Rawrrr dragons

@kviiri was the comparison not favourable or...?

@AncientSwordRage Not exactly that, it just kinda opened my eyes to a lot of little stuff I hadn't really thought about

ah yeah I can see what you mean now

I have a poor track record of maintaining personal boundaries well

ah same, or at least i definitely used to

It's harder to do with an imbalance of power

And yes parents count

At the very least they raised you and were responsible for your survival and well being for a long time

I'm not trying to be morbid or cynical about it in case it comes off that way at all I just mean you shouldn't blame yourself if your parents don't always listen to you on such subjects because they don't understand or don't think they have to or they forget (I'm also to be clear not trying to attribute any of this to malice, human interaction is messy because all of these things are a constant possibility)

@trogdor One thing I've read, and we can move to Dragons if need be, is the account of someone whose parents were holding their child (i.e. the parents grandchild) and when the child cried, rather than soothing the child, they snapped "Stop crying! You'll make grand dad sad", and it made the person retelling this think "Maybe this is is why I have CPTSD? Because they taught me from a young age my emotions weren't valid"

but it wasn't an insight they got until years later.

They also said in the post, they recognised it didn't invalidate the good stuff their parents did

← 13 messages moved from TRPG General Chat

So if anyone is still following, I completely see why it can be discongruous to look back at parents behaviour compared with current behaviour

also I'm massively summarising, let me know if you want me to try and fish out the post from reddit

I just have personal experience with my parents not being completely perfect, I just wanted to offer encouragement basically that it's not your fault that your parents happen to be flawed people because I have had my fair share of experiencing them not respecting a boundary I set sometimes and blaming myself for not making it clear enough when it's actually a two way street

specifically to @kviiri but also really just in general

I owe a lot to my parents but I don't owe them rose colored glasses XD

> it's not your fault that your parents happen to be flawed people

thats a great message, and I'm sorry for missing it

I guess I had a very privileged upbringing because I don't think I can think of a fault in my parents?

@trogdor ::urgeto star comment rising::

I got really annoyed with my therapists because they kept trying to tie all my challenges to my relationship with my father, which was not without flaws but is absolutely not the source of all struggle in my life.

same

I don't want it to sound like I am pinning everything on my own parents, or blaming all problems people have on their parents either XD

I just don't want anyone to blame themselves for the fact that they set boundaries at all and their parents didn't heed them

you shouldn't wallow in that at all

Yeah, absolutely. The respect between parent and child flows both ways, and if it's not reciprocal then it's quite fine and good to show respect by not being permissive.

I'm on board with all of this

I think it's worth being aware, like you both said, that parents can both be and no be flawed, and you shouldn't assume either way

I mean, I think all parents are flawed that doesn't mean I don't think that flawed parents can't do a good job of,... parenting

like I actually think both of mine did

@trogdor true

I also think they messed up a few times but I doubt if I ever become a parent that I will just never make any mistakes

I do hope to be able to use the same perspective I have now when I do but that doesn't mean it won't happen

Oooh kitty