You don't have to attend any event outside of your work - it merely means you're free to attend if you'd like to.

Is it possible that your views could have been shaped by the Sputh African culture? How long have you lived there?

@Anthony My whole life

Just because work provides free lunches doesn't mean you have to eat lunch with your coworkers. Many companies have a large cafeteria where you can pick up food buffet style, and have tables and chair to set down and eat your meal. The only difference between "free" and "non-free" is whether you have to pay for the food. Whether you eat lunch alone or together depends on the culture in the company, not whether it's free or not.

"Should I just get over it" - definitely. Nobody is going to make you eat a free lunch. Nobody is going to force you to talk about personal issues with colleagues. Nobody is going to force you to build a personal relationship with anybody. You appear to be completely new to a professional workplace, since your views seem rather unusual. My advice is to give a normal working environment a chance, or instead choose a company that lets you work from home by yourself.

I used to think similarly (though not as pronounced). I changed my view, because when you are really serious about your work, you realize that you will spend a big part of your life there with your colleagues. So everybody should feel comfortable there, this will also be good for moral and productivity.

Not completely on topic but if there's a particular negative experience in your mind at a prior company/school, remember that "company cultures" can vary a lot. I have had some jobs where I made great friends, we got a lot done, and we all had a great time. I've had other jobs where the environment was very unpleasant, and it was tiring just to get through the day. You may find that a change of team will make things much easier.

added summary, feel free to edit

As someone who actually behaves that way at my current workplace I still roll my eyes at "It is not a game to me, it is very important. This may come off as impersonal or rude, but it is actually because I respect the people I work with, that I have the desire to keep the working relationships to a standard of professional I personally do not believe you when you say that. I do it because I don't want to hear about their lives which can get uncomfortable due to their personalities and life circumstances. To me, your reason sounds like a fake (and weak) reason to hide the real reason.

@jrh yes there has been some times when children have acted innapriotely towards me and this has made personal boundaries a bit of an issue for me

The advice you need is to loosen up a bit and be more friendly. You can share a lunch with coworkers and not get too personal. You will have a very difficult career if you intend on not being personable and give everyone the cold shouldar.

many free lunches i have had after an interview are just an extension of the interview. where they are testing people skills (even tho i was a software engineer). but also they ask other questions because in a less formal setting the interviewee may have his guard down or answer more candidly for whatever reason.

Being on friendly terms with coworkers is building network which is also part of your career. This will land you jobs later if you do it right, while make your daily life nicer in the mean time. I think you should reconsider your mindset.

"Years of preparation to get to the point where you can do Web development" seems like a red flag and misunderstanding how software development actually gets done. Once your career progresses beyond the entry-level stage, you will probably be spending less than 50% of your time actually "writing code," and maybe as little as 20%. The rest of your working time will be interacting with other people.

Do you have autism? Honestly sounds like you need to see a therapist or something. I say this as an introvert who doesn't really socialize much at work: if "how was your weekend" or occasionally eating lunch with others poses a dilemma for you, it WILL hinder your professional growth

It's fine to not develop personal relationships or friendships with co-workers. But you should make at least a minimal effort in being polite and friendly, or else you will come off as cold and impolite. Developing appropriate relationships with your co-workers is very important as it makes it much more likely that they will enjoy working with you. In particular, while getting lunch with your co-workers is not required, it will definitely seem strange after a while if day after day you eat alone while everyone else is together (unless there is a reason). You'll also miss work-related talk.

Lots of comments here about the value of attending lunches and the social interactions there; I agree. But nearly all places I've worked that have free lunches - mainly startups, but a couple of others too - it was ok to skip them sometimes or even all the time. And I did skip them - rather frequently. I just ate out a lot at local fast foot places I enjoyed, never had to make an excuse. I can imagine there are some startups where that isn't acceptable. I personally avoid any place that touts their foosball table, video game room, or snowboarding weekends, where "we're all together!"

You mention a couple of times to about adhering to what your definition of professional is, but you never actually say what that is. I hope you realize that hiding behind some vague self-elevating concept and not just being honest can make you appear hostile. Most people are pretty forgiving of someone just being self-admittedly weird, but not for someone who acts unfriendly and then passes it of as vague notion of professionalism and respect. At one place, people accepted that me giving people rides or touching my desk caused me personal distress (OCD about dust and residue at the office).