@doppelgreener 🙌🏻

a girl i liked OD'd last night

I feel so guilty. if i checked in on here just a day sooner she would've been fine but i left her alone and now shes hurt

i need some kind of advice from someone

@NautArch please don't ping me

That really heavy, but I can't give great advice... It sounds like you're feeling guilty when you shouldn't... Who knows you could have check and she still might have OD'd

@AncientSwordRage i'm sorry for putting this on you aswell

It's cool, had a team member at work die recently

@Catofdoom2 You have been asked not to do that before. I am just asking you again.

Stuff like this happens I guess 😥🤷🏻‍♂️

@NautArch please don't ping me

It sucks, it's sad, but it's not all on you

@AncientSwordRage it's not my death i fear tbh i fear everyone else dying

@Catofdoom2 I know you're going through stuff right now but please do respect the room owners here when they ask you nicely

Cat, I'm not sure what you're going for here, but acting this way isn't friendly or helpful.

@Catofdoom2 Yeah that's natural

I get that

@AncientSwordRage i feel so alone

@Catofdoom2 I bet, and it sucks, but things 100% get better

I've had my low points but things have a way for working out in my experience

@AncientSwordRage how long will it take?

how many will die?

@AncientSwordRage he's the one that messages me

I can't say, but no matter what you'll make it through

The first time it happens it kind of breaks your brain

@AncientSwordRage it isn't the first time though

it was just so long ago that all of this happening in high school is scary

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Yeah, past trauma resurfacing sucks

@Catofdoom2 you'll adjust I've got confidence in you

i thought i was ready for it

That's exactly how you feel before it happens, right? Except no body can predict exactly how it'll feel

When my granddad passed away I had a long time (10+ years) to adjust... People passing suddenly isn't something anybody can handle easily

And if it looks like they have, it's likely they're either not showing how much they're struggling or it just hasn't hit them yet

i knew the numbers and the ratio and i was aware that sucide and self-harm is common here but it didn't make me ready

@NautArch why are you messing with stuff?

I did not feel a need for it in this chat and felt it was better suited in Dragons.

@Catofdoom2 the brain is great at compartmentalising numbers and statistics but things actually happening is different

cute

This quote always comforts me.. like as prepared as you are, stuff can just happen outside of your control

@AncientSwordRage i knew it would happen. if i only i knew more. if i knew it would be her maybe it would be better

And not because you made a mistake

Cat, i know you're upset, but please do not antagonize anyone in this chat - include the room owners. If you're upset, it's better to step away than to keep poking.

@Catofdoom2 you knew it might happen, but you couldn't have predicted who or when.... That's not your fault

@NautArch i didn't do anything you started spamming me and i asked to refrain from doing so

I need to head off soon

okay

Cat, I didn't spam you. I sent you one message repeating a previous request. I'm also going to step away from this issue and ask another Mod/Room owner to take over (@AncientSwordRage, @Someone_Evil)

I think what Nautarch did was good, it keeps everything in one place

@AncientSwordRage really?

Yeah

@AncientSwordRage (: okay

Pinging everybody/people in chat often is like walking into a bar and shouting "HEY IS SO-AND-SO HERE"

@AncientSwordRage lol

And maybe they are at the bar, but maybe they aren't up for talking right now 🤷🏻‍♂️

@AncientSwordRage okay, that makes more sense

@NautArch I second you in your actions. Doubly on the move. And it seems like ASR is covering things

The red box is around people who spoke recently, but even then I'm not likely to ping them unless I'm responding to something from earlier

(I put the red box there)

@Someone_Evil Would you like to move the new messages or should I?

I'm off! Ciao for niao

@AncientSwordRage message me when you get back

??

@NautArch i'm sorry

@Catofdoom2 No worries - when upset we act upset :) And since I was the target of the upset, i was just trying to remove myself from the equation when passing it on to another mod.

@NautArch Could you? I seem to have several things fix atm :)

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@NautArch i don't like the way that was worded but i think i understand what you're saying

hello you reading this in the future

i'm unaware of what you're searching for but i'll tell you this there is far more scrolling to do if you wish to know all of the story here. somthings lost to time impossible to find are hidden here

@AncientSwordRage are you able to be in here?

@AncientSwordRage i really have no one else right now

it sucks

I'm sorry for your loss :(

@AncientSwordRage i'm sorry for making this your proplem

@AndrasDeak thanks. do i know you?

nope

@AndrasDeak thank you anyways

@AncientSwordRage i'm scared of the real world. i'm struggling in high school and the real world is supposedly harder

@Catofdoom2 Less homework and more taxes.

@GcL you don't have the context my friend

Well, yeah, but telling you about the more difficult parts isn't likely to improve your outlook nor save you from it. Sardonic levity is still honest and not as heavy.

@GcL i don't want to make any assumptions here so i'll ask

how young were you when someone first died in your life?

to memory of course

@Catofdoom2 That I can remember vividly and viscerally? I was in fourth grade... so like 10?

@GcL don't take this as any form of insult but i was 7 and it was my best friend

and life doesn't care to give me a break

@Catofdoom2 Events in your life aren't insulting to me, and it's not taken as a one-upmanship either.

every damn time i get close to someone they are ripped away from me. it gives me happiness just to enjoy watching me suffer when i'm left without it

@Catofdoom2 I like a humanist outlook: The Universe is vast, mostly cold and empty, and does not care about you nor I one bit. The little bit of warmth you're going to find here is from other people and the time you got with them.

sorry, sorry i'm getting to deep into this

@Catofdoom2 That is part and parcel of emotional attachments.

@GcL why do i live? why do i have to watch them suffer? why can't all their pain be mine instead?

@Catofdoom2 Life isn't fair like that.

@GcL all i want is for them to be happy

and safe

and healthy

they always go in such painful ways too

@Catofdoom2 That's a noble desire. You're limited in what you can effect. Do what you're able and recognize that's all you can do.

@Catofdoom2 There are many ends that are that way. For everyone involved.

@GcL she promised me she'd stop self harming

she promised

@AncientSwordRage please comeback soon

@GcL oh

he's playing a game.

I've had self-destructive friends. Not mortally, fortunately. You can't do more than be there for them and hope they will get through.

doesn't make it suck any less

i'm sure it's a prior commitment thing and he's only there becasue he said he would and not avoiding me

@AndrasDeak i want it to stop

@Catofdoom2 That's not a bad plan. Do you have something to play to take your mind partially off things. Something like Tetris or whats that one with shooting bubbles?

@Catofdoom2 none of the mods I see around these parts are the kind of people who would just ignore you. If they don't like what you're doing they'll tell you. It's not about you.

@GcL she overdosed her death hasn't been confirmed. maybe she'll be fine she'll be fine she is fine

yeah she'll be back at school after the break

@GcL right?

@Catofdoom2 the PSE D&D chatroom is for the people in the group, not for others to come in and interrupt the sessions

(please see the relevant room description)

@bobble

@GcL probably?

i didn't mean to enter it but i am unaware of how to leave

so i've been getting notifcations

You can watch, just don't ask to talk in there. Or close the tab.

there's a "leave" link directly under the room description

@bobble sorry, i'll talk to you later maybe?

Why do you need to talk to me at all? You do realize that we're in the middle of a session? And that I have a life outside of here? I'm not going to be available for most of the rest of the day.

@bobble calm down man. i was just being polite

I'm also not a man. sighs This is devolving, I'm outta here. Won't respond to pings for a while unless it's a meta lookup.

Sorry y'all. I'm moving this to dragons.

@GcL should i try to check on her?

thank you

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bobble, I don't know any context, but can't you make the session room gallery only with explicit write access to members in the group? (Don't want to ping for obvious reasons)

@AndrasDeak (it is, cat requested access)

gotcha

all i did was click a link

probably no point in dwelling on it now

@AndrasDeak i'm so confused what i did wrong

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→ 4 messages moved to Trashcan

I'm sorry to hear that. Take care.

:60455418 Cat, I know thing aren't great for you right now, but this is no excuse to come in here like you've been doing. Constant pinging of users and then attacking me is no longer acceptable. Any further instigating remarks will likely result in a kick/ban.

@NautArch i asked you a question and then @Mithical attacked me

No, they did not. And your question was more of an attack. I am not going to participate in this conversation, just giving you the final warning.

i was watching a game then @bobble got mad at me with @Mithical commenting inbetween and being rude

I didn't even recognise Mith with that fancy new (as in new to me) avatar :)

@AndrasDeak Their senses have grown in power, smell and hearing in particular :P

@Catofdoom2 I'm sorry that it came off as being rude. However, I'd invite you to take the next hour or so to let everything settle; emotions are running hot right now. I'd also like to note that the same Code of Conduct applies to chat as well as the main site; it may be worth a scan through.

@Catofdoom2 if you're willing to take feedback from a random stranger who's not involved in anything here: you are in pain, you are angry and frustrated. You have every right to be. But if you antagonise people (even if they are probably strangers to you) you're not doing anyone a favour, yourself included. Getting into arguments will only lead to justified backlash against you, and you'll only feel worse.

Please consider walking away from the keyboard, or at least this chat before moderators will force you to do so.

welp

@ThomasMarkov that explains the facial expression: wine is ugh :P

@AndrasDeak It is. I don't drink IRL :P

same

The image it comes from (swearing at link) caught my eye and I vibed with it.

heh

@Mithical Whoa, I thought the empty bit of the glass was a super long nose in the tiny thumbnail.

heh

Someone actually sent me an email the other day asking where it came from, which was a bit odd.

@Mithical Is the trash you sent those messages to a mod-only trash? I can usually see the stuff that we toss.

it is, yes

ah, that explains it!

But thanks for tossing it, I was just doing the initial moves.

elite trash

Mods are, I mean, have, special trash. :P

fancy trash.

must wear monocle before disposing trash

@NautArch that about sums up my current character

:P

"Would you think less of me if I worked at the town dump?" "The town dump? Yeah. Now the state dump..."

In any case, I didn't want to step on anyone's toes, but I also didn't want to just leave those messages sitting there.

much appreciated.

And fancy trash is a great character concept

very Bender

@NautArch You mean every bard I've ever played?

@ThomasMarkov Bite my shiny magical butt!

@NautArch I've got a really great character concept I want to play. Comes with an extensive backstory and a city's worth of worldbuilding already done for you

@ThomasMarkov is it in the future?

It's adaptable across settings.

It involves an underground revolutionary organization trying to overthrow capitalist overlords led by a mysterious wiseman named Ber'San, which is totally not a portmanteau of Bernie Sanders.

You can try and get the idea into our upcoming microscope game

I wonder if there's blackjack in DnD

@AndrasDeak there's handwaved gambling in the downtime rules in Xanathar's Guide

My very first post on the stack was about a homebrewed bard subclass I made for the campaign, it has some details about the concept

I'll clean that post up and work on a version 2.0

@Catofdoom2 I don't know. If you're close with the family, I would start there. If nothing else, I find writing a letter or card of honest support helpful.

@ThomasMarkov I don't think I can see what you're referencing

unless that question was aimed at someone else

@AndrasDeak I was just linking the post that had some details about the character concept I was talking about

Ah, OK

still no @AncientSwordRage

@Catofdoom2 oh hi

reads chat transcript

what does that mean @AncientSwordRage

Hmmmm, I'm still not completely free to chat, but while I was away it looks like you've upset quite a few of my friends in here

@Catofdoom2 sorry, just getting back to this. what's up

Mitchel was being mean to me

I think the advice to step back from chat for a moment might be good, and to definitely distract yourself with the stream and gaming

who is Mitchel

Mithical

It was Mith... but they weren't mean

oh lmao

@Catofdoom2 it doesn't matter what Mithical* was or wasn't, we don't talk back to people like that here

and this is going to be really short this way

@goodguy5 he kept interupting and jabbing at me

i was ignoring him at first @AncientSwordRage

but he didn't stop

and kept following me through diffrent rooms

They* are a moderator and are expected to keep the peace so to speak

@Catofdoom2 Eh, they are not a "he" and they really weren't, and if you keep antagonising people instead of just moving on you'll find yourself on the wrong end of a longer suspension, alas.

they

what does that mean?

@Catofdoom2 that's it 👍🏻

The only thing people here can give you is sympathy, and you'll get none of that if you start and prolong arguments.

@AndrasDeak i don't want pity i want help

@Catofdoom2 the suspension? That you won't be able to use chat

@Catofdoom2 sympathy isn't pity

But I've said all I could so I'll let the mods sort it out going forward.

@AndrasDeak what mods?

Everyone with a blue diamond.

oh

The help you can be provided with will also be highly limited if you start and prolong arguments

@Catofdoom2 me, Mithical, someone_evil etc

I gotta bounce though, it's dad'o'clock

Good luck.

@goodguy5 roger that

@Someone_Evil i didn't start start anything

@Catofdoom2 that's irrelevant

@Catofdoom2 if somebody asks you to do something here or says something take a moment to make sure you're not angry with them because of what you're going through

Being angry is ok, just don't let that get in the way of talking to people nicely

I can accept that you didn't intent to, but the attitude in response to having things explained were the issue (and whether you want to qualify that as a start or not is completely beside the point).

he litreally moved the messages to trashcan

they knows what he did

We'd all be happy to leave the details behind us. But please pay attention and be respectful when someone explains something to you

@Catofdoom2 They/them pronouns for Mith. You've been told twice now and ignoring that is incredibly disrespectful

@Catofdoom2 if they hadn't I would have. No offence is meant by 'trashcan' it's just a place to put things when we want to move past them

@Someone_Evil i'm not purposful doing it

i'm just typing and then sending

@Catofdoom2 You are choosing the words you write

@Someone_Evil it's not intentional

As someone whose native language doesn't have any gender in its grammar: it's not that hard to pay attention and use the right pronouns.

@AndrasDeak you said you left

No, I said I'll stop trying to help you against your will

i'll try harder but i promise you i'm not doing it intenionally

@AncientSwordRage she's aiive

@AncientSwordRage omg she's hurt but she's alive

@Catofdoom2 now that's great news

And as someone whose native language does have gendered pronouns (and elsewhere), be glad english has gender neutral pronouns which work

@Catofdoom2 that's excellent

@Someone_Evil sssh

eh

@AncientSwordRage i'll be back soon

i need to talk to her

@Catofdoom2 Whenever you're being asked (not) to do something (or otherwise might feel like you're being told off) we're doing it because we want you to learn and very happy for you to do so

And I'm glad your friend is ok

@Someone_Evil at least you've got the ÆØÅ

Weird price to pay

(cf. youtube.com/watch?v=f488uJAQgmw -- ÆØÅ (Size Matters) by Kollektivet) (mild swearing and suggestiveness)

Oh, god. It's from 2012. Stares blankly into space for a moment

hehe

I suppose I now have something to use when trying to tell someone how those are pronounced...

win-win! :D

Going to be afk while I sort dinner... There's a storm coming and I can't tell how bad it might hit.... Wife gets terrified of storms, so may not be back tonight

@AncientSwordRage heey

@AncientSwordRage um, she's angry at me

@AncientSwordRage how do her feelings change so fast?

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Sorry about that, just trying to keep the topic in one room

@Catofdoom2 By the sounds of it, there's a lot of things going on in her life and it can incredibly easy for someone trying to come in and be helpful to cross the line into being annoying

I obviously can't speak for her, but my recommendation would be to be supportive and available, but not intrusive and to allow her time and space to recover

recognising and respecting boundaries set by others would probably help indeed