The alternative (as my wife suggested herself) is for me to police what I say to her so she can’t reveal things I don’t want revealed. While I recognize this as a possible solution, I’ve always assumed that our relationship was a safe place for me to say whatever stupid thing pops into my head. That’s been my assumption for 30-plus years now, so the idea that I now need to keep her at arm’s length like any other Joe feels like something of a breakdown in our relationship. (3/3) — Reginald Vas Deferens 2 mins ago

So, Sarov, the conversation I’m hoping for is more like, “I understand now why that made you uncomfortable and, although I don’t think it’s a big deal at all, I won’t do it again.” (2/3) — Reginald Vas Deferens 2 mins ago

Thank you, Tinkeringbell. To (hopefully) answer you and Sarov and get closer to a proper question, what I want most is to avoid being placed in an awkward position like this again (with anyone, not just my son). For that to happen, my wife needs to understand why I feel that her revealing my scheme was a breach of trust so she can recognize and avoid similar situations in the future. I’ve been unable to explain that to her, and that’s what I’m hoping for help on. (1/3) — Reginald Vas Deferens 2 mins ago

@ReginaldVasDeferens Have you considered a middle-ground, where you say whatever you feel like, but let her know when you want her to keep it to herself? — Sarov 42 secs ago