Long story short. I was in a company for around a year, and I decided to pursue an alternative career path. Upon leaving, in large advance, I gave notice to my boss (I did not have any issues with him) and I kindly asked if he could write me a recommendation letter. He agreed. After the first day...
I believe that my boss did a borderline defamation and shown unethical behavior - He sent it only to you, correct? If so, that's not defamation. If you don't like his letter why don't you just throw it away and get a reference letter from a trusted colleague or ex-colleague?
That is the problem. I don't know if my boss sent that letter to his peers (some of whom are in a similar field of my next job). In any case I will most definetly throw it away
Because I believe that I would give the impression of having a "straw tail", that is I fear I may be misunderstood as "I want to know who you sent it to because the letter tells how crappy I am, and I don't want it to be known"
Venting is out of the question. I would like to make him write a recommendation letter, and if he truly does not have any positive things to say about me, that is fair, he won't write anything
What makes you think that you can make him write a (positive) recommendation letter, after he already wrote a negative letter about you? He is not bound to your demands.
@sf02 That's right. I am not demanding anything. I am simply stating "hey, ex-boss, you did not write a recommendation letter, but a reference letter. A recommendation letter recommends one person, so it should not contain or omit (except illegally bad) bad behavior" If, again, should he have nothing good to say, its a shame, but I am not demanding anythin, just asking!
@TheVal you cannot make anyone say anything good about you. If, for example, you tried it on me, I could write something like "TheVal demonstrates the importance of good hiring practices, and the possibility of hiring someone like him should be discussed with HR immediately. TheVal's coworkers have been eager to comment on his performance, and he demonstrates why good hiring practices are important". At first that may seem innocuous, but I just damned you with faint praise and double entendre. Don't try to get him to do it again.
@TheVal You certainly won't get a better letter, so about the only positive takeaway for anyone will be having the boss learn he shouldn't waste his own time by drafting an obviously unusable recommendation letter. It's completely pointless for the boss to write a bad recommendation letter that you're going to throw in the trash - simply declining the request up front is better for everyone involved. There's really no positive outcome for you at this point, though, so just throw the letter in the trash and move on.
@TheVal That link makes it clear as mud, but even following the distinction in the accepted answer, it seems that if you asked for something for your file and not for a specific position, it is a letter of reference per that definition. Regardless, I think it is a distinction without a difference, or with very little difference. To your specific case, if you go to him and say "I wanted a letter of recommendation, this is a letter of reference," do you think he will say "Ohhhhhhhh, got it! Give me that and I will write a letter that says completely different things."
@Old_Lamplighter This does not make any sense. Why can't anybody say anything good about me, if the whole issue started by a toxic relation with another person? Does all the work and time and sacrifice of one year go to waste just because of a single bad manager?
@Damila I wouldn't put it that way, in fact I asked this question specifically because I do NOT know how to approach my ex-boss about the issue!
@TheVal, one more question then. If he wrote good things, but also some of the true but not flattering things, it would be an honest LOR (you pick which R it is). Would that be acceptable to you?
@Damila I would politely ask to omit any unflattering thing (except extremely bad behavior), because it is out of the scope of a LOR that I aim to. To use an analogy: a recommendation letter is like describing the location of a hotel you'll be staying, usually you don't see "the room usually is dirty" in the brouchure, for instance.
If you wanted him to say only flattering things- a sales brochure as you used the analogy- then I agree with @NuclearWang that he should have declined. So I guess you are right, he did not provide what you were asking for, but at this point there is nothing you can do so I would move on and not use the letter.
So just to be honest, you are coming across as a bit of a know-it-all, and are looking for advice on how to judge the work of your boss... it’s probable that the best possible outcome from this is listening and taking criticism. There is no scenario in which your old boss is going to write a “positive only” letter for you.
@mxyzplk-SEstopbeingevil This again. Really, I don't get how my request even remotely sounds as you say. I am trying to understand how can I best interact with my ex-boss over a possibly honest misunderstanding of scope, of his part, regarding the letter. I have said it repeatedly that his letter does not match the requirements of a recommendation letter, and I want to ask to modify it, if possible.
@mxyzplk-SEstopbeingevil How the f*** am I passing as a know-it-all for this? How the f*** am I judging, if I am stating objectively that what he wrote is out of scope?! The positive only letter is common practice for a recommendation, that is WHY IT IS CALLED A RECOMMENDATION, otherwise it is only a reference. It is obvious that you don't recommend by not telling anything good about a person, it is simple logic
Discussion on question by TheVal: How…
Discussion on question by TheVal: How…