The Closet

12:58 AM

It's helpful to have the perspective of the other side, but it would also help to give some advice to the OP on how to address the issue. — Fodder 9 secs ago

#16820 Fodder (1352 rep) | A: How to ask a friend to stop lying? (score: -2) | posted 31 hours ago by user4139197 (7 rep) | Toxicity 0.015904848

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1:33 AM

I'm voting for this to be closed as off topic because this looks like a request for help with phrasing. What are you trying to achieve with your response? — sphennings 59 secs ago

#16846 sphennings (6688 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: -1) | posted 22 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1049 rep) | Toxicity 0.053897955

IPS Comment Bot

1:52 AM

@sphennings I've clarified that I'm wanting to be polite and avoid awkward silence without saying that the delay didn't bother me. — Thunderforge just now

#16846 Thunderforge (1049 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: -1) | posted 41 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1049 rep) | Toxicity 0.19295582 | edited 21 seconds ago by Thunderforge (1049 rep)

Thanks this is really good! Out of curiosity why do people say "for legal reasons, try to keep emotion out of your communications"? Is it just so the other person can't say you were acting threatening? — bighouse 33 secs ago

#16833 bighouse (611 rep) | A: How to tell someone you don't trust that you are going to stick with written communication (score: 3) | posted 21 hours ago by Brythan (869 rep) | Toxicity 0.24779682

This still looks like a request for help with phrasing, rather than a question about an interpersonal skill. — sphennings 1 min ago

#16846 sphennings (6688 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: -1) | posted 45 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1049 rep) | Toxicity 0.04261417 | edited 4 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1049 rep)

It isn't okay, but not the fault of the person who apologized, so you could say "Not your fault" -- which expresses both of those feelings. — さりげない告白 1 min ago

#16846 さりげない告白 (492 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: 0) | posted 50 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep) | Toxicity 0.24059412 | edited 9 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep)

@sphennings I think that it's about expressing their feelings about the situation. Phrasing is a part of that, but I wouldn't say it's the only part. The question relates to the proper response, including attitude, expectations, as well as proper expression of those things. — Upper_Case 2 mins ago

#16846 Upper_Case (4804 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: 0) | posted 50 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep) | Toxicity 0.069599554 | edited 9 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

2:20 AM

This really hits a very important point - there was nothing the cashier could have done. Additionally, OP chose to wait rather than leave. So their thanks for waiting was appropriate. There's a time to be civil to others, and this, IMHO, is it. — baldPrussian 24 secs ago

#16847 baldPrussian (19364 rep) | A: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: 2) | posted 46 minutes ago by Lawrence (439 rep) | Toxicity 0.09332516

@sphennings Do you have suggestions for how I could improve this question so that it will be on-topic? — Thunderforge 44 secs ago

#16846 Thunderforge (1054 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep) | Toxicity 0.040618528 | edited 35 minutes ago by Thunderforge (1054 rep)

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2:56 AM

@bighouse I'm mainly just saying to avoid saying things that are emotionally satisfying in the moment but which might make it look like you are the one being unreasonable. At the moment, you seem in the right. He owes you money and you want him to pay it or at least tell you when he is going to pay it. If he doesn't, you will want to go to a court of equity for redress. And a court of equity requires clean hands. You aren't a legal expert, so you won't know when you step across that line. So stay away from it entirely. — Brythan 1 min ago

#16833 Brythan (869 rep) | A: How to tell someone you don't trust that you are going to stick with written communication (score: 3) | posted 22 hours ago by Brythan (869 rep) | Toxicity 0.11435406

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3:41 AM

@RyanfaeScotland then converting all of the sentences as questions will make them good again? — Ooker 1 min ago

#1644 Ooker (152 rep) | Q: Please don't write answers in comments (score: 56) | posted 319 days ago by Arwen Undómiel (2124 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 123 days ago by Arwen Undómiel (2124 rep)

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4:08 AM

Not necessarily. Just because a comment is in the form of a question is not sufficient for it to be considered requesting clarification. — sphennings 54 secs ago

#3148 sphennings (6688 rep) | A: Please don't write answers in comments (score: -2) | posted 1 hours ago by Ooker (152 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 32 minutes ago by Ooker (152 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

5:23 AM

This question seems pretty broad. Can you maybe give us some more information? What kind of community are you thinking of? What kind of arguments are you thinking of? What is your goal in responding and why do you feel the need to respond? — scohe001 10 secs ago

#16850 scohe001 (6951 rep) | Q: Elegant and general way to reponse when others quarrel on the internet? (score: 0) | posted 2 minutes ago by 陳力 (114 rep) | Toxicity 0.090328716

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5:59 AM

how about something like "do you think X is best for you?" — Ooker 1 min ago

#3148 Ooker (152 rep) | A: Please don't write answers in comments (score: -3) | posted 3 hours ago by Ooker (152 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 2 hours ago by Ooker (152 rep)

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6:24 AM

@refbobby A landlord absolutely can tell a tenant where not to put their stuff. — Andrew Leach 12 secs ago

#16734 Andrew Leach (168 rep) | A: How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"? (score: 75) | posted 3 days ago by Will Appleby (1347 rep) | Toxicity 0.4126149 | edited 2 days ago by Nerd (37 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

6:49 AM

@Thunderforge it is unclear to me what goal you want to achieve by saying that you were bothered. By clarifying a specific goal here the question can be made on-topic. — Cashbee 1 min ago

#16846 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: How do I respond to someone saying "thanks for waiting" after a long wait I wasn't okay with? (score: 0) | posted 5 hours ago by Thunderforge (1057 rep) | Toxicity 0.11381052 | edited 4 hours ago by Thunderforge (1057 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

7:17 AM

Hi! Unfortunately this does not answer the question. Could you please edit your answer and try to address OP's primary issue, which is how to tell their girlfriend to stop those kind of questions? — avazula 16 secs ago

#16845 avazula (5557 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: -1) | posted 8 hours ago by emory (109 rep) | Toxicity 0.12812155

IPS Comment Bot

7:30 AM

@KGM exactly. We are not here to find your arguments for you. You also know these people better than we do - we don't know what makes them angry or what convinces them any better than you do. — Cashbee 29 secs ago

#16815 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: How to convince open-source developers that no-deriv licenses are ok? (score: -3) | posted 41 hours ago by KGM (2 rep) | Toxicity 0.30819437 | edited 11 hours ago by KGM (2 rep)

@scohe001 You are right. I should not respond. — 陳力 1 min ago

#16850 陳力 (112 rep) | Q: Elegant and general way to reponse when others quarrel on the internet? (score: -1) | posted 2 hours ago by 陳力 (112 rep) | Toxicity 0.17552884

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

The second lie make me just things she may felt not in the mood but just didn't dare to say it. So it might be better to tell her with the friends that if sometimes she doesn't want to come, it's fine. — Walfrat 2 mins ago

#16736 Walfrat (306 rep) | A: How to ask a friend to stop lying? (score: 4) | posted 3 days ago by TheRealLester (3993 rep) | Toxicity 0.26197302 | edited 4 hours ago by Kat (2429 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

7:54 AM

asking for external resources is off-topic on any stackexchange site. Although it's not from the meta of this stack, this meta answer explains it very well why that is. — Cashbee 50 secs ago

#16814 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: "Categorized Conversation" roulette plattform? (score: -3) | posted 41 hours ago by SearchSpace (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.08582134

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"Clarification" refers to clarifying the question, not clarifying whether or not the OP thinks a potential answer is good. — Cascabel 10 secs ago

#3148 Cascabel (1387 rep) | A: Please don't write answers in comments (score: -3) | posted 5 hours ago by Ooker (152 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 4 hours ago by Ooker (152 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

Asking whether something is ethical or not is primarily opinion based and therefore off-topic here. Instead, you could ask how to tell your friend that his application is unlikely to be accepted without risking the friendship. — Cashbee 1 min ago

#16813 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: Friend asking for a job referral but doesn't have the skills (score: 3) | posted 42 hours ago by Jenks (19 rep) | Toxicity 0.08485792

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because asking what's ethical or not is not suitable for this stack, as it is basically the same as asking if something is right. — avazula 2 mins ago

#16813 avazula (5562 rep) | Q: Friend asking for a job referral but doesn't have the skills (score: 3) | posted 42 hours ago by Jenks (19 rep) | Toxicity 0.19739498

IPS Comment Bot

8:18 AM

What have you said in previous happenings and how did it turn out? Why is saying "programming is 90% of engineering field" not working? — Cashbee 55 secs ago

#16853 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by droidnation (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.060570914

Your second question does not fit the site ;) — Cashbee 1 min ago

#16853 Cashbee (3437 rep) | Q: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by droidnation (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.091203265

> You also know these people better than we do - we don't know what makes them angry or what convinces them any better than you do. - really? what is this stack exchange good for then? Interpersonal skills = know how to convince people etc! — KGM 1 min ago

#16815 KGM (2 rep) | Q: How to convince open-source developers that no-deriv licenses are ok? (score: -3) | posted 42 hours ago by KGM (2 rep) | Toxicity 0.28308076 | edited 12 hours ago by KGM (2 rep)

My wife is my best friend, think about that. — Jodrell 56 secs ago

My wife is my best friend, think about that. I think she would be very jealous if I told her another women was my best friend or if she even suspected it. Sex wouldn't matter. If your wife is like my wife, I don't think this question can be answered other than the correct but eventually terminal, be honest. — Jodrell 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

8:44 AM

I like the answer as far as it goes but there is more to marriage than just sex. In many wedding vows the phrase "forsaking all others" occurs, I don't think this is intended to be limited to the physical relationship. — Jodrell 1 min ago

#16445 Jodrell (129 rep) | A: How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends? (score: 407) | posted 10 days ago by Upper_Case (4864 rep) | Toxicity 0.3889421 | edited 6 days ago by Upper_Case (4864 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

8:59 AM

Hi droidnation. I allowed myself to edit your question to remove the off-topic part and improve a bit the spelling. Please rollback if you do not agree with my edit. :) — avazula 29 secs ago

#16853 avazula (5562 rep) | Q: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 0) | posted 45 minutes ago by droidnation (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.046865918 | edited 1 minutes ago by avazula (5562 rep)

@AndrewLeach of course they can tell them, but the tenant doesn't have to listen. Unless it's illegal, but then the landlord should probably call the police. — Belle-Sophie 56 secs ago

#16734 Belle-Sophie (2455 rep) | A: How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"? (score: 77) | posted 3 days ago by Will Appleby (1367 rep) | Toxicity 0.21558553 | edited 3 days ago by Nerd (37 rep)

PS: Regarding your second question, you absolutely can. It may depend on your country (for example in France it's quite uncommon to meet 35+ y.o. programmers, but you could be one if you want to) but engineering is such a vast domain, as you said, that one can keep learning their entire life and change jobs easily (once the skills acquired). It's common to meet people (even with highly-valued jobs) who were from different fields before. — avazula 1 min ago

#16853 avazula (5562 rep) | Q: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 0) | posted 49 minutes ago by droidnation (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.053671654 | edited 5 minutes ago by avazula (5562 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

9:22 AM

Thanks for your comment @avazula. Cashbee, they say the same thing each time they see me. — droidnation 23 secs ago

#16853 droidnation (101 rep) | Q: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by droidnation (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.06304267 | edited 24 minutes ago by avazula (5572 rep)

Thanks for your answer. You're totally right and you made me feel confortable with what I do and what I am considering in the future. I will chase my dreams until the last breath. — droidnation 25 secs ago

#16856 droidnation (103 rep) | A: How to make people understand that I am working in a part of my vast domain (score: 2) | posted 41 minutes ago by SZCZERZO KŁY (136 rep) | Toxicity 0.123919934

IPS Comment Bot

9:44 AM

Related question on German SE: Natural way to deny help from a shopkeeper — Wrzlprmft 1 min ago

#16617 Wrzlprmft (105 rep) | Q: How to ask a store clerk to leave you alone without being rude? (score: 29) | posted 5 days ago by Moslem Ch (897 rep) | Toxicity 0.059215173 | edited 5 days ago by Nerd (37 rep)

Where do you come from originally? Is your friend aware that expired foods are not looked upon fondly where you are? — Kozaky 16 secs ago

#16857 Kozaky (4704 rep) | Q: Friend keeps gifting exipred items. How to politely bring it up? (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by AcceptCookies (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.11919836

IPS Comment Bot

10:41 AM

@apaul I would argue that shame isn't very relevant here, but their ego and individualism are. A 35+ man with enough ego and individualism in him will find it offensive to himself to ignore common sense for a mere approval from a group, unless his salary depends on it of course. Here goes stereotypical me :] — Arthur Tarasov 1 min ago

#16632 Arthur Tarasov (111 rep) | A: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 110) | posted 5 days ago by whereswalden (845 rep) | Toxicity 0.30099565

thanks for explaining. I wasn't sure myself. The problem is, I googled already myself and found nothing usable. There isn't any enterpreneur plattform on stackexchange? (Then one could handle this question as if there is already such a business idea?) — SearchSpace 15 secs ago

#16814 SearchSpace (1 rep) | Q: "Categorized Conversation" roulette plattform? (score: -3) | posted 44 hours ago by SearchSpace (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.05106915

IPS Comment Bot

11:03 AM

@JohnDoe : If there is an LGBTQ person around who is actually suffering due to hearing those jokes, then yes, it might fall under sexual harassment. But if not, then reporting it would make the OP look like a tattletale at best, and thought police at worst. — vsz 1 min ago

#16620 vsz (349 rep) | Q: How can I try to get my coworkers to stop their jokes on LGBTQ+ people (score: 62) | posted 5 days ago by avazula (5577 rep) | Toxicity 0.4570449 | edited 3 hours ago by avazula (5577 rep)

Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to answering :) Could you please however edit your answer to explain why you think this is a good idea? "Try this" answers are not a good fit on this site. Thanks. — avazula 1 min ago

#16860 avazula (5577 rep) | A: How can I tell my parents I'd like to help them financially after getting a very well paid job? (score: 0) | posted 8 minutes ago by clktmr (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.03503906

IPS Comment Bot

11:33 AM

Do you spend much time with your wife? This question really suggests you spend more with the other woman. No wonder she's insecure about your relationship. — AJFaraday 50 secs ago

IPS Comment Bot

11:56 AM

Hi aperture! As is it, your question is likely to be closed, since you're asking what you should do. I'd suggest you edit your question to avoid this off-topic situation and instead use something similar to your title which is really good. — avazula 2 mins ago

#16861 avazula (5577 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.11892443

Might be worth looking at this similar situation: interpersonal.stackexchange.com/questions/14776/… — Kozaky 1 min ago

#16861 Kozaky (4704 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 20 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.014062635

Is there any particular reason why you feel like you need to justify your decision? The arguments of the "You should have kids-'faction'" are not really rational, so trying to enter into a discussion is likely to spawn even more of those. — Flo 2 mins ago

#16861 Flo (773 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 20 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.20149247

@Flo I have already tried to convince my half of the family and we had a fight. I don't want to reproduce this with my in-law family. About the non-rational arguments, do you know any way to convince them they're wrong ? Or at least make them accept my choice. — matthieusb 6 secs ago

#16861 matthieusb (101 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 23 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.20730433

@Kozaky Thanks for the link to the question. This is a possible duplicate. Sorry about that. — matthieusb 33 secs ago

#16861 matthieusb (101 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 24 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.017005976

@Flo I have already tried to convince my half of the family and we had a fight. I don't want to reproduce this with my in-law family. About the non-rational arguments, do you know any way to convince them they're wrong ? Or at least make them accept my choice — aperture 18 secs ago

#16861 aperture (1 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 25 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.22181757

@Kozaky This is a possible duplicate, sorry about that. Thanks for the link ! — aperture 47 secs ago

#16861 aperture (1 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 26 minutes ago by aperture (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.02371729

Ladies & Gentlemans please keep a open mind as it's stated in the "How do I ask a good question?" link in the Help Section. btw +1 — jean 1 min ago

#16778 jean (160 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 115) | posted 3 days ago by Legisey (682 rep) | Toxicity 0.1282764 | edited 2 days ago by Legisey (682 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["+1"]

Thanks for your answer. When I say I am "not sure" it's a really slight possibility, more like a 95% chance I'll not change my mind, but I don't want to rule it out. I thinks this might be a good approach though. — aperture 1 min ago

#16862 aperture (6 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 5 minutes ago by avazula (5577 rep) | Toxicity 0.028781509

Ok, I'll edit accordingly then. :) — avazula 39 secs ago

#16862 avazula (5577 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by avazula (5577 rep) | Toxicity 0.030440789

However, this might not always work if you are part of the prejudiced group in the joke. When I tried this tactic against homophobic or sexist jokes, people have answered along the lines of "well of course you wouldn't get it, you're gay/a girl/..." — usernumber 24 secs ago

#14455 usernumber (101 rep) | A: How to quickly remove yourself from a homophobic conversation? (score: 205) | posted 69 days ago by DoubleDouble (1231 rep) | Toxicity 0.624187 | edited 68 days ago by DoubleDouble (1231 rep)

@aperture Well, my standard-approach to irrational arguments is asking "Why" (in an open "I-really-want-to-know"-way, not in a rhetorical way). I tried to write up an answer. — Flo 13 secs ago

#16861 Flo (773 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 42 minutes ago by aperture (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.1688622 | edited 14 minutes ago by aperture (6 rep)

I don't think that the question scenarios being impossible have nothing to do with it. What if the question was "If I would die now, would you ever love someone else?". I don't know why anyone would ask such a question, and if you wish him to answer "no", then you probably are very insecure and selfish. Of course OP should recognize that his SO is insecure, but I'm not sure why you're trying to make it seem like OP is wrong for not answering "right" to ridiculous questions. — FINDarkside 21 secs ago

#16783 FINDarkside (101 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 63) | posted 3 days ago by Astralbee (15490 rep) | Toxicity 0.46095464 | edited 2 days ago by Astralbee (15490 rep)

The only thing I can say is to be carefull, and if he ask you some stuff to do (work) make sure to have writing trail. That guy hostility may be based on the fact that either is see you as a threat or is only interested in its career. If anything happen don't let him scapegoat you. Based on what you relate I don't think if we can really say if approaching him about the matter is a good idea, whatever the method is. If you're very near of some of your coworkers, first ask them if they noticed "something weird between you two". — Walfrat 20 secs ago

#16787 Walfrat (306 rep) | Q: How to ask a coworker if (and why) they don't like me? (score: 4) | posted 2 days ago by Andy Carlson (219 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 2 days ago by OldPadawan (12228 rep)

Thanks for the detailed answer. About your question on who would benefit if I had kids, I am not sure exactly who was targeted. If I had to guess (since it was coming from my mother), I'd say that she thinks I owed her grandchildren because she took care of me. After reading a few answers I think I can just answer that it is my personal decision to make. — matthieusb 29 secs ago

#16863 matthieusb (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep) | Toxicity 0.05410094

Make sure it is really past the expiry date. In some countries they also/instead print the production or packaging date (this confused me once). — HectorLector 1 min ago

#16857 HectorLector (119 rep) | Q: Friend keeps gifting exipred items. How to politely bring it up? (score: 0) | posted 2 hours ago by AcceptCookies (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.025004108

Thanks for the detailed answer. About your question on who would benefit if I had kids, I am not sure exactly who was targeted. If I had to guess (since it was coming from my mother), I'd say that she thinks I owed her grandchildren because she took care of me. After reading a few answers I think I can just answer that it is my personal decision to make. — aperture 21 secs ago

#16863 aperture (11 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep) | Toxicity 0.05410094

Oh sorry, I am not a native speaker either. But I see your point better now. — aperture just now

#16863 aperture (11 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 12 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep) | Toxicity 0.06409423

The question wasn't really targeted at anyone in specific, it's a question that anyone involved could / should ask themselves (you, your SO, your parents, your in-laws, anyone who thinks it is their place to meddle in the decision, really. I'll edit my answer to make this more clear. — Flo 1 min ago

#16863 Flo (783 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 12 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep) | Toxicity 0.11811901

Well, comments are for clarification, so this was basically textbook-usage of comments. ;-) So no need to apologize. :-) — Flo 1 min ago

#16863 Flo (783 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 1) | posted 15 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep) | Toxicity 0.04417119 | edited 2 minutes ago by Flo (783 rep)

".. I think I would be glad if you eventually found someone else to love .." does not sound like a good conversation route at all, given that she wants reassurance of OPs feelings towards her. — Kromster 44 secs ago

#16811 Kromster (101 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 7) | posted 50 hours ago by Blupp (81 rep) | Toxicity 0.048007637

The above all makes sense but I will add one other point linking onto yo ur comment. I don't know if this has any relevance but I thought I would include it anyway that I was recently diagnosed with Autism. But I don't personally agree with that and also I have a job etc and friends so am pretty 'normal' even if it is correct. — Richard C 54 secs ago

#16468 Richard C (101 rep) | A: How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends? (score: 198) | posted 10 days ago by 1006a (3122 rep) | Toxicity 0.11230529 | edited 9 days ago by 1006a (3122 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Do note that depending on where this is taking place, putting things where you are not allowed to put them, may not automatically grant them the right to throw things away. It's not what you asked, but it might still be good to know. — Jasper 1 min ago

The last point you make, about being diagnosed with Autism, is in fact one of the most important points. Two of the side effects of Autism is an inability to see how our actions impact those around us and also to become obssesed or fixated on somthing. Right now your fixation is your new friendship, in your head it is just platonic and you will struggle to understand how your wife doesn't see it that way. But you will also struggle to see subtle hints. To an outsider, despite Katie's insitance otherwise, it would look like she may want more and you may be giving indicators without meaning to — Richard C 1 min ago

IPS Comment Bot

1:34 PM

It's clearer based on the edit OP made that the term "free" in french refers to being single, not the "I'm done with her, she's free" sense it has in English. Just a mistranslation here as OP might not be at ease in English. Please consider editing your answer to fit the question edit. — F. Emin just now

#16330 F. Emin (149 rep) | A: How should I approach a situation were I said something wrong and somebody else reported it? (score: 3) | posted 13 days ago by WendyG (2308 rep) | Toxicity 0.1263961 | edited 13 days ago by WendyG (2308 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

1:57 PM

Not really relating to actually answering the question, but I really like the use of the word "Companion". Normally in this context it'd be "Partner". Companion has a somewhat different and rather nice vibe to it. Sharing life's journey and all that. — Ruadhan2300 1 min ago

#16861 Ruadhan2300 (307 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 8) | posted 2 hours ago by aperture (41 rep) | Toxicity 0.041197643 | edited 1 hours ago by aperture (41 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

2:08 PM

Now you know why you specify such things in a contract. — Mast 8 secs ago

ALso is the date in US or European format MM/DD/YY or DD/MM/YY — Mark 1 min ago

#16857 Mark (101 rep) | Q: Friend keeps gifting exipred items. How to politely bring it up? (score: 0) | posted 4 hours ago by AcceptCookies (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.03714748 | edited 1 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

There may not be extra space to pay for. I have a desk in my living room that is usually empty or nearly empty. It is where the sewing machine goes when I am using it. It is the buffet table when I have friends over for a potluck. That space in the basement may be where the camping gear that is currently out on loan will be next week. — Patricia Shanahan 1 min ago

#16746 Patricia Shanahan (101 rep) | A: How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"? (score: 8) | posted 3 days ago by UIDAlexD (363 rep) | Toxicity 0.06276401

Do either your or her parents have any other children? That may affect the level of pressure / disappointment. — gerrit 32 secs ago

#16861 gerrit (1266 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 8) | posted 2 hours ago by aperture (41 rep) | Toxicity 0.084747985 | edited 2 hours ago by aperture (41 rep)

The problem isn't "her take on the concept" per se, it's that she's expecting an unrealistic answer. In-universe in Dr Who, we have two immortal characters: the Doctor, and Captain Jack. I forget if The Doctor was in love with anyone for that long before a regeneration, but he typically finds new friendships and sometimes loves (e.g. Rose). Jack Harkness definitely did fall in love for a long time at least once (not 60 years, though), but eventually found new love with other people. OTOH, we have Roman Centurionified Rory who waited 2000 years for Amy, but he knew she was alive. — Peter Cordes 1 min ago

#16783 Peter Cordes (101 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 66) | posted 3 days ago by Astralbee (15520 rep) | Toxicity 0.025036266 | edited 3 days ago by Astralbee (15520 rep)

... or even YYMMDD. — Lawrence 1 min ago

#16857 Lawrence (574 rep) | Q: Friend keeps gifting exipred items. How to politely bring it up? (score: 0) | posted 4 hours ago by AcceptCookies (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.20331791 | edited 1 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

@aperture oh I've changed my view on so many "100% never ever" things, 95% sounds like a yes ;). Not saying you will change your mind, but with 95% this answer is not a lie and therefore a good way to go. — DonQuiKong 39 secs ago

#16862 DonQuiKong (229 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5638 rep) | Toxicity 0.11288773 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5638 rep)

I am an only son and my SO's two brothers won't (probably) "provide" grandchildren anytime soon. I'll edit my question. — aperture 34 secs ago

#16861 aperture (46 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 9) | posted 2 hours ago by aperture (46 rep) | Toxicity 0.0982486 | edited 2 hours ago by aperture (46 rep)

While it is technically not a lie, it does make it sound as if you do want children, just not now, which (to me) is as close as you can get to a lie. Also, this will probably only postpone the whole discussion. Fastforward a couple of years, and you'll have the same questions directed at you. — Flo 47 secs ago

#16862 Flo (792 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 5) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5646 rep) | Toxicity 0.17272891 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5646 rep)

I am not sure I get your point here. Are you implying that saying this is a lie (to myself or my parents) ? Because yes from experience I've changed my mind on many things I was so sure about. If it's clearer: on the short term I am 100% sure I don't want kids, but who knows what lies ahead (Is that helping ?) — aperture 1 min ago

#16862 aperture (46 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 6) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5656 rep) | Toxicity 0.15801549 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5656 rep)

My point being: This doesn't answer the question, it just provides a (slightly dishonest, IMO) way to avoid the discussion for a while. — Flo 1 min ago

#16862 Flo (792 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep) | Toxicity 0.24466294 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep)

@Flo This answer's the question of how to make them accept. it might not work permanently but that does not stop it being an answer. (especially for a topic that will always crop back up no matter how you explain it whenever a couple reaches the late 30s-40s and family start to think its the last chance and push again for children) but by that point it is a completely different IPS question — J.Doe 6 secs ago

#16862 J.Doe (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep) | Toxicity 0.060492586 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep)

@J.Doe It doesn't, actually. What they will (or may) accept is not what they are supposed to accept. This answer makes them accept that the OP is postponing the "project children" until a later time (which is not even true), when what they are supposed to accept (as per the question) is that the OP currently is not planning to have children at any time. — Flo 1 min ago

#16862 Flo (792 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep) | Toxicity 0.08665197 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5666 rep)

We've had this conversation and my SO and she's less sure than I am. I fear we'll have to break up if she changes her mind. But recent events concerning her long-term and hard studies make her reconsider the possibility of having kids. Now she thinks she doesn't want any but will want to have some later in her life. We chose to follow each other for now. — aperture 2 mins ago

#16864 aperture (51 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 4) | posted 1 hours ago by Richard C (141 rep) | Toxicity 0.10901686

It sounds very strongly like you married the wrong woman, at least from the way you're describing the two relationships — Valorum 53 secs ago

@Flo "op currently is not planning to have children at any time" the word currently is key there. they are not 100% sure so postponing until they have more time to make a decision is valid. avoiding conflict with family this way is a great way to go about it. if you really want to go into further discussion open a chat and we can there. — J.Doe 1 min ago

#16862 J.Doe (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and in-law parents) accept that I don't want to have kids? (score: 8) | posted 2 hours ago by avazula (5676 rep) | Toxicity 0.06573467 | edited 2 hours ago by avazula (5676 rep)

Regarding the last comment (about being selfish). I think your parents are extremely selfish by demanding you to provide them with grandchildren while you yourself are not feeling up to it. — Geliormth 25 secs ago

#16861 Geliormth (2826 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 12) | posted 3 hours ago by aperture (61 rep) | Toxicity 0.51223725 | edited 3 minutes ago by psmears (152 rep)

the important thing is that your both honest with where you both are on this and that you agree that if one of you changes your position it isnt fair to expect the other person to and therefore at that point it may be time to move on. The issue arises if one lies in hope the other will change there mind. As far as your and her family are concerned, a firm we are not intrested in having children, please do not mention it again, should go a long way — Richard C 1 min ago

#16864 Richard C (151 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 5) | posted 1 hours ago by Richard C (151 rep) | Toxicity 0.07042394 | edited 3 minutes ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

As a French myself, i both agree and disagree with "In French culture, it's considered vulgar/rude/distasteful to talk about money in public". Sure people here might not be willing to tell their friends how much they earn but I've never seen it as an issue to ask for splitting the bill, unless maybe if it's business related or if it's dating, you might look cheap but I can't think of other situations where people would get offended if you ask for splitting the bill — F. Emin 58 secs ago

#7853 F. Emin (149 rep) | A: How to handle friends who never invite? (score: 2) | posted 226 days ago by Charles (285 rep) | Toxicity 0.24149233 | edited 226 days ago by anongoodnurse (20818 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Thanks for your feedback Thomas. Al thought I don't want to use this solution I'll keep in mind that this could be a last resort. — aperture 47 secs ago

#16868 aperture (61 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 1) | posted 7 minutes ago by Thomas Blank (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.070450924 | edited 1 minutes ago by Thomas Blank (101 rep)

@aperture Only part of this answer is designed to give you a solution. Most of it is about reminding you that you are in the right, 100%. That can possibly also help you implementing one of the solutions in the other answers. There are a lot of arrangements and rules and compromises you and your families could make; But please remember during all this: Your decision is fine. Your thinking is fine. You can handle this. That talk tries to convince you otherwise. Don't let it succeed. — Thomas Blank 1 min ago

#16868 Thomas Blank (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 1) | posted 14 minutes ago by Thomas Blank (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.049537003 | edited 6 minutes ago by Thomas Blank (101 rep)

youtu.be/UEyJnwPIr4Q — foobarbecue 43 secs ago

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

But note that I was clear about not wanting kids at the start of the relationship - but my partner did change my mind. It's not a decision I regret (but I don't think I would have regretted not having one either). — Martin Bonner 21 secs ago

#16864 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Richard C (171 rep) | Toxicity 0.12493821 | edited 29 minutes ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

Maybe it would be a good idea to put up a country tag? I'm kind of surprised that a parent might suggest when if ever to have kids, but maybe that's more common in some culture. — JoL 27 secs ago

#16861 JoL (180 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 13) | posted 3 hours ago by aperture (66 rep) | Toxicity 0.11349998 | edited 33 minutes ago by psmears (152 rep)

Indeed, it would be relevant. — aperture 19 secs ago

#16861 aperture (66 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 13) | posted 3 hours ago by aperture (66 rep) | Toxicity 0.028195111 | edited 35 minutes ago by psmears (152 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

I keep saying "having children because our parents want grandkids, is not the worst possible reason to have children (it's easily beat by 'we got drunk and forgot contraception'), but ..." — Martin Bonner 40 secs ago

#16864 Martin Bonner (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Richard C (171 rep) | Toxicity 0.45796573 | edited 30 minutes ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

3:34 PM

"The kid is of African origin, so it's quite easy to make up racist remarks at him. However, this is heavily shunned upon, unfortunately"

Haha. Wow. "Unfortunately"? So you're saying you wish it was socially OK that you could be racist right back? I believe this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. — LCIII 32 secs ago

#4189 LCIII (121 rep) | Q: How to handle a younger sibling being verbally bullied, with sometimes racist remarks, at school? (score: 10) | posted 307 days ago by Pradana Aumars (218 rep) | Toxicity 0.6771105 | edited 307 days ago by (deleted user)

people change and there isnt anything wrong with changing, I haven't. have never wanted children, never want them, I have found myself in a happy place of marrying a women who had grown up children and so have become a step grandfather and this has just emphasised the fact that for me, children are better in small doses and when I can give them back and only have them overnight once they can make it through the night :). — Richard C 32 secs ago

#16864 Richard C (171 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Richard C (171 rep) | Toxicity 0.20388103 | edited 48 minutes ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

3:54 PM

Hi Opt and welcome. Actually, this seems very suited for academia.se. Have you tried posting it over there? — OldPadawan 15 secs ago

#16870 OldPadawan (12228 rep) | Q: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 23 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.03646378 | edited 5 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep)

There is some good information in this answer, but it does not answer the question. The question was about parents and parent-in-laws accepting ones decision about not having kids not the spouse. — Anketam 54 secs ago

#16864 Anketam (668 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 7) | posted 2 hours ago by Richard C (171 rep) | Toxicity 0.03016515 | edited 1 hours ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

Why isn't your wife your best friend? Also, try some role reversal. What if your wife's "best friend" was another guy? And she's leaving with him for "a holiday booked for 1 week" and they are "sharing a [hotel] room". You would be okay with that? Her concerns and insecurities are fully justified IMO. — Michael_B 21 secs ago

IPS Meta Comments

I'm not sure it's clear what your question is at the moment (there are no question marks in the whole question! :P). It might help if you make clear the question in the title and at the end. It sounds like you're trying for something like: How can I encouragingly critique my budding photographer friend? and then you can talk about the stakes (she's trying to do this for a living, has a baby, etc...) and why this might be a touchy subject in the body. — scohe001 1 min ago

#3150 scohe001 (6951 rep) | A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions (score: 0) | posted 11 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep) | Toxicity NoKey

IPS Comment Bot

4:10 PM

Welcome in our fantastic country where police discourage women being sexually harassed to press charges and laugh at your face when you're a man coming to see them for the reverse situation — F. Emin 52 secs ago

#4728 F. Emin (149 rep) | Q: Convince somebody to stop flirting with me (score: 53) | posted 297 days ago by user3399 (3490 rep) | Toxicity 0.62290215 | edited 294 days ago by psmears (152 rep)

IPS Meta Comments

@scohe001 Thanks for the feedback, I edited the question. This makes more sense, I hope it's better. — ElizB 1 min ago

#3150 ElizB (426 rep) | A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions (score: 0) | posted 22 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 10 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep)

What are they asking you to help with? How integral to the business are you? Also you may want to checkout this slightly related question. — scohe001 41 secs ago

#3150 scohe001 (6951 rep) | A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions (score: 0) | posted 23 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 11 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

@OldPadawan Thanks. Yes I did. Actually I first gave a reference to my question in that forum but then decided not to include it. The reason was that I wanted to have more opinions particularly on whether my co-supervisor's conduct was professional or not. The answer in that forum is quite wise but does not answer my question explicitly. academia.stackexchange.com/questions/114045/… — Opt 1 min ago

#16870 Opt (101 rep) | Q: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 47 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.01431443 | edited 28 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep)

IPS Meta Comments

The friend is asking me to promote their work on social media. I have no part of the business, she lives in another state, but is coming to visit in a week. That question is slightly related, yes, but this "friend" is much closer, she "feels" like a sibling - I don't want the friend to come to this site and find my question and feel offended I had to ask about how to interact with her. — ElizB 37 secs ago

#3150 ElizB (426 rep) | A: Sandbox for Proposed Questions (score: 0) | posted 26 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep) | Toxicity NoKey | edited 14 minutes ago by ElizB (426 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

@Flo, there is nothing the OP can do to make them accept his decision. That is completely up to them. So while this isn't an answer, it does provide an answer to make the current situation go away. Then when they are older, the argument that they'll change their minds, or that they don't know what they're doing doesn't hold as much weight. Perhaps too, the in-laws will already have children from their other offspring and it won't be as important to them. While it may not be an ideal solution, it may offer some relief from the incessant questioning. — CramerTV just now

#16862 CramerTV (222 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 11) | posted 4 hours ago by avazula (5704 rep) | Toxicity 0.11923231 | edited 4 hours ago by avazula (5704 rep)

I want to learn about this stuff. Is being professional a relative thing? If my co-supervisor's conduct is not professional, I need to know that so under the same conditions I do not do the same thing to others. I want to learn from his mistake (if it is one). — Opt 31 secs ago

#16870 Opt (101 rep) | Q: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 52 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.13624805 | edited 33 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep)

One of the goals of the question is to do it "without too much conflict". This answer looks like it will do the exact opposite. — Anketam 1 min ago

#16868 Anketam (666 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by Thomas Blank (109 rep) | Toxicity 0.1592544 | edited 1 hours ago by Thomas Blank (109 rep)

"I would love you even more, because I have to confess I love grannys" I was going to go with "I'd be jumping out a plane because with a chance to live twice, who wouldn't go sky diving" but the making the reply silly is the only way to show that the question was - bit I like your granny loving. — UKMonkey 1 min ago

#16778 UKMonkey (388 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 129) | posted 3 days ago by Legisey (792 rep) | Toxicity 0.3889421 | edited 3 days ago by Legisey (792 rep)

well, it's primarly opinion-based. IMHO, he doesn't know what really happened, needs to know if you made a mistake or skipped his name on purpose. So, we don't know what he may think of this... hard to tell :/ — OldPadawan 41 secs ago

#16870 OldPadawan (12228 rep) | Q: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Opt (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.13776903 | edited 41 minutes ago by Opt (101 rep)

Note it is very important that your spouse knows what you actually want if you go with this approach. For example if your spouse hears this and thinks you want kids later when in fact you never want kids. That could lead to awkward problems down the line once your spouse is ready to have kids and realizes you do not. — Anketam 1 min ago

#16874 Anketam (666 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 2) | posted 11 minutes ago by Myles (153 rep) | Toxicity 0.11559356

IPS Comment Bot

4:49 PM

TL;DR Suck it up or move. Sucking it up is one way of resolving the situation, doesn't seem to be what OP wants though. — RandomUs1r 1 min ago

#16766 RandomUs1r (201 rep) | A: How to negotiate with landlady in a shared home who flat out says "no"? (score: 2) | posted 3 days ago by Elsdon Ward (362 rep) | Toxicity 0.849773 | edited 46 hours ago by Elsdon Ward (362 rep)

Do you want to continue being friends with her or do you not care whether you are polite or not? — ElizB 35 secs ago

#16875 ElizB (426 rep) | Q: How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours? (score: 4) | posted 24 minutes ago by Amaimon43 (21 rep) | Toxicity 0.21529484 | edited 10 minutes ago by OldPadawan (12228 rep)

To follow up on ElizB's question, are you actually friends? Or are you just helping out to be "neighborly"? Are you helping her just to avoid having a bad relationship with a neighbor? — DaveG 25 secs ago

#16875 DaveG (1159 rep) | Q: How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours? (score: 4) | posted 28 minutes ago by Amaimon43 (21 rep) | Toxicity 0.22933221 | edited 13 minutes ago by OldPadawan (12228 rep)

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this question seems to be more focused about what is and isn't professional conduct rather than interpersonal skills. — sphennings 50 secs ago

#16870 sphennings (6689 rep) | Q: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by Opt (104 rep) | Toxicity 0.16927044 | edited 1 hours ago by Opt (104 rep)

I have often found that turning every “favor” into a lesson on how to do whatever it is they want done reduces the number of requests I get. You have to make them actually do it themselves though - don’t just show them. The folks that appreciate your help will learn something and the folks that are using you will find someone else who gets it done with less hassle for them. — ColleenV 1 min ago

#16877 ColleenV (101 rep) | A: How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours? (score: 3) | posted 9 minutes ago by BFG95 (849 rep) | Toxicity 0.041082773

You can easily make an argument that having children is more selfish than not having them. — sirjonsnow 46 secs ago

#16861 sirjonsnow (101 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 21) | posted 5 hours ago by aperture (106 rep) | Toxicity 0.25042665 | edited 1 hours ago by aperture (106 rep)

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this looks like a phrasing request. — sphennings 19 secs ago

#16878 sphennings (6689 rep) | Q: How do I tactfully ask for my hotel room to be cleaned more thoroughly? (score: -1) | posted 5 minutes ago by CAJ (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.075506

Fully agree with ColleenV but want to add that this option can take A LOT of patience with certain obnoxious people ... — Imus 56 secs ago

#16877 Imus (2030 rep) | A: How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours? (score: 4) | posted 23 minutes ago by BFG95 (859 rep) | Toxicity 0.41662008

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

Aren't phrasing requests 99% of posts on this SE? — Kulahan 2 mins ago

#16878 Kulahan (505 rep) | Q: How do I tactfully ask for my hotel room to be cleaned more thoroughly? (score: 0) | posted 14 minutes ago by CAJ (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.06084809

Have you seen the housekeeper in person, or is there a person you can speak to that manages housekeeping? — ElizB 1 min ago

#16878 ElizB (428 rep) | Q: How do I tactfully ask for my hotel room to be cleaned more thoroughly? (score: 0) | posted 17 minutes ago by CAJ (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.11367964

IPS Comment Bot

5:44 PM

Ah, glad to see an answer that says "your parents have a valid perspective, too." One point I'll add is that having children is a temporary window -- a long one, to be sure, but it'll eventually close for good. You might not even care when it closes, but eventually, most do. if OP says some of their arguments are hurtful, that is out of bounds, but the general idea of your elders encouraging you to think critically about a choice that only gets more difficult and dangerous with age should NOT be considered out of bounds. — bvoyelr 35 secs ago

#16871 bvoyelr (676 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 4) | posted 2 hours ago by BoredBsee (171 rep) | Toxicity 0.17025238

@Imus it depends on your perspective... I think I need the most patience with the nice but clueless people. With the obnoxious people I’m more interested in tormenting them so they don’t ask again which is less about patience and more about creativity ;) It does take a good chunk of your time though. — ColleenV 2 mins ago

#16877 ColleenV (101 rep) | A: How do I reject helping my neighbour who constantly asks me for little favours? (score: 4) | posted 48 minutes ago by BFG95 (869 rep) | Toxicity 0.34927556

What exactly is your goal? From your question, it seems you believe they need to hone their craft more. However, your reasons for this all revolve around "they just had a baby and babies are a lot of work". — BFG95 21 secs ago

#16880 BFG95 (869 rep) | Q: How can I encouragingly critique my budding photography friend? (score: 1) | posted 24 minutes ago by ElizB (435 rep) | Toxicity 0.065919526

How many more weeks is the internship? — scohe001 51 secs ago

#16883 scohe001 (6951 rep) | Q: How do I distance myself from a coworker/friend? (score: 0) | posted 3 minutes ago by theasianpianist (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.012819521

You call it "authorship slight" I call it an error from myself or conference side. You may not believe, but I did not do that intentionally and as a friend he was supposed to know that. Even if we were no friends, it was a talk (not a conference paper) and for a talk no one gets credit except for the speaker. He knows that. And I have never dictated authorship and will not do if I become a supervisor. I assume by dictating you mean the order of authors and not removing my co-supervisor's name and in that case, my supervisor already mentioned that I made a reasonable decision. — Opt 1 min ago

#16876 Opt (104 rep) | A: Is this a professional conduct? (score: 0) | posted 1 hours ago by JonSG (101 rep) | Toxicity 0.086196095

Building off of @scohe001 's question, if/when the internship ends will you still be in an environment where you have to interact with Sue? — BFG95 1 min ago

#16883 BFG95 (879 rep) | Q: How do I distance myself from a coworker/friend? (score: 0) | posted 6 minutes ago by theasianpianist (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.15542454

@Anketam Answer edited. Beyond spouse becoming ready for something that won't happen, there are a lot of different ways your relationship could become strained with your partner unclear on your stance on kids. — Myles 1 min ago

#16874 Myles (163 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 3) | posted 1 hours ago by Myles (163 rep) | Toxicity 0.1321378 | edited 5 minutes ago by Myles (163 rep)

@BFG95 Edited, added more details that might help. — ElizB 1 min ago

#16880 ElizB (437 rep) | Q: How can I encouragingly critique my budding photography friend? (score: 1) | posted 32 minutes ago by ElizB (437 rep) | Toxicity 0.018438254 | edited 2 minutes ago by ElizB (437 rep)

How many times did they insist on payment? In some cultures, it can be rude not to offer to pay even if you actually want a service for free. — scohe001 1 min ago

#16884 scohe001 (6951 rep) | Q: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 0) | posted 4 minutes ago by nexus_2006 (381 rep) | Toxicity 0.111591734 | edited 3 minutes ago by scohe001 (6951 rep)

I would have called the police immediately after he got in your car. That's absolutely illegal. — ell 1 min ago

#10669 ell (101 rep) | Q: Aggressive, cursing, unpredictable neighbor causing fear in community (score: 2) | posted 153 days ago by Daniel R. Livingston (650 rep) | Toxicity 0.40292826 | edited 153 days ago by Daniel R. Livingston (650 rep)

They offered once in the original post on social media and once in response to my email that said, among other things, "I wouldn't charge you for this task, I would rather appreciate the chance to meet a new neighbor" — nexus_2006 34 secs ago

#16884 nexus_2006 (381 rep) | Q: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 0) | posted 12 minutes ago by nexus_2006 (381 rep) | Toxicity 0.08129403 | edited 11 minutes ago by scohe001 (6951 rep)

Not sure if this could really help, as most of the people (at least that I've met) that tend to pressure others to have kids, don't see with good eyes the fact that the couple in question wants to "enjoy" their time first (i.e. travelling, studying, etc) as it is considered by those people as somewhat selfish. But I do agree on the overall idea that making them see that you don't want kids for the moment without completely disregarding the idea is the way to go. — Josh Part 53 secs ago

#16862 Josh Part (243 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 14) | posted 6 hours ago by avazula (5748 rep) | Toxicity 0.13879614 | edited 6 hours ago by avazula (5748 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

i would suggest asking at travel.stackexchange.com — aaaaaa 26 secs ago

#16878 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: How do I tactfully ask for my hotel room to be cleaned more thoroughly? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by CAJ (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.050640292 | edited 28 minutes ago by ElizB (439 rep)

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because should be moved to travel.stackexchange.com — aaaaaa 28 secs ago

#16878 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: How do I tactfully ask for my hotel room to be cleaned more thoroughly? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by CAJ (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.074137226 | edited 31 minutes ago by ElizB (439 rep)

yup, i do same when giving away free but still good stuff — aaaaaa 2 mins ago

#16886 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | A: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 1) | posted 9 minutes ago by Joe S (3372 rep) | Toxicity 0.08309077

@RichardC Autism is a handicap - it does not exclude you from having a job, friends etc, but it is typically harder. Congratulations on achieving that - it is not easy. — Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen 29 secs ago

#16468 Thorbjørn Ravn Andersen (213 rep) | A: How to convince my wife that my best friend and I are just friends? (score: 199) | posted 10 days ago by 1006a (3132 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 9 days ago by 1006a (3132 rep)

If you met another girl who is exactly like your current girlfriend, except that she never asks hypothetical and silly questions, would you consider falling in love with her instead? — A. I. Breveleri 52 secs ago

in US some dates are "SELL BEFORE" which can be week before expiration date. So i would start with getting the numbers straight, and not from vendors — aaaaaa 54 secs ago

#16857 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: Friend keeps gifting exipred items. How to politely bring it up? (score: 2) | posted 8 hours ago by AcceptCookies (11 rep) | Toxicity 0.0473386 | edited 6 hours ago by Community (1 rep)

The word choice here makes this incredibly difficult to understand. — JMac 1 min ago

#16858 JMac (579 rep) | A: How to ask a coworker if (and why) they don't like me? (score: -2) | posted 9 hours ago by Awais Ali (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.06055316

Possible duplicate of How can I tell people that my girlfriend and I don't want children of our own? — Anoplexian 12 secs ago

#16861 Anoplexian (1626 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 23) | posted 7 hours ago by aperture (116 rep) | Toxicity 0.1494981 | edited 3 hours ago by aperture (116 rep)

@Anoplexian it looks like most of those answers boil down to (to steal from one of them): "Why do you need to?" which doesn't really apply here since that won't stop OP's family from bothering them. — scohe001 42 secs ago

#16861 scohe001 (6951 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 24) | posted 7 hours ago by aperture (121 rep) | Toxicity 0.3216335 | edited 3 hours ago by aperture (121 rep)

Also, you can't make anyone accept anything. You can point out the facts and tell them what your actions are going to be, but whether they accept them or not is completely up to them. — Anoplexian 58 secs ago

#16861 Anoplexian (1626 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 24) | posted 7 hours ago by aperture (121 rep) | Toxicity 0.26634282 | edited 3 hours ago by aperture (121 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["possible-aic"]

to begin with, i would point your friend to photo.stackexchange.com for extra help :) — aaaaaa 24 secs ago

#16880 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: How can I encouragingly critique my budding photography friend? (score: 1) | posted 1 hours ago by ElizB (439 rep) | Toxicity 0.113171525 | edited 19 minutes ago by ElizB (439 rep)

@scohe001 No, what they boil down to is it won't stop, and they will keep doing so anyway, so continue to say no, and accept it as it is. They answer the question, even though the answer isn't really one that's satisfactory to either OP. ;) — Anoplexian 37 secs ago

#16861 Anoplexian (1626 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 23) | posted 7 hours ago by aperture (119 rep) | Toxicity 0.086792946 | edited 3 hours ago by aperture (119 rep)

Wow I would not like to resort to that. However, I see your point, it might be one way of doing it. Thanks for your answer. — aperture 58 secs ago

#16888 aperture (119 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 1) | posted 37 minutes ago by MichaelK (246 rep) | Toxicity 0.0356466

IPS Comment Bot

7:28 PM

I've edited out the part where you ask for counterarguments to 'you're selfish' since we're not here to provide those to you (see help center). That being said, I can't really see in the question what you've already tried... When family members bring this stuff up, what exactly do you say, and how? Why are you fearing conflict? Has something already happened? Are these always the same family members? Right now, I'd not say your question is a dupe, but it certainly could use a lot more details on what you've tried/is happening. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 6 mins ago

#16861 Tinkeringbell (19038 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 23) | posted 7 hours ago by aperture (121 rep) | Toxicity 0.17157455 | edited 11 minutes ago by Tinkeringbell (19038 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

7:57 PM

@Tinkeringbell I've edited my question. Do you think that's enough ? — aperture 1 min ago

#16861 aperture (126 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 24) | posted 8 hours ago by aperture (126 rep) | Toxicity 0.109492525 | edited 10 minutes ago by aperture (126 rep)

Love this answer. Nobody should have to explain to someone else about their decision to have kids or not. — fregas 6 secs ago

#16888 fregas (101 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by MichaelK (256 rep) | Toxicity 0.09917982

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

That looks better :D Thank you! If you could, there's stuff like tone of voice, and body posture, did you take note of what you said/how you said it? It's often hard, but 'escalating' often isn't one-sided, and maybe someone can point out to you what to avoid next time if you can include that. Like I said, that's often difficult to write down though, so no pressure ;) — Tinkeringbell ♦ 1 min ago

#16861 Tinkeringbell (19038 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 24) | posted 8 hours ago by aperture (126 rep) | Toxicity 0.08742364 | edited 17 minutes ago by aperture (126 rep)

@aperture I — of course — hope you will never have to use that answer. But if nothing else works... if hints, arguments and gentle requests do not get the point across... then tell them: "you are making me upset, back off". — MichaelK 1 min ago

#16888 MichaelK (256 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 2) | posted 1 hours ago by MichaelK (256 rep) | Toxicity 0.080111295

i edited text a bit. I assume you want to break up before the wedding? — aaaaaa 1 min ago

#16869 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: How to let go of a relationship without offending the other person? (score: 4) | posted 4 hours ago by foggybottom (21 rep) | Toxicity 0.13389857 | edited 2 minutes ago by aaaaaa (1546 rep)

Welcome to IPS! Here we cannot really answer question like this. "How much should I weigh X" can be answered with "as much as you feel like". This is definitely personal choice. — aaaaaa 28 secs ago

#16894 aaaaaa (1546 rep) | Q: How important is physical attraction when choosing your life partner? (score: -2) | posted 9 minutes ago by J. Galt (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.05335734

I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because this is entirely a matter of personal preference rather than an interpersonal skill. — sphennings 1 min ago

#16894 sphennings (6689 rep) | Q: How important is physical attraction when choosing your life partner? (score: -3) | posted 14 minutes ago by J. Galt (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.123285644

please do something like this rather than ghosting him en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghosting_(relationships) — Reed 1 min ago

#16882 Reed (101 rep) | A: How to let go of a relationship without offending the other person? (score: 10) | posted 2 hours ago by Andrew (211 rep) | Toxicity 0.20083283

Yeah, I think that's what is best for him and his family. — foggybottom 1 min ago

#16869 foggybottom (21 rep) | Q: How to let go of a relationship without offending the other person? (score: 4) | posted 5 hours ago by foggybottom (21 rep) | Toxicity 0.057478875 | edited 15 minutes ago by aaaaaa (1546 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

8:53 PM

This is a question worthy of help by others who have lived through many relationships. The person has asked for help and they should be answered. Please help them if you feel that you are able. — Elsdon Ward 1 min ago

#16894 Elsdon Ward (360 rep) | Q: How important is physical attraction when choosing your life partner? (score: -3) | posted 50 minutes ago by J. Galt (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.043372374

IPS Comment Bot

9:04 PM

The question is unclear because it is not clear what an acceptable answer would be. Let's illustrate with a germane example. Suppose your mother posted a question on this site "how do I make my son accept that he ought to be producing children?" What would the acceptable answer to that question be? By knowing this, we can clarify what an acceptable answer to your question would be. — Eric Lippert 10 secs ago

#16861 Eric Lippert (128 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 25) | posted 9 hours ago by aperture (134 rep) | Toxicity 0.34401745 | edited 1 hours ago by aperture (134 rep)

@BFG95 3 more weeks, and I won't see her once the internship ends but we could potentially both end up working full time at this location again (wouldn't see her again until next summer if that is the case though). — theasianpianist 10 secs ago

#16883 theasianpianist (6 rep) | Q: How do I distance myself from a coworker/friend? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by theasianpianist (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.045202356 | edited 38 minutes ago by avazula (5763 rep)

@scohe001 We have 3 more weeks — theasianpianist 59 secs ago

#16883 theasianpianist (6 rep) | Q: How do I distance myself from a coworker/friend? (score: 1) | posted 3 hours ago by theasianpianist (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.23754409 | edited 38 minutes ago by avazula (5763 rep)

Matched regex(es) ["short-comment"]

IPS Comment Bot

9:36 PM

How does this answer OPs question except to say "they'll eventually come over"? This is IPS... — AnoE 1 min ago

#16864 AnoE (2356 rep) | A: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 9) | posted 8 hours ago by Richard C (207 rep) | Toxicity 0.120702356 | edited 6 hours ago by donjuedo (107 rep)

Knowing how to present an argument is an interpersonal skill. Knowing what argument to present is not an interpersonal skill (usually). — Tanner Swett 54 secs ago

#16815 Tanner Swett (421 rep) | Q: How to convince open-source developers that no-deriv licenses are ok? (score: -2) | posted 55 hours ago by KGM (7 rep) | Toxicity 0.10972926 | edited 25 hours ago by KGM (7 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

9:50 PM

In addition to being a great suggestion, that reciprocal interaction can be a great friendship builder. I've made a few long-term friends this way. — Jacob M. 1 min ago

#16895 Jacob M. (101 rep) | A: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 7) | posted 1 hours ago by Monica Cellio (13743 rep) | Toxicity 0.039244782 | edited 40 minutes ago by Monica Cellio (13743 rep)

While I agree with your sentiment, this doesn't really answer the question. — apaul 1 min ago

#16900 apaul (41121 rep) | A: How do I distance myself from a coworker/friend? (score: 0) | posted 10 minutes ago by Elsdon Ward (358 rep) | Toxicity 0.059645396

Matched regex(es) ["chatty"]

I did this very thing this weekend with a friend of my brother's, cleaning up his computer that was in desperate need. In returned, he ran out and picked up a few things while I worked on it. (We also worked out pricing on more frequent future maintenance and I got some customers that aren't friends out of the deal, so all's well that ends well!) — Kendra 36 secs ago

#16895 Kendra (2328 rep) | A: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 8) | posted 1 hours ago by Monica Cellio (13753 rep) | Toxicity 0.09376482 | edited 44 minutes ago by Monica Cellio (13753 rep)

As an IT person, I almost think that some kind of compensation is mandatory - not because i want to enrich myself, but because if it becomes known that I'm a "free IT person", my day would be spent full of requests for help. An exchange of favors, such as this, makes sure that the requestor is serious and invested in the outcome as well. — baldPrussian 50 secs ago

#16895 baldPrussian (19464 rep) | A: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 8) | posted 1 hours ago by Monica Cellio (13753 rep) | Toxicity 0.07655059 | edited 44 minutes ago by Monica Cellio (13753 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

10:48 PM

@Kromster If the OP and their partner have fundamentally different and possibly incompatible views on what love means to the other, it is best to find that out as soon as possible. — jpmc26 just now

#16811 jpmc26 (159 rep) | A: How to tell girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions? (score: 10) | posted 2 days ago by Blupp (146 rep) | Toxicity 0.05845949

IPS Comment Bot

11:03 PM

Welcome to Interpersonal Skills. Please take a moment to visit the help center and take the tour. Unfortunately questions asking "What should I do?" or "Should I do X?" are off topic for this site. Can you edit your question to focus on what you're actually trying to achieve? — sphennings 1 min ago

#16903 sphennings (6688 rep) | Q: Should I try to react to behind-the-back insults in my partner's minority outreach program? (score: -1) | posted 22 minutes ago by skwinch (1 rep) | Toxicity 0.10802994

IPS Comment Bot

11:24 PM

"On one hand, I don't feel comfortable accepting payment because my "pay" would be getting to know some neighbor in my new neighborhood" They will also be getting to know you. So that part of it cancels out. — Acccumulation 1 min ago

#16884 Acccumulation (432 rep) | Q: I offered to help neighbor, how to discuss compensation? (score: 6) | posted 5 hours ago by nexus_2006 (411 rep) | Toxicity 0.111961655 | edited 5 hours ago by scohe001 (6950 rep)

IPS Comment Bot

11:41 PM

?!? If he knew what the acceptable answer is, he wouldn’t have to ask the question. — WGroleau 41 secs ago

#16861 WGroleau (502 rep) | Q: How can I make my parents (and parents-in-law) accept that I don't want to have children? (score: 26) | posted 12 hours ago by aperture (139 rep) | Toxicity 0.10697023 | edited 3 hours ago by aperture (139 rep)

This is too broad. There are so many different types of friends, friendships and ways of obtaining them that we can't know where you are coming from and what you mean/want by a friendship. Also, are you asking about how to meet new people? How to act after you meet people? How to act after meeting particular people to accomplish particular goals? If you want us to try and answer in relation to one of the examples you gave you need to give more details and outline your goals. I am voting to close, but that said... meetup.com — Jesse 1 min ago

#16906 Jesse (4940 rep) | Q: Making brand new friends without coming across as needy (score: 1) | posted 21 minutes ago by pullover123 (6 rep) | Toxicity 0.031374004 | edited 7 minutes ago by scohe001 (6950 rep)

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