'In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes. Guess Culture depends on a tight net of shared expectations. A key skill is putting out delicate feelers. If you do this with enough subtlety, you won't even have to make the request directly; you'll get an offer. Even then, the offer may be genuine or pro forma; it takes yet more skill and delicacy to discern whether you should accept.' — Jean Diharo 37 secs ago

In brief, here is an explaination of ask vs guess culture. 'In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it's OK to ask for anything at all, but you gotta realize you might get no for an answer. This is Ask Culture.' — Jean Diharo 49 secs ago

@tuskiomi Thank you for your replies. I realised that I am not making myself clear in my question. Hence, I added a link to a website which further explains 'ask' and 'guess' culture. — Jean Diharo 1 min ago

@DJG no, not dissociate. If you read the other techniques, full de-escalation requires you to actually pay attention to what's happening and answer appropriately — Juliana Karasawa Souza 1 min ago

We can't really tell you what to do - those are the rules of the site. However, since you're young and looking for advice, I can tell you this would be a good time to talk to an adult you trust (like a parent or teacher) and ask them for advice on what to do. This situation could turn very bad and you shouldn't want to tackle it alone, promise of secrecy or not. — Erik 14 secs ago

I think you've been unwittingly handed a rather hot potato here. Perhaps you should explain the 12 years old boy that posting porn videos of people on the internet without their consent is a crime in most jurisdictions. Blackmail is also a crime. Make sure to research the laws in your particular area. If you want the question reopened, you should rephrase it into something like "how to convince the 12 years old to delete the video". — bobflux 2 mins ago

Would it help to do a creative wrap that hints at "you could use this to get a new phone", or do you think that'd be too on the nose? — Erik 34 secs ago

@Erik in this particular case, I would advise against doing so: don't mention what you want to see them use the money for. I have seen it done, having the wrapping hint at what the money could be spent on, but that was mostly for gifts that were actually wished but the money only covered the costs partially or there's things like colors/makes/models involved that you want to leave up to the couple to pick. In this case, because the family member has made it clear they'd rather not have OP cover the cost of phones, I would advise against making any reference to phones, even in the wrapping. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 2 mins ago

Blackmail is not just a crime, it is also very, very dangerous, especially if the victim knows you. I don't know the 19 year old, but great bodily harm to the 12 year old would be a possibility. All electronic property of the 12 year old destroyed would be an even more likely possibility. — gnasher729 1 min ago

The other problem that the 12 year old isn't thinking about that he is turning what should be his friend for life into an enemy for life. — gnasher729 52 secs ago

The stipulations are technical, not optional. I cannot send cash through the post. — tuskiomi 2 mins ago

@tuskiomi A check is close enough to cash, and you mentioned that in your post? I'm nowhere saying that cash is the only way to gift "money", but a check is better than a gift card, which is better than sending them a single phone. And even something sent by post can be "wrapped" with "care".. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 12 secs ago

Yes, a check works, I'm simply stating that the stipulation is not a choice. — tuskiomi 47 secs ago

@bobflux even if he doesn't do any of that, simply secretly recording someone in a bathroom is generally illegal. — Kat 22 secs ago

Is it possible that was just an excuse and there's some other reason they don't want to accept? Like maybe they cannot afford to come up with the other half? — Kat 46 secs ago

@Kat The younger brother is probably safe from the law due to being underage. But a possible outcome is the older brother going to jail for giving the younger one a well deserved whooping. That's why the potato is really hot. — bobflux 1 min ago

@Kat quite possibly. — tuskiomi 1 min ago

I'm still not sure of the answers to my questions. The context is good, but doesn't answer them.. that said, I'll re-iterate: Are those who know the answer to a given question automatically 'askers'? Is the property of 'guessing' and 'asking' on a per-subject basis? — tuskiomi 2 mins ago