The note is from the other girl, who may be gay, but that does not necessarily mean that your daughter is as well.

NEVER go to the other parent about something like this. You have no way of knowing their views on LGBT topics; their daughter could be intentionally keeping it a secret. Even if you did know, outing someone when they're not ready/without their approval is among the worst offenses you can commit.

@Izkata I wish I could upvote that comment a zillion times.

@Izkata: I registered here specifically so I could upvote your comment.

You say you "came across a photo" -- for the sake of clarity, can you please state whether you have an agreement that gives you permission to look in her things?

Not worth being an answer, but: sometimes kids hide things...are you sure that message is from a girl at all. Just worth considering...

Also know that kids like to say all sorts of things online and over the phone that have no real substance behind it. It can be a joke between two people, or even a third person using the second person's phone to send your daughter that message. It's a very common practice for teens to use someone else's phone or Facebook and start spouting nonsense.

Your last two sentences apply just as well (probably even more) to the interaction between you and your daughter. Anything you do or say may affect your relationship with her, which is probably more important to her than any friendship or relationship she has with others. If she's confused or insecure, you don't want to be the cause.

@TorbenGundtofte-Bruun: An "agreement"? Seriously? Parents who buy into the faux autonomy of their children are asking for trouble. A parent not only has the right, but the responsibility to know what their children are up to. How else do you presume to guide them? Albeit, it's popular these days to not guide our children...only bribe them for friendship.

The question isn't "Now what?". The question is "So what?".

@Beofett she's 14on his phone plan. If she wants that kind of privacy, she should get a job and her own damn phone. Until then, like it. None of my teens ever bitched when I chastised them for smth I found on their phone... Probably because that sentiment was part of the understood, unspoken 'agreement' lol. Perhaps he shd have said "should she have a reasonable expectation that you may go digging in her phone?"

@Beofett oops. I was responding to the response, but you're right... I should have gone upline further.

Be happy for her that she is trying to find out who she is. You won't have to worry about teen pregnancies and besides, sending emotional messages is way better than experimenting with drugs.

@TorbenGundtofte-Bruun - I appreciate the need for children, especially teenagers, to have and expect some privacy, but at the same time, I am my daughter's father (she's only 16 mo, not 16 yo, so no big secrets so far). Any material document stating that I have the right, as a parent, to access any of my daughter's things at any time, especially communication or data storage devices, as a prerequisite of her being allowed to possess these things is merely a formality. My daughter should be able to tell me anything, if for no other reason than I'll find out anyway.

For everyone jumping on Torben, there is a difference to looking into things when there is the parental equivalent of "probable cause," and then there's snooping/fishing through their stuff out of curiosity or nosiness.. Sorry, but ESPECIALLY as they become teenagers and grow into adults they have a right to privacy. You people come across as authoritarian control freaks. FYI - mom said she was looking through her daughter's iPod, not phone.

Keep in mind, in a scenario where mom regularly looks through her daughter's private stuff, for no particular reason, mom probably denies it if the daughter makes an issue of it. This could also be "bait" to freak mom out (just desserts for snooping) or to get her to raise the issue, so the daughter will have proof of intrusion.