Asian Americans often get that kind of "You know what I mean – where are you really from?" follow-up question, too, and are likely to draw exactly the same conclusion from it.

I'm of European ancestry and I ask other people all the time where their families came from, especially those who look European. It's a very common topic in the U.S.A. and not at all offensive. I know where all of my friends families came from.

@dwilli, I didn't mean to suggest that Europeans are never asked about their ancestry, or that having an interest in an acquaintance's ethnic heritage is always inappropriate. My point was that Asian Americans are much likelier to be asked this kind of thing, especially by people they have only just met, and that this focus on ancestry can come off as awfully reductive and diminishing. And when it takes the form "Where are you from?", it is in fact patently offensive, because the underlying assumption is that in some essential way a person with Asian features can't "really" be American.

@Nanigashi I understand your point and thought your answer was good. But how do you know that the underlying assumption is always that Asian Americans can't really be American? It's a pretty long stretch to assume somebody else's motivation. European Americans have a different assumption about that question. We know that the answer has two parts. Asian Americans might do well to assume the best intentions and answer the question like European Americans do. 'I'm from Cincinnati, but my family came from Germany in the 1830's'.

@dwilli, I've honestly never heard of a single instance in which someone asked a European American where s/he was from, got an answer like "Cincinnati," and then followed up with "No, where are you really from?" or "No, I meant where did your family come from?" And this happens to Asian Americans quite frequently, as attested by the satirical YouTube video to which I added a link in my answer. Also, I've never asked a European American (or anyone) "Where are you from?" and had the person respond by spontaneously volunteering information about where his/her ancestors immigrated from.

@dwilli, I just want to add that I absolutely accept that every word of what you have written is offered in good faith, and that I hope it doesn't seem otherwise.

@Nanigashi I think you're right that European Americans don't get asked, 'No, where are you really from?'. But I myself have often said to European Americans, 'No, I meant where did your family come from?'. Please see my answer. It's a normal question that everybody gets asked. Separate the bigotry from the question, be american and answer the question like it's normal is all I'm suggesting.

This probably should have been moved to chat a long time ago, and I'd love to continue the discussion, but I really have to be going now – I should have been in bed hours ago. I do want to stress that I don't think having an interest I.

@Nanigashi Thank you - I didn't doubt your good intentions. I don't know what your ethnic background is but if it's not European then we might have had different experiences. I know that white americans are often blind to their own biases, racism and power. It must be true for me just by inclusion. Asian Americans, like African Americans and women and anybody who is not male and white has been oppressed. I'm deeply and truly sorry about that.

Cheers. If you want to keep chatting about it I'll be back soon as well.

(Sorry; my fingers are too fat and that return key is too big)... that I don't think having an interest in others' ancestry is always or inherently problematic; I just wanted to alert the OP that many Asian Americans are asked this kind of thing so often that the question can be very unwelcome, especially from a new acquaintance.

I see. Thank you. It's good for us all to be aware of how the question might be interpreted by Asian Americans.

One of my points is that the question can mean, 'Where were you born?', 'Where do you live?' or 'Where did your family come from outside of the U.S.?' If Asian Americans always assume the purpose of the question is to put them in a box or make them an outsider, they might be mistaken. We are all from somewhere else here.

@Nanigashi Hey, didn't want to spam comments so figured I'd ping ya here.

Honestly, when I first saw this question, I think I thought to answer like you did. I can see why your answer is top-voted right now.

I mean, I don't see why people care about ancestry so much. It's kind of a weird thing to be interested in for me, I guess.

But, regarding social norms? I'm used to Americans of all races asking each other about ancestry. The conversations can get pretty detailed -- like, what percentage is from where, how many generations they've been in this country, if they speak any other languages, etc..

Also, I used to work close to a large Asian-American community, where about half of them were actually born in Asia, while most of the others were first-generation Americans (i.e., their parents were born in Asia). And they would frequently ask each other about ancestry on meeting each other, sometimes as a first question!

For example, I personally like to know about someone's professional/intellectual interests, professional affiliations, hobbies, educational background, favorite technologies, and stuff like that. I think that questions about those topics tend to lead to more interesting discussions than a dry rehashing of someone's seemingly random ancestry.