Isn't it too "clear-cut" to consider the money as lost ? This answer would be much better if it contained some advices/approaches as to how to get it back. OP could ask for full reimbursment as a condition before considering doing any other loan. This way, (s)he would get part/all the money back if they reimburse, or de facto break relation if they refuse. If full reimbursment, it sould be clear that the "cash cow" situation is no longer. They would either stop asking for loans, or try to start again, in which case OP should say "No" without any ambiguity.

Unless the OP and the persons he gave his money to both signed a legal agreement that this money was, in fact, a loan, they have no obligation to give the money back in any form. IF there's legal document to prove that it is a loan, it is de facto a gift.

@user3399 You're absolutely right from a legal point of view, and since it's a familial context, it's most likely informal. But so what ? If they verbally asked for "a loan", it's a loan in their words. If they refuse to reimburse, they show that they are not trustworthy with their own family, money is lost, relationship is broken, end of story. Now, precisely because it's a familial context, the informal reimbursment might work. Side note : IANAL, but if important amounts of money, maybe OP could seek legal advice ?

@Frédéric they've already shown not to be trustworthy by asking for multiple loans without repaying. They've also already shown to be unable to handle money, so there's not a lot of hope of getting anything back. Cutting your losses is the sane thing to do. The alternative is just going to make your life miserable and you STILL won't get any money from them. Because they don't HAVE any. Otherwise they wouldn't have to borrow so much.

@Frédéric " Isn't it too "clear-cut" to consider the money as lost " - no. Even if there was a "legal agreement" and you went to court to enforce it, you still wouldn't get your money back - they haven't got any money to give you! That's what they would tell the court, even if it was a lie.

@Paŭlo Ebermann this is both multiple unacknowledged loans as well as multiple people. No payback in sight anywhere. The usual pattern in such cases is that IF a small loan is paid back it will IMMEDIATELY be followed by a much bigger loan. With OP sinking ever deeper. Also loans being asked (demanded) is very much different from loans being offered. My advice remains, don't go there. Ever. Some people are, and will remain, money sinks. Can be utterly heartbreaking.

I don't read a clear case of abuse in the question. I would cut them some slack. Unless OP just wants out and there is no salvageable relationships. But the OP doesn't say that.

Given that you actually have it written down, at least for the larger amounts, my initial comment should've been a bit more nuanced. You should try to get that money back, especially given the total amount. Other than that, this answer is still the best. It will be hard to do, but don't lend them even a dime. Good luck!

@Frédéric This has actually come up several times in the Finances.se before - any 'loan' you make to family, friend, or anyone without a legal contract, can be considered an immediate loss. You have no means to recoup it, no one would ever expect you to pay interest, and pressing for repayment is unlikely to end in you recouping money, even on a 'gradual payback' basis. What you've described is an idea - but it's an idea that's very unlikely to work, especially given OP's described relationship with the people he's given money to.

This is a very good answer. When I loaned money to a good friend who was in deep trouble, I considered it a gift. I was pleased he paid me back, but we would have remained friends if he had not, because from the beginning it was clear to me that the intent was to pull him out of the hole, and it was worth the amount for me. Now, if you ask, his problem was that his landlord mistakenly pulled the rent twice from his account via direct debit, which he had no control over. So he was in the red, and then all the bills came...

What I would do is get them to pay half back, to show good intentions and then wave the other half as a gift. That way, you're the good person because you just gave them a lot of money, relationships are saved. But after that, a strict : "no more loans". If you can and want to help, choose where you do and do it as a gift. My policy is a no loans between family and friends. And the worst thing you can do is: no more loans till you pay me back, because that will open the floodgates for future requests.

...and the bank charged 40€ fee for every damn bill that they had to bounce. So he went from positive to like -2000€ in a few days. Then his car broke down. This is a completely different scenario from the OP where his relatives are milking him for cash to purchase flatscreen TVs and other crap they don't need.

I would add that, unless it's your profession, I think it's very good advice to never lend (significant) money to anyone. It's just not worth it.

@IHatePeople but what does that relatonship bring him? He's clearly not happy with the current state of buying their affection. Just because he fell out of the same womb as someone in a crowd of spongers, does it mean he has a right to be treated like this? In my mind, that's a no. My answer is simple: I would (and do) turn round and say "If you want money, go to a bank. If they give you a loan, then great; I'll pay it off and you can pay me half the interest they would have charged. If they won't lend, why should i?" - so what if the family excommunicate him? They're doing him a favour..

@peufeu - the direct debit scheme has a guarantee that can be invoked to restore payments taken in error. Following up with the bank to cancel the fees raised as a result would be the next step, and it would be sensible to switch banks to one that limits fees accruable in any given month (I can't pay any more than EUR90 of fees in a month). It would also be sensible to develop a money management plan that sees your friend having a couple of month's money to draw on, then he doesn't live so hand to mouth..

Well, he did read the fine prints you mention afterwards and sorted everything out, he's much better off today, better job, about to buy a house with his girlfriend, etc.

Very clearly communicate that no more money will come, ever. My suggestion is to soften this slightly to Very clearly communicate that no more money will come until 100% of the outstanding debt is paid off. This costs you nothing, provides some token incentive for them to make an effort to pay you off (even if its safe to assume that won't happen), but most importantly, it allows you to tell the rest of the family "I'm not cutting them off. I'm telling them to get caught up with what they promised me before asking for more."

@CaiusJard - There are options besides throwing away your family. And I think the OP's recent edit covers that nicely.

My 2 cents, I don't think it's OP "throwing away his family", if the family keeps asking for a loan, without paying anything back, then they are the ones who are worsening the relationship, not OP. It's great to be nice to people, but don't let them abuse you and make you feel bad about yourself for not doing something sometime. It's something that I've had to learn the hard way. Saying no isn't always a bad thing.

Typos: "Anything more that nothing is a gift, back." --> "Anything more than nothing is a gift back." @Beofett I feel like that is still playing the game. If you don't want to loan them money, then just say you don't want to loan them money and be done with it. Trying to hide behind the existing debt is just veiling it thinly; you're not earning any brownie points. You could say, "I won't continue making loans to someone who has repeatedly not paid me back," though, but this will also not be as likely to win brownie points with the people who judged you anyway.

I'm a german living in New Zealand. If this was happening to a German here I would say: "No need to be polite, you are German" ;)

While most of the answer is fine, Have any of them helped you out? is more complicated. My parents taught me to use a spoon, then cleaned up after me, changed my diapers, helped me with homework, left the last piece of cake for me, ... yes, this is certainly what is expected from parents but then, jumping into "now I am an adult, good bye, you are on your own" is not the way I was raised, nor is the way I raise my children. The premise of the question is different (they do not really need the money) -- I am just commenting on that specific question of yours.

@WoJ (implied) context is giving up something to give it to someone else as OP has done. Among (close) peers.