@gnasher729 speaking as a trans person, if that wasn't asked in person, it's extremely unlikely that i'd bother to respond at all. anon makes some good suggestions for a much better approach — Leliel 1 min ago

Bluntly, intent doesn't matter more than words here even remotely. While a lot of details aren't too important, making the effort to get the name and gender correct, and consistently so is essential. Get that wrong, and the rest of the wording barely matters. — Leliel 1 min ago

Have a check on you edit history, your edit was in fact very good, but avazula made the question itself ontopic with their edit shifting it from asking how to do something into an ontopic goal to ask about. Try to adapt that for possible future posts and you should be fine :) — dhein 31 secs ago

@Taladris: How should I know? as mentioned, its a random child, ringing my doorbell and asking for the daughter of my landlord/neighbor ^^ — dhein 42 secs ago

@Upper_Case: Yes they are labeled and it is very clear that my surname is totally different from the surname on the other 2 buttons. I assume, tho, the boy can't read yet. — dhein 31 secs ago

Of course it'll probably be a point they'll discuss sooner or later, but OP has no need to mention that they know (and all of the family drama!) at the first "virtual" meeting. — OldPadawan 1 min ago

@dhein: a 7yo child knocks at your door and you don't care about where are his/her parents? That should be the first think to ask him/her and your landlord. — Taladris just now

Welcome to IPS! Please take a minute to read our citation expectations. Answers on IPS need to include some backup in the form of either personal experience or references - could you explain why you think this advice will work, have you used this approach in a similar situation before, or is this something you've seen recommended by someone else? You might find How do I write a good answer? helpful too. Also, please, don't post duplicate answers. That's what upvotes are for :) — Ælis 1 min ago

Why was my last comment removed? — Taladris 20 secs ago

@Taladris on IPS, comments are here only to either ask for clarifications or suggest improvements. Yours seemed to be trying to answer the question. If you have ideas on how to resolve this, please write an answer, not a comment. Thanks! — avazula ♦ 30 secs ago

@avazula: sorry, I forget that a 7yo child without (to the best of our knowledge) any adult supervision is less important than our sacrosanct guideline :) — Taladris 1 min ago

I don't understand what you're trying to achieve. If it's a deal-breaker for you that means that it truly is an ultimatum that you want. If you somehow are able to convey it in a FYI tone, yet she doesn't change her behaviour, would you actually break up with her? — Imus 1 min ago

@dhein Interesting edit by avazula. "From asking how to do something into an on-topic goal to ask about" : I will keep this in mind for future posts. How do we open the question now? — Rakt 1 min ago

Though sometimes the exact opposite is what it needs. In my opinion, that is not on you to decide. She must decide and tell you what she wants. Tell her what you think, but don't let it be a final decision just yet — XtremeBaumer 1 min ago

Have you told her that it is an deal breaker for you? Or only that it bothers you? Given that it is an ultimatum (without a set time limit) it will be hard to not voice it as one — XtremeBaumer 1 min ago

The community needs to agree on this now being a valid ON-topic post, by voting to reopen it. It needs 5 reopen votes to be reopened again. So far you obtained 3 votes. For further questions on how the sites mechanics work, feel free to check out META ( either interpersonal.meta.stackexchange.com or meta.stackexchange.com ) — dhein 1 min ago

@Imus: If I convey it in an FYI tone and she doesn't change the behavior, yes, I'll break up with her. Again, consider the car analogy. I can tell you "I demand you make me an offer on this car today, or else I'll sell it to someone else". This comes across as angry, confrontational, threatening, and I'm trying to control what you do without any justification. Or I can put up a "for sale" sign that conveys all of the same information, but doesn't have any of the above negative connotations. — oscar 34 secs ago

@XtremeBaumer: No, I haven't yet. If I just say "hey, you are late all the time and it's a deal breaker", I feel it still sounds like an ultimatum. I was hoping to find a more gentle phrasing. I see your point though, I want to convey a strong sentiment and it may not be possible to do without equally strong wording. — oscar 1 min ago

A better analogy would be telling me "I already have another buyer lined up, so if you want the car you'll have to make an offer today". That's not unfriendly at all, but honest and still an ultimatum. Just putting up a "for sale" sign conveys totally different information. To complete the analogy, that "for sale" sign solution would be the same as saying "I don't like it that you're always late" but not breaking up over it if she keeps doing it. You specifically told us that that's not what you want. Quick note: an ultimatum in this context doesn't have to be a bad thing though! — Imus 43 secs ago

@oscar You could strike it up in a casual conversation. Ask her what her deal breakers are and tell her about yours. Surely there is more than that one deal breaker. Though it can always happen, that she doesn't realize that her behavior matches one of the deal breakers. So be truthful if she asks if her behavior is a deal breaker — XtremeBaumer just now

"If your boss is say anti-Hindu and anti-Mexican then there’s a good chance he or she is anti-more things." I get what you're trying to say but I wouldn't lump all intolerances together like that, and most definitely not when you use it as a basis for making assumptions about someone else's opinion. — Flater 1 min ago

Have you ever asked him why he does all of these things? Instead of starting with an accusation, open up with curiosity. — Erik 1 min ago

@XtremeBaumer That's what my answer says. Keep in light contact, give her room, let her decide. — DaveG 1 min ago

What do you mean by "confess"? — DaveG 6 secs ago

"3 dates (once a week)", does this mean you expect to confess after the third date or ongoing once a week? I'm not sure your question as it is now is a good fit for the strict Q&A nature of SE, you may have to rework the question to a more specific goal. — BKlassen just now

＞＞What do you mean by "confess"? – DaveG — roger 1 min ago

@DaveG Thank you for checking. Well, the meaning of "confess" is to tell you I love you. For example, "I want you to go out with me." Do you understand my text? — roger 1 min ago

It may even be that she can't make it on time, even if she wants to. I have severe ADHD and this is a problem which has plagued me my whole life. My husband understands that if he absolutely needs me to get somewhere on time he needs to call me when I need to leave and probably do a followup call to make sure I have left. And I, in turn, have learned to respond to his reminders with the gratitude they deserve. Either she can get places on time or not. If not, OP needs to find out sooner rather than later. — Francine DeGrood Taylor 1 min ago

Hi roger. I've made quite of an edit, can you please let us know if it's ok for you? You can edit and improve yourself too, or rollback to previous state. Thanks. — OldPadawan 16 secs ago

@BKlassen I'm sorry, I didn't understand the meaning of this sentence. (Especially SE) "I'm not sure your question as it is now is a good fit for the strict Q & A nature of SE, you may have to rework the question to a more specific goal." But I understood that you should make my goals concrete. There are three purposes. ・ How many times do you go on a date to tell Dutch people (or people in the world) that they love you? ・ What kind of dialogue did you say "I love you"? ・ Is it good to say "cute" or "beautiful" when playing with her? — roger 20 secs ago

@BKlassen My meaning of "3 dates (once a week)" is to tell you to be a girlfriend after playing with two people about three times. Removed "(once a week)" because it interferes with the meaning. — roger 47 secs ago

Two questions: 1. Whenever you have a date, how long lasts the date? I mean, if you have a short date, the date is even shorter because of her delay? 2. Do your dates have a previously fixed ending time? I would like to know whether her delays affect the experience of dating for her as well. Because you might set an example ending the date at a fixed hour, to let her know that a delay has consequences for her as well. — Santiago 1 min ago

my bad SE would mean Stack Exchange, those purposes are good and more clear than "I'd like to know what you did to get along with the person you like and how you confessed your feelings for them", editing those into your question could be helpful — BKlassen 1 min ago

Hi and welcome to IPS! Please take a minute to read our citation expectations. Answers on IPS need to include some backup in the form of either personal experience or references - could you explain why you think this advice will work, have you used this approach in a similar situation before, or is this something you've seen recommended by someone else? You might find How do I write a good answer? helpful too. — Ælis 14 secs ago

Here's my reasoning: a TON of people in her life made things awful as a result of her transitioning, so she's going to be wary of people who knew her as a man. If the only thing she knows about you is that you knew her as a man -- and that you probably still think she's a man -- she's very unlikely to respond. You don't have to overtly say you know she's trans now or anything, but I'd at least make sure I drop a pronoun or something to make it clear I know she's, well, a she. Not sure how to go about it, but if you don't do it I think she's very likely to ignore you. — bvoyelr 1 min ago

@bvoyelr : agree with you too. I think we are both (you and I) right (AND possibly wrong) on this one. It has to be OP's choice to share their knowledge (or not!) from the beginning. I might just give her a hint that I know, but not sure at all what's best here... — OldPadawan 1 min ago

I think this can fairly easily be adapted to the actual habit I'm having a problem with. — oscar 1 min ago

There isn't enough space in the comment, but I added a clarification in the OP. — oscar 40 secs ago

Related: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/4225/… — CaldeiraG 1 min ago

Related: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/16761/… — Leopold 1 min ago

Welcome to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! I'm sorry, but this question seems a little too subjective for this site. While many good questions here generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, answers to "What should I do?"-type questions like this one will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. It would be great if you edit your question so it asks for help with something specific, rather than simply asking for opinions on what you should do. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago