old -> new

here or all chats?

all chats

imagine how many paul would have if he typed like me and joe

that being said

did joe not talk until i showed up

I don't remember

He did talk a lot in The Heap

Wow, I can't believe I typed that much

hm

Erik allowed me to blossom to my full potential

@SeanGallardy I think the query that produces those numbers runs with NOLOCK so

@SeanGallardy you better hope no one at microsoft sees that theft of time.

@PaulWhite before the dark times. before the empire

@ErikDarling community outreach is always a good investment

yeah but he just gives up trace flags

(with a 4 in them)

all trace flags have a 4 in them

if you use the correct radix

doesn't sound right

is that a genderless radish?

what about -1?

a genderless radish with a 4 in it

@ErikDarling 0 cares.

but how many radishes?

eleventy billion

@SeanGallardy what anime are you watching lately?

he doesn't have time for anime

he has the hostess from the microsoft chipotle for a girlfriend

wouldn't Sean die if he even walked into a chipotle?

Don't do it Sean! We all love you

@JoeObbish No new Seven Deadly sins... so.. none :(

@ErikDarling No hostesses yet... ;)

@JoeObbish <3

you move quickly

Define... quickly...

@JoeObbish wolframalpha.com/input/?i=-1+to+base+-5

what about the 0 TF?

@PaulWhite To paraphrase Joe, This Guy...

jeeeeeeeeeez

@JoeObbish the mythical elusive creature... we've been searching for it for years

@SeanGallardy first you must unlearn what you have learned

@JoeObbish My number system uses an offset of 4 for that input

my number system can beat up your number system

@SeanGallardy last week you told me you were dating the personal trainer from payless shoes

I bet it has a 4 in it

didn't payless shoes just go bankrupt?

"Payless files for second bankruptcy, closing 2,500 North American stores"

shameful behavior

swooping in when they are most vulnerable

Sean is a swooper

@ErikDarling She was personal and sold trainers for sure

pumps?

all day every day

@PaulWhite stirring the pot

@Forrest ..or developer sniffing. Eeewwww!

Hmm...that explains our code smell issues

Nice commas.

format is a hell of a drug

Am I reading that right? 3 days of CPU time, 11 billion reads?

@jadarnel27 yes

@JoeObbish that looks like some of our queries

don't forget tempdb

2.4 TB maybe?

have you tried tuning it?

@ErikDarling if I tuned it it would probably take 20 min or so

@JoeObbish

dammit, you can't see the poll

Interesting so many people are saying 2017

but lol at the 2012

right?

2014btfo

should have just left it off

2019 would probably be more popular

Everyone thinks they will go to 2019, then some company says "we only support 2012"

you know what happens too

"we only certify 2012 up to sp2"

have to certify our code that we wrote 20 years ago

@ErikDarling Truth

@JoeObbish That's generous, more like 60 years ago

why would you create a table with a single column? And name that column like sequence_number? Seems a bit dumb; I'd probably just create a freakin' sequence if that's what I wanted. smfh.

dammit I've got to get back to blogging

...

CREATE TABLE [dbo].[SC_REF](
	[SC_SEQ_NM] [int] NOT NULL
)

no constraints, no indexes, no primary key, no stats.

so freaking weird.

no identity()

and, it would seem, no reasonable use-case.

@MaxVernon check your version privilege

2008 R2, the best version, does not support sequences I believe

2012.

but you see

2008 R2 is both a software version and a state of mind

lol, too true!

that made me laugh

very zen

hey, at least they're using DATA_COMPRESSION = PAGE

'cuz that'll be really really useful.

Rolling your own sequence: what could go wrong?

nothing. Just SET TRANSACTION ISOLATION SERIALIZABLE

no stored procedures in the database either, just in case you were wondering. this just gets better.

so, ostensibly, if this is a sequence, they're rolling it in client-side code.

should be bullet-proof, I bet.

I'm betting the dev is gonna be sorry he had me look at this.

@JoeObbish - I'm about to write a short blog post identifying tables that have no clustered index. Just thought you might like to know :-)

@MaxVernon SELECT * FROM sys.tables

YMMV

:-D

@MaxVernon Did they ask you to look because they're having problems with deadlocks?

@jadarnel27 no. They wanted to know if there is a way to have SQL Server identify missing indexes. Of course, I'm pointing them at sys.dm_db_missing_indexes DMVs, but I wasn't expecting there to be a missing freaking CX like that. It's very slightly possible that they intended to do that, but if that's the case, I'm going to be absolutely amazed.

we've got about 2500 databases, and I can probably count on one hand the number of multi-column indexes with an include statement.

lots of work to do :-)

you're surprised by people not adding clustered indexes?

@MaxVernon Oh gotcha. That sequence thing sounds like a recipe for deadlocks is all =P

@ErikDarling He's pretty new, give him a break.

@jadarnel27 no doubt.

Blog post scheduled to be published in 20 minutes

I just ran the query from my blog post against a single SQL Server instance that shows over 500 heaps across multiple databases. A great many have non-clustered primary keys; something stinks in Denmark.

I mean, I do get that sometimes it helps to not have a clustered primary key, but jeez, that looks like a lot.

blitzindex catches that pretty well

what you might find more interesting is which ones have forwarded records

yah, but I'd have to get that vetted.

you could just read it :P

lol, good point

interesting read there, Erik

forwarded_fetch_count -> 1933327197

that would be high then?

1.9 beeeeeellllion

on one table

yes

that would be bad

i mean, depending on how big the table is

or something

I guarantee it has not got a billion rows :-)

> having tables with less than a billion rows

no, but that's not how they're tallied

Joe will be disappointed.

ahhh

~ 1 million rows. 72 MB.

that doesn't seem bad

that's the number of times a forwarding record was used?

since the instance started, presumably

no, iirc those are in op stats which can be unloaded with memory pressure

but that number is the number of times a row with a forwarding record was read, correct?

i.e. it could be a single row was read a billion times, or all rows were read 1,900 times?

it's the number of times a forwaded record was followed

yes

right

cool

thanks!

Max linked to this chatroom in his new blog post.

Our cover is blown, Davey.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MAX DELETE THAT

JOSH HACK HIS WEBSITE

It's WordPress, it's basically hacked by default.

@jadarnel27 Davey?

@MaxVernon It's just something people say.

ahhh

Or something I remember from a Strong Bad Email.

@MaxVernon are there FKs pointing to it?

Ah sorry. No PK... Not possible

you can point them to a unique index

nonclustered pk

@ypercubeᵀᴹ many of them do have a primary key, just not clustered

that particular table, no indexes at all.

which seems like, shall we say, an oversight.

I was asking about the single column SEQ_NO table

oh

@MaxVernon Do you mind quoting me instead of putting a link here? Thanks

sure

I'll just remove the link, no worries Joe

and, done.

nothing makes the mail move slower than a check being in it

no doubt

amazon needs to do regular mail

18.1 Billion USD profit last year, and no federal income tax paid in the USA.

they should also make tax software

depreciation is a funny thing

@ypercubeᵀᴹ no foreign keys in the entire database

they just slow down inserts

join elimination is a meme

:-D

Is it a funny meme, like the Pikachu one?

I don't go for foreign keys

not worth it for us

you don't go for any keys

correct

we have one giant table

I'm about to go hear Aaron talk about fixing slow queries.

Should I call him a muppet?

in an australian accent

What are Aaron's biggest pet peeves? BETWEEN? Date formats?

@Forrest other people