+1 for "At the end of the day, all you can do is tell your friend what you are willing to tolerate and hope that they respect your wishes. If respecting you is not on their agenda, ending the friendship is a wise course of action." — mhwombat 8 secs ago

What is her sense of humour like? Does she enjoy irony and satire? or would she get defensive if you used satire to communicate your point? — Jesse 1 min ago

It looks like you may be mixing the words “question” and “answer” in a place or two. You also mention “there were no votes to close,” but wasn’t it your answer that was deleted? Do you mean votes to delete? — scohe001 1 min ago

Thank you, I now corrected the words. There were no votes to close or delete. The question and most answers have aged over a year, and today my answer was simply deleted. — JoeTaxpayer 1 min ago

More than Susan having no obligation to help you, she has a reason not to help you: her friend's happiness. From her perspective, you are just a man that hurt her friend in the past. The safe course of action for her would be to protect her friend from further harm from you by not letting you get close to Clara anymore. Why would she trust you when you say you changed? — Taladris 52 secs ago

I don't really understand the downvotes. This answer highlights the key points in the OP that suggest that the asker has a wrong perspective on the situation. I would change the sentence about stalking though, as the asker didn't mention anything that implies it. — Taladris 26 secs ago

Note that no one with less than 2,000 reputation can see your deleted answer, and therefore they will not be able to comment on what might have made it delete-worthy. Maybe you include a screenshot, or reproduce the text? — Alex just now

Am I right if I say that you are judging her based on her tone only ? If this is the case, every one can have a rough day, a be less open than normal day. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and watch carefully her words AND tone in the future. Then choose what to do. But don't judge her based solely on 1 occurrence (and solely on tone) — Astariul 1 min ago

@Rainbacon Seems like more of a don't answer to me. The new frame of contacting her directly is more of an afterthought than the real meat of this answer. If we want more of an explanation then swbarnes2 could do a bit more with *why it is important for OP to not contact the friend" (rather than why direct contact will help). So while expansion would be nice, the basic reasons for the actual answer are already there; deletion just seems like overkill. — Jesse 38 secs ago

@only_pro How do you like this , or this one ,or this other one ? Do you really like it ?!! — Andrei Bozantan 37 secs ago

@Tinkeringbell It's really difficult for me to accept that the person that is teaching the kids to write, is not able to write correctly. I expect that the children will also get to read what their teacher is posting on Facebook eventually, and at least for me, it will be weird to explain them that the teacher is not writing correctly. — Andrei Bozantan 15 secs ago

Does this script consider deleted answers as well? — A J ♦ 57 secs ago

No, @aj - though this rarely matters. Somewhat more problematic is the score correction script, which exhibits the same reluctance to touch deleted posts; this can occasionally require manual intervention if votes on deleted posts are invalidated. — Shog9 ♦ 1 min ago

Can you add how to start explaining what autism is in a conversation without it being weird and unrelated to anything? I like the answer, but I'm not sure how I'd bring up a topic like that without a reason for it (ie: by saying someone I know has it) — Erik 21 secs ago

@Erik Done, do you need more details or explanation? — Noon 40 secs ago

This helps, thanks! — Erik 19 secs ago

Thanks for your answer! I would like to express I don't want to talk about the subject without sharing my own opinion or opening a discussion though. I have no interest in changing her beliefs or making her 'understand' my side, I just have no interest in talking about it either. — Summer 9 secs ago

@Summer Sure - you did ask if you should decline or say it is "nonsense" - I've tried to give an answer that will shut the conversation down. — Astralbee 1 min ago

@Summer I have added detail to explain my answer. — Astralbee 1 min ago

@Astariul Ok, I shall keep this in mind. Will watch carefully. — Marium 1 min ago

What's worked for me a couple of times in the past is to gather up all her dirty pots/pans and leftovers and put them in her bed. Ignore any comments she makes about the mixer - you said you'd resolve it, she didn't want to know so tell her to accept the offer or shut the **** up (so it'll get her back up, but you won't have to see her again after the move and maybe she'll learn something from it). — Darren Bartrup-Cook 56 secs ago

@Astralbee - Your comment may be more effective at improving the quality of the answer if you were to state which parts of the answer you consider to be culturally-inappropriate and potentially insensitive. "Your husband is not wrong to like what he likes. You need to be honest about what you like. And expect him to be surprised, and maybe a bit upset, to learn that you didn't actually like what you've previously done." all seems pretty universal to me. — Dave Sherohman 48 secs ago

I appreciate the detailed response. My comment to Noon was a reaction to a question that I hadn't thought about in over a year, and suddenly received 2 alerts within one hour. I understand (once again) that each stack is different. This one clearly isn't for me. Not sarcastic, just a farewell. — JoeTaxpayer 49 secs ago

I've edited your question to try to improve it's structure and modified slightly your questions. Please be aware there might be numerous reasons your colleague had this special behavior once, and it might be difficult to draw conclusions after only one occurence. However we can try to help you find good ways to deal with it! — ThZ 57 secs ago

Typical party for family Red: Person: "So where's your man?" Me: "Oh you know him, he doesn't do parties." No-one was ever offended. — RedSonja 1 min ago

Completely agree - too many people these days don't want to escalate situations. Had similar situation and after a particularly bad hang-over on my part it escalated very quickly to a letter from my solicitor (free half hour consultation & letter) saying that if they entered the house without 24 hours written notice I was in my rights to call the police and have them removed. Job done - didn't see them for 6 months until they sold the house. :D — Darren Bartrup-Cook 1 min ago

@DaveSherohman The first paragraph, which basically tells the OP that there is "nothing wrong" with a sexual act that they state they object to, and somewhat accuses them of being to blame for her husband expecting it. When someone insists on sex that the other party objects to, it is called rape. — Astralbee 46 secs ago

a "Creepy" tone, meaning maybe you thought she was going to murder you or something else truly scary? Or a "bossy" tone where she was telling you how wrong you were? And all this going to coffee and museums and such, how is that relevant? Are you allowed to mess up production if you get along well with particular people? I doubt it. — Kate Gregory 46 secs ago

Obligatory xkcd on free speech: xkcd.com/1357 — David K 21 secs ago

Oof.. my father died 3 months after i wrote the original post and now i am reading this.. — hopsinat 1 min ago

Hello, welcome to IPS, if you want help, you need to details your situation and what is the goal your aiming to improve the current situation. Once your post will be edited, it will automatically enter in the reopen queue in order to be reopenned. — Walfrat 52 secs ago

@DaveSherohman Agree. You cannot do a thing willingly and then object to it and not expect the other party to be like "what the heck?!?!". The key to my answer that some are over looking is to be honest and straight forward about what is and is not acceptable to them. — Mister Positive 18 secs ago

I'm afraid of judgement from people who don't know as much about autism — ElizB 1 min ago

@Jesse The question is "how can I get Susan to help me" and the answer is "she has every reason to ignore you", but there's no explanation of why she has reason to ignore the OP. While it may seem obvious to you or I, it must not be obvious to the OP or this question wouldn't have been asked. — Rainbacon 22 secs ago

Good luck, with my family it's ghost sightings. Of course, they prefix their statements with, "anyone can believe anything they want" but after I hint that I've never seen evidence and am hesitant to believe without a scientifically based ghost detector, it's pretty apparent that they really don't follow their statement of permitting non-belief. And every year, the stories get better (more refined in the retelling) to the point that now we have accurate predictions of 9/11, deaths of people overseas, and other major news events. (after the fact, of course) — Edwin Buck 1 min ago

Realize that there are people who cheat at games, and while it's against the spirit of the game, it's part of the spirit of life. If it ruins your enjoyment, then find another game. I once played a broken game (guaranteed way to win, regardless of other player actions) where my wife happened to find the unbeatable strategy. After losing half a dozen times, and looking up that her strategy was known to be a flaw in the game, I acknowledged her as "supreme master" of that game and then indicated I'd never be able to beat her, so let's play something else :) Good luck! — Edwin Buck 34 secs ago

It's ironic that you think it's odd that she wants to discuss it "over Christmas." Talking about superstitions on a superstitious magical holiday sounds par for the course. — coinbird 13 secs ago

I don't know for sure if this is fixed or not. But I do think the changes are good, especially transitioning to ask if its a known skill rather than coined terminology. I have voted to re-open to at least get this in review queue again since these positive changes happened after the meta/votes/comments. — Jesse 31 secs ago

@coinbird Depending on the location, it's possible (even likely) that the vast majority of celebrants observe Christmas in an almost totally secular way. Your assertion is not related to the question and pushes at the boundaries of stack policies, namely to be nice and to respect the premises of the question. — Upper_Case 44 secs ago

@noon. Nope, won’t. — Lamar Latrell 32 secs ago

This is not a discussion board, it's a question and answer board, asking what others think is off-topic — BKlassen 1 min ago

if they were embarrassed making out when you walked over to them at a party a threesome is almost certainly out of the question. I think the most relevant bit of information about if this is possible is if they consider their relationship to be open or not — BKlassen 1 min ago

I very much appreciate your explicitly addressing the issue of honesty in addressing situations like this. Most of the responses so far have outlined clever little deceptions to get one out of the situation. But for me (the original poster of the question), I would like to learn to draw limits with others that is both kind and honest. Some people have the gift for saying blunt truths in a matter-of-fact way that doesn't trigger hurt or misunderstanding. I don't have that gift (although I would develop it if I could) — Curt 51 secs ago

I understand that you want us to help you, but we cannot read minds or tell you what kind of person your brother is because we don't know you or your brother. Sorry. — ElizB 1 min ago

Hi mohamed! I see you haven't taken our tour yet. Another helpful resource on how to use Interpersonal Skills SE is our help center. For more site specific guidance, we have a checklist for writing a good question and one for answers as well. In short, Interpersonal skills is about the behaviours you use to interact well with other people. As such, I don't think your question can be turned into one that actually fits our scope, I'm sorry. — Tinkeringbell ♦ 51 secs ago

As a male engineer, to defend engineers and males. The issue with her husband is not a gener/career path thing; this is a person being a stubborn jerk thing. — LampPost 59 secs ago

Could you clarify a couple of things? Namely, 1.) is your assumption that your contact believes her nation is superior based on anything other than your interpretation of this single interaction? 2.) what frequency and duration of contact would you have with this person once the application process is completed? 3.) what has led you to be so certain that the administrative issues your contact has raised are simply excuses she found convenient? — Upper_Case just now

On workplace.stackexchange, where this might be better suited, I would tell you that this contact's behaviour is a big red flag. I wouldn't lie in a job application, and I wouldn't give up multiple opportunities to satisfy the unreasonable whims of one person, so I wouldn't be working in country C. At least not for this company. — gnasher729 1 min ago

@gnasher729 Thanks, I will consider workplace.stackexchange if I can't solve the problem using a smart interpersonal way. — Lucas Ripley 1 min ago

I'll give you the answer you would get if asked over on Workplace.SE: You did the right thing applying to multiple positions, I wouldn't advise putting any more time or effort into this particular one. — spiral succulent 57 secs ago

I don't think this is really about interpersonal skills, I think it sounds like you screwed up on the job by potentially risking systems that are in-production because you were too lazy to bother figuring out your test credentials. Your coffee buddy seems to have scolded you appropriately. — Bryan Krause 48 secs ago