The Closet - 2019-02-25

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IPS Comment Bot

12:43 AM

Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a detailed response. I agree social media isn't a good way to maintain a friendship. But this leads to a Catch-22 situation: it's hard to strengthen a friendship without meeting in person. And without at least a basic friendship, I imagine it would be weird to ask someone to meet up or even ask for their phone number. Is there a good way to break the cycle? Or are some friendships not meant to be? — Danny Chia 36 secs ago

#21100 Danny Chia (116 rep) | A: How can I effectively use social media to become closer friends with people I don't see often? (score: 2) | posted 2 hours ago by Astralbee (24274 rep) | edited 2 hours ago by Astralbee (24274 rep) | Toxicity 0.050894964 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

1:14 AM

@EmC Hi, and thanks for the feedback. To be honest, this answer simply builds a little on top of the other one I mentioned. I'm surprised it could be read as a kind of "try this" approach, when from my point of view it contains specific advice and even indicates what's noteworthy about it. Nevertheless, I made an edit hoping to improve further. Not sure I can do better than that; at least not right now, I'm afraid. — Marc.2377 1 min ago

#21099 Marc.2377 (203 rep) | A: How to tell brother that not returning money when he has it is not cool (score: -1) | posted 7 hours ago by Marc.2377 (203 rep) | edited 9 minutes ago by Marc.2377 (203 rep) | Toxicity 0.060324788 | tps/fps: 0/0

Upvoted nevertheless because your idea is good. I just disagree with the suggested execution. — Marc.2377 19 secs ago

#21053 Marc.2377 (203 rep) | A: How to tell brother that not returning money when he has it is not cool (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by MlleMei (693 rep) | edited 3 days ago by MlleMei (693 rep) | Toxicity 0.37130994 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

"I still haven't received anything back, and the fact that my own brother doesn't pay me back money I need is hurtful" is passive-aggressive (contains an accusation and resentful demand). "You seem to have enough money to go on vacations and buy a new car" is accusatory and disapproving of someone else's decisions; while related to the matter at hand, could be avoided. "or because it is the decent thing to do" more passive-agressive, indirectly calls other person as indecent. "but because people remember" makes assumptions about someone else's future decisions and is also threatening. — Marc.2377 1 min ago

#21053 Marc.2377 (203 rep) | A: How to tell brother that not returning money when he has it is not cool (score: 3) | posted 4 days ago by MlleMei (693 rep) | edited 3 days ago by MlleMei (693 rep) | Toxicity 0.4412188 | tps/fps: 0/0

4 hours later…

IPS Comment Bot

5:49 AM

@Ælis As far as I am concerned, I did include that in my answer already. I will re-read my answer and try to clarify it more. — Paul Karam 1 min ago

#21080 Paul Karam (159 rep) | A: How to tell foreigners they don't need to speak English when near me? (score: 3) | posted 2 days ago by Paul Karam (159 rep) | Toxicity 0.21858822 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

6:48 AM

Also adding to what was said in the other Comments: "Anyone can share their thoughts and experiences that will be much appreciated." Is not just a bad Question format on this SE, but on every SE. As there is a lot of emphasize on SE being an Q&A platform and not a forum. We don't appreciate 'sharing opinions' and want specific questions that can receive specific answers. — dhein 32 secs ago

#21098 dhein (1057 rep) | Q: How to make wifey believe in your dreams (score: -1) | posted 17 hours ago by Senator George (12 rep) | edited 14 hours ago by Senator George (12 rep) | Toxicity 0.1315399 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

7:41 AM

@John: I doubt that. Remember, they are usually busy at their work and wouldn't have too much time for talking while you are volunteering. — dhein 1 min ago

#21097 dhein (1057 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 4) | posted 20 hours ago by Rory Alsop (3100 rep) | Toxicity 0.20157336 | tps/fps: 0/0

2 hours later…

IPS Comment Bot

9:19 AM

Hey, could you tell us why it's important to focus less on the feeling and more about what can be done to remedy the situation? — Ælis 1 min ago

#21099 Ælis (5552 rep) | A: How to tell brother that not returning money when he has it is not cool (score: 0) | posted 15 hours ago by Marc.2377 (213 rep) | edited 8 hours ago by Marc.2377 (213 rep) | Toxicity 0.0689442 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

9:48 AM

@DannyChia You got to ask yourself how people managed to make friends before social media. Long distance relationships / friendships are not anything new. Some people got married after nothing but writing letters to one another. If you are talking about people with whom you already have a real-life connection, no matter how vague, then I don't believe it is unusual to say "hey, we should keep in touch. Do you have a mobile number?", at least not in Western culture. — Astralbee 1 min ago

#21100 Astralbee (24274 rep) | A: How can I effectively use social media to become closer friends with people I don't see often? (score: 2) | posted 11 hours ago by Astralbee (24274 rep) | edited 11 hours ago by Astralbee (24274 rep) | Toxicity 0.24326508 | tps/fps: 0/0

2 hours later…

IPS Comment Bot

11:45 AM

There is nothing wrong with children dressing up however they want for play, especially in the carnival season. There is nothing that the child is "appropriating" from anyone. No Native Americans' feelings were hurt. Hence, there was no need for the mother to intervene, and there's no need for you to lecture her on the topic (or, in the passive-aggressive version, "suggest she learn more about it"). Doing so would be indeed have been judgmental, as you said. Let it go, and try not to see everything as problematic. — Richard Metzler 44 secs ago

#21070 Richard Metzler (101 rep) | Q: Telling my cousin that she might want to learn more about cultural appropriation (score: 3) | posted 3 days ago by Ælis (5552 rep) | edited 2 days ago by Ælis (5552 rep) | Toxicity 0.32155138 | tps/fps: 0/0

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Break the ice with non verbal thing. Wear a t-shirt with your hobby, books, quotes. You can get one with "I'm introvert but I like X". That way somebody who would approach you will have some "hook" to talk with you. — SZCZERZO KŁY 8 secs ago

#21104 SZCZERZO KŁY (1440 rep) | Q: How to talk to people at a singles mixer when you are an introvert? (score: 8) | posted 3 hours ago by souzan (183 rep) | Toxicity 0.2611601 | tps/fps: 0/0

@IPSCommentBot tp

12:26 PM

@Mithrandir The bot isn't responding to feedback :/

!!/restart ips

!!/alive

IPS Comment Bot

I'm alive!

IPS Meta Comments

I'm alive!

!!/reboot ips

eh?

!!/help

IPS Meta Comments

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IPS Comment Bot

12:27 PM

Note: If <botname> is the only argument, it can be ommitted and the command will be seen by all bots. If <botname> is "*" all bots will repond as though they've been mentioned.

!!/alive <botname> - It'll tell you if it's alive
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!!/restart ips

IPS Comment Bot

Starting at rev e8b44d3 on branch master (Fixed bug around adding invalid regexes)

o_o

IPS Comment Bot

1:08 PM

"Mostly because I don't know them and I don't know how they will respond." - this is your problem - how they will respond is actually not something you should be concerned with; you shouldn't be trying to anticipate how they will respond basing your actions around that, you should just "be yourself" and talk as if they would respond favourably; yes, you will find that you don't click with certain people who don't respond favourably, but that's the point; that's how you know they're not a suitable match for you. It's a good thing when this happens. — ESR 1 min ago

#21104 ESR (157 rep) | Q: How to talk to people at a singles mixer when you are an introvert? (score: 8) | posted 4 hours ago by souzan (183 rep) | Toxicity 0.2125281 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic", "possible-aic(@Noon)"]

Please don’t write answers in comments. It bypasses our quality measures by not having voting (both up and down) available on comments, as well as having other problems detailed on meta. Comments are for clarifying and improving the question; please don’t use them for other purposes. (cc @ESR) — Arwen Undómiel 1 min ago

#21104 Arwen Undómiel (2197 rep) | Q: How to talk to people at a singles mixer when you are an introvert? (score: 8) | posted 5 hours ago by souzan (183 rep) | Toxicity 0.0772088 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

1:34 PM

Feel free to remove my comment but it's certainly not an answer to OP's question. — ESR 56 secs ago

#21104 ESR (157 rep) | Q: How to talk to people at a singles mixer when you are an introvert? (score: 8) | posted 5 hours ago by souzan (183 rep) | Toxicity 0.20727849 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

1 hour later…

IPS Comment Bot

2:48 PM

also relevant: workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/42356/… — Kate Gregory 28 secs ago

#21107 Kate Gregory (30150 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: -1) | posted 13 minutes ago by Kate Gregory (30150 rep) | Toxicity 0.06781961 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

3:19 PM

I would raise it before she wears it again, but start with I didn't know how to say this before but..." as letting her wear it a second time without knowing if she knows isn't good. — WendyG 48 secs ago

#1172 WendyG (2494 rep) | A: How to tell a friend I can see through her swimming suit (score: 41) | posted 572 days ago by cheshire (2767 rep) | Toxicity 0.26023328 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

IPS Comment Bot

3:30 PM

@dhein they won't have time to talk, but the OP will get an understanding of their workplace and can empathise with conversations, even begin to recognise some lingo. — WendyG 1 min ago

#21097 WendyG (2494 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 5) | posted 28 hours ago by Rory Alsop (3120 rep) | Toxicity 0.33034107 | tps/fps: 0/0

@WendyG I totally see that, but OP stated the goal to get very deep understanding and mentioned volunteering for having conversations to achieve that. I just asked so OP not possibly gets dissapointed — dhein 1 min ago

#21097 dhein (1067 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 5) | posted 28 hours ago by Rory Alsop (3120 rep) | Toxicity 0.03995929 | tps/fps: 0/0

thanks. I was about to post another question, "Tactics to engage in deeper conversation despite little or no knowledge in the subject matter". Because I know someone who's facing a similar discussion while applying and being interviewed for job in a new industry. When the interviewer starts describing really advance subject matter, my friend is worried her questions will expose her ignorance on the matter, and discredit her in the eyes of the employer. Your "neutral" questions can help in this area. — John 14 secs ago

#21107 John (126 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Kate Gregory (30190 rep) | Toxicity 0.23953986 | tps/fps: 0/0

@dhein, I wasn't disagreeing with you, but just pointing out something would be gained by volunteering, unless the volunteer job was in the cafe/ shop in reception — WendyG 1 min ago

#21097 WendyG (2494 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 5) | posted 28 hours ago by Rory Alsop (3120 rep) | Toxicity 0.17480835 | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Next time ask to be invited to a smaller gathering, where less separation of conversations happens and the conversation remains more general. Take up skiing everyone seems to love a skiing conversation as an icebreaker. — WendyG 50 secs ago

#21096 WendyG (2494 rep) | Q: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 4) | posted 33 hours ago by John (126 rep) | edited 33 hours ago by John (126 rep) | Toxicity 0.054014422 | tps/fps: 0/0

I'll try to volunteer in a "meaningful" capacity. Doing something that can really support a doctor...like maybe help build some useful administrative software tools that better integrate with their existing EMR systems. And use that as a segue for more discussions later on? — John 29 secs ago

#21097 John (126 rep) | A: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 6) | posted 28 hours ago by Rory Alsop (3130 rep) | Toxicity 0.11664263 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

4:46 PM

To be clear, your issue is with a child's outfit whilst playing in the privacy of their own home? — Ethan The Brave 1 min ago

#21070 Ethan The Brave (243 rep) | Q: Telling my cousin that she might want to learn more about cultural appropriation (score: 2) | posted 4 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | Toxicity 0.2811054 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

5:03 PM

@eirikdaude I took it more as allowing the boyfriend to broach the subject since he, I assume, knows the lady better and is better equipped to hand the conversation. Or, the boyfriend could make it seem that he noticed it and not the friend. It's more acceptable for a boyfriend to seem to be gawking instead of a friend. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

#1172 Lux Claridge (149 rep) | A: How to tell a friend I can see through her swimming suit (score: 41) | posted 572 days ago by cheshire (2767 rep) | Toxicity 0.07133599 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

@IPSCommentBot huh?

IPS Comment Bot

Comment was made 573 days after last activity on post

IPS Comment Bot

5:16 PM

+1 for recommending the validation of Ed's hurt. — Lux Claridge 1 min ago

#11408 Lux Claridge (149 rep) | A: Accused of Racism at Work (score: 26) | posted 357 days ago by Rose Hartman (2446 rep) | edited 357 days ago by Rose Hartman (2446 rep) | Toxicity 0.2320909 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

1 hour later…

6:32 PM

@IPSCommentBot tp

IPS Comment Bot

Marked this comment as caught correctly (tp). Currently marked 2tps/0fps

@puck Since you seem to be interested, here is an article who talk about the issue: teenvogue.com/story/… — Ælis 1 min ago

#21070 Ælis (5550 rep) | Q: Telling my cousin that she might want to learn more about cultural appropriation (score: 2) | posted 4 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | edited 3 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | Toxicity 0.22857632 | tps/fps: 0/0

@EthanTheBrave My cousin daughter did go to a sewing class with the outfit. — Ælis just now

#21070 Ælis (5550 rep) | Q: Telling my cousin that she might want to learn more about cultural appropriation (score: 2) | posted 4 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | edited 36 seconds ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | Toxicity 0.32118362 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

7:01 PM

To moderators, I've updated my question to clarify what I'm specifically asking for. — John 57 secs ago

#21096 John (126 rep) | Q: How can a poor and socially handicapped person socialize with wealthy people? (score: 4) | posted 36 hours ago by John (126 rep) | edited 4 minutes ago by John (126 rep) | Toxicity 0.057661656 | tps/fps: 0/0

2 hours later…

IPS Comment Bot

8:46 PM

before asking someone else why they believe something it can help to clarify what you believe, which it's not clear why you have negative biases against relationships. Adding more details for your biases and the fears you have will help to get better answers. — BKlassen 1 min ago

#21108 BKlassen (1117 rep) | Q: Always Being Told to Get Into a Relationship Despite State of Mental Health (score: 1) | posted 17 minutes ago by Redbeard (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.11803653 | tps/fps: 0/0

That's a good point, I'll update my question to give more context to that. Thank you :) — Redbeard 39 secs ago

#21108 Redbeard (11 rep) | Q: Always Being Told to Get Into a Relationship Despite State of Mental Health (score: 2) | posted 26 minutes ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.038929865 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

9:18 PM

So friends and family might be interested in kids / grandkids, but what reason does a "health care professional" give you for getting into a relationship? That seems very unusual to me. — DaveG 1 min ago

#21108 DaveG (4766 rep) | Q: Always Being Told to Get Into a Relationship Despite State of Mental Health (score: 2) | posted 49 minutes ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.07777547 | tps/fps: 0/0

I can include some more context to my question as well but discussions with counselors is tied to questions about my sexual orientation because they want to know whether that is a factor in my aversion (whether I am repressing feelings or desires for example). — Redbeard 1 min ago

#21108 Redbeard (11 rep) | Q: Always Being Told to Get Into a Relationship Despite State of Mental Health (score: 2) | posted 54 minutes ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | edited 3 minutes ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.073578164 | tps/fps: 0/0

thanks for updating the question, there's certainly a lot more food for thought to come up with an answer now — BKlassen 1 min ago

#21108 BKlassen (1117 rep) | Q: Always Being Told to Get Into a Relationship Despite State of Mental Health (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | edited 6 minutes ago by Redbeard (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.061493684 | tps/fps: 0/0

IPS Comment Bot

10:03 PM

Are you sure that the problems can only be described as "errors"? Could you describe them as unrealistic assumptions or oversimplifications instead? — swbarnes2 1 min ago

#21056 swbarnes2 (2413 rep) | A: How to properly criticize a poor (scientific) work? (score: 5) | posted 5 days ago by BestGuess (151 rep) | edited 4 days ago by Ælis (5550 rep) | Toxicity 0.30650318 | tps/fps: 0/0

10:16 PM

!!/howgood ips a are\Wyou\Wsure

IPS Comment Bot

 Type | # Matched | % of Matched | % of All Type | % of ALL Comments
--------------------------------------------------------------------
  tp  |     0     |     0.0%     |     0.0%      |       0.0%
  fp  |     0     |     0.0%     |     0.0%      |       0.0%
Total |    17     |      -       |       -       |   0.03998307%

!!/howgood ips q are\Wyou\Wsure

IPS Comment Bot

 Type | # Matched | % of Matched | % of All Type | % of ALL Comments
--------------------------------------------------------------------
  tp  |     1     | 1.51515152%  |  0.11695906%  |   0.00235195%
  fp  |     0     |     0.0%     |     0.0%      |       0.0%
Total |    66     |      -       |       -       |   0.15522837%

IPS Comment Bot

10:29 PM

@Anilla, as someone who has experienced trauma (though not in this nature), having someone validate the pain and reassure that it's not the individual's fault immensely helps. It's a small action on your part, but means the world to the individual. — Lux Claridge 5 secs ago

#20721 Lux Claridge (149 rep) | A: How to ask my friend to tell her support group she was sexually assaulted? (score: 18) | posted 33 days ago by Zoe Howlett (791 rep) | edited 33 days ago by Zoe Howlett (791 rep) | Toxicity 0.20331405 | Comment on inactive post | tps/fps: 0/0

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