7:29 AM
@Blue I'm still a physics/math person. I am just trying to position myself in a way that can enable me to be able to have job security and safety. Just so I'm able to feed myself and do basic things, and plausibly pay a mortgage without pulling my hair out or stressing
@Blue as I am a bit older too, and with what I've seen in the real world, I think especially in my situation, the most appropriate thing to do would be to align myself with people that understand this and can help me keep one foot in the real world so that I can build a future for myself while I scratch that physics itch
I also don't want to leave the people who have been around me
They are all in Southern California, I want to stay here, and do physics, but I also want to be able to keep my income, grow it, and so forth. It is hard to grock, but yeah believe me the things I want most in life are security (being able to eat, and provide for the people in my life ) and being able to do physics/math etc .
I can't just do it in my room all day, or on the beach
I need to get a graduate degree at least.
I wish I could just kick back and publish, but it does not make fiscal sense
I am not part of that community yet, and it would be pretty lame and stupid to contribute if people to a community of people who are getting paid to work on physics etc, also it's strange to want to contribute to communities that don't recognize you
At any rate another reason I need that phd is a bit personal and has nothing to do with love of physics
but we all have multiple reasons for doing anything
One of mine happens to be a deep need to let people who have belittled my abilities in the past to understand that they are no match
I had some rather tumultuous times when I left ASU
I had gone there in the first place because no other college thought I was any good
I had spent quite some time at a few community colleges while working some stupid gigs and stints as a phone unlocker/ repair tech
I was also actively pursuing some shall we say media opportunities
At any rate, I arrived at ASU
waived some hard math course by effectively displaying knowledge et al.
At any rate I took a collection of courses , a giant load my first and second (final semester there)
including c++ , java , mathematical structures and the like, and physics courses including qm i and qm ii etc
and much more, . . . a more that full load
The mistake I made was taking a research option too. Essentially playing the role of lab monkey whose time in the group was qustioned
I did some fairly trivial nanoscience and engineering things
like preparing surfaces and measuring contact angles and so forth and . .
looking at some matrices in excel that computed / predicted some angles
I was not able to keep up the out of state tuition, and was thrown out
I called everyone in my family and they were pretty agnostic and did not care
I had graduated high school at 16, but
little did I know what was comming
I was homeless at this point and wondering arounf
People just found this funny
the woman at the lab even spewed ad hominems like . . . . oh he could not pay rent, or something
actually she said . . . I had mentioned to her that I could not pay rent
She sent this in an email that she
wrote to a mathematics guy at an institute near frys electronics in palo alto
I had made the journey to many places and my yearning to keep studying left me at stanford
I was still homeless of course and