lɪŋˈgwɪstɪks

Tames

02:05

Hi

hey @Cerberus

are you there?

Cerberus

Hi!

How are you?

Tames

how are you?

hahah

Cerberus

Heh.

Tames

fine! long time no see you

Cerberus

I had to comfort two friends tonight.

One has just been dumped.

Tames

02:06

what happend?

ohh

Cerberus

The other had a mental breakdown about her job and life in general.

I also had a hangover and not much sleep. So now I'm a little bit tired.

Fun story, huh?

Tames

sad

Cerberus

Yeah.

Tames

do you think she will be alright?

Cerberus

Yes, for now at least. I told her she urgently needed a break.

She is completely stuck (or so she thinks) on her thesis.

Tames

02:08

have you ever thought about being a psychologist? I think you have some vocation to it

Cerberus

Heh.

I don't know, it seems a bit...exhausting.

I guess it is less so if you're helping a stranger.

Tames

it can be, the thing is, without some theoretical background, we get more worned out about other people's problems

because we identify too much, you know

like feeling what the other person is feeling

or we put effort in things that really won't be effective

but I guess, willing to help is the major step, but we must know our limitations

Cerberus

Yes, I cannot help but identify with my friends.

Tames

you seem to be a good friend

you helped me many times, even if you didn't know or barely knew me

sometimes people only need someone to talk to, but not everyone is willing to do such a "simple" thing

it is not that simple, really

Cerberus

True.

Tames

02:15

it is not that simple, really

don't know what is going on here in the chat, kind of getting a lag

Cerberus

It is also true that people can be looking for two completely different things, which are to some degree mutually exclusive: 1.) sympathy, 2.) a solution.

Sometimes you need to be sensitive and give people what they want; at other times you need to give them the sympathy that they didn't ask for, or push them to look into a solution more instead of wallowing.

Tames

i think people always want the sympathy,

but sympathy is just not simply saying "I know what you feel", because usually this isn't true

and many times people don't want a solution, as strange as this may sound

because usually this involves some kind of change, and change is never easy

Cerberus

It mostly consists of letting them talk, telling them their emotions are not crazy, and making them feel that you understand their situation.

@Tames Exactly. And it also fails to recognize how terrible their situation is, making them feel incompetent or unreasonable.

Tames

sometimes people will keep doing whatever they do, even if it feels bad, but they know what it is, the unknown can be more scary then the bad known

Cerberus

That, too.

And when you're feeling unhappy and miserable, you're not exactly in an active mood, not very ready for some kind of initiative.

Those take energy.

Tames

02:22

specially in relationships, even things that at first are obviously wrong are interpreted as a good thing underneath,

Cerberus

As in "he hits me, so he must love me"?

Tames

as... hate is better than indifference, when it comes from someone you love

indifference is unbearable

Cerberus

Yes.

Tames

complicated

Cerberus

Pity can also be unbearable from someone you love.

Tames

02:24

yes.. pity too is awful

and there are so many weird things people call "love",

I myself really don't know anymore what love is

I thought I knew

I guess it is better to be doubtful

we get blinded by certainty

anyway, sometimes when people feel bad, they just need to experience it, go to the bottom of it, only then they can move on

Cerberus

Yes.

But this friend broke down over the same issue last week.

She really needs a break from this thesis.

Tames

is she the depressive type?

Cerberus

Yes.

But in this case it was not depression.

It was accumulated stress and a sense of failure.

Tames

how bad was she? some people we really need to worry about, you know

Cerberus

I think pretty bad.

Tames

02:29

some people are mildly depressed all their lives, and in times of great stress, they may get a major breakdown

if you care about her you should give her some consistent support over some time

Cerberus

She is like that, but her break-down is not the same as her depressive fits.

Tames

is she very lonely?

Cerberus

She may get a depressive fit after this.

Not very.

She has friends.

Tames

does she do some kind of psychotherapy?

take meds?

Cerberus

No.

I gave her a pill, though.

Tames

02:31

what did you give her??

Cerberus

To calm her down.

It is.

Tames

:/

Cerberus

And she couldn't get any worse anyway.

Yeah.

Tames

well, you should watch for her.. if it is the case I think you should encourage her

to see a professional

Cerberus

It is not easy to convince someone to do that.

Least of all her.

I don't think I can act any differently.

Tames

02:39

well, just think about it

Cerberus

There is nothing more I can do.

Tames

I know it is not easy

Cerberus

I once watched a series of videos of a guy who had social anxiety.

It was fascinating.

(My friend doesn't have that.)

He recorded all his ups and downs.

And the exercises he did to try and get over it.

First walk around the block.

That was hard for him already.

Then go to a near-by park and walk around, in plain sight of people, and talk to the camera.

Etc. etc.

Tames

sometimes people have occasional problems, but sometimes the underlying cause has a very long history and as such the treatment is not always obvious, like some exercise that anyone could do

some psychologies are a bit like that, a single solution for everyone,

Cerberus

Yes.

Tames

02:45

sometimes they help, sometimes they help only temporarily, and sometimes they fail bigtime

Cerberus

I don't think she has any specific issue.

She just needs to avoid long periods of stress at all cost.

OK I see.

I believe you told me something about that.

Yeah that's bad.

Tames

people need some kind of structure, so they gain some autonomy

Cerberus

Yes.

Tames

without that, the only constant is instability

Cerberus

But, hey, it is almost 5 am already...

Tames

02:50

are you going to sleep?

Cerberus

Yeah.

I'm very tired.

Tames

ok, so sleep well

take care, Cerb

nice talking to you

Cerberus

I wish you a good and stressless night!

Tames

hhaha

thanks!

I'll study some philosophy ;)

Cerberus

Very good!

Bye!

Tames

02:52

bye bye

Alenanno

10:53

Hey there @Cerberus and @Tames

Your convo is full of removed lol

Alenanno

11:19

What do you think about this?

linguistlist.org/LL/WRs/user_input_wr.cfm?WRTypeID=261

What category do we belong to here?

linguistlist.org/LL/WRs/user_input_wr_all.cfm

Otavio Macedo

11:48

@Alenanno I think that question the CogSci folks suggested does belong here.

@Alenanno I think "society" is closer to what we are.

Cerberus

12:10

Hi.

Alenanno

@OtavioMacedo Why society?

Otavio Macedo

12:49

@Alenanno Well, none of them seems to descbribe exactly what we are.

Society seems close, though.

Linguistic Blogs could be another option.

Alenanno

13:23

@OtavioMacedo I thought about it...

I sent them an email.

Otavio Macedo

Ok.

Stack Exchange

17:29

0

Q: Linguistic idiomaticity in different languages

I've been reading this article about linguistic idiomaticity, and there's a good research on English idioms and indirect speech, in general. Of course, different languages expose different amount of indirection. My first assumption was that isolating languages would be more idiomatic than synthe...

comparative-linguistics

Tames

23:40

@Alenanno so how come you get to read things we deleted?? there really isn't any form of privacy in this chat room! lol

@Alenanno btw, thanks for inviting me the other day, but when I got the message it was too late

@Cerberus do you know anything about the term "reality"? I mean.. the origin, history, when did it come to have the current meaning? as I saw in an etymology dictionary, it was a legal term initially

I'm trying to figure out whether the ancient greeks had some term for this, if it would be the same as "existence". Any information you can give me on this subject would be very much appreciated

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