to spam.

Mark Buffalo

If the recruiter has bad English, do not reply

They are extremely useless

and/or phishers

David Freitag

> We currently have a lot of developer opportunities on our platform that I wanted to send your way. I know you might not be in the job market right at this moment, but I wanted to show you a few postings anyway. Check it out -

Sounds kinda legit, but all of the links in the email are for suuuper hipster positions.

silverpenguin

16:11

@DavidFreitag also be carful if you do get an interview and there is a leather couch

David Freitag

@silverpenguin hahaha, nice.

I think I might apply for "Back End Developer" ;]

StackExchange

Developer Compensation: Stack Overflow Doesn't Stack Rank

David Haney on March 7, 2016

Are Developers Good Negotiators?

silverpenguin

I cant even say penetration tester in my house without someone laughing

Stu W

@DavidFreitag or will send you to the type of company that is willing to deal with that recruiter

David Freitag

@silverpenguin Yeah I bet if I said that out loud I would giggle every damn time

silverpenguin

16:14

@DavidFreitag im a backend developer trying to become a penetration tester

Mark Buffalo

Yeah, we don't do stack ranking here

Everyone is valuable.

David Freitag

@silverpenguin You're at the back end, but you say there's no penetration? Sounds like you're having some issues...

Simon

^

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag yup. many issues with back end development there is always an issue with someone getting through a back door

Mark Buffalo

If a stack ranking company asks me to interview, I politely decline. Amazon 3 times, for example.

David Freitag

16:15

What the hell is "Stack Ranking" ?

Mark Buffalo

@DavidFreitag Read the article

@StackExchange @DavidFreitag this one

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo this is the first i ihave ever heard of this and i am infuriated

Mark Buffalo

tldr: they rank employees by a number. if one employee is at the bottom of the list, they get put on PIP/fired

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo At the moment I have a sort of "Stack Ranking" except it is for every employee, not just engineering, and I love it.

Mark Buffalo

even if that employee is good

because someone has to be at the bottom... no matter what

David Freitag

16:17

@MarkBuffalo Okay, that's not cool.

AviD

@MarkBuffalo stank racking

@MarkBuffalo I thought Amazon didnt, but really I shouldnt be surprised

Mark Buffalo

amazon also has a really bad work culture, apparently. if all the horror stories are to be believed

so I don't buy products from them much.

AviD

@MarkBuffalo P.S. even in MS, not all the groups do that. E.g. the Israel group notoriously does not.

silverpenguin

most companys say if you work harder we will pay you more, but what about you pay me more to work harder

AviD

@MarkBuffalo yeah exactly

@silverpenguin no, good companies do not do that

and "most" companies say "work harder or youre fired"

David Freitag

16:20

Ooh wow they added chat popups

I wonder if they changed anything else

Rоry McCune

@DavidFreitag yeah emoji in chat

silverpenguin

@AviD yea you are right :/

David Freitag

@RоryMcCune wut

AviD

@DavidFreitag what do you mean?

Rоry McCune

@DavidFreitag yeah they're totally putting a wide range of emoji into chat

it'll be awesome

silverpenguin

16:21

if anyone is interested this thermometre says its 30 degrees in my neck fat

David Freitag

@AviD I got a window that appeared above my chat box that said "remember the be nice policy" etc

AviD

@DavidFreitag ah that

David Freitag

@RоryMcCune Pfft I already did that

Arperum

@silverpenguin What the hell? Where did this come from?

Mark Buffalo

@silverpenguin weirdo

silverpenguin

16:22

@Arperum i just found a thermometre

Arperum

@silverpenguin so your first reaction to finding a random object is stabbing it into your neckfat?

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo i prefer socially challenged

Mark Buffalo

@silverpenguin That's not all that challenges you

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo Look, man, bra clasps were designed by some sort of evil genius, ok.

Mark Buffalo

@DavidFreitag You can't reach around your back to put them on?

silverpenguin

16:24

@Arperum lol nahhh i was just twillding it like a pen and then i rested it against my self..

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo Nah they've got the ones that latch in the front now

Mark Buffalo

@DavidFreitag and you know this... how? never... never mind

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo ( ͡◉ ͜ ʖ ͡◉)

Matthew

Sometimes, I'm doing work, and tab past this tab, and then I wonder what the hell is going on...

silverpenguin

@Matthew see i think the same thing sometimes, and then i say one thing about a thermometer and i get called a weirdo! pot kettle any one?

Simon

16:26

You Brits and your kettles.

David Freitag

@Matthew Sometimes it's the raw unfiltered contents of my mind.

AviD

hey ontopic for a moment - anybody here experienced with managing MSSQL?

silverpenguin

@Simon do canadians even have fire yet?

David Freitag

@silverpenguin Who needs fire when you have maple syrup?

Matthew

@AviD sa:admin. If it's not sa:admin, don't know.

AviD

16:28

@DavidFreitag Ol' King Clancy?

David Freitag

@AviD wat

AviD

@Matthew pfft. Not quite what I'm asking.

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag i did not consider this, all hopes of fire was thrown out on discovery of syrup, its like cat nip for canadians

David Freitag

@silverpenguin Cat nip, heroin, it's all the same, really.

Rоry McCune

@AviD is that like the old slow legacy version of MongoDB?

David Freitag

16:29

haha

AviD

@RоryMcCune yeah, its not webscale

Mark Buffalo

@AviD hi

Rоry McCune

@AviD hey @kalina AviD needs your help

Mark Buffalo

Microsoft SQL Server?

<=== me

AviD

@MarkBuffalo ah there you are!

Rоry McCune

16:29

@AviD Kalina is a recovering DBA you know

Mark Buffalo

I use all major SQL thingies. SQL Server, MySQL, Oracle.

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo but you love mysql the most right T_T ?

David Freitag

I have some experience with it, but probably not enough to help @AviD

Mark Buffalo

I prefer SQL Server the most

silverpenguin

</3

Mark Buffalo

16:30

and Oracle next

after that, I prefer to beat myself

then I prefer MySQL

AviD

so strange, unspecific issue - alluva sudden the db is running really slowly. Trivial queries are fine, but sometimes it just goes out for coffee.

silverpenguin

@MarkBuffalo please man you are breaking my heart

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo postgresql?

AviD

I tried reindexing all the tables, didnt really help much.

Mark Buffalo

@AviD okay, so... are the queries properly indexed?

David Freitag

16:30

@AviD Memory issues?

silverpenguin

@Matthew silence you

Mark Buffalo

ah

AviD

@MarkBuffalo should be.

@DavidFreitag doesnt look like it.

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Is the DB being queried elsewhere?

AviD

to be clear - not my queries, its a 3rd party app that I'm running.

Mark Buffalo

16:31

Also, it's possible the indexes were deleted, so you can't reindex deleted indexes, unless you recreate the index...

AviD

was fine until just recently.

David Freitag

@AviD You got source?

AviD

@MarkBuffalo no, all on this server, not accessible remotely.

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Is the database accessible online?

ah

AviD

@DavidFreitag not looking to debug the queries - its a db config thing.

Mark Buffalo

16:32

....how are you answering before I send it. FRIGGING KEYLOGGER

Arperum

@silverpenguin Your temperature message was distinctly without any context. The other weirdness tends to have a context.

AviD

hahaha lol

Simon

@AviD Did you reboot?

We're talking about MS here.

AviD

@Simon exactly

Mark Buffalo

@AviD not accessible remotely. is this your own server, or something someone made for you...?

David Freitag

16:32

@Simon Hey I've had linux distros jump the shark in a speed boat before.

silverpenguin

@Arperum I will accept this logic

Mark Buffalo

also, can you view the audit log?

AviD

@MarkBuffalo my own server. installed 3rd party.

Mark Buffalo

also, just because a database isn't online doesn't mean you can't access it through a computer that's internet connected.

AviD

it is a VM - I am starting to be curious if thats the issue, though it wasnt a problem before.

Mark Buffalo

16:33

oh

AviD

@MarkBuffalo nah, sorted - not used elsewhere.

thinking of manually updating statistics - but should be automatic, no?

Rоry McCune

@AviD did you break your checkmarx install again :op

2

AviD

@RоryMcCune yes :$

Mark Buffalo

starring that out of pure spite d:

AviD

didnt wanna say, cuz @MarkBuffalo is cranky at them ;-)

Mark Buffalo

16:35

(-;

AviD

@RоryMcCune actually about to upgrade to v8, looks promising!

(but this is not because of that)

David Freitag

@MarkBuffalo being cranky? Nooooo...

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Oh it definitely looks promising. If you can use it

Rоry McCune

@AviD coolio :)

AviD

dya think I should update stats manually?

try shrinking the db / files?

David Freitag

16:36

So what exactly is checkmarx?

AviD

@DavidFreitag static code analysis

David Freitag

@AviD And you need SQL server for that?

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Try this: execute sp_MSforeachdb DROP TABLE ?

3

AviD

@DavidFreitag optional, but best setup

Mark Buffalo

NO DON'T DO THAT

DON'T DO THAT. I'M JOKING

AviD

16:37

@MarkBuffalo damn you

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo More spaces...

AviD

was close ;-)

Mark Buffalo

@AviD wait, you almost tried it? L:-|

I'm sorry.

AviD

@MarkBuffalo well I started copying it, then noticed as my mouse passed the command....

cool to know about that sp though!

Mark Buffalo

oh my goodness

Yeah, you can do a lot of things with that

Matthew

16:38

update important_records set data=' '

TildalWave

Whoa 1,500 messages since morning on a... Monday?

David Freitag

@TildalWave I brought a crate of caffeine pills

AviD

@MarkBuffalo I would always do manual cursor via systables or information_schema. this is a great shortcut

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Let me show you something

AviD

@MarkBuffalo is it nsfw

Mark Buffalo

16:39

ok, so... let's take a basic query

David Freitag

@AviD No, but I definitely wouldn't do it in public.

Mark Buffalo

SELECT * FROM [table] WHERE [something] = 'something'

Simon

MUCH QUERY, VERY DATA FETCHING, W0W

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Do you have SQL Server Management Studio?

Open it

AviD

@MarkBuffalo ofc

Matthew

16:40

Click the button marked "Delete all tables", then the button marked "Yes"

Mark Buffalo

@AviD ok, open a sql worksheet. type in your query

or paste it. any query

but it has to be a query that matches your database

Matthew

except the one from above

Mark Buffalo

it has to be a real one

Simon

Finally, do the pls dance.

Mark Buffalo

now, instead of running that query... display the execution plan

Let me find the icon/menu thing

David Freitag

16:41

@Simon Yesterday, I was driving home, I was at a stop light and I noticed a kid standing on the sidewalk. All of a sudden the kid starts sprinting, and he jumps and headbuts a sign with what looked like a lot of force. He landed and staggered backwards throwing his hands up like "U WOT M8"

Mark Buffalo

I don't have mssql here

silverpenguin

Simon

@DavidFreitag wat_wat

David Freitag

I literally died laughing.

Mark Buffalo

@AviD So, you want to check this

166

Q: How do I obtain a Query Execution Plan?

In Microsoft SQL Server how can I get a query execution plan for a query / stored procedure?

David Freitag

16:42

I had to pull over I started coughing so bad

Mark Buffalo

@AviD You may be missing an index for one query. so you'll have to make one. The execution plan will help with that... you right click an item with a missing index and choose, "build index" or something

AviD

yeah?

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag not as funny as your story, but just reminded me... i got my car cleaned the other day to look all fancy for a bussiness meeting... the first 5 minutes of driving the biggest lump of horse shit ever flew out of a truck and hit my car... I was so upset i had to laugh to stop my self from crying

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Yes, so then it will run the query and tell you where the index is missing

And it should hopefully solve your issue...

David Freitag

@silverpenguin That reminds me, I got pidgeon-bombed this weekend.

Mark Buffalo

16:44

let me download ssms

AviD

@MarkBuffalo hmm, worth checking, but I dont think thats the issue.

queries and indexes were fine, db's shouldnt just drop indexes.

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag pigeons attacked your car with their poop?

AviD

indices?

Mark Buffalo

@AviD if a query is not running quickly, most of the time you have an index issue. and your web app code can drop an index occasionally... or it could be MISSING an index to begin with

David Freitag

@silverpenguin Yup, one extremely precise drop. Right on the driver's side door handle.

silverpenguin

16:44

@DavidFreitag i love how people are having a serious conversation while we side convo about poop

AviD

@MarkBuffalo pretty sure its an ops thing.

Mark Buffalo

@AviD If you are running a new query (different query than usual), and it's slow... it's because of indexing most likely.

David Freitag

@silverpenguin Side conversations about poop are best side conversations.

AviD

no new queries though.

and they were fine before.

Mark Buffalo

did you update the web app?

AviD

16:45

trying to remember what happened right before it stopped working right.

@MarkBuffalo not yet.

Matthew

@AviD Any tables got bigger, so the indices don't fit in memory anymore?

AviD

@Matthew hmm. this is possible.

silverpenguin

@DavidFreitag if we combine the conversation DROP FROM pigeons WHERE hole="poop"

AviD

dont think so, but that is worth checking.

Mark Buffalo

@Matthew But how big would this have to be...?

silverpenguin

16:46

now thats one statement that can never be sanitized

Mark Buffalo

I had a indexed database with 4tb of records... only 16gb of ram. didn't have any issues with indexes

AviD

@MarkBuffalo yeah I dont have anything that big.

Mark Buffalo

3.48 billion unique records

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo Depends how much you're indexing, how much memory you have, and how much memory is allowed to the system

Simon

I want to dedicate my 2000th pls to you, lads.

David Freitag

16:47

@MarkBuffalo Swap FTW

AviD

it really depends, what you're indexing...

Simon

chat.stackexchange.com/search?q=pls&user=79519&room=151

Soon it'll show 2k.

Matthew

I had a DB with 500 billion records, and that was a bugger to index...

David Freitag

I have a DB with like 12 records... so there...

Mark Buffalo

@Matthew I admit defeat. What happened here?

silverpenguin

16:48

@Simon i have only said manatee < 24 times... i have a long way to go

Mark Buffalo

What was it about?

AviD

I thought for a while that it might be some unreleased locks somewhere - but a system restart should have sorted that. right?

Matthew

@DavidFreitag Do you avoid indexing, and remember what is in each row?

Simon

@silverpenguin It's hard to talk about something so fugly very often.

silverpenguin

@Simon funny i have said your name a few times

David Freitag

16:49

@Matthew I have it all ~~written down~~ backed up on a slightly soiled napkin.

silverpenguin

BOOM

AviD

@Simon wouldnt want your mom to feel neglected though, so tell her I said hi!

Simon

@silverpenguin PLS

2l8 ovid

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo Oh, SEO company. Links DB... Every link on every page of a whole pile of pages, mostly of dodgy SEO juice...

AviD

@Simon pls, thats how you do it right.

Mark Buffalo

16:49

@Matthew ewww

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo Yeah

Mark Buffalo

@Matthew I write SEO protection stuff o;

On occasion

David Freitag

@Matthew I read that as "dodgy CEO juice"

Matthew

@MarkBuffalo Yeah, this was detecting pages that would be flagged as dodgy by Google etc. I can't remember why...

Simon

@AviD Stop being mean to da new guy.

AviD

16:51

you're not so new anymore.

Simon

DA NEW GUY

YOU SAID HE'S NOT DOING IT RIGHT

I can't believe that my 2000th pls got literally 0 celebration.

I'll remember this lads, I'll remember this.

Mark Buffalo

horray, horray, for Simon's double-k pls. everyone celebrate

Matthew

@Simon It doesn't appear to have registered in your search

Mark Buffalo

and install checkmarx

silverpenguin

Simon

16:53

@Matthew It takes a few minutes to update.

silverpenguin

for @Simon

Simon

@silverpenguin pfffffffttttttttttttt

Matthew

@Simon Ah!

Simon

@AviD ovid pls can you buy me this vinyl as a late bday gift pls#2: discogs.com/Paul-Birken-Expelled-Voltage-EP/release/1975419 ????

AviD

@Simon hmm, not clicking that.

Simon

16:56

-.- IT'S DISCOGS

Mark Buffalo

@AviD It's NSFL

AviD

you almost got me there.

Simon

YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT VINYLS FFS YOU SUCK IRL

Mark Buffalo

really grotesque website with horrifying pictures

Simon

.

Iszi

16:57

That reminds me... Anyone else notice B&N is suddenly selling vinyl?

Simon

wadfuk is b n n

Mark Buffalo

@Simon Badism and Nachoism.

Iszi

bn.com

AviD

hmm @MarkBuffalo now I'm thinking it might be a problem with the compatibility level?

4

Q: MS SQL Server CPU load goes up dramatically when turning on 2014 features by setting compatibility level

I'm running some Microsoft SQL Server 2014 load testing on a decently spec'ed machine. I'm certainly not an expert on the SQL Server tuning specifics, but with the bits an pieces I've gathered from various places I think the setup is quite OK. One element in the performance does puzzle, hence I'...

sql-server performance sql-server-2014

Simon

oszi is dat sfw

AviD

16:58

@Iszi NOT CLICKING THAT OZZY

Mark Buffalo

@AviD Are you using 2014?

AviD

@MarkBuffalo yeah

Mark Buffalo

ok, so give it a try

Iszi

Should I make this my new gravatar?

Mark Buffalo

@Iszi It's better than your default SE ugliness

Ohnana

16:59

guys, B&N is a fucking bookstore

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